Newest "baby" (kind of sort of yeah) around the block.
This is Goodwin. He is a little toy replica engine created for a pop-up event on Sodor in celebration of both Gordon's build date and the "Era of Steam" in general. His entire purpose was to teach children about steam power generation on a simplified smaller scale (being essentially an engine shaped antique coal iron that uses actual water).
Despite not having much purpose beyond being a show trinket, he somehow came to life and is now the responsibility of the Hatt family.
STH's grandchildren are very fond of him and tend to take him on little adventures so he can learn more about the world around him.
So, this is the long one. There always has to be one. I hope this is the only one. As a note, this isn't horror, per se, but rather ominous dread at the most. At time of writing everyone reading this has lived through These Times. We all know what's coming.
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As a housekeeping note - this story relies upon a lot of stuff I've previously written or it won't make much, if any, sense. I've tried to link everything in the first place it's mentioned. Please let me know if you're confused at any point.
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This is also a very long story, with explanatory paragraphs that sometimes become Very Dense. I also wrote it exclusively between the hours of 11:00 PM and 4:00 AM over two consecutive nights. (A bad decision on my part - don't do that.) Please bear with me if there are any glaring errors - I did check this over but I'm not omniscient.
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Summary - An ill wind blows from the East, and Sodor prepares for the oncoming storm.
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Mid February - Tidmouth
“-and you’re sure that this isn’t an engine that British Rail… missed? Your father didn’t shove her behind a shed or something?” The insurance agent said, looking over his papers at Stephen. “Engines don’t appear from nowhere.”
“Tony, as much as I would like to believe you, in this case she did.” Stephen said seriously. “There are records of her being scrapped.”
“So you’ve showed me.” The agent was from Lloyds of London, and was used to people trying to ‘finesse’ their way out of a claim, but everything that he’d seen so far, and his many previous experiences with the NWR, was making this far more believable than he was comfortable with. “So I take it you didn’t pay for this engine?”
“No.”
“Of course. Do you have any idea of what something like Daphne would be valued at?”
A few papers were shuffled, and Stephen’s notepad emerged from the clutter on the desk. “I have tried to purchase several Deltics over the years. Depending on whether you wish to base the valuation on Alycidon, Tulyar, or Royal Scot’s Grey and Gordon Highlander together, Daphne is worth somewhere between fifteen million pounds, thirty million pounds, or, and I will quote directly here: ‘absolutely priceless, I will never sell either of them.’” He ran his finger down the paper. “He sold the two of them less than a month after I inquired. Everyone seems to think Jeremy Hoskings is a better owner than I am, to my continued bafflement.”
There was a snort from the insurance agent, followed by a sigh. “My department manager knows Hoskings. We’ll confirm the valuation with him, but for right now I’ll leave it at… twelve?”
“That sounds appropriate,” Stephen said, pleased that he’d come to more or less the same valuation before the meeting. “Is there anything else you need from us right now?”
“No, I can’t think of anything else at the moment.”
“Well then Mr. Kwon, we are done for now. You must excuse me for leaving so quickly, but my attention is needed all over the island. You do know your way out?”
“Yeah…” The insurance agent said, suddenly engrossed in his phone, papers half in his briefcase. “Excuse me.” He said, suddenly shoving everything into his case before bolting for the door. Stephen and his secretary watched as the man receded down the hallway, speaking rapidly into his cell phone in an unknown language.
“What was that all about?” His secretary asked, watching as the man vanished around the corner.
“I don’t know.” Stephen said as he shrugged into his overcoat. “Hopefully nothing.”
--
As it turns out, it wasn’t nothing. Stephen had a meeting with the Barrow City Council, and was making his way to the first class compartments of the Limited when he came across Tony Kwon in a coach vestibule. He was still talking into his phone, the language foreign but the tone urgent. He paid Stephen no mind, but when Stephen eventually reached his seat, he found the Insurance Agent’s case and coat sitting in the seat opposite his.
The train was almost to Kildane when Kwon eventually came back, his face flushed. “Is everything all right?” Stephen asked, concerned.
“No.” The man all but collapsed into the seat, as if the life had been drained from him. “My brother… he works for Toyota, in Yokohama. Last week he went out to China for a conference, and now fifteen of the people he went with have come down with this… strange pneumonia.” He tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling of the coach. “He’s a hypochondriac, so between that and the cruise ship I’m having to talk him off a ledge - metaphorically, of course.”
‘My goodness.” Stephen had no idea what to say to that, and offered some brief consoling words.
“Thanks, but there’s nothing you can do about this.” Tony blew out a breath resignedly. “Fuck, there’s nothing I can do.”
He looked like he wanted to say something else, but his phone rang, cutting him off. “クソ地獄, it’s my mother.”
He exited the compartment, and remained on the phone in the vestibule until the train reached Barrow.
Stephen left via a different door, and didn’t see the man again, but felt strangely ill-at-ease for the rest of the day.
----
A few days later - Near the Hatt Family Estate
The credit card machines at the petrol station were out, and Stephen was forced to go in and pay for his fuel in cash. As he waited in line, the rack of newspapers caught his eye; while the local Sodor papers were focused on the Lord Mayor of Suddery having some sort of extramarital affair, The Daily Mail featured a prominent picture of a cruise ship, with the equally bold headline of “PLAGUE SHIP”.
The woman in front of him seemed intent of paying for her petrol in pound coins, and Stephen tuned out the furor this was eliciting from the rest of the line of patrons, reaching for the newspaper.
The byline read ‘Yokohama, Japan’, and within a few sentences, alarm bells were ringing in the back of the Fat Controller’s head. He read through the rest of the article, and was only brought out of the paper by the clerk trying to get his attention. “Sir? We’ve run out of cash to make change, so right now, we’re-”
Stephen needed to be elsewhere, now, and he pressed a hundred-pound note into the clerk's hand before walking out, paper under his arm.
Something is happening. I can feel it.
-----
The next day - Tidmouth Station
The usual clutter on Stephen’s desk had been rather abruptly piled on the floor. In its place were newspapers and website printouts, their topics all on the eruption of a virus in Southeast Asia.
The Fat Controller himself was engrossed in a phone call when his secretary stuck her head in the door. “Rolf Tedfield to see you, sir.”
Still on the phone, Stephen waved at her to let in his visitor once the phone call was over. “-yes, Secretary, I understand but- no, I understand perfectly. Yes there is a problem! Mr. Secretary, Grant, for the love of god, do not brush this off! Something is happening! What proof do I have? THE NEWS! Good God man, just listen to the BBC! Or read the Guardian! Or the Financial Times! For god’s sake, I found an article about this next to a page three girl in The Sun!” There was a pause as the man on the other end of the call - The Secretary of State for Transport - said something, and Stephen’s head dropped almost to the desk. “It is not like Ebola. It will not go away on its own.”
There was another pause, and his head met his desk. “The position of the government is that this disease will not be a threat to the United Kingdom. Do you mind if I quote you on that? Considering that Hong Kong has a land border with China, I feel very differently. Yes, I am aware the border has been closed for a decade but considering there’s a steady stream of asylum-seekers going through there I feel like it may not- yes, Mr. Secretary, thank you, Mr. Secretary. Goodbye.”
He hung up the phone as gingerly as he could before staring at the ceiling and counting down from ten. When he reached zero he called in the visitor. “Rolf. What can I do for you?”
The manager of Crovan’s Gate works sat down with a distracted sigh, his eyes scanning the papers on the desk. “I think you’re already ahead of me.”
Stephen followed his gaze. “You’re following this too?”
“Aye. I’m from Hong Kong, got most of my family there still.”
“I didn’t know you were from there.”
“My parents went over from Pembrokeshire in ‘49. Anyways, my sister and my brother still live out there; few cousins too, and they’re scared, Stephen. Whatever this is, it hasn’t been sitting around at the Chinese border.” He tapped at his phone, and pulled up an image from a messaging application. It was taken from a high-rise building, showing a group of helicopters and rescue boats surrounding a ship. “Five days ago a Chinese trawler got run over by a ferry. Coast Guard went and picked up the crew, took ‘em to Queen Mary Hospital. Now the entire place is on lockdown. Everyone thinks it's SARS but… sir, from what I’m hearing it’s worse than that.”
Stephen felt suddenly sick, and then realized that he should probably start using a different expression. “When was this?”
“Last night, well, it was daytime there. We’ve not heard anything because it’s still the middle of the night there.”
“And they’ve only now locked down the hospital?”
“Yeah. For all the good that will do.” Rolf seemed to be on the same page. “S’like waiting until after the zombie bites you.”
The Fat Controller took a deep breath, and steadied his nerves. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention. As you might have heard before you came in, I was on the phone with the Transport Secretary trying to convince him of the seriousness of this, and I was not successful. I feel that we are going to have to act on our own.” He rose from the desk, already composing an email as he walked, and swung open the door to his office.
“Sir?”
“Rolf, I don’t know what I am going to do just yet, but I want you to - very quietly - start pulling all the coaches we have available in the out-of-use lines and the P-way trains and start making them habitable again. Interiors, then mechanicals. Focus on the buffet and sleeper cars first.”
“Yes sir. Why sir?”
“At the moment, I’m not sure yet, but I feel that having spare beds and hot meals will only help us. Aside from that, I want you to make sure that the works is stocked on spare parts and other consumables, and stop all new work on the engines and coaches.”
“Sir?”
“I mean it, Rolf. Finish everything that’s in progress as quickly as possible - use as much overtime as needed - but unless an engine catastrophically fails I don’t want anything or anyone in pieces right now. Something is happening. I’m just not sure how bad it will become.”
With that, Stephen left, his coat flapping out behind him dramatically as he marched towards the door to the station proper. Rolf watched him go, and blinked owlishly before pulling out his own cell phone, taking careful notes on what had just been said. “Did you get all of that?” He asked Stephen’s secretary, who was used to the Fat Controller’s occasionally abrupt departures.
Without a word, she shoved a piece of notebook paper into his hand. On it, in neat handwriting, was everything that had just been said.
“Thank you, Gladys.”
------
A few days later - Suddery
The Sodor Regional Council - the governmental board in charge of Island-wide affairs - met in a lecture hall at the city’s technical college. Usually they met inside Suddery’s Government Hall, but the short notice of their meeting meant that the hall was being used for other business. The atmosphere inside the room was decidedly tense - the unusual surrounds and urgent nature of the meeting meant that everyone was ill at ease even before the proceedings began.
The Mayor of Kirk Ronan spoke first. He was a svelte man of about forty, in his youth a multi-time gymnastics medalist at the Commonwealth Games. “Look, we all know why we’re here, and we all know what’s going on. Let’s dispense with the pleasantries and get down to it: There’s a sickness coming, from China, Japan, Iran, and now Italy from what I heard on the car ride here.”
A few murmurs came after that, and he held out his hands for quiet. “Now I’m sure that almost everyone here has called down to London at some point, and they’ve all said the same thing, haven’t they?”
“Yeah,” came one voice in particular - the Barrow Harbormaster, who watched five ferries a day pull into his port, each one loaded full with French and Irish passengers. “That we’s gonna ignore Hong Kong bein’ loike The Walkin’ Dead and just hope tha’ the Border Force can do bet’er wit’ t’is than theys do wit’ the moigrants.”
London seemed to think that, like Rabies, Termites, and asylum-seeking refugees, the width of the English Channel was all that was needed to keep the mysterious ‘asian flu’ out of the British Isles. Frustrated mumbles broke out as everyone tried to recount to their neighbor the lies that their contact in London had fed them.
“Thank you, thank you, I know what it was like, I phoned them too.” The mayor signaled again for quiet. “I know we are all frustrated. I know that we are all in the dark. I know that we’re all scared.” And for a moment he let his guard down, and showed his true emotions on his face, before continuing.
“But we aren’t some helpless home county who can’t do anything themselves. We’re Sodor, damnit. London hasn’t given a monkey’s arse about us in a thousand years and they’re not about to start now. So what are we going to do about it?”
Despite his best efforts, Stephen Hatt’s lifestyle and means of employment meant that “punctuality” was something he only ever chanced into, rather than it being a regular occurance. In this instance, James-related issues at Tidmouth had meant his arrival at the hall was almost ten minutes after the meeting’s already-delayed start time.
Fortunately, chance often smiled upon Stephen, and he hadn’t gotten this far in life without being quick on his feet. “If I may,” He called out as he strode through a side door near the lectern. “I do have some suggestions.”
