⟡ rough weeks ⋆
headcanons | read cws!
cw: mentions of self harm, depression/ anxiety, heavy angst, difficult topics
———————————————————————————————————
One would think, given Satoru's six eyes, he was quite observant. With the world on his shoulders, you who was his safe place and the only time he'd get a break from being the chosen one, the honored one, the satoru gojo, but simple be satoru, he tended to tone all the qualities that made him so great down - he shouldn't have done that, he should have known. Dating you for a few months now, he's never seen you leaving the house with short-sleeves. In fact, even your pajama shirts went up to your wrists, and yes, when both of you got together it was quite cool outside, maybe his mind is playing tricks on him and even now it was occasionally chilly outside. As a person that easily gets cold, it would be understandable and nothing to give any further thoughts, however it still bothered him, lingered in the back of his mind.
Even on warmer days, you didn't bother taking off those long-sleeves, you insisted on never going any further than making out during the broad daylight - which he admits, is sort of understandable as well and god forbid, they can only get intimate, when the room was fairly dark.
Nonetheless he feels as if you're hiding something from him, as if you're hiding yourself from him and whatever is concealed underneath those sleeves, isn't as insignificant as he had in the beginning thought.
"How was work?" Your soft hum, snapping him out of his previous thoughts, that he was so sunken in to the point he didn't hear you unlocking the door and stepping inside his rather spacey apartment.
he jolted when you pressed a cold soda against his neck, with a teasing grin - the worries gawking at the back of his mind, quickly forgotten as his gaze met hers, lips curving upwards in intrigue.
"the higher ups were a pain in the ass as always. You're home late, something came up?" His eyes following her movements, as she walked from behind the couch, to the front, halting in front of his sitting-figure. She then proceeded to hold out the cold cola, she figured he'd need after a long day after work.
"Hm-mhm, had to go to the gas station. There goes my money." She joked, before holding up a can of her own, opening it with a click. "Let's hope it was worth it."
"Want me to make you dinner?" His arms already moving around your body, pulling you against him by your curves, his head resting against your stomach. Those vibrant eyes you learned to love, staring up at you expectingly.
"Sure, that would be amazing." Pressing a kiss on top of his forehead, you words remained soft before both of you, pulled away from one another - satoru letting out a whiny groan before getting up himself.
While you decided to go change into something comfier, he moved into the kitchen as promised. You stepped inside his bedroom, searching through the few clothes you'd left at his, taking in an entire drawer for yourself. Not that he complained.
once found what searched for, you begun stripping down - before reaching towards the pajama long sleeve, putting it on. "Beautifullllllll, i need a new shirt, i kind of got tomato juice on me."
you looked up puzzled, mid-putting on your shirt, as he stood in the doorframe. His eyes immediately darted towards your arm, a small exposure of what's underneath that you in that moment, barely even registered.
He did.
"Yeah, hold on a second." Pulling it down your stomach, before moving towards one of his drawers and reaching for one of his favorite shirts. Your eyes flickered back towards his, a soft smile coating your lips - the scars on your arms completely slipping your mind.
his features paled visibly, and his brows knitted as he suddenly hurried over to you, not even bothering to meet that confused gaze of yours. Once in front of you, he grabbed your wrist urgent, and that's all that it was to take you to realize what this was about. The hand holding the t-shirt limply fell down your side, as you attempted to tug the captured arm away, though realistically you never held a chance against him physically.
Satoru was dead-silent, so were you. Especially from the man, usually so full of energy, this sort of behaviour was concerning to say the least. You felt your anxiety strike up, as he pulled your sleeve up, staring at several lines tearing through your soft skin.
You froze, eyes shooting back towards his oddly focused features, trying to read his reaction, trying to understand what he was thinking.
Was he mad? Did he think she was disgusting now? Exaggerating? Making a big deal out of nothing? a thousand questions crossing your mind, as you slowly begun to tear up, eyes welling up - feeling stingy as you forced yourself to keep said tears from spilling and breaking down entirely. You opened your mouth to protest, to make up an excuse but, you were fairly sure he wouldn't take any of that.
Satoru was heartbroken. He didn't even realize your change in expression, his eyes solely tracing the lines on your arm. White, old scars, but also newer one's, deeper ones. He swallowed thickly, his ears ringing as his heart that had previously dropped to his very core, shattered into a million pieces.
"Fuck." He whispered to himself, god, how fucking stupid he was. He should have known, how could he be this dense? His grip tightened a fraction, before softening up entirely. He didn't know what to say, afraid of hurting you anymore. Knowing your in pain, like this, to consider and go through with hurting yourself throws him completely off.
