Warnings: age regression, they them used for gender neutral, names like baby, little one, and daddy, etc.This was falsely labeled as ddl(gn) at one point
If you don't like stuff like this please keep scrolling thank you ❤💙
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You enjoy cooking dinner, not just because its stress relief or because you love seeing peoples days melt away to the consumption of something made with love and passion, but because you know whats in it, you know all the towers allergies, you made sure to ask before the first time you cooked for them.
You took account not just for your own but everyone elses health at dinner because you understand just how miserable anaphylaxis is.
You had a really busy day today and were getting home to the tower from a mission at the same time you usually had plates out for everyone, so when you walked in seeing as all the spots taken except your end seat next to steve, you smiled, whatever was made smelt amazing, after discarding your belongings in your shared room you make your way to the table placing your hand on his back cueing him to look up at you, you lean down and place a greeting kiss to his lips followed by a gentle smile shared between the both of you
You seat yourself next to him, your plate already served to you by nat, conversations continue off before, bruce and tony going on about a new project while people nod along.
Around three bites your mouth starts to go tingly " hey nat, what'd you use that doesn't taste spicy but feels like the after math of spicy?" You question honestly curious, "what do you mean hun?"
"Is it no-" you get cut off by rough coughing ripping itself from your chest, youre throat is closing "nat whats in it?" Steve places a hand on your back "everything (y/n) puts in it i just replaced vegetable oil with coconut for a slightly different effect, yours, steves and starks eyes go wide, in seconds after she responded steve was standing, pulling you in your chair away from the table, he reaches into his back pocket pulls out a clear tube flicking the cap open grabbing the epi pen out putting the blue part in his mouth pulling the epi away from it.
He leans over the back of your chair, hand on your collarbone holding you up so you dont lurch forward while coughing, "im sorry hun but ive gotta do this, youre gonna be okay" and just like that he slams the orange tip of the auto injector to your thigh making a click, ripping a cry of pain from your startled body, holding it for ten seconds counting them out to you and finally releasing it from your thigh placing a kiss you your temple, "you're gonna be okay hun i promise"
"Whats going on?" Nats voice trembling, stark answers for both of you "(y/n) is allergic to coconut, it happens we just have to be careful, you didn't mean to, you didn't know".
Bruce comes over placing his hand on steves sholder, "i gotta keep them in the med bay for at least six hours to monitor the reaction, you can stop by your room before hand to grab essentials but its mandatory to have someone in medical watch over"
Thankfully everyone was already aware of your littlespace and encouraged it when needed, so when you looked up at stevie with glossy eyes and a wobbly lip and holding your arms out as request to be carried no one questioned, he walks with you wrapped around him head on his sholder, tears still cascading down your cheeks, "youre okay dove, daddys got you" he bounces you on his hip.
Entering the room he grabs what you call the emergency little bag consisting of a few pull-ups, a basic yellow snap closed onesie and a few other essentials for little space like crayons and a coloring book, he also grabs your stuffy, paci and blankie and starts walking to the med bay with you still perched in his arms.
Steve walks you both into the readied room and sets you down on the bed handing you your stuffy, putting your blankie at the foot of the bed and the paci in the bag for now.
Bruce walks in just a few minutes later to check your vitals and see how youre doing, "alrighty kiddo im gonna ask you some questions about how youre feeling after i check a few things, is that okay with you?" You nod reaching your and out for steve to hold.
doctor banner checks a few basic things befor asking to look at your throat, "alrighty, can you open your mouth for me?, im gonna shime a light to the back so i can start monitoring your progress"
You do so and after a moment he pats your sholder, "it still looks angry and red but i think you caught it before it got too bad, im going to hook an iv to you so it can help your fluids regulate" you let out a whimper at the idea of a needle, and scoot closer to the edge of the bed looking at your steve for a sense of calm. "Its okay baby, daddys here" he looks over to bruce, "is it cool if i go get them changed into something more comfortable for little space real quick? " bruce nods and steve picks you and the bag up, you return back to the room seated in steves lap on the bed.