--
Two hours later
The meeting had gone as well as a crisis planning session could go, and the participants filed out with brimming notebooks both physical and digital, their faces grim with worry or steeled against what would happen next.
The parking lot of the technical college backed up against the city marina, and a cold sea breeze whipped across the tarmac, rustling papers, tugging at clothes, and teasing hair. Stephen took refuge in an enclosed bus shelter to organize his notes, and was joined a moment later by a man he knew more from reputation than meeting - the head of Wellsworth’s St. Tibba’s Hospital, the largest and best hospital on the Island. Stepehen knew very little about the man - his first name, (Dembe), his nationality (English, to Ugandan parents), that he was a paediatrician by training, and that he’d been appointed head of St. Tibba’s over several local candidates whose CVs may as well have been written in crayon when compared to him. He’d sat through most of the meeting in complete silence, only answering questions when asked directly.
“Doctor.”
“Mister Hatt.”
There was silence, broken only by the doctor pulling out a carton of cigarettes and a silver lighter.
“Your ideas are sound.” The man said only after he’d puffed a Dunhill into life. “But it’s not going to be enough.”
“Do you really think that?” Stephen kept his expression neutral, staring out into Suddery Bay rather than at the other man. Fittingly, a storm was brewing on the horizon, huge clouds rising into the sky.
“I do.” The cigarette smoke came out in measured smoke rings. “We haven’t got enough beds.”
“Surely the-”
“It doesn’t matter how many train cars you give us, Stephen. It doesn’t matter if there’s a line of them going from one end of the Island to the other. We’ve only got two hundred fifty beds across the entire Island, and our staff levels reflect that.” Another, more violent puff of the cigarette followed. “Give us all the beds you want, but what we need is doctors. And you can’t build those out of an old train car.”
“What would you recommend we do then?” The storm was beginning to worsen, and lightning crackled across the high tops of the clouds.
“Honestly? Pray.” With that, the man raised his collar against the cold wind, and walked across the parking lot to a mid-sized saloon car at the back of the lot.
Stephen waited another moment, carefully adjusting the papers in his folio, before heading off.
He’d just opened the door to his Audi when his cell phone rang. He waited until he was inside the car before answering. Intriguingly, it was Louisa Duncan, Fergus Duncan’s daughter, and new controller of the Arlesdale Railway. She’d been in the meeting with him, and had left not even ten minutes prior.
As he answered, the skies opened up, and a torrential downpour thundered down onto his car. At first, it was hard to understand what Louisa had been saying; her voice was broken with tears and sobs.
By the time he understood, the rain was pounding hard enough that his own sobs couldn’t be heard.
Less than a month ago, on the fourth of February, Ivan Farrier, the Chief Mechanical Engineer of the Arlesdale, had gone on a long-awaited holiday to the Italian Alps with his wife Amanda.
It was now the twenty-seventh, and both of them were dead, killed by the ill wind from the far east.
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March
For the next week or so, everything went quiet, but it did not go gentle.
In Crovan’s Gate, the works threw itself into overdrive; and seemingly every useful piece of rolling stock, from first class coaches to old General Use Vans left over from BR’s discontinuation of newspaper trains in the 1990s, were being scrubbed and painted to within an inch of their lives. Bafflingly (to them), once their interiors were refreshed, they were shoved outside, onto the storage tracks, while more coaches were pushed in to take their place. In the locomotive depots, the engines undergoing overhaul were suddenly being kept up at all hours of the day, as their repairs went on around the clock. Dane, one of the electric locomotives, would later remark that his overhaul was so quick it had taken three whole days off of the official Works record.
At Wellsworth, St. Tibba’s hospital was receiving deliveries of everything from life-saving medicine to whole hospital beds, much to the irritation of the higher-ups at the National Health Service, who were under orders from London to minimize any potential panic. The hospital director found himself keeping his supervisors at bay more and more. His usual tactic was forwarding them email chains and whatsapp screenshots from colleagues in Hong Kong, who had been caught effectively off-guard, and were now paying a heavy price. As the days went on though, he wasn’t sure if it was calming or terrifying that the complaints slowly trickled to a halt.
At Tidmouth, strategy meetings were being held seemingly every hour. No detail was left to chance, with the limited information they knew being factored into their plans for the future. Engine cabs were being measured, much to the confusion of the engines themselves, platform signage was reassessed, and staffing requirements were being examined with a fine-toothed comb. A huge sum of money was spent from the company’s discretionary fund, and arrived in the form of a heavy goods vehicle, which backed up to the station’s sole loading dock and disgorged pallet after pallet of masks, gloves, soap, and disinfectant, to be distributed as needed.
In one of the upstairs conference rooms, a pair of 70-inch televisions sat on one wall, the joined displays mostly empty. They displayed the master list of scheduled trains for the railway, a vast, spreadsheet-like document that documented every train movement on the railway’s February-May spring timetable. Daily trains were often “booked” months in advance, and the chosen rolling stock was altered as required. In an ordinary March, trains would already be scheduled out until the end of the spring timetable in May. Now, only train 3B00 - the Flying Kipper - was scheduled beyond the end of the month, its nocturnal run sitting alone on several score of date markers, going all the way to the bottom-right corner of the screen: MAY-1-2020.
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In the sheds, the engines grew more and more concerned. The “minor virus”, as London still called it, was now making the headlines of every television, newspaper, and social media platform in the country. While the general public still viewed it as something that was happening to other people, there were many in the NWR fleet who remembered the Spanish Flu of 1918, or, more recently, the mass hysteria that had surrounded the SARS outbreak in 2002.
“Something vicious this way comes.” Edward muttered one morning in the sheds, as the news showed the ever-unconcerned Prime Minister giving a news conference on the state of the lockdown in Hong Kong.
“It’s not coming,” Thomas said grimly. He was old enough to remember 1918, and even if he hadn’t, Tornado was connected to the Internet, and found increasingly-distressing posts about the disease on social media with every passing day. “It’s already here.”
-
Meanwhile, on the main line, one green engine came to another.
“You’ve heard about the virus?” Tornado asked, trying her hardest to be subtle and discreet.
“Yes..?” BoCo answered. “So has everyone else. Why are you whispering?”
“There’s something I wanna talk to you about.”
“Oh?”
“I hear they’re holding a diesel gala at the Crewe museum next month.”
“Tornado, there’s not going to be a next month at this rate.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Okay…”
“They’re taking diesels from all over the country for this - they wanna show off engines that need restoration funds.”
“Oh good, a sideshow. How modern and progressive of them. I’m sure PT Barnum would be honored.”
“Who?”
“Nevermind. Is there a point?”
“You’ve been seeing how the economy is going away again?”
“Yes.”
“Well nobody’s gonna have any money to fix them, innit?”
“And..?”
“We’ve gotta do something!”
“About what? The virus? The economy? Tornado, we’re engines!”
“Not that! Our brothers!”
“What?” BoCo’s mind spun for a second.
“They’re bringing your brother, 05, down to Crewe for this gala - he might already be there, and they’ve got Peter, my brother, there too.” Tornado looked more scared than BoCo had ever seen. “If they run out of money… they’re never gonna get fixed up.”
“What do you propose we do?”
A mischievous glint filled her eyes, and a pit suddenly opened up in BoCo’s crankcase. “There’s a container train going to the Crewe Freightliner yard right down the tracks every Wednesday and Sunday. I say we get on that train and steal them!”
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Two Weeks Into March
The Prime Minister had finally started to show concern whenever he appeared on the telly. Mass panic in Hong Kong forced the Queen to make an address to the nation. On Sodor, the early stages of the Regional Council’s plans started to come into effect, and public events were canceled or majorly curtailed by government order. Supermarkets began self-imposing purchase limits, and all Universities on the Island began transitioning to online-only classes, with the local school authorities following in their wake.
Slowly, the NWR began to cancel off-peak trains, and office staff began figuring out how to take their work home with them. In the midst of it, someone made a “meme” - a form of image-based joke - about the drivers taking their work home with them, using an image of Thomas’ infamous crash into the Ffarquhar stationmaster’s house. (In a sign of how deathly serious the times were becoming, even Thomas himself found it funny.) The harbours at Knapford and Tidmouth, which were controlled by the NWR, began influencing quarantine protocols on incoming freighters, and several cruise ships were denied entry. The harbourmasters at Kirk Ronan, Barrow, and Tidmouth began impressing upon the ferry companies the importance of canceling their services, to limited success; the international ferry services from France and Ireland stopped, but Northern Irish and Manx ferries all continued with minimal delays or curtailments. The airport at Dryaw, however, was more than willing to comply, and all but two passenger flights to the Island stopped before the 14th, with cancellations lasting for two weeks. All cargo flights, save for the mail, stopped as well.
In all, it seemed like the Island was weathering the oncoming storm well, and those in seats of government - who had been expecting criticism for their overly cautious approach - were instead receiving praise from London. If the entire country acted like they did, they were told, this whole thing may blow over in a month!
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Then the wheels came off.
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It started in the United States. President Trump declared a state of national emergency on Friday, and state-by-state declarations of emergency put nearly the entire country in lockdown by the end of the weekend. The already-down global financial markets fell through the floor on Monday morning.
In the United Kingdom, those who watched the Prime Minister’s daily briefings on the virus swore up and down that they could see him sweating, and later on in the same address, he announced a recommendation to avoid unnecessary travel.
And on Sodor, the tipping point was reached.
Several days earlier, an outbreak occurred in a council estate in Slough. The source, or ‘index case,’ of the outbreak was found to be a Polish truck driver, who lived in Ireland but had decided to ride out the impending quarantine at his British girlfriend’s flat. He’d picked up a load bound for England in County Kildare, presumably contracting the virus at the same time, entered the UK through the Northern Irish border, and then boarded the Tidmouth ferry.
According to all the contact tracing done in those frenzied days before the world came to a stop, he had been aware that he may be contagious, and had worn a mask and gloves the entire time. He didn’t leave the cab of his lorry, nor did he stop for fuel or food until he was well east of Barrow.
But he was contagious.
And that’s all that mattered to the people of Sodor. To them, Pestilence, the first horseman of the apocalypse, had come through their land riding not a horse, but a shining white mechanical steed with the name of Scania.
This was someone that they knew about. And he’d tried to minimize his risk. They were a tourism and travel hub for the entire North-West of England and with the rest of society only now seeming to realize that anything was wrong, if nothing was done, the people of Sodor would soon be at the mercy of not international lorry drivers, nor the general public, but the worst, most careless form of humanity known to exist in the United Kingdom: The British Holidaymaker.
The end times were clearly upon them, and the Island reacted accordingly.
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The Ides of March
The container train rumbled into Crewe at half past ‘fuck-me-it’s-late’ in the evening, long past dark, but still before the start of a new day. “Signaling issues” was the official excuse given by the train - some nonsense that would have Network Rail crews working all morning and into the afternoon to solve a problem that didn’t exist.
The electric engines in the yard were fast asleep, and few, if any of the people on the platform at Crewe station were aware of the engines that had led the train in.
BoCo, quite honestly, couldn’t believe that anyone had believed them at any point, but wasn’t about to quarrel with a trouble-free journey. Once the very tired crews from Freightliner had uncoupled them from their train, he and Tornado slipped across the main line into the old diesel works. It was now a heritage steam facility, owned by a very rich businessman, and the Fat Controller had a contract with them to supply his engines with coal, water, and fuel when they took trains to Crewe.
Being railway enthusiasts, they were overjoyed to see BoCo, and thrilled beyond reason to see Tornado, and many selfies were taken before the refueling was done. All at once, someone (Definitely not an employee who was also an A1 trust volunteer, who most certainly hadn’t been sent an email by Tornado, asking them to be at this place at this time, not at all.) remembered that, wouldn’t you know it, Blue Peter, the only other Peppercorn-designed locomotive in existence, was in the works right now! It was quickly asked if he’d like to see Tornado, and before anyone could say anything else, Tornado had pulled her brother out of the workshop and proceeded to start crying hysterically, claiming that she missed him. This put somewhat of a damper on the jubilant attitude of the staff, and they made themselves very scarce, very quickly.
The instant they were gone, the waterworks stopped, and Tornado beamed at Blue Peter, who was quite surprised at both the sudden start and abrupt end of the hysterics.
“Come on,” she whispered quietly. “We’ve got to go.”
“Go?” The older pacific asked, quite confused. “Go where?”
