#ste yuj

[cryp7ic-m0jis]

Some older word emote! It’s more personal/an inside references. :]

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[steyuj-blue]

anxious, afraid, ill, not sturdy, and a total badass.

When I think back on the various adventures I’ve had, I start to realize that actually, I’m kind of a badass.

I’m used to thinking of myself with words like “anxious” “afraid” “ill” and “not sturdy.” 

But, when I reflect, things come into perspective: Sure I’m anxious. I also push through. Sure I’m afraid. I’m also a fighter. Yup, I’m ill. Sometimes so ill I can’t get out of bed for months. I also live af. And physically, yeah I’m breakable. I’m also a persistant little shit. Something breaks and I heal. Not always as good as new. That’s not unusual though, especially after a certain age and a certain number of injuries. I haven’t let go of life and living. For someone as anxious afraid, ill, and not sturdy as I am, yeah, I’m kind of a badass. No, a total badass. ^_^

Compared to my backpacking friend Trailmix, I am not very athletic. Compared to my adventure buddy AJ I’m not as knowledgeable. Compared to an Olympic athlete most of us don’t appear to be doing all that well. See what happens depending on the yardstick used to measure ability? So, I don’t mind that when measured with the same yardstick I don’t reach these other people’s measures when I put things into perspective for myself. And, if they compared themselves to some of my strengths, they wouldn’t reach me either. 

What I know about me is that I’m resilient af. Every breath I’ve taken through and after all of the things I’ve experienced and survived has been my yardstick for myself. A victory shout in my own journey towards my own goals. 

Contrary to popular “bootstraps” and “inspiration porn” mythology, not everyone can sort through what I’ve been handed in life and do what I’ve done with it. Some don’t keep breathing, don’t journey in ways that I have etc. And that doesn’t make them less than me. We have different capacities in different areas. And, I don’t condone shaming people for it.

[disneydatass]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH

[snapbackdad]

Clexacon

I remember last year when it happened and I cried everyday. I would cry on my way to school in the morning cause it was another day without lexa then I would hold it in all day, pretend to be ok until my class ended at 7pm and I could finally be alone to cry in my car on the way home.

Honestly I wanted to die.

When clexacon was announced and my friends and I bought tickets I finally had hope and a reason to keep going. I was still depressed but I knew if I could just hold on til march…..

Clexacon was better than I could ever had anticipated. It was a place without judgement where everyone was accepted. It was a place where everyone I met asked my pronouns and then proceeded to use them correctly the entire weekend.

Clexacon felt like home. The home I never had but always wanted.

Coming home yesterday and having to return to the normalcies of class was heartbreaking. I broke down last night because miss everyone so much. I miss being there.

I realized that I had been keeping myself alive for clexacon and now that it’s over I don’t know what to do. I feel so empty and lost.

I’m so thankful for my friends and the experiences I had at clexacon.

I can’t wait til next year

Ste yuj

[rolaholicos]

Promociones de Marzo!  

TUMBLR ◑ FORO

[lamagadeoz]

Promociones de Marzo!  

TUMBLR ◑ FORO

[steyujforo]

[lamagadeoz]

TUMBLR ◑ FORO