Im not Her (JamesxReader) Pt.1
requested: kind of? someone asked something about James using the reader as a crutch when shit doesn’t work with Lily and it triggered this writing
warnings: angst, cursing, hints of sex
Falling for him was easy.
Potions was spent passing notes while you muffled your giggles. Charms with his fingers intertwined with yours, your head rested on his shoulder. Dinner was spent discussing Quidditch teams and players or new pranks he was excited about. The chilly evenings were spent on the common room couch, his body draped over yours, his head on your chest as you ran your fingers through his hair and he talked to you about his family or things that were troubling him.
The nights were spent in his bed, you in one of his old jerseys or sweaters, his fingers tracing patterns along your hip as he talked about things he’d never told anybody else. You spilled your secrets not even your sister knew, those beautiful hazel eyes never once sharing a judgmental stare. He knew you like the back of his hand. He was your best friend.
He’d recently become fond of platonic kisses. Kisses on your forehead that set butterflies off in your stomach and chest. Kisses on your cheek that made you blush furiously, causing him to smile brightly. “Cute,” he’d brush his fingers softly along your face.
But they didn’t even compare to the short brush of his lips against yours. They always lasted a second and left you flustered and desperate for more. He’d grin stupidly and say he’d see you later and leave you standing there with your eyes glazed over until you came to your senses. He was driving you mad.
And you were completely and irrevocably in love with him.
But that didn’t matter. Because soon enough, she was all he could talk about. Fewer and fewer nights were spent in his bed until they stopped all together. You’d traded your seat beside his for one next to Moony, holding his hand and resting your head against his shoulder instead.
“It’s your own bloody fault i hope you know,” Remus had shaken his head as you watched James and Lily walk into class together, “You should have told him what you felt when you had the chance.”
“Moony please… don’t scold me now.. i can’t handle it,” you sighed and he frowned, pulling you in and pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
“Lets get to Potions yeah? Sirius knows the drill, you can sit with me and he’ll sit with James, keep him entertained with Quidditch or whatever,” he took your hand and you nodded, following him into class.
You were beginning to feel bad for Remus. You followed him everywhere and avoided James like the plague.
“You’d tell me if i was irritating you right?”
“Y/n your constant asking of that question is irritating me. I’m happy for the company. I can never get those idiots in here for more than an hour.”
“You’re really great to be around Moony… and that’s why you’ll agree to be my date to the bar tonight,” you grinned widely, batting your eyelashes when his eyes narrowed.
“Flattery will get you no where,” he shut the book he was reading and placed it back on the shelf, reaching for another one. You took advantage of this momentary distraction to wrap your arms around his waist, nearly knocking him over.
“Please Moony, please! I don’t want to run into James while he gushes over Lily and Sirius is just gonna ditch me as soon as some pretty girl walks along. Please!”
“What bar are you talking about? The Three Broomsticks?”
“No.. everyone was talking about… sneaking off to the neighboring village…”
“You’re crazy,” he shook his head and you pouted.
“I’ll buy you chocolate….” he huffed and you grinned when he finally rolled his eyes and nodded.
“Alright! But I’m not dancing.”
You leaned into your mirror, brushing your hair out of your face before applying your lipstick. You stood back and smiled at your reflection.
It was a rare feeling with you to ever appreciate the way you looked but tonight you knew you’d turn heads. Not that any of them mattered if one particular head didn’t turn. You shook your head as if to clear the negative thought and smiled, smoothing out the front of your black dress. You loved the way it accentuated your curves and the length of your legs. A small knock on your door interrupted your dreams of being on the runway, “Come in!”
“Ready?” He shut the door behind him. You turned to look at him, a blush creeping along his face when your eyes travelled down his body.
His curls were combed neatly, some of them spilling onto his forehead in a fringe like manner. The top three buttons of his charcoal grey button down were worn undone and his sleeves rolled up his forearms.
“Damn Moony, you look hot,” you grinned and he chuckled, a ghost of the blush still present on his face.
“You’re looking pretty stunning yourself, y/n,” he smiled then immediately frowned, “you’re not ready? Come on, we’ll be late and there’ll be no point in going.”
“We might not leave the room at all,” you winked and he smirked.
“Stop flirting with me, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“I’m ready, just help me, knee highs or ankle boots.. heels?”
“Knee highs! Merlin, I always thought those were sexy.” You chuckled as he slumped on your bed and watched you pull on your boots. You pulled on your coat then took his hand, pulling him up and he stood beside you. You smiled, admiring your reflection. You glanced at your intertwined fingers and then back at him.
“Yes you do,” he lead you out of your dorm and out of the castle grounds.
All eyes were immediately on you as you walked in. The girls, and some guys, practically undressed Moony with their eyes. Despite all the jokes, he really did look great. You made your way to the bar with him and sat on a stool besides Sirius.
“Well hello you two. Aren’t you looking ravishing tonight,” he grinned as he passed you cups of punch, “can i take one of you home tonight?”
“Maybe if you’re lucky you can take us both home,” you winked and he chuckled.
“I’ll take you up on that.” You started to loosen up with the drinks, Sirius had a brilliant talent of cheering anybody up. He could make a room of lethargic people laugh. You sighed happily, resting your head on Moony’s shoulder as you turned to face the dance floor. Your smile fell apart slowly when you saw them.