“Sodor, Silly!” she said, in a voice that she probably thought was secretive. “We’re breaking you out of here!”
“What? Why?”
“Haven’t you heard the news?” BoCo broke in. “The world is ending.”
“wha-I, when… it is?”
Blue Peter looked entirely too overwhelmed by the deluge of information, but managed to stutter out. “Ye-yes. They took him up the line to the museum for storage.”
“Yes, quite soon too. We’re taking you back to Sodor and by the by have you happened to see an engine that looks identical to me, by chance?”
BoCo’s face fell. “ That’s on the other side of the station. Damn it, how will we get him out of there?”
“Don’t worry,” Tornado’s eyes fairly twinkled as she said that, and both BoCo and Blue Peter began to think that they really should. “I can take care of that, but let’s go before anyone sees us!”
“Wait,” Said BoCo. “What about the couplings?”
Their crew had quite graciously agreed to see nothing and hear nothing in the Freightliner crew break room until it was time to leave. (Tornado may have annoyed them into submission. Maybe. Possibly. Yes, she did, and BoCo helped.) However this meant that they’d be unable to couple or uncouple anything once they left the depot. Fortunately, Tornado Had A Plan.
“Oi,” she whispered to the A1 trust volunteer. “Wanna have the night of your life?”
(BoCo and Blue Peter both nearly had their eyes pop out of their sockets. Tornado ignored them.)
The young man spluttered out a yes before he even thought to ask any follow-up questions, and very quickly coupled the three engines together, with Tornado and Blue Peter bracketing BoCo. He climbed into Blue Peter’s cab, and as soon as the dispatcher granted Tornado permission, the cavalcade was across the West Coast Main Line and into the Freightliner yard again.
Quickly stopping on their assigned road, Blue Peter was positioned at the rear of the container train, while Tornado and BoCo ran around to the front of the train, the young volunteer helpfully throwing switches (and returning them to the position they had been in afterwards) as needed. BoCo was now at the front of their odd little consist, and the volunteer had to stand in his cab with a radio to tell Tornado what signals were ahead, once she’d lied to ‘control’ about why she needed to go out on the main line again.
Unlike the heritage depot, the Crewe Heritage Centre was empty, it being long past their business hours. What little security there was, was focused inwards, not expecting sneak thieves to use the rails.
The museum grounds were small, nestled in between the V of two converging lines. Historic diesels in varying states of disrepair were scattered about the facility’s tracks. A small banner above the entranceway of the site’s sole building read “DIESEL DAYS - COMING 13 APRIL!”
BoCo’s brother - D5705, was easily visible from the tracks, parked next to a line of yellow, white, and red coaches that had clearly seen better days. An eye slowly opened as Tornado ‘peeped’ her whistle as quietly as possible. “I see that the Final Train has a sense of humour.” He rasped, his voice shaky and uneven. “Is it finally my time?”
“No!” BoCo said, much more firmly than he’d been intending. “It’s me, Fives. This is a jailbreak.”
The other eye slowly opened, the ruined diesel coming to wakefulness. “What odd company you keep, Two, and strange timing you have. But I will not be opposed to your plan.”
The Volunteer (who hadn’t introduced himself to BoCo, claiming that “the less you know, the better” like this was an actual criminal enterprise) hopped down, and quickly made the necessary connections.
“Go. Go with glory and make your life fruitful, oh-five.” Groaned a voice from the next track over.
The Volunteer looked around the diesels and his eyebrows shot into his hairline. “Oh wow! I forgot you were here!”
BoCo looked around his brother, and an eyebrow rose in surprise. “You’re not Ward… and what are you doing here?”
“I beg your pardon?” The partial APT-P set said, blinking the sleep from his eyes.
-
Ten minutes later, and a very chilly trainspotter with a cell phone arrived at Crewe station. He’d received a text from a friend - apparently the NWR had sent down a diesel and a steam engine on a container train to Basford. Hopefully he’d be able to get them when they-
A single solitary ‘peep’, and the sound of chuffing steam was the only notice he had the train was coming, and he almost fell off the platform when he spun around to see 60163 Tornado, 28 002 BoCo, D5705, and an ATP(?!) rolling quietly through the station.
Hie tried desperately to fumble for his phone’s camera app, but the dark conditions and poor-quality camera on his phone meant that he got a blurry, dark, and grainy smear of an image that showed nothing comprehensible at all.
He still tried to tell his mates, and posted the picture online, but nobody believed him - some laughed at him, and it was quickly forgotten about.
Tornado and BoCo had performed their heist without a hitch.
-----------
The Ides of March, Plus One Day
Bloomer was a notoriously slow riser. Even with a full head of steam, there would be mornings where he would have to be roused multiple times before he was fully awake. The crews got around this by just moving him while he was still asleep, and the old engine didn’t find it unusual to be finally woken up by the stationmaster “accidentally” spraying him with water while watering the plants on the platforms.
This morning, however, he was woken by an unfamiliar sound,and cracked one eye open to find himself in the yard - and it was in total disarray. “Land sakes!” He croaked as he woke up fully. “Lad! What’ve you done!”
In an effort to help out heritage rail organizations, the Fat Controller leased older engines from their owners for duties that the NWR had on the mainland. For example, the Barrow yard shunter was a revolving door of small shunters that came from various preserved lines across the country. For the past month, a quiet but dedicated class 06 had been doing exemplary work, and it seemed likely that his contract would be renewed for a few more months.
“It wasnae me!” The shunter protested, and Bloomer had to blink more than once to confirm what he was seeing. The shunter was chained down to the top of a low loader wagon, ready for transport back to his home railway. “They said Ah’m a-goin and quick! It’s the yon diesel tha’s makin the muckle disaster!”
A growl answered this, and a red Class 60 emerged from the depths of the yard, a line of stone hoppers trailing behind her. She was a low-numbered 60, number 003, and a nameplate was affixed to her cabs: PRAETOR. “Ignosce. I am not well suited to such tight confines. Would I happily leave the duties to this peritissimus faciens, but alas I must convey him home with the speed of Mercurius.” Her expression darkened. “There is an ill wind coming, and we all must seek safe harbor.”
She’d stopped to allow the yard crews to hand throw a switch, and the instant they finished, she pulled away out of sight, giving both Bloomer and the shunter the distinct feeling that they’d just been dismissed.
“Aye,” The shunter answered, grunting slightly as his flat car rocked - the 60 had taken the line of hoppers and backed them down onto his low-loader. The guard was already affixing a rear lamp to the flat wagon, indicating that the train was getting ready to depart. “An’ it’s no just me - they’s sending everyone home - ye as well. Something’s going doon, an’ it’s happenin’ now laddie.”
With a stately horn blast, the 60 set off as soon as the colour light signal changed to green, and within a few moments the train had vanished from sight.
“What does he mean? I am home.” Bloomer said somewhat indignantly to his driver.
“It’s not like that Blooms,” the man said. “You know that virus thing we’re all panicking about? It’s happening now. Mr. Hatt is packing up everything in the yard and I mean everything.”
“Surely you jest!” Bloomer retorted.
“Don’t believe me? Wait ‘til the yard empties a little more and we’ll get our train. Then you’ll see.” He said ominously, before leaving the cab and walking across the sleepers to the station building, leaving Bloomer alone in the yard as he built up steam.
With the outbound track now empty, Bloomer had a prime viewpoint of the yard, and what he saw began to confirm his growing fears.
The trains were arriving, and were doing so out of order.
Usually, at midday on a monday, the only inbound mainland train (other than the odd slow goods train that wasn’t on the schedule) was the Scottish Motorail, which took automobiles and their drivers on a non-stop trip from Edinburgh all the way to the ferry docks at Kirk Ronan. The next several hours were mostly goods trains which ran as far as Barrow, before leaving their trains for Sodor engines to take later; the last of which was a container train from the Freightliner yard in Crewe. The Sodor Motorail came after that - it ran out of London a few hours ahead of the night express, with auto carriers bound for Barrow, Kirk Ronan, and Kildane; it would drop the Barrow and Kirk Ronan cars at the special motorail platform just outside of the station, and continue on down the mainline, while another engine would come up the line and pick up the cars for Kirk Ronan. Finally, just before dark, the evening Express, with Pip and Emma powering it, would glide into the station, stop to pick up and let off passengers, and depart as fast as it arrived.
That was the usual order of things.
Today, the Scottish Motorail pulled into the station right on time at 11:55, with a single Class 37 leading it. The engine was tuxedo black, with yellow warning panels and small leasing company logos by the cab doors, a serious expression on his face. Curiously, the train didn’t continue on to the Motorail platforms, and instead stopped in the station’s run-through track.
Bloomer expected the train to continue on at any moment, and was baffled when over a half hour passed with no movement. “Signal troubles?” He called over to the 37.
“No.” The engine called back, his London accent fit for the BBC. “We await another train. The ferries will hold for us, don’t worry.”
Bloomer eyed the large number of automobiles lining up at the Motorail terminal, but said nothing.
A further half hour after that, one of the platform signals dropped, and Bloomer’s eyes almost popped out of his head as Pip appeared in the distance. “Aye?!” He spluttered as the HST screeched to a stop at the platforms. Unlike the usual song and dance of disembarkation, where passengers departed the train and transferred to semi-fast trains for their final destinations, or took the pedestrian underpasses to the exits into Barrow, there was instead what could only be referred to as a stampede, as passengers - many wearing clothes over their faces and mouths - stormed off the train en masse, charging down the platform stairs to the underpasses with a clatter of voices and luggage. The instant the last ones had gone (a group of wheelchair users who were herded off the train and into an electric cart brought out by the station staff), the doors to the station waiting room opened, and an identical exodus of people came charging down the platform - easily two or three trains worth of people, who crammed into the coaches while mumbling about ‘distancing’. They were heavy enough that some of the coaches groaned from the strain, and when Pip and Emma set off again, their engines howled from the excess load.
“It’s bad out there!” Emma called as the train cleared the platform. “Euston’s a ghost town! We’re one of the only trains with passengers!”
A tight ball of worry had begun to form in Bloomer’s firebox, and with this it just grew larger.
As soon as the train cleared the bridge, the signals dropped and then rose again, to ‘slow ahead’. With a ‘peep peep’ that caused Bloomer to swear in surprise, Henry slowly rolled through the station tender first, a short line of wagons used for transporting steel coils following behind him.
The stationmaster met the train on the platform as it rolled through without stopping. “You get them all?”
“Yes,” Henry said he counted the trucks again - yes, they were all here. “They found one of them in the far sidings, but we checked thoroughly before we set off.”
“There’s nobody else!” The lead wagon confirmed. “And I’s not just sayin’ that. Everyone else belongs to the Shipyard, not Sodor!”
“All right,” The stationmaster said. “You’re going to Ballahoo - they’ve got enough space in the goods shed for this lot.”
“Right!” Henry whistled as he picked up speed, and soon crossed the bridge.
As soon as he cleared, the signals dropped and rose for the third time in a row - this time with an added signal for the goods yard - and a horn sounded in the distance, followed immediately by a steam whistle. “What now?!” Bloomer asked himself in frustration and worry.
‘What’ in this case turned out to be the container train, which had BoCo leading, and Tornado not only as the second engine, but facing backwards to boot. They led the train into the far side of the yard and stopped just long enough for BoCo to get pulled off the train.
Almost immediately, the freight yard staff sprung into action and pulled the couplings for the first ten container wagons, which were bound for Barrow. Tornado quickly puffed away with them to the unloading tracks, where they were set upon by the yard’s container handlers.
In the meantime, BoCo reversed away to the fuel track, which was close enough to Bloomer for him to ask questions. “What in the name of god are you doing?” He hissed to the diesel. “The world is apparently ending and you both go gallivanting off to the mainland?”
BoCo was unphased as the fuel was hurriedly piped into his tanks. “We’re fine, Bloomer. I’ll explain later.”
“You had better!” Bloomer wanted to question more, but the signals dropped and rose for a fourth time, and finally, the Sodor Motorail clattered in.
If the double-header of BoCo and Tornado was unusual, this train was downright startling, as both Daphne and Delta were pulling hard as they rumbled into view.
It was easy to see why Sodor’s two strongest diesels were needed for this train - the Motorail operations required some extra rolling stock to be kept at the terminal in London for emergencies, and it seemed like all of the emergency stock, along with every other motorail wagon that wasn’t on the Scottish Motorail, were on this train.
And they were full.
