The Conspiracy Board 🧶
Hey there! If you’re reading this, either:
You are already on board with the StettiHo Crackship and want to see my reasonings/theories/share your own thoughts (please!!!)
You are intrigued by the ship, but need a little more convincing…
You don’t ship it/see the potential and think you won’t change your mind (you may, you may not - AND THAT’S OKAY!!)
So, without further ado, I present my arguments for why I ship this goddamn Crackship:
Hochstetter (Stetti) spends most of his time in the show obsessing over his theories about Hogan/Papa Bear. You don’t think the man developed an unhealthy crush obsession with our favourite American Colonel?! He spends every waking minute thinking about how he was going to get Hogan. It would be easier if Klink would stop meddling in Gestapo affairs…
HAVE YOU SEEN HOW PRETTY HOGAN IS, HOW CHARISMATIC HE IS?! He could talk anyone into going to bed with him with relative ease. Without even trying, he got both Klink and Stetti under his spell. If your going to have a sexual identity crisis, Hogan seems like the guy to bring it on.
Imagine: Hochstetter gets Hogan locked up. He gets the usual Gestapo Welcoming Treatment so he’s all roughed up, disheveled, bruised, and bleeding a little. Stetti goes in to interrogate him. His next thoughts: “this better not awaken anything in me.” Too late, it does!
Boys in Chains fan-service exists, ✨H A N D C U F F S ✨ have made their way into the bedroom for good reasons. Hochstetter pushed Hogan up against the wall during an interrogation… why are their faces so close together?!?!
Violence can and will be (Homo)eroticized around here, especially if the one getting beat up is Hogan: a smart-mouth who never shuts up. Hochstetter doesn’t know what to do with these… feelings… for Hogan, so Violence it is!
Yeah, there’s Physical Torture, but there’s also Sexual Torture! And the line between the two is very, very thin, very easy to cross! Thinner than Hochstetter’s patience with Hogan.
Internalized Homophobia is a real bitch, and Stetti’s got it bad! I’ve dealt with my own Internalized Biphobia in my youth so to some extent, I get it. Essentially, there’s lots of self-loathing, denial because you’re like “Why am I attracted to them, they’re the same gender as me?!” However, you still make excuses to be around that person (Ever wonder why Hochstetter is always hanging around Stalag 13, not any other stalag? Ignore the Plot for a second)
Hogan has a bit of a Martyr Complex, let me explain: as a Colonel/Commanding Officer, Hogan is ‘worth’ more in the eyes of the Gestapo. So, in a effort to bargain, Hogan would give up his ‘freedom’ if it meant that the Underground/Stalag 13 would be left alone. There could be a Klogan moment there too if you squint, Hogan goes with Stetti so he no longer bothers Klink 🥺 Also, if Hochstetter gets Papa Bear/Hogan, he’s going to be busy, now that he’s got Hogan on his hands (heh), he won’t have time to visit Stalag 13.
Hope you enjoyed that (long) post!