His usually messy hair was worn tousled, his glasses worn haphazardly low on the bridge of his nose. He wore a charcoal grey sweater that contrasted beautifully against his pale skin. He smiled a beautifully, amazingly happy smile at her and a frown etched itself along your face.
“Come on,” Remus took your fourth cup, or was it your fifth?
“Where we goin?” you stumbled when you hopped off the stool and he shook his head with a small chuckle. He lead you to the jukebox and put in a quarter, something slow starting up before he placed your hands on his shoulders and pulled you in. You grinned widely, feigning a dramatic gasp. “I thought you said you weren’t dancing?”
“Humor me,” he shrugged and you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck.
“You’re really great for someone who doesn’t like to dance. Pretty light on your feet Mr. Lupin,” you said in your very best posh voice.
“Alright,” he rolled his eyes but the smile that spread across his face betrayed him.
Across the room he huffed, watching as you two danced. It had been so sudden, the way you’d just started to disappear. Suddenly you were all about Moony, wearing his sweater instead of James’, sitting next to him in potions and holding his hand.
“Hello? Are you even listening Potter?” Lily waved a hand in front of his face before following his gaze and shaking her head. “You’re a real git you know that? Maybe next time you’ll take the time to sort out your feelings before asking me out on a date, hmm?” she stood up irritatedly and stormed out.
“Lils…” James called after her halfheartedly before turning back to the dance floor. What was wrong with him? He’d waited ages to date Lily… but being with her only seemed to remind him more of your absence and how… she wasn’t you. He stood and made his way towards the dance floor, clearing his throat loudly to catch Remus’ attention. “May i cut in?”
Remus turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow before you nodded. “I’ll be right over there if you need me,” he whispered before walking away.
Your stomach dipped when he placed his hands on your hips and you cursed yourself internally for still allowing him to have that influence over you.
“Hello stranger,” his smile was forced, his expression unreadable.
“James,” you smiled softly and he sighed deeply.
“I’ve really missed you. Why did you disappear…. Just gone and replaced me with Moony?”
You stopped cold as your smile fell, you stared at him incredulous, “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that…”
“You don’t like to hear the truth?” he asked bitterly, condescendingly.
“You’re a real prick…” you whispered before turning towards the bar and grabbing your coat. “Don’t follow me,” you mumbled to Remus when he began to ask and rushed out of the bar. The cold didn’t phase you as you stormed back to the castle. You couldn’t believe him…. the audacity! the nerve of him! You dropped your coat on the sofa and slumped into it before the sound of the portrait swinging open interrupted you. You grabbed your coat and started towards the stairs before he caught your arm.
“Why? Why did you replace me?” you yanked your arm from his grip.
“You fancy him now? Hmm? Prefer him over me? Just tell me!”
“No!” you yelled over him, watching him visibly shrink as you advanced towards him. “He was being a good friend to me when I needed one! Did it never occur to you that you were hurting me by talking about her nonstop when I was in your bed? That all you did was gush about her while your head was on my chest? And then you’d kiss me or hold my hand in class and ditch me for her again. How could you be so selfish? You only thought about your own feelings not mine. I can’t keep doing this back and forth with you James, I’m not her, and i won’t allow you to keep hurting me with your indecision,” you shook your head, your voice growing quieter as tears sprung to your eyes and you lowered your gaze to the floor, “I didn’t replace anybody… you replaced me.”
A look of hurt marred his features when you brushed away your tears. You’d never talked to him about your feelings but they couldnt have been more obvious. He should have known you’d felt the same. He should have known what he was doing to you. “I don’t want to hurt you. I want to make you happy, the way you make me happy. Seeing you with Moony,” he sighed and shook his head because he knew, “it really hurt because that used to be me. I love you,” he pressed his hands to your face to make you look at him, brushing your tears away with his thumbs before pressing his forehead to yours, “Im sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“You’re such an idiot,” you whispered, and he shut his eyes.
“I know,” and then his lips were on yours. It was more than you could have ever imagined. How long had you waited to hear those words? It wasn’t exactly ideal to have somebody confess their love to you through an apology, but you’d finally heard it. How long had you waited for him to properly kiss you? To have his fingers tangle in your hair as his tongue caress yours? You didn’t know but nothing in your wildest fantasies or imagination could have prepared you for the way he groaned against your lips as he lifted you and wrapped your legs around his waist before carrying you to his dorm.
You woke to a stream of sunlight coming through the curtains of his fourposter bed. You turned to face him and his arms tightened around you, pulling you into his chest before he settled in again. You ran your fingers softly along a love bite on his chest, your cheeks coloring as memories of last night’s events came flooding back into your mind. The feel of his lips along your skin, not leaving an inch uncovered. His fingers bruising into your thighs and hips as he made love to you. The string of moans and profanities against your neck as he reached his release. You pressed your face into his chest, unable to contain the smile that spread across your face.
“Good morning love,” he mumbled, his voice deep, thick with sleep.
“Hi,” you turned to look at him and he smiled, removing a strand of hair from your face and placing it gently behind your ear. His fingers caressed your cheek softly and you sighed, leaning into his touch. He began to lean in when a knock at his door interrupted you. You moved off him and he pulled on his sweats, picking up an old t shirt before answering the door.
Alright whale there it is… emmm I think I’m gonna write a part two for this…. maybe let me know what you think… if ya like it. If ya do then def stay tuned for part two :)