Not a single space was to be seen on any of the open wagons, and every passenger coach was filled to standing with passengers. The train was so long that when it pulled ahead of the switches to the Motorail terminal, it was not only on the bridge to Sodor, but Daphne and Delta were actually on Sodor proper before they backed the train into the terminal.
The motorail trains set down coaches and wagons here, with the car wagons on one platform and the coaches on another. With so many coaches and car wagons on this train, neither rake fit into the platform, and stuck out over the edge quite considerably.
Not that the passengers noticed or cared. Much like the Express, they streamed out of the coaches that were on the platform like rats from a sinking ship, and swarmed the station building to pick up their cars. As each wagon was unloaded by the stewards, people would hurry to their cars, oftentimes wielding cleaning wipes or disinfecting spray, and then leave the station so quickly that the tires chirped. One young man was reunited with his fluorescent green motorcycle, and proceeded to leave the station grounds with his front wheel in the air, before vanishing into the distance at assuredly unsafe speeds, his bike’s engine almost louder than Daphne’s motor.
Speaking of Daphne (and Delta), once the last passengers had disembarked, they quickly pulled forward, taking about half of the coaches with them, and then backed down to pick up half of the car wagons - only the rear half of the train was for Barrow or Kirk Ronan, with the forward section going to Kildane. The guard blew his whistle, and the two diesels roared onto Sudrian soil and quickly disappeared into the distance.
“People need to get home.” BoCo, who had been watching the proceedings with Bloomer, remarked simply.
“What?”
“It’s the last Motorail to Sodor - there’s no more trains after today.”
“Good lord.” Bloomer’s eyes widened as the full weight of the situation came down on him. “How bad is it supposed to be?”
“Edward says it’s like the early days of the Spanish Flu.”
“Half the world got that!”
“I’ve heard worse.” Called the 37 as he carefully shunted the Scottish Motorail into the platforms. Fortunately, the train had been put together in such a way that automobiles could travel down the length of the car wagons with the use of gangplanks between wagons, otherwise the train would have been much more difficult to put together. “The rumour up north is that the government has been deliberately under-reporting numbers so as not to cause a panic.”
“I’d say they didn’t succeed there…” Bloomer scowled as the doors to the station opened, and passengers swarmed the train. There was pushing, shoving, and shouting, and it took longer than usual to get everyone corralled into the lengthy train.
There was a whistle behind Bloomer and BoCo, and Tornado appeared, still running backwards. “Right, I’m off! Best of luck!” Behind her, the ten container wagons and another fifty empty flatbeds, hoppers, vans and tankers clattered behind her - just about every truck and wagon left in the yard. With great care, she threaded her train around the Motorail, and into the distance.
Bloomer was still goggling at the sheer length of the train when the end of it came by. “Eh?”
“I will tell you, later.” BoCo hissed as the rear of the train, which consisted of a brake van, a steam engine that looked a lot like Tornado, a diesel that looked exactly like BoCo, and… “Ward? What are you doing here?”, passed by.
“Who is Ward?” Asked the electric intercity train as he disappeared into the distance on the end of the train, a red lamp dangling off of his face.
There was a long pause as both Bloomer and the 37 on the Motorail absorbed what they just saw. “BoCo… did you and Tornado…” Bloomer began, but when he looked over to where the secretive diesel had been, he found that BoCo had driven away!
“Be seeing you! Stay safe!” The green diesel called from the yard, as he was quickly connected to the remaining container wagons, before powering across the bridge as soon as the signalman would let him.
“Thieving youngsters...” Bloomer grumbled to himself as the red lamp at the end of the container train vanished from sight.
“Very crafty, elder.” The 37 whispered respectfully, as the last of the cars were loaded into the wagons.
As the 37 started reassembling his train, Bloomer’s driver re-emerged from the station, fireman in tow. “Right-ho, we’ve got a few pickups to make and then we’re off.”
“Pickups?” Bloomer looked around the yard. “There’s nothing left!”
As it turned out, there was, just a bit. On Sundays, the railroad ran ‘period’ excursion trains down the main line, and they’d procured a pair of reproduction LNWR open carriages for when it was Bloomer’s turn. The coaches were expectant, apparently having been told what was happening by the shed staff. “Quickly please!” Maribel, the lead coach said. “We don’t want to get left behind!”
“Nobody is going to leave anyone behind!” Bloomer said firmly, ignoring a creeping sense of being ‘out of the loop’ - this was not the first time that someone had been worried about being left behind, as if the drawbridge were going to collapse or somesuch. He worried he was missing something important.
Following them was Lilly, a former passenger coach that had been turned into the kitchen coach for the Permanent Way train. She was a full sized Mark 2, and was now laden down with literal tons of kitchen equipment. Bloomer groaned a little as his coupling stretched out under her weight. “Too small for this nonsense…” He grumbled. “Should’ve had the thieving idiot do it.”
Next was a piece of little-used rolling stock: the railway’s scale test car. Named Ingot due to his weight and shape, he sat behind the shed unless a yard needed to re-calibrate a weighbridge used for weighing goods wagons. “This must be serious if you’re taking me with you.” He said as Bloomer dragged him out of his weed-covered siding.
“Steel, actually.”
“It, erf, seems, agh, that way!” Bloomer gasped as he lugged the heavy wagon into motion. “Do they fill you with lead?”
“Agh.”
Then, there was a very long trek out of the yard, (“Heavy, fucking train..”) across the station throat, (“Look Blooms, the Motorail left a wagon behind for us.” “Oh. Joy.”) and back down a track that ran around to the far side of the station, (“When did this get put here?”) a little used siding that P-way trains sometimes parked in… oh dear.
“Oh thank goodness!” Marion the steam shovel gushed as Bloomer pulled up to her. “I thought I’d be left here!”
Bloomer ignored her, staring at the siding in disbelief. “You all do see my driving wheels? How there’s only two of them?” He glared at the yardmaster and the stationmaster, who looked at him like he was the mad one.
There were four cranes/shovels - Marion, Eh & Bee the breakdown cranes, and Jebediah - a diesel crane who worked with the P-way team. Each one of them was a heavy beast in their own right, and Bloomer would probably wear a groove in the rails before he got them moving, let alone Ingot and Lilly.
“Don’t worry, we’ve got it covered.” The yardmaster said, climbing into Jebediah’s cab.
“What’s he gonna do? Push?”
“Yes, actually.” Jebediah glared. “I’m self-propelled and mighty strong, you’ll do well to note.”
Bloomer was entirely too out of his depth at this point, and mumbled a thanks as the already heavy train was coupled to the line of cranes. Blowing his whistle, he pulled away slowly, expecting his couplings to go tight and stay that way, but he was pleasantly surprised to hear Jebediah’s motor rev up, and then feel the weight go from “immovable” to “manageable.”
They made for a bizarre sight as they rolled out of the siding and backed into the station. When they first got moving, Bloomer had felt ridiculous and vaguely self-conscious, but that faded as he stared out over the yard, and found it totally empty. Between all the frantic train shuffling, and the reduction in traffic over the last week, there wasn’t a wagon, coach, or engine to be seen anywhere.
It was honestly quite spooky, and that was before he looked into the station building, which was empty as a tomb despite it being the middle of the day. Only the staff were left at this point, and they were leaving the station too, carrying personal belongings and certain company items.
Somewhere in Barrow proper, a clocktower bell chimed twice, and everyone looked towards it. “I didn’t know there was a bell in the town.” Lilly murmured.
“It’s because usually you can’t hear it.” The stationmaster said as he shoved a porter’s trolley loaded with cases of company documents and the cashboxes from the ticket booths into the Kitchen coach. “S’not supposed to be this quiet ‘ere.”
Bloomer had thought that the full severity of the events unfolding around him had sunk in, but as he listened to the tolling bell, while also watching the assistant station master lock the doors of the station, he suddenly felt like the world was ending.
Honk-honk
The spell was broken by a horn sounding from the junction behind them, and everyone who could do so whirled around to see a small diesel multiple unit roll into the station.
“What in the absolute fucking hell is that doing here?!” The stationmaster swore as the train came to a complete stop next to Bloomer.
“Hi.” Said the DMU - her number identified her as 170 640 - with some amount of embarrassment. “Sorry I’m late. Signaling issues.”
At this point there was some amount of shouting. It turned out that this train was the 0910 service from Manchester to Norramby, and was supposed to have already departed Sodor in the other direction by now. In fact, it had been so long, with so little notice given about it, that both the NWR signalman and the Barrow stationmaster had assumed the train had been cancelled.
When the multiple unit meekly said that her railway always got the train there, no matter what, there was a further round of shouting about blasted Open-Access Operators!
Like every other train that day, she was heavily laden with passengers, and the station staff had to guide everyone who wished to depart the train through a side gate on the platform end as the stationmaster stomped up and down the platform, bellowing into his phone at someone.
This turned out to be most of the people on the train, and once the stationmaster calmed down a little, he addressed the multiple unit and her driver. “Alright, here’s the skinny - you go over that bridge, there ain’t a promise you’re coming back over any time soon. The whole Island is locking down tonight. Unless you can get there and back in the next thirty minutes, you’re up without a paddle.”
“Well I suppose there’s nothing else for it,” The 170 said, her weak voice surprisingly steely.
“Yeah.” Said her driver.
“We’re going over.” | “We’re dumping them here.”
“WHAT?”
Man and DMU stared at each other for a moment, and then there was more shouting and arguing, this time about cowardice and stupidity. It went on for some time, until eventually the DMU had tears at the corners of her eyes, and the driver was storming off down the station road in search of alternative transport back home.
Bloomer looked at the little multiple unit with newfound respect. “That took some nerve. Good lass.”
“Thanks.” She sniffed weakly. “I can’t just leave - what would that make me?”
“A Bad Engine.” The coaches and cranes, and P-Way equipment said firmly. Bloomer and the station staff still on the platform looked at each other for a moment at that, suddenly confident that wherever this unit ended up getting stored until she could be sent back, she would be well cared for.
The last passenger - a man on crutches - was escorted out of the station on an electric cart, and with that the station doors were securely locked. A spare driver had been part of the station staff, and he hopped into the DMU, taking her across the bridge just before the clock tower tolled 2:30.
“Hopefully this all blows over!” She called to Bloomer as she receded into the distance.
“I can only hope…” Bloomer said as his odd train set off for its last stop.
There was a single Motorail wagon left on the platforms. He was an older flat wagon, with Whitewall stenciled on his front end. The electric cart from the station bounced across the staff crossings with a porter at the wheel, and its charger cable bouncing around in the cargo tray. It joined a Mercedes Unimog lettered for the P-Way gang, the stationmaster’s personal car, a huge porter’s trolley the size of a Mini, and a few motorbikes and bicycles belonging to the station staff on the back of the wagon. Staff jumped out of the coaches and quickly strapped down the cart and went around checking the other straps. A few of the Motorail staff came over and boarded the train as well, while one man (who shouted that he lived in Barrow when asked why he wasn’t boarding) locked up the station and dragged a gate across the automobile entrance before walking off towards the city bus stop on the corner.
The stationmaster got out of his seat in Maribel, and marched forward to take a spot in Bloomer’s cab. “Go forward nice and slow. We’re stopping once we clear the switch.”
“Sorry?”
“Just a few more people.”
Orders now given, Bloomer and Jebediah slowly pulled and pushed the train out of the motorail siding and onto the main line. Once Whitewall had cleared the switches, they clunked into place, and Bloomer and the rest of the train watched in astonishment as every signal in the yard and the main line dropped to red. Soon thereafter, the signalbox door opened, and the signalman came out, a bag over his shoulder and his face hidden behind a paper mask. He turned off the lights in the box and locked the door, before coming up to Bloomer. “You’re the only train for two miles. Treat everything between here and the bridge as green.”
For effect, he unfurled a green flag, waved it, and then clambered onto the train, sitting as far away from everyone else as he possibly could in the crowded open air carriages.
Once again, Bloomer was struck with the sudden sensation that the world as he knew it was coming to an end. With a subdued whistle, he set off again, leaving Barrow-in-Furness station and yard as quiet and empty as a tomb.
The train slowly rolled over the bridge, and Bloomer gasped as he saw the difference between the island and the mainland. Sodor was quiet, the streets of Vicarstown still except for a bus and a police car driving along the waterfront. A few people with cameras were in the park by the station, photographing his approach.