Doctor banner puts the iv in your arm and you settle in, daddy popping the paci into your open mouth and leaning the both of you back til youre cuddled up against his chest while laying down being mindful on the iv in your arm, he places the occasional kiss to your forehead and runs his hand up and down your back, "i sowwy daddy" you bury yourself deeper into your side "i din mean to have reaction, i shoulda ask befowe eating" he tightens his grip placing a slightly more emotional kiss to your forehead and using his free hand he moves your head to look at him.
"Im far from upset at you baby, it happens and daddys take care of their little ones when something happens, thats why daddy carries an extra epi pen with him everywhere" finishing off with an Eskimo kiss.
You nod closing your eyes to try and sleep a bit.
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After an hour or so of sitting in the silence of you and daddy while napping a little between Bruce's check ins, a knock at the door echoes through the room, a disheveled nat approaches, arms behind her back holding something, you wake up the rest of the way, opening your arms for a hug and she obliges, pulling away a her eyes the faintest bit glossy "im so sorry little one, i had no idea" you smile at her, "its otay, daddy and bwucie makin me feel better, i not upset" steve wakes up to your babbling and rubs your tummy smiling at nat, "i brought you a stuffy ive been saving for you" she holds it out to you, a bright lilac kitty with green eyes.
A grin grows on your face you pull her into a hug and she sets the stuffed kitty next to you and pulls away to see you again, you pick up the toy, turning and holding it to steves face pulling a laugh from nat "daddy wook , i gonna names him (name)", "mhm, thats a wonderful name for him, what do we tell nat?"
You turn quickly back around hugging (t/n) "fank you natty, i wuv him, i wuvs you too", "9f course hun, thank you for forgiving me, ive gotta get back to training but im glad to see youre doing okay" you nod, "thank you for stepping in" steve chimes in as she steps out and a faint mhm is heard from the hall.
You cuddle back into steve letting his slow movements lull you back to sleep, "youre definitely not going to sleep tomorrow but its a price hes willing to pay making sure his sweet little one is okay.
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After eight ling hours of check ins, naps, coloring and cartoons you were finally released back into the wild halls of the tower, surprisingly for it being so late in the evening/ early in the morning the bustle of movement among the common rooms is still high, you run, more toddle than anything but youre trying to run to the living room, once you walk in you find tony tinkering with his helmet, while the end credits of a movie play out, you plop down onto the couch and he pulls you into a side hug.
"Do we want icecream? Ive got safe icecreams (y/n) can have" half said to you half to steve, you both accept the offer, tony brings you (favorite icecream) by a safe company, "dada we watch movie?" He sits next to you sandwiching you between himself and tony.
"Of course, ill put (f/m) on and puts your blankie on top of your legs.
Around three quarters of the way through the movie, a while after you finish your ice cream you slump over against tony, he lets you put your head in his lap and steve pulls your legs into his own, helping you get comfy.
You fall asleep to a calloused hand running through your hair and another delicate hand up and down your shin.
When the movie ends steve picks you up, "were taking tomorrow off to settle" steve announces to the room followed by a few different chimes of acknowledgement.
When steve sets you in bed you stirr whining for him wanting to be in his arm, he gets in next to you after changing out of his day clothes leaving him in a pair of shorts. Pulling your back to his chest, "its okay little love daddys right here, its bed time baby" and thats what sends you to dreams, your lilac kitty clutched to your chest.
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I hope its okay that its not edited, i didn't expect my migraine to get bad tonight but ive gotta sleep it off, ill get the next fic out tomorrow. <3 much love
So I decided to get back into the groove of writing, and this came into existence. I'm very excited to be writing again, aah!!! I'm definitely doing this as a multi part series so stay on the lookout for the next part!!
part 2 part 3 part 4
Pairing: Steve Harrington x reader
This is set before the events of season one and progresses into taking place during season one.
Dear Diary,
God, I hate that I’m even writing that.
Dear Diary
It just sounds so middle school - so childish.
