Steve normal text. Robin’s Bold. Eddie's Italicized Bold
---
___Bird Brain___
Rob
Bobby
Bobin
What? Im literally right next to you
And were at work Dingus get off of your phone.
No.
I'm. Uh.
?
You know the shop across the street???
?
The mecanic
Mecanic
Fuck
Mechanic
Okay.
They have a new guy
Okay.
And?
Gay.
Literally, what?
I think I'm gay.
Steve
Cuz like he's just so pretty
Steven
And that Haut
Stephanie
Hair
Hey whore
Wut
Bathroom talk. Now.
Were working.
You and I both know no one rents movies on a Tuesday at 10am
Bathroom.
Now.
To the porcelain thrown
You know sometimes I forget youre an idiot 20 something
then you go and say shit like that
…
Bitch.
Whore.
---
How do I tell if a mans gay or whatever its is that I am,
,
Fuck
?
Bi schedule
Bi sexual
Ducking auto correct
Babe. I hate to break it to you but your auto correct is as dyslexic as you are. You basically train it
I-
Huh.
Well ghen.
Anywho.
Gay.
Whats he wear? Any piercings? Tattoos? Whats his hair like?
Oh! This is important. DOES. HE. HAVE. A. HANKY. IN. A. BACK. POCKET???
black overalls and a black shirt. Lots. I think. His ears literally look shiny from across the street. Lots of tattoos too.
And yes??? What's that have to do with anything? My papa had a hanky and I'm pretty she he wasn't gay
He probably was. Being Bisexual is genetic.
Actually?
No Dingus.
But like the man was in the navy? Right?
Ya
Gay.
Stfu
ANYWAY
HANKY.
YES.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FUCK YEAH.
WHATS IT LOOK LIKE AND WHAT POCKET?
???
it's black
Oh hes kinky
What side pocket
It switches.
I bet it does
Gay.
That is a gay man Steven.
Go get your dick sucked or your booty bumped or whatever it is the kids are doing these days.
Eating ass
EXCUSE
yeah. It's a thing.
:0
Robin you literally munch so much carpet. whats the difference if its the rug at the back door.
Never.
Ever.
Say.
That.
Again.
Bubble bath privileges revoked.
You whore.
---
The bath is sad with no bubbles Bob.
Make your own.
…
Okay. Ew. Stop. Stink ass. I can hear you. And the neighbors probably can too.
Are you sorry?
Not really.
Well pretend to be.
Kay.
IM SO SORRY
…
:’(
better
Your bubble bath is under the sink
:D
---
Eddie
Wut.
Thats your new lovers name.
WUT
ROBIN.
WHAT DID YOU DO.
---
*1 new message* Hi -the weirdo with long hair who works across the street (Eddie)
---
I hate you
BTW babe you have a date on Tuesday
ROBIN IT IS TUESDAY
oh ya.
Well you have a date today gay boy
…
I need to leave
The fuck you do
Yeah. I fucking do.
I need to shower
And shave
And
I dont know
What do you do before a gay date
Prep?
For what?
Oh honey
---
Should this hurt?
8⁰
Don't tell me
Are u?
Yes.
Shut up.
…
Does it hurt
Like.
Kinda?
Lube. Oh my god. LUBE. Steve I swear to Dolly, if youre prepping your fucking asshole right now, IN THE FUCKING WORK BATHROOM
I
WILL
END
YOU
:*
Youre a whore. Oh my god.
STEVEN I CAN HEAR YOU.
STOP.
This is nice.
Why havent I done this before.
Where's the protest
Prostate
Rob?
Brain me. Educate me please.
…
Nvm
Oh fuck
Found it
Definitely found it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
like good for you babe. I love you and support you but OH MY GOD YOU WHORE GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF YOUR ASS WERE AT WORK.
…
You really think Id do that
Obviously
Im fucking with you
Im just googling shit and well taking a shit.
Fuck you
Love you
---
*2 New messages.* um. So. Im Eddie. Your coworker. Robin? Gave me your number and said we're going out tonight???
---
Dingus have you answered your husband yet
FUCK. NO. WHAT DO I SAY.
well you could send him a picture of your ass
Or your tits
Or your weeeen
Or all of the above
Like a package deal
Hehe. Package.
Robin.
Ugh. Wut.
Be serious.
Fiiiiine. Introduce yourself. Tell him youre excited for tonight. Make a plan for your date. (Other than the reservation I booked you at Enzos) and then tell him you thi know hes pretty and you want to have his babys.
He is pretty.
And like. Id definitely let him try to get me pregnant
ANSWER HIM.
FINE.
---
___Future Husband___
um. Hi. First of all I'm so sorry for my friend. She likes to get her nose into my business. Second.
…
Ithinkyourereallyprettyandimexcitedfortonight.
At the risk of being too forward. I like literally saw you my first day at the shop and have wanted to talk to you since. Cuz. Yeah. Pretty doesnt even begin to explain what you are. Like. Bro. Have my babies.
FUCK
I CANT BELIEVE I SAID THAT
disregard the baby thing
I dont know about getting pregnant. But Im up for practice.
Like.
If you are???
8⁰
… like
Now?
My breaks in 20
Fuck
Really?
Meet me at the van across the street
:*
---
___Bird Brain___
STEVE
STEVEN
YOU WHORE
ARE YOU GETTING YOUR BACKDOOR RUG MUNCHED ???
OMG
YOU ARE
THE VAN ACROSS THE STREET IS SHAKING
AND ID BET YOUR LEFT NUT THAT YOURE IN IT
…
GET IT I GUESS BABE
DONT GET PREGNANT
OR DO
YOU DO YOU BOO
…
youre on your own for the rest of the day Birdie
And where the fuck do you think youre going
Eddies
…
Boo you whore
But like. Get it babe.
But I also hate you.
I dont want to work in this shithole alone
Steven
Answer me
Hi Robin
This is Eddie
On Steves phone
Steve's a little… preoccupied
OH MY GOD
WHAT HAVE I DONE
YOU TWO ARE GOING TO BE DISGUSTING
BUT BRO. ILL END YOU IF YOU BREAK HIS HEART
STRAIGHT UP DIG YOU A GRAVE IN THE DITCH AND BURN OFF YOUR FINGERPRINTS AND BREAK YOUR TEETH SO NO ONE CAN IDENTIFY YOUR BODY.