Barrow was alive and noisy. Traffic rumbled and roared, the sound of people talking and chatting from bus stations and bike baths was audible even over his own chuffing. In the distance, the Jubilee Bridge was choked with traffic - police cars on the Sodor side of the bridge were stopping each car, and forcing most to turn around and leave. Those allowed through the bridge were almost all cars with license plates from Sodor or the Isle of Man - any one without had a large sticker applied to the back, although what it meant wasn’t immediately obvious. As the train went by, a flurry of radio calls, some of which were audible on the cab radio - meaning the railway’s dispatch was involved to some degree - went through. On the road bridge, the police began waving through what traffic there was - it seemed like most, if not all of the Sodor-plated automobiles had gotten through already - and then made some kind of waving motion to the bridge operator. Red lights began to flash, and the road bridge began to raise, cutting off Sodor’s road network from the mainland.
Meanwhile on the railway bridge, a man stood aside the tracks, a yellow flag in his hand. It was the bridge operator, and he hopped onto the footplate as Bloomer steamed by, a bag in his hand.
“Thanks.” was all he said, and Bloomer had another pit-of-his-firebox moment as he realized that he had been out of the loop, somewhat badly.
The bridge control cabin was on the mainland side of the bridge, but there was a small emergency panel on the Sodor side. The driver applied the brakes, but didn’t stop, as the train drove by the small electrical box. The bridge operator jumped down, ran to the box, wrenched it open, and in one smooth motion jammed a key into it, turned it, and pushed a yellow and black striped button, before removing the key and slamming the box closed. He was so quick that he was able to clamber onto Jebiediah’s cab steps as the diesel crane rolled by.
Behind him, a klaxon sounded in the distant bridge cabin, and an automated gate closed over the tracks. A pair of massive locks proceeded to open, and with slow mechanical precision, the Walney Channel railway bridge began to cycle open, severing the last link between the mainland and the Island of Sodor.
Bloomer, pulling what the media would later refer to as “The Last Train,” felt a chill go down his boiler as the massive bridge span locked into the upright position. The world has just changed, He thought. And it won’t be for the better.
------
A few days later, as the Virus hit the mainland in force through packed Chunnel trains and repatriation flights, and as the first few cases sprung up inside the Island’s hospitals, Bloomer knew he was right.
Hey so I powered through my writer's block and did this.
It's not based on anything, is very long, and barely features any of Sodor's trains, but I feel like it fleshes out the world around the rails of Sodor.
Chelsea is a character that I already like, just from having written her. She's loosely based on a character from a recent ERS volume, but because SiF's storytelling is... not always stellar, I changed almost everything about her in order to make a better character. I hope you guys like this story and the characters in it too.
Also, at this point you're going to have to have at least a passing familiarity with my other works, because some references just will not make sense otherwise.
---------------------------------------------
Tidmouth - Present Day. Tuesday.
Stephen Hatt said nothing as the mangled remains of his Audi were lifted onto the back of a flatbed lorry. He remained silent as the lorry driver secured the wreckage to the back, before driving away.
Once the HGV was well and truly out of sight, he slowly turned around.
Everyone in range flinched, hoping that they were not the target of the Evil Eye.
Silence reigned supreme. Only the idiotic or the egotistical would think that breaking it was a good idea.
.
.
.
"In my defense," James said slowly, staring at the 4 interlocked rings of the Audi badge hanging from his lamp iron, as though doing so would make it vanish, and stop him from being axle-deep in the staff car park. "But those buffers are definitely dry-rotted. They wouldn't have stopped anything, really. It was just a matter of time, sir."
---
The next day. Wednesday.
"What time is the car service picking you up?" Helen, his wife, asked as the butler laid out breakfast.
"A quarter to seven," He replied as he forewent the marmalade and had his toast dry. "They're sending a Range Rover, which should be different." His Audi was a saloon, as were the last three cars he'd owned prior. In fact, the only Land Rover he could remember being in was Ivo Hugh's old Defender; the old CMO used it like a quad-bike, and sent it bouncing up and down the Skarloey Railway for Permanent Way work - not something Stephen's backside had enjoyed the one time he'd tagged along!
"Hm," Helen said, breaking him out of painful memories of the insufficient padding in Ivo's Defender. "They should be here any minute then. You'd best be ready."
Checking his watch, Stephen discovered that he was running behind schedule. Finishing his toast before kissing his wife goodbye, he walked outside, making it more than a few steps before remembering that his Audi wasn't in the driveway.
A gloss black Range Rover was though. A long wheelbase model, it shone in the lights of his house, and he could almost see his reflection in the paint. The front license plate still had the EU flag on it, meaning that it was at least a few years old.
"Good morning sir!" The car said cheerfully. "I'm Chelsea. I'll be your driver for the week."
Stephen was still smarting over the loss of his Audi, and his disposition was perhaps not as sunny as usual. "Good morning. The station, if you please."
"Yes, sir!" Was all the car said as Stephen opened the rear door. Before he could even get in, his cell phone rang.
"Hatt, state your - yes, what is it?"
It was Malcolm, the new Tidmouth harbourmaster. The man was chatty at all hours of the day, and it took many minutes for Stephen to finesse the required information out of the man. As such, he didn't pay any attention as he got into the car and was promptly driven towards town.
"Change of plans," he said towards the front of the car. "We must go to the Docks first."
"Right away." Stephen was still engrossed in his phone - it wasn't even dawn yet and something was already gone wrong at the docks - it seemed like some of the private owner wagons were in worse shape than he'd been led to believe, if the photos Malcolm had sent were any indication.
It was only after the Range Rover made a turn he wasn't expecting that he actually looked up. He was surprised that they were passing the Asda on Tidmouth high street. "This isn't the harbor road?" He said more out of confusion than anything else.
"No sir," Came the Range Rover's voice. "Too much traffic. Figure they'll let you in through the HGV entrance around the back."
They would, and Stephen almost returned to his work when suddenly realized something that had been tickling at the back of his mind since he got into the Range Rover.
"Do... you not have a driver?" He asked slowly, looking at the driver's seat intently. It was almost a pointless question, as the seat - on the wrong side of the car to boot - was empty.
"What?" It almost sounded like Chelsea was audible through the speakers in the doors. "Oh. Yes! I'm surprised you hadn't noticed already; you didn't say anything when you got in!"
"I suppose I didn't notice." He said quietly as the steering wheel spun on its own.
He wanted to question further - he really did - but at that moment they rolled up to the security gate at the port's HGV entrance. The rear window rolled down without his pressing the button, and the guard at the gate raised the gate as soon as he saw Stephen. "Right that way Mr. Hatt, jus' follow the commotion."
"Oh, that's not good." Stephen muttered to himself as Chelsea motored across the port.
It wasn't. With the window rolled down, he could already hear shouting coming from near the base of a crane. Pulling up to the calamity, he could see Salty, Marina, a group of workmen, and even several trucks all glaring at a sharp-dressed man who was yelling severely at Malcom the Harbourmaster. Behind them, a pair of open wagons were in a shambles - their frames bent almost in half from what did not appear to be a very heavy load. These were private owner wagons, and reading the name of said owner made Stephen pinch his nose between his fingers.
"-and it will be a cold day before this railway manages to pull one over on Simon Charles Ruffey the Third!" the man shouted for all to hear.
Stephen groaned to himself as he got out of Chelsea. "Simon, it is cold, your wagons are in their usual state of disrepair, and I will not have you speaking to my staff in that way..." He began, not for the first time.
---
Later
The business at the port had taken entirely too long (damn you, Ruffey, you incorrigible skinflint), and it was well into the mid-morning before Chelsea pulled up in front of the station in Tidmouth.
"My parking spot is there, if you need it" Stephen said as he climbed out of Chelsea's rear seat. "I must leave for a lunch meeting at noon, so... occupy yourself until then."
"No problem sir," The Range Rover replied. "I'll be waiting for you."
Stephen watched as the Range Rover drove away, not to his parking spot, but out onto the street and into town.
I wonder where she's going? He thought to himself before turning back to the station, grimacing to himself as he looked at the empty spot next to the doors labelled "RESERVED FOR S. HATT". To add insult to injury, some bright spark had taken the Audi badge from James' bufferbeam and placed it atop the signpost.
My father would never put up with this... He thought to himself as he pocketed the Audi badge and went inside the building.
----
Lunch
True to her word, Chelsea was waiting for him at noon. Strangely, she was soaking wet, despite the ground around her being dry.
"Did it rain?" Stephen asked as he got in.
"The dryer at the carwash was broken." She said, somewhat snappishly, as they set off. "I didn't have time for them to do a hand-dry, ugh. I hope this is from the spot-free cycle..."
Stephen said nothing as he went through his notes for the meeting, but silently remembered that Chelsea had been polished to a mirror finish when she'd left!
---
That Night
Stephen got home at a quarter past six, Helen greeting him at the door. "Get changed - we've dinner at seven."
In what felt like no time at all to him (Helen still said he took too long in the shower), they were out of the house again, first at the dinner (it was a new "Peruvian-Japanese Fusion" restaurant in Wellsworth that was surprisingly good, considering that none of those nouns should reasonably go together), and then on a "walk down the high street" that very quickly turned into a trip to Marks & Spencer's. By the time they got back to the car, they were laden down with bags.
"Ugh," Helen looked at her hand as she deposited the shopping in the boot of her car. It was covered in grime, transferred from the boot lid. "This is filthy. We must go through the car wash on our way home."
There was a car wash attached to the petrol station nearest to their house, and Stephen snorted slightly as he noticed a very familiar looking Range Rover pull in behind them in the queue for the wash.
"What's so funny?" Helen asked.
"I think James may have met his match. That Range Rover behind us is from the car service - she just got a wash this afternoon!"
----
The Next Day. Thursday.
One advantage of having a car waiting for him, Stephen noted, was the ability to have her meet him elsewhere - a really useful trick when one ran a railway, and could reasonably be expected to hop on a train across the Island at a moment's notice.
Meet me at Brendam Station in 45 minutes he sent in a text message around eleven o'clock - he'd been assured by the hire car company that she could receive and send phone calls and text messages, although he'd no idea how.
Will do. 🚙 Was the reply.
He stared at the phone for a moment, struck by the notion that he was truly living in the future - he could get text messages from a car - before returning to the matter at hand.
"Now then," He said to Bill and Ben, both of whom looked like they'd rather be anywhere else. "I'm sure that I don't need to tell you exactly how much damage, confusion, and delay has been caused by your foolishness."
-
The next stop after that was a meeting all the way in the middle of the Island, at the Culdee Fell Railway. It took some time to get there, and quite a lot less time to finish.
"All right sir?" Chelsea asked as Stephen clambered back in, his brows furrowed in irritation.
"That meeting could have been a conference call or an email." He groused. "We did not need to burn all that petrol or spend all that time coming out here."
"Sorry sir."
"Nothing to be done for it. You got me here early, which is a miracle considering these roads."
"I know a lot of shortcuts!" She said as they pulled onto the road leading out of Peel Godred. On the railroad tracks nearby, Abbey rattled by with a goods train.
"That you do." He said, watching the train disappear into the distance out of habit. "I have been meaning to ask, how did you get... to where you are now? I've never heard of a car driving itself before - well, not except those new electric ones."
"Not much to it really," She said, turning off the main road and heading down a farm lane that Stephen vaguely knew would take them around the congested roads of downtown Peel Godred. "Apparently us talking cars are a bit of a slow seller nowadays, especially abroad, which is where I was going."
"Really?"
"Oh yes. I was actually supposed to go to China, but they knew I wouldn't sell so I just never got sent over. Does mean I can speak Mandarin though."
"Really?"
"是的。我精通它。"
"I'm going to assume that means something?"
"Ha! Yes, I said that I'm fluent in it." She laughed as the farm lane curved around a rise in the terrain. This seemed like the routing of the old Mid-Sodor Railway, and Stephen idly wondered what some of the Skarloey Railway's engines would think about their old line being a farm lane.
Undoubtedly it would not suit his grace.
"-but anyways," Chelsea continued. "When they couldn't sell me abroad they tried to sell me here, but that didn't work either because I'm too "environmentally unfriendly" or something like that. So I did some translation work for them at the factory until I decided I wanted to do something else."
"And that something else was this?"
"Not really, but it's an job, innit?"
"A job? You get wages?"
"'Course I do! My boss says that paying me is cheaper than buying a car and hiring a driver. And it isn't bad work really - keeps me in fuel, covers my insurance, pays my car wash tab, and keeps a roof over my paint. Not much else is there to need really? Well, other than my racing license."
