Spiritual timing
I spend a lot of time telling people I'm spiritual instead of religious. But I also spend a lot of time in church. And in between conversations and visits to the house of the holy i spend a considerable amount of time wondering myself what I believe but through all this there still isn't enough time for me grasp an answer I'm comfortable with because while I'm asking myself who what where when why or howmy thought process is slashed in half by another reminder that death is sitting on my porch with a desert eagle and a cold stare. I can't focus on what's going to happen in my afterlife because I don't even know how long this life will last. I just read an article about another black boy being killed as his friends ran away, one with a bullet to his hand, the other to his asscheek. 3 boys younger than me catching bullets for being black in the street. The world getting tired so they get no publicity, didn't get a hashtag but still got the prayers in the comment section and what… I can't even bring myself to fathom if they're being answered. Stand over me and put 6 bullets in my chest and I won't even have the time to decide if praying is worth it or not. If there's someone up there ready to bring me up or if I should take this time to send a lady I love you to my moms. Bleeding out and confused, racially profiled and abused, turned into a stat that was misused for all 18 years of life and I can't choose whether to put my hands in a god or in another pair of shoes. The world is so anti religious that we spend more time wishing brown people overseas didn't worship their god because then that might mean they won't send over that bomb or hijack that plane and send it into another city of ours. And if they worship their god we ask our god to undo or stop the doing of what they did for their god so is it battle of the gods or is one of our wishes not being granted? Is it all the same god and it's simply first come first serve? When do we know. Will we ever know? Do I give my life to him and live entirely by his word? Or the word in the book? Or the word in my gut? Or do I live my life by what I see and what's around and simply not question it? There's so many rules and regulations to religion and still there's things that Jerome from digging deeper because that missile is flying over here pretty fucking quick because our nations beef reached the climax and because I'm so indecisive I die standing in the middle of the street with a dumbass look on my face instead of stealing that final kiss, or getting on my knees to pray and then… what?