"I'm sorry, i'm so sorry, satoru please don't be mad, i'm sorry." Your cries tearing him out of his focused state, eyes finally flickering up to the very woman he loves. He swallowed once more thickly, watching tears slowly run down your cheeks, his shirt long dropped on the floor, as you moved to wipe said wetness off your face - "stop looking at me like that, please."
"what is this?"
He breathed out quietly, expecting an answer and praying it wasn't who he thought it was. He knew what it was, most likely as he wasn't entirely stupid, but he certainly wished you'd come up with a plausible excuse, with a name, someone he could easily get rid off and in that way, make sure nothing would ever hurt you again. He repeated himself at your silence. "(y/n), what is this?"
"it's nothing. It's none of your business." A quiet sniffle, as she wiped the burst of tears from a few seconds aside, not even willing to meet his eyes anymore, knowing she couldn't face their pain.
"Nothing? None of my business?" He repeated, more sternly than before. The rather neutral - no, a tone that didn't wanna accept this all happening at first, faded. His hand moved to grab your other wrist, pulling up your sleeve, equally far as the other. "This isn't fucking nothing! You're covered in cuts, this is my business!"
His words were too intense, his gaze was too. You couldn't muster up an excuse, you didn't know what to say. You simply felt tears welling up once again, yet refusing to let them fall a second time.
"(y/n)— baby, you're my girlfriend. Of course, this is my business. There are countless scars all over your forearms, i'm not letting you push me away." His tone softening, as he saw how watery your eyes got. "Sweetheart, what did you do?"
You simply shook your head, sniffling gently, "just, please forget about it. I don't wanna talk about it."
"forget about i-?" Though before raising his voice, or worsening the situation, he inhaled deeply, to soothe his growing frustration, and the churning worry. "Baby, your arms— this isn't something i can just forget about."
he sighed, moving his hand from your wrist towards your cheek, wiping a tear off your face. His touch was tender, careful. Still afraid he'd cause even more damage.
you hurt yourself. You hurt yourself.
"Just talk to me, darling, i need you to talk to me. Why would you do that to yourself? I don't understand." His words were desperate, and genuinely scared, because for once he didn't understand, to him this was far worse than carrying the entire world on his shoulders.
his breath hitched. He didn't understand. He'd been acting like a damn fool, the same way he had with suguru back then, he couldn't loose you too.
"It's just, you wouldn't understand." You murmured, subconsiously leaning into his touch and the gentle caress on your jaw.
"Then make me understand." He said firmly.
You paused for a second, avoiding his eyes - before finally staring at the ground beneath them, nervously nibbling on the bottom of your lips. "I've just been feeling shitty. And, every time i feel really sad, i just do this and then, i feel better about everything."
he didn't get it to be honest, though he was glad she was finally opening up to him, instead of deflecting. His arms quickly wrapped themselves around your smaller figure, pulling you against his chest. That seemed to be the last push, towards your breakdown, as you sobbed softly against his chest.
"I know it doesn't make sense and I'm sorry, i just don't know how to stop. It's the only thing that clears my head, when my thoughts get too loud, it's the only way for me to feel even slightly better about myself."
His hand moves to the back of your head, while he buries his head in the crock of your neck, towering over you. "It must have been so hard. I'm sorry for noticing only this late."
"I didn't know you carried this amount of pain, so please, let me help you out. Let me carry this pain, let me help you sort out all the things that bother you and push you to your breaking point. I'll help you get clean, so whenever you feel this way, i want you to come to me."
"It's not- your fault." You sniffled.
"Baby, this isn't about who's at fault. I love you so much, and i care about you, it pains me to see you like this. You deserve to feel good, to think you've been inflicting harm upon yourself is, i just don't want you to feel this alone with your issues ever again."
"I love you too." You whispered, hiding your face in his embrace, suddenly so much warmer than it usually already is.
"We'll make this work together. We'll get you proper help and learn how to deal with those overwhelming feelings otherwise, so you don't feel like you have to let them out on yourself."
Satoru promised, his hold on you tightening. You finally felt heard, even if he didn't understand you fully yet, it was the first time someone has reassured you and promised you, to find a solution. To simply be there for you, if that's what you need, the first time someone cared.
"God, i love you so much, (y/n.)
———————————————————————————————————
If you're struggling with sh, depression, anxiety etc, please make sure to reach out. I want you to know, that you are never alone and that as hopeless as times seem, a brighter time always awaits you, there are people who care and you genuinely deserve to feel good about yourself, you deserve to be the best version of yourself.