"Racing license?"
"Oh yeah! I decided that I needed a hobby, so I do autocross and gymkhana in my spare time. Everything is regulated now, so I need a license if I want to get into the bigger matches. Last year I even managed to get into the regional championships on the Isle of Man, which was fun."
"Really?" Stephen leaned forward in his seat. "I've never heard of gymkhana, was it? What is it?"
"Oh, well, it's this new sport out of America - it's like a cross between drifting and autocross, with a few stunts mixed in too..."
-
Chelsea got most of the way through an explanation of her sporting hobby until Stephen had to take a phone call, which kept him occupied until they got almost through Arlesdale. Here, the Arlesdale railway paralleled the road between Arlesdale and Marthwaite for a short while as both routes ran into Marthwaite, before the tracks peeled off across the river Arle, while the road went into town before making the same crossing at Bridge Street.
The Arlesdale Railway had a very small track gauge, and so the trains there usually couldn't go as fast as cars on the road could. However, on this day there was resurfacing work going on, and the road was filled with stationary vehicles, queuing up to be let through the construction zone.
The engines of the Arlesdale for mostly gracious about this, whistling commiserations to the locals and their cars as they steamed by.
Unfortunately, Mike was not one of those engines. He thought it was all a great joke, and had great fun taunting the motorists as he rolled by with a train of ballast wagons.
"Look at me! Not stuck in traffic, am I? Look! I'm just flying by! I'll make my deliveries on time and ahead of schedule!" He crowed to the lorries who were sitting and stewing in the midday traffic.
Many of the replies he got are not suitable for print, and simply emboldened him. As he got closer to the head of the line, he stopped making individual boasts, and instead began teasing the traffic generally, blowing his whistle loudly, whooshing steam, and generally ruining any last vestiges of peace that may have existed.
Then there was trouble.
George the Steam Roller still earned his keep maintaining the Island's road network, and was working away on the resurfacing project as Mike chortled past.
"Ah, go get an ASBO, you undersized social delinquent!" He shouted at the nuisance, drawing a squawk of mocking laughter from Mike.
"I didn't know that you could pronounce that many syllables!" He hooted rudely.
George growled, and blew his whistle back at the miniature annoyance. "I'll syllable you, ya runt!"
PEEEEP PEEEP PEEEEEEEEE-BANG! WOOOOOOOOSH
George couldn't have known, but when his driver had last removed his whistle for polishing, he hadn't screwed it back in properly. As George had whistled at things, usually out of annoyance, the whistle had slowly but surely come undone from its threads until finally it let go, shooting straight up and smashing into the metal awning that George's driver had put over his boiler with a tremendous BANG!
Punching a hole through the awning, the whistle continued up into the air on a jet of superheated steam that poured from the socket where George's whistle had been. It now sounded like a catastrophic industrial accident rather than a whistle, and it went on for several long moments before George's driver realized that he was still holding the whistle cord.
The effects of this were calamitous: men scrambled for cover, machines ground to a halt, cars swerved to avoid them, and a tipper lorry dumped his load of dirt in surprise, sending a cloud of dust and grit flying. Just then, a gust of wind sent it billowing over the line of cars, vans, and lorries waiting to pass by. To add insult to injury, a passing flock of birds "relieved themselves" out of fright... all over the same line of cars!
Mike and his driver had seen everything, and they were almost in tears of laughter as they vanished into the distance as fast as was possible!
Unnoticed in all the chaos, George's whistle landed in the middle of the road with a thunk!, just missing the front bumper of an absolutely, astoundingly, apocalyptically upset Range Rover that was three cars from the front of the line. A moment later, the formerly-spotless rear door swung open, and a stout gentleman emerged. He was already dialing a number on his mobile phone as he stalked around to the front of the car. Producing a pair of driving gloves from the pocket of his coat, he donned them before plucking the still-hot steam whistle from the pavement.
The phone call connected, and he spoke curtly as he inpsected the whistle with no small amount of disdain. "Your railway is going to receive many complaints, probably within the hour. Mine will be delivered in person."
He disconnected the call without fanfare, and then pocketed the whistle, frowning when an unexpected clink emerged from his pocket. Removing his hand from the pocket revealed a broken and bent Audi logo.
The stout gentleman's frown deepened.
-
Arlesburgh West Station - Later
Mike was still laughing about it when he rolled into the station at the end of the line. The laughter only increased when he spied a dirt-coated Range Rover in the station carpark. The car looked furious under the layers of bird dirt and real dirt, and revved her engine at him in a manner that she probably thought was threatening, but Mike found merely hilarious.
His driver thought so too. "You know, when I hear a rumor, I always say that 'a little birdy told me'." he said, setting up a bad joke
"Yeah?"
"So what in the bloomin' 'eck did she hear?" He said, a smug look on his face.
It took Mike a moment to get the joke, but once it landed, he was roaring with laughter, much to the bird-muck crusted Range Rover's displeasure.
Then the Range Rover's doors opened, and out stepped the Small Controller and the Fat Controller.
The laughter stopped immediately, and both Mike and his driver went white as sheets!
------
Tidmouth, later still
Chelsea was visibly uncomfortable with all the dirt on her, and when Stephen gently suggested that she find a car wash, she made a bee-line for the local Range Rover dealer. The dealership was a large one, that also sold Jaguars and Lotuses. Chelsea was apparently a regular here, and when the detailing staff saw her pull in, they visibly blanched before setting to work with professional haste.
"It might be a while, sir." One of the cleaners said, and he showed Stephen to the showroom before returning to the wash/detail bay with more rags and soaps.
Give James a run for his money indeed... he thought to himself as he observed the cars in the showroom.
A bright orange Lotus sat off in one corner behind a velvet rope. It was tiny, and so low to the ground that just getting into the damn thing would probably throw out his back.
Clearly not. He thought, before looking around more.
There were two Jaguars in the showroom, one a rather smart looking new XF Estate with a SOLD sign hanging from the rearview mirror, and the other a vintage XJS coupe that looked to be almost as old as his son Richard. Unlike the Lotus, these two cars could talk, and were quietly bickering about something.
Stephen frowned, and looked elsewhere in the building. Even if the last few hours hadn't considerably cooled his opinions on owning anything that could speak, he'd owned a (non-sentient) Jaguar from that era once before. It had spent more time being serviced than it had being driven, and it was not an experience he wished to endure again.
Finally, his gaze made its way over to the Land Rover side of the dealership, and settled on a very smart looking Defender. It was quite the opposite of any car that he'd owned before, with numerous off-road accessories, ranging from a ladder built into the bodywork to a giant snorkel. A steel cargo tray sat on the roof, giving the whole vehicle a very adventurous feel. It also notably wasn't a living machine, which was a point in its favour over the Jaguars.
"Found something you like?" Stephen was brought out of his thoughts by a sleazy-looking man in an ill-fitting suit. "I can get the keys if you wanna take 'er for a spin..."
-
One excruciating test drive later
Perhaps I merely don't like anyone talking to me... Stephen thought venomously as he walked back into the dealership again.
The Land Rover had been a fine vehicle, probably, but the salesman's pushy attitude and total lack of dignity or self-respect had driven Stephen to heights of madness that usually only his engines could achieve, completely turning him off of the Defender in the process.
Inside the detail bay, Chelsea was currently being toweled dry, her paint once again sparkling in the lights of the building.
"Sorry that took so long, sir," She began. "It's just that, well, I can't stand-"
"I understand completely." Stephen held up his hand to cut her off, before turning to the head cleaner. "Please see that the bill for all this is sent to the North Western Railway."
"Oh, sir, you don't have to-"
"In this case, I feel as though I do." He smiled kindly. "Besides, at this point I am willing to do anything that will get us out of here as quickly as possible."
The Rover's smile strained a little. "They didn't try to sell you something, did they?"
Stephen's kind smile turned into a peeved grimace, and Chelsea sighed deeply. "Oh no. Which one was it? Was it that old XJ? He can barely start, the poor thing."
"Actually, it was one of the new-"
"Mister Hatt!" The salesman barged into the detailing bay like a bull in a china shop. "I saw that you came in a 'Rover, so I pulled up one o' the newest ones. Y'know, in case y'wanna trade in the old one? Give you a right good price on it too."
Chelsea bristled at this, and started her motor with a supercharged snarl. "I am not for sale!" She snapped, unlocking her rear doors for Stephen. "Mister Hatt, I do believe we are late."
Stephen smiled, perhaps a touch too viciously, at how the salesman recoiled. "Quite. Let us depart."
Little more was said as Chelsea backed out of the detail bay and into the dealership's forecourt. The Range Rover that the salesman had brought out was idling in front of the dealership, and Chelsea gave it a good look, before stopping next to it.
"They've got some nerve trying to sell this bill of goods." She grumbled as she stared at the new car more critically.
"What's that?" Stephen asked, rolling down the window to look at the car. Nothing seemed amiss to him.
"Paint's wrong." She said firmly. "There's a big discolouration down the side of the door - both of them actually, blimey."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that they pro'lly scraped it against something in transit from Solihull and had to repaint the door. S'not bad or anything but they should disclose that, and I don't think they did."
Looking more closely, Stephen could see that she was right. If he turned his head just right, the midday sun glinted off of the middle of the car's doors differently than the rest of the vehicle.
It was at this point that the salesman came back out again. "So, whaddya think?" He said smarmily, leaning against the new Range Rover without caring if he scratched or smudged the paint.
"Has it been repainted?" Stephen asked, playing the fool.
"What?" The man retorted. "This? It's brand new!"
It was at that point that he rapped his knuckles on the door of the car, presumably to show how "new" it was. However, instead of the expected metallic noise, there was a rather flat thonk as his hand made contact with the discoloured spot on the door.
The man's smile suddenly became a lot more fixed, and his eyes widened. "Eh heh, well, you see, uh..."
"That sounds a lot like body filler, doesn't it?" Chelsea said, her voice incredulous. "What did you pillocks do?"
"I... um... uh, well-" The man stammered, sweat beading on his forehead.
"I think I have seen enough." Stephen said, rolling up the rear window and cutting off the salesman's hopeless stammering. "Shall we go?"
Chelsea said nothing, and rolled away from the dealership in a huff.
--
They arrived at Tidmouth station a short while later.
"I am sorry about all this, sir." Chelsea said, a little embarrassed by the last hour.
"It really is not your fault," Stephen assured her. "I didn't miss anything that can't be re-scheduled - after all, it is my railway! Much like the royal family, I am always on time, everyone else is merely early."
The Range Rover laughed at that, and drove off to find a parking spot.
Stephen made it almost all the way to his office before someone spoke to him.
"Where've you been?" Richard asked, poking his head out of his office door. "It doesn't take that long to ride the Arlesdale, let alone "discipline" them."
"I made a stop at the Range Rover dealership."
"Oh! Find anything you like?"
"The only one that impressed me is not for sale. Everything else was not worth considering."
"You should buy a Tesla!" Came a voice from down the hall, causing Stephen to roll his eyes hugely. Calls to 'buy a Tesla' had started almost before the wreckage of his Audi had been cleaned up, and at this point he knew they were just doing it to annoy him.
"Remind me why I put up with such insolence?" He asked, just loud enough for the office gossips to "overhear".
"Because you hand-picked everyone in this office, including me?" Richard asked innocently. "Which means that you clearly enjoy this on some level?"
Stephen rolled his eyes, and closed Richard's office door in his face before continuing down the hall.
-----------
The next day. Friday.
Mercifully, nothing of any note happened all morning. For the first time since Monday, Stephen was able to have a full and productive set of meetings, phone calls, and business emails without any ridiculous treks across the island, the destruction of personal property, or the unexpected need to discipline an engine.
It was almost peaceful.
Quite naturally, this wasn't allowed to stand, and calamity ensued around lunch.
Tidmouth station had a small parking lot directly in front of the station for Passengers (and Stephen - that was one luxury he had no qualms about taking), while the staff parking lot was located by the sheds on the other side of the yard. There was a private roadway that led out of the customer carpark, across the tracks that led into the sheds, and into the staff carpark.
The private road was protected by a gate in the station carpark, and as Stephen and Richard went outside to meet Chelsea, they noticed a small crowd of NWR employees gathering around the gate.
"What are they doing?" Richard asked to no one in particular.
"Someone bought a Tesla," The Range Rover explained in a most unimpressed manner. "and they're trying out that silly 'summon' feature it has."
"Summon?" Stephen wasn't sure what that meant.
"It can drive itself." Richard explained. "Well, sort of - Tesla says it can. If you park the car and leave it, you can make it drive out of the parking space and come to you, even if you're across the carpark."
Chelsea rolled her eyes. "Personally I don't think it's that impressive. You can summon me from across town!"
"I did know they could drive themselves, although I didn't know you could make one come to you. They parked it all the way down there?" Stephen could see a small white saloon car backing out of a parking space by the engine shed.
"Oh yes." Richard said, watching with interest as the car began rolling forward at a walking pace. "I think it's almost at the end of the range, but it should be fine."
Then there was a few moments of silence, ended by simultaneous cries of dismay and laughter from the group by the gate.
"Oh, it's crashed."
"I told you that pothole needed to be filled!"
"It didn't hit a pothole! It tried to go around the pothole and drove itself onto the bleeding tracks!"
SNAP "James! The truck is getting away!" "What? Again? Oh blast these coupling chains! I barely bumped it!"
"That seems like a poor choice on its part. Why did it do that?"
"I don't know. Maybe it thought it could make it."
"Pah! I've got an adjustable-height air suspension and even I couldn't make it across a set of rails like that. It's just a dumb computer that got too big for its bumpers."
"Quick! Stop it from getting onto the main line!" "How?!" "Use the shunter's pole! Set the brakes!" CLANG BANG THUNK "Too late! Throw the switch and send it into a siding!" "Which siding?" "ANY SIDING!"
"How do they get it off?"
"I think they can back it up."
"Not a chance! The back wheels are off the ground. Unless he wants to take the front bumper off."
"That's not a siding!" "Peep peep! Look out!" "Oh no! Where did that car come from?!"
"Richard, if this causes any confusion or delay..."
"I'll handle it, don't- why are they all pointing... oh you must be joking."
BANG! CRUNCH! SCREECH!
"My Car!"
--
Fortunately nobody was hurt, however the Tesla was a total write-off.
It took some time to organize the cleanup, but eventually James was able to haul the mostly-undamaged truck back to the station, while a flatbed lorry came to collect the Tesla.
"Twice in a week? New record for ya, killer." Siobhan had come out to investigate the commotion, and it took no time at all for her to begin poking fun at James.
"This wasn't my fault!" James was incensed. "That chain was barely holding on to begin with!"
"I'm sure..." Stephen was deeply unimpressed about the entire situation, but James at least seemed genuine about his innocence.
"Alright, easy does it... easy..." *winching noises* POP "Hey - where's tha' smoke coming from?"
So was the truck, unusually enough. "Now don' you go givin the kettle all the credit for this! Tha' chain's been weak fer months, but does anyone ever listen to auld Ramsey? Nooooo! It's always 'be quiet you', and 'come along now'! Nobody ever believes me, they don't."
"Cripes! Tha's the battery!" POP POP "What's happening? What does that mean?" "It means unhook me!" POP POP FWOOSH
He paused for a moment, now aware that man, woman, and engine were all staring at him. "What? 'e din't cause all the commotion! I wan' my name attach'd to all this; it'll go o'er great wit' the lads!"
"Thermal runaway! GET CLEAR!" Everyone turned to look at the scene of the accident. The flatbed lorry was backing away from the scene as fast as he could, while Richard and the workmen scattered in all directions.
It was easy to see why. Thick black smoke was billowing out from underneath the Tesla, and flames were already licking their way around the rear bumper and up the boot lid.
"Goodness!" James exclaimed, watching the smoke rise into the air. "What do we do now?"
"Call the fire brigade-"
"An' get everyone the fook outta 'ere!"
Stephen, Siobhan, and James' crew all scattered, running to evacuate the area and coordinate the emergency procedures, leaving James and Ramsey all alone.
The old truck watched the commotion with great interest. "Ha ha! T'is is great! the lads'll love this! Oi moight owe ya one, Red!"
James, for his part, merely gulped, and hoped that the Fat Controller would remember that this wasn't his fault!
----------
Later....
It took four hours for the Tidmouth Fire Brigade to extinguish the car, and even then that wasn't a sure thing.
"If I'm being perfectly honest with you," The Chief Fire Officer said to Stephen as the firemen began to pack up some of the hoses. "It may well start burning again. These new electric cars can burn on and off for days when new parts of the battery combust."
"How do you stop that?"
"Can't, not really. You've got to immerse it in water for days before the thing gets saturated to the point where it'll become safe. That's about the only way to be sure."
"Really?"
"Oh yes. We've been planning for this for some time. We've been very fortunate that this hasn't happened to us before, but we have a plan." The man leaned in conspiratorially, keen to share his knowledge. "Forgive me if it sounds a touch unprofessional, but we've got skip - real big one, forty feet long - and we're going to fill it with water and put the car in there."
Stephen felt overwhelmed, and once the remains of the Tesla were carted away, (under the watchful eyes of at least four fire engines) he returned to the car park, where some of his employees, senior staff, and Chelsea were waiting for him.
"Is it time ta go 'ome now?" Siobhan asked sarcastically, having laid down on the tarmac next to Chelsea.
A general moan of agreement from the rest of the staff showed that many of them were more serious than she'd been. The fire had cut off the sheds from the main line, and the reduced number of available engines had forced trains to be cancelled, delayed, or combined. Everyone was thankful that the fire was now extinguished before the evening peak, and already engines could be heard rolling past the charred set of rails on an undamaged track.
Checking his watch, Stephen noted that it was well past shift change. Everyone was probably exhausted. "All right. Everyone check in with this shift and then go home. We've all had quite enough excitement for the day."
Everyone might have been tired, but they still managed to vanish with an almost magical speed, and it was soon just Stephen, Richard, Siobhan, and Chelsea left.
"I'm surprised you didn't tear out of here as well. " Stephen addressed his head of locomotive operations, who hadn't moved from her supine position. "No one at home?"
"Eh." She grunted, stretching out on the asphalt. "Deccie's in Birmingham till Tuesday, an' the kid's're at uni. I'm officially an empty nester now."
"It does take some getting used to," Stephen said encouragingly.
"How would you know?" Richard asked, who had gone past 'stressed' and had instead become sarcastic. "I see you more than mum does!"
That brought a laugh from Siobhan, while Chelsea looked like she didn't quite get the joke. Stephen let the joke hang in the air for a moment before declaring with a straight face: "Remember who signs your paychecks..."
That brought the laughter to a halt, and Stephen managed to keep his composure for a long minute before he smiled broadly. "Right! We've all been here for quite long enough - shall we get something to eat? My treat?"
"You had me going there for a second." Siobhan deadpanned as she stood up. "Do ye need me to drive too? For my paycheck?"
"If you'd be so inclined to!" Richard chirped as he opened Chelsea's passenger door. "Awfully generous of you."
Siobhan and Stephen exchanged a glance that spoke volumes, before Stephen opened the rear door.
"Did ye notice that she's Euro-spec?" Siobhan asked as she walked around to Chelsea's actual passenger door and got in. "That means yer drivin'!"
Richard, to his credit, laughed when he realized that he'd actually gotten into the driver's seat, but was confused as he felt around the steering column. "There's no keys?"
Then the seat started moving back. In a moment, his feet could no longer reach the pedals, and the wheel was out of reach. "What?"
"Sorry Sir, Ma'am," Chelsea said apologetically. "But I was actually built for the Chinese market, and I don't let other people drive."
With that, her motor started, she shifted into reverse and backed out of the parking space. "Where to, sir?"
"Hmmm... There's that Italian restaurant across town. What is it called?" At this point in the week, Stephen was unphased, and began poking at his phone to figure out which restaurant to go to.
Up front, Richard and Siobhan stared in pale-faced terror as Chelsea's steering wheel spun on its own and she pulled into rush-hour traffic.
"I think I know which place it is. Is it... uh Dalla fattoria alla tavola?"
"That's it." Stephen snapped his fingers as he recalled the name. "They have a wonderful Lasagna."
There was a beep from the infotainment system, and tiny squeaks emerged from both front seat passengers as the GPS system entered the name of the restaurant and plotted a route across Tidmouth with no one pushing any buttons.
"Tornado is bad enough," Siobhan whispered. "But this is fookin' worse!"
----
Saturday
It was a practically sedate ten in the morning when Chelsea picked up Stephen. It was a sunny day, and she had the windows down. "You don't have to work today, do you sir?"
He chuckled. "Oh no. This is purely personal. You see, I need a new car, and if I'm honest, nothing I have seen so far has impressed me."
"I'm sorry about that," she interjected, keenly remembering the Range Rover dealership.
"Such things happen," Stephen said. "Therefore my plan for the day is to not come back without a car of some sort."
"All right," She said, already pulling up a list in her GPS. "Where to first?"
----
The Audi Dealership - Haltraugh
"Six months?" Stephen couldn't quite believe it.
"Eyup." Said the sales manager. "What's on the floor is what we've got. Everything else is on factory backorder because of the chip shortage."
Stephen surveyed the sales floor. Three subcompact city cars and a tiny convertible coupe were all that he could see.
----
The Ford Dealership - Tidmouth
"I see..." Stephen trailed off as he stared at the ugly-green painted Mondeo. "And these are all you have?"
"All we make." The salesman said. "If you want something bigger, well we've got the Transit, Kuga and the Ranger, but if you want a luxury option? This is it."
"When you say 'this is it...'"
"This one." The salesman clarified. "We've got others but they're not nearly as well equipped."
----
The Peugeot Dealership - Knapford
"Ugh!" A salesman said, looking at Chelsea with disgust as Stephen walked in through a side entrance. "Who's got the "I'm a posh wanker"-mobile?"
Stephen turned around and left without a word.
----
The Vauxhall Dealership - Killdane
The Vauxhall Dealer had many cars, much to Stephen's relief.
"Hello!"
Called twenty-seven cars in unison.
"no." He said to Chelsea.
"agreed."
-----
The Toyota Dealership - Killdane
"They want a ten thousand pound markup on this?" Chelsea was agog. "It's a Corolla!"
-----
The Mercedes-Benz Dealership - Vicarstown
"Well," The salesman began. "We do have one model in stock that I feel you'd enjoy."
He led Stephen over to a very futuristic looking estate car. "This is our new EQS. Brand new for this model year. I'd list all the features but we'd be here all day - better to know that the only thing it can't do is make you breakfast, and even then you can probably run the cooker off of it!"
"Really?" Stephen asked, now quite interested indeed. "How does it do that?"
"Oh, well, it's electric, so all you've got to do is-"
"Electric, you say?" Stephen asked, seeing images of a burning Tesla in his mind's eye."
-----
The BMW Dealership - Vicarstown
"Talk about a face that only a mother could love!" Chelsea sniffed as they looked over the row of saloons and estate cars. Each car had a large front grille, the appearance of which was... unfortunate.
"At this point I am willing to take that chance..." Stephen said grimly. It was almost three in the afternoon, and he hadn't been able to find anything.
"Do you really want to come out each morning and look at that?"
"If I must." Stephen sighed. It was a dreadful looking car, but maybe it drove better than it looked...
-
"Which gear is it in?" Stephen asked, looking at the peculiar shift lever. It had returned to a neutral position after he'd moved it, and he now had no idea which gear he was actually in. There was also a small wheel next to it, the purpose of which was unclear.
"Park is the button on the side," The salesman said. "Push it forward for reverse, and pull it back for drive."
"Forward to go back, backwards for forwards, and push a button for park." This would take some getting used to. "What does that wheel do?"
"That controls the iDrive system."
"iDrive?"
"It's the radio, sat nav, phone, bluetooth, car settings, the lot - you control it all from here." The salesman tapped the top of the wheel, which somehow turned the radio on and set it to BBC Radio 4.
"Riiiight." Stephen tried not to think about that as he pulled the shifter into what he thought was Drive, and instead sent the car rolling backwards.
"It's an easy mistake for first-timers." The salesman said apologetically.
After that false start, the test drive had gone well, or at least it had, until they got back to the dealership.
beepbeepbeepbeepbeep
"What is that beeping sound?" Stephen asked the salesman as he drove the 7-Series through the the cramped dealership lot. "Have you got your seatbelt on?"
beepbeepbeepbeepbeep
"'s the collision avoidance system." The man said. "It doesn't like that you're driving so close to the parked cars." He unbuckled his seatbelt, and a separate dinging sound began to play in the cabin. "That's the seatbelt chime."
"Ah, it think's it's gonna crash into them probably." The man continued. "Don' worry though, it'll stop itself long before - augh!"
dingdingbeepdingbeepbeebeepbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
The beeping had grown in pitch dramatically as they approached a larger SUV that was parked slightly further out than the rest. The car evidently thought that it was going to crash, and so jammed on its brakes hard, throwing Stephen against the seatbelt and sending the unbelted salesman slamming into the dashboard nose-first!
-
"How did it go?" Chelsea asked him as he sat down.
"Modern cars have too much technology..." Stephen muttered darkly as he rubbed his shoulder.
-------
The Jeep Dealership - Peel Godred
Neither Stephen nor Chelsea had ever been to this dealership before - located on the far side of Peel Godred, it was buried in the foothills of Culdee Fell, and was almost closer to the Village of Cregwir. In the middle distance, smoke plumes from trains on the Mountain Railway could be seen easily.
The dealership building itself was equipped with a waiting area large enough for Chelsea to drive inside, and she was invited to do so by the salesman, who greeted both her and Stephen warmly.
This was not entirely unusual, except that the salesman was American, and not actually a salesman at all, but was instead an older-model Jeep Grand Cherokee.
"I'm actually a manufacturer representative visiting from our Corporate HQ in Michigan," He explained as he showed Stephen a much newer hybrid-drive version of his model on the sales floor. "And I got roped into covering a staffing shortage. But I promise that I am more than qualified to show you around our product lineup."
He paused and laughed. "Heck, 20 years ago, I was part of the product line!"
Chelsea also laughed, and Stephen felt rather like he did when the engines had an in-joke that he didn't get.
-
Looking over the SUV showed Stephen that while it had many positive attributes, it still wasn't what he wanted. It was too modern, too dependent on technology.
And, as he discovered, this was true of the other cars Jeep sold. Two were also very small and quite uncomfortable, while the third was...
"Where have the doors gone?" He asked as he looked at the Wrangler parked inside the showroom.
"Oh, they can be removed." Said the older Jeep, pointing out the mounting brackets for the doors with his tires. "It's a very popular off-roader, and totally legal to drive with the doors off, so quite a lot of people do it."
"I can't imagine that the electrics mind that." Chelsea murmured, not quite on board with the idea of leaving her doors behind.
"Oh no, the interior is actually fully waterproof; you can wash it off with a hose if you need to." Another pause, and a small smile followed this. "Believe me when I say how useful it is. I've got beige cloth and it needs upkeep, yaknow?"
"Do I ever!" This from Chelsea.
Stephen ignored them, and frowned as he examined the car's interior. Even in this Wrangler, there was a massive screen in the middle of the dashboard, and there was an automatic transmission instead of a manual. "I don't suppose that you have anything more... simple than this, do you? I have quite recently become disenchanted with all the modern gadgetry of today's cars."
The Jeep's brows furrowed. "We do have some used stuff, but at this point it's going to be out of Certified Pre-Owned range." He backed up and tapped a wheel on the floor as he thought about something. "Actually, I do have one car that you might be interested in. It's gonna be a bit of a long shot, but it's the best I can do."
"At this point, I will take a long shot over nothing." Stephen was fairly desperate, and didn't have the energy to hide it at this point.
The Jeep led them into the back of the dealership building. There, a car sat in a dark corner. It was hidden by the lack of light, but what little could be seen showed it was a very aggressive looking car indeed.
"I'm sorry about the dramatic reveal, but usually they don't show this one." He said apologetically as he looked for the light switch. "This was a special edition for one of the top dealers in the states. One of 20, if I remember right. It got gray-market imported right after it was sold - some collector in... Wogan? Wigan? something like that, bought it - and he just looked at it until he sold it at auction, because it has 64 miles on it. And it's a 2010."
He found the light switch, and Chelsea gasped at what she saw.
Stephen had to admit, it was... quite the car. "It's-"
-------
The Next Day
"-Yellow." Helen Hatt finished, her tone flat.
"Yes, I am aware of that." Stephen said, his expression becoming more and more fixed as his wife looked at his new car.
"Are you also aware that it is the most inconspicuous thing I have ever seen?"
"The thought did cross my mind."
"Did it."
"Yes."
"Then why is it in our driveway?"
"Because, Helen," Stephen sighed. "It has a manual transmission, no electronic driver aids of any kind, save for anti-lock brakes and traction control, one screen - and a small one at that - and all of the control systems are controlled by the driver. It is not smart, it is not electric, and it is not a computer. It is a car, Helen. And as far as I am able to tell, it is one of the only ones of its kind for sale on this Island. So I bought it."
She looked at him, and then at the car. "There was nothing else? What about that Vauxhall dealership that always advertises on the telly? Their cars look simple."
"Their cars talk, love. Everything in my life talks. My trains talk. My employees talk. My mobile phone not only talks, but has a name, one I dare not speak aloud lest I wake it up. At this point, it would not surprise me if I woke up one morning and the house started talking to me." He let out a deep breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "So I bought this car, because I need one thing in my life that does. Not. Talk."
Helen's face softened. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that this was such an issue."
"It really isn't as massive as I make it out to be, but I just need one thing that doesn't complain if I leave it out in the rain."
That brought out a giggle from his wife, and he knew that she was on board now. "Would you like to go for a drive? It is quite something."
"Looking like that, I'd imagine it would have to be." Helen said as she opened the passenger side door. "Do you mind if I run through my other grievances on this? Just so we can get them out of the way?"
"Be my guest." Stephen said as he opened the boot and began looking for something within.
"Isn't the wheel on the wrong side?" She started.
"It's imported from America."
"Isn't that dangerous? To drive on the wrong side of the car?"
"French tourists manage it, all the time."
"What will the neighbors think?"
"This is far from the strangest thing they've seen, and I don't care anyways."
"How much did it cost?"
"A sizable amount. We can afford it."
"How much petrol does it use?"
"More than it should. We can afford it."
"Doesn't that hurt the environment?"
"It would be hypocritical for me to run steam and diesel engines on the railway and think that I'm going to save the planet by driving a Prius."
"Will anyone think that you're having a midlife crisis?"
"Love, we are in our 80's. We are, at best, exceptionally spry pensioners." He pulled the shopping bag from the boot, and removed two sunglass cases from it. "Here."
"As if you'd ever stop working long enough to take a pension. What are these?"
"Aviator sunglasses. Everyone at the dealership was most insistent that I wear them when I drive it."
"Why?"
"Because it looks, and I quote, "Awesome".
"Really?"
"Based on my drive home last night, I'm inclined to believe them." He left the boot lid up, reached into the cabin, and unlatched the roof, allowing the convertible top to come free.
Folding it away, he slammed the boot lid shut and addressed his wife. "Any other concerns?"
"I think David Drury might explode if he finds out that you've got a sportier car than him." Helen did look very fetching with the Ray-Bans on, in his opinion.
"I'd quite like to see that, but I think he'd have to get in line behind Richard and Bridget."
"Of course Richard would, but what's got your sister in such a knot?"
"I spoke to her last night; She bought a new car last week." Stephen lowered himself into the low-slung driver's seat and fished around his pockets for the keys. "It's one of those new Fiats with the TwinAir motor."
"What's that?"
"A two cylinder engine, less than a liter's displacement." He looked at her over the rim of the sunglasses. "She was very pleased at how efficient it is."
"How many liters is this, then?"
Stephen twisted the key in the ignition, and the quiet morning was shattered by the naturally aspirated bellow of the V10 engine inside the Dodge Viper ACR. "Eight. And a half."
Helen could only throw her head back and laugh at her husband's antics, and the car roared out of the driveway and onto the main road, squealing the tires all the way.
-------------------------------------
The next week - The Drury Farms Warehouse outside of Knapford
A yellow and black Viper rumbled up to the archway on the entrance road. On the arch, a sign reading "AUTO-X EVENT SIGNUPS" fluttered in the breeze. It was a minute before the car moved again, as staff members had to be convinced that the driver was not trying to enter the event as a contestant.
Eventually, the car was pointed in the direction of the parking area, and it stopped near the fences that separated the competitors from the viewing crowd. The car's passenger door opened, and a pale-faced man stumbled out, just managing to avoid burning his leg on the exhaust pipe just behind the door sill. Like a newborn deer, he stumbled and weaved his way across the lot until his stomach calmed down. He clutched the plastic folder in his hands against his chest like a lifeline.
Eventually, he found who he was looking for: a glossy black Range Rover that was sitting in the contestant's paddock. As he approached, she perked up on her suspension. He briefly observed a card with numbers on it attached to her side with magnets, but decided it wasn't really important.
"You're Mister Hatt's son, right?" The Rover asked as he walked to her. "I thought I saw his car - is he letting you drive it?"
"My father," Richard wheezed, still not totally composed. "Has bought that ridiculous sports car and has decided to drive everywhere like a madman!"
She looked sympathetic. "Not the 'go-fast' type?"
"I thought I was." He was still unsteady on his feet, and Chelsea opened a rear door for him to sit down in without a word. "Thank you." He said, fairly collapsing into the rear seats.
"Not a problem - just don't throw up on my upholstery, okay?"
"Hopefully it won't come to that."
"It had better not." She paused for a moment, watching an older Jeep race around a corner on the course that had been set out in the warehouse's vast forecourt. "What did you come here for? Does Mister Hatt need me to drive for him again?"
"Yes, but not in the way that you're thinking."
"What do you mean?"
"My father was very impressed with your work ethic and skills when you chauffeured him, and he has asked me to extend to you an offer of employment with the NWR." Richard wasn't quite sure what to do with the folder containing the offer, and eventually just slid it into the driver's seat. "it would be similar to your current job, but with some more specialized transport duties. There's also room for promotion within the railway."
He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. His father had taken that last roundabout exceptionally fast, and he was still loopy from it. "Everything is in the folder, and I would love to sit down with you in an official capacity sometime on Monday to go over everything in detail. This is just the offer, so don't feel obliged to say anything now..." His head spun a little, and he held his head in his hands and covered his eyes. "My god, does he drive like a maniac..."
Chelsea was quiet, and Richard wasn't sure what to do next. "Obviously you're not obligated to say yes right now, or at all, even-"
"Of course I'll do it!" Chelsea squealed. "I'd love to work for Mister Hatt!"
"Work for who?" A voice asked from next to Chelsea. Richard opened his eyes and saw that the Jeep from earlier was now next to Chelsea in the paddock.
"I got a job offer from the railway!" She said, bouncing back and forth on her suspension and making Richard's head swim.
"Oh that's wonderful!" The Jeep said, an enthusiastic grin on his face. "Two wins in one day!"
"Two?"
"They just posted the times. You made the finals!"
"I did?"
Richard tuned them out, and tried breathing deeply through his mouth to settle his nausea.
"Yes!"
"Oh wow! That's- oh skidplates! That's now!"
"I know! Go! Kick some bumper!"
"Okay!" She moved forwards and then stopped. Unconsciously, Richard reached over and drew the nearest seatbelt he could find over himself. "Mister Hatt, I'm about to do a lap. You might want to get out if you're not up to it."
Richard was barely paying any attention to anything other than his own breathing, and just tugged on the seatbelt to say "I need a minute" in a non-verbal manner.
"Oh-kay... if you think you're up for it..." Chelsea sounded wary, not that Richard paid any attention.
For the next few minutes, she didn't say anything, and Richard found the rocking motions of her movement quite soothing.
Finally, she stopped, and Richard opened his eyes for the first time in a few minutes. "What..?"
"Mister Hatt, if you want to get out, you've got about five seconds before that flag drops." Chelsea said as she stood on the starting line of the racetrack.
It took Richard about four seconds to comprehend exactly what was about to happen, and one very long second to realize that he was not going to be able to get out in time.
The green flag dropped.
-
Exactly one minute and fifty seconds later, Chelsea screeched across the finish line.
Exactly ten seconds after that, her rear door opened, and Richard Hatt barreled out, running as fast as he could for a litter bin by the judges' table.
Stephen Hatt and David Drury watched from the visitor's parking area with amused interest
"Does he do any of this sort of thing?" David asked as he leaned against his Ferrari.
"I love my son dearly," Stephen said from behind the wheel of the Viper. "But having caffeine after supper is what he considers exciting!"
Stephen Hatt & Bridgett Hatt (Teen Titans Go! Style)
This is another drawing of Thomas characters in Teen Titans Go! Art style, this time its Sir Topham Hatt and Lady Hatts children, Stephen Hatt and Bridgett Hatt