Anyway, it’s been what, six years since I’ve written anything in this grossly purple notebook full of silly little things my younger self thought was some of the best writing ever, aside from the diary entries of course. I remember the first day I got this stupid thing. I had saw it on a shelf in the store while accompanying my mother on the weekly errand run. I thought it was a good idea to have something to write my personal thoughts in, and so did my parents. Man, did this thing go through a lot since then. Looking back at some of the last pages I had written on was almost like going through it all again. Remembering all the pain that comes with those memories is something I hope I never have to endure again. But you know the old saying, “history has a way of repeating itself.”
Enough of the rambling on that topic. I’m not even sure why I’m writing any of this, honestly. You see, I’m currently packing things from my childhood bedroom. More so, things that my mother is going to donate. She’s moving out with her new fiancé and asked if I wanted to come look through my old stuff before she “donated” it all. Knowing her she was probably going to get whatever cash she could out of anything valuable and throw the rest out like garbage. To think she pretends to care about that kind of stuff anymore. Not like she ever did.
After my parents split I ended up living with my dad. Mom never even tried to fight for custody over me. Honestly glad she left me with dad, I would have wanted to live with him anyway. Dad left mom the old house and him and I ended up moving more towards the city, which meant that I had to move schools. I didn’t really like that idea at the time, but now looking back, I couldn’t be more happy with how things played out for me and dad.
God, how I’m so glad that things played out. Meeting him was probably the best thing to happen in my life after all the hell. He’s been there for me during all the recovery and I couldn’t be more grateful. I don’t know how I’d ever repay him honestly. We’re now in our junior of high school - Hawkins High School. It’s crazy to think that was all only four years ago. Time seems to go by so fast yet so slow. Time is a weird concept to me, too. Four years of trying to get over trauma, but four years of a friendship that feels three times as long. We’ve seen each other go through heartbreak and more, I don’t know what else could bring us closer other than experiencing near death, but that’ll never happen, surely.
Onto another topic, the person in question of the previous paragraph. God, I could go on about him for hours. As much as I cherish and value our friendship with my life, there’s some shame in me saying that I wish we could be more than friends. I know, I absolutely hate how stupidly cliché this sounds. Falling for your best friend after knowing them for X amount of years and going through tough shit with each other. It was only recently that I figured out these feelings. But I couldn’t do that to him - telling him I mean. It was only a few months ago that he started dati
“Hey there, how’s it going?”
I turned around to face the bane of my existence - my mom’s fiancé
“Just finishing up.” I say as I put the last of the keep pile into a box, folding the top closed. I stand up and stretch, groaning as my back popped to hard. How long was I sitting there writing? I bent down to pick up my car keys and glanced at the notebook and pen where I left them. It was still open, the last word still unfinished. I sighed and closed it, picking it up whilst stuffing the pen in my pocket. Guess I’ll finish my newest entry later. I set the notebook on top of the keep box and decided to find where my mom went to. Walking down the hall I heard giggling and turned the corner to the kitchen to see my mom and her fiancé making out. I leaned against the doorframe and dramatically cleared my throat, making them both jump.
“If you’re done being gross, I’ve finished packing up the boxes. I’m gonna head out too.” I pushed myself off the doorframe and walked to pick up an apple from the counter.
“Oh, honey, you should join us for lunch! I’m making tuna sandwh-”
“No, thanks. I’m actually getting lunch with Steve, which is why I need to leave shortly.” I jingled my keys and turned the corner to retrieve the keep box back in my old room. I entered the room and took a deep breath. It’d been a few years since I’d been in this room. I’d visit my mom every now and then, rather, when it was convenient for her. Taking a last look around, my mom stepped into the room.
“You know, you’re welcome to come visit us any time up in Fort Wayne.”
There she goes again, pretending to care.
“Thanks for the offer, mom. I’ll let you know if I ever plan to go up there.” I gave her a tight lipped smile, turning to pick up the box to take to the car.
“Oh, here, let me get Evan to carry that for yo-”
“No, I’ve got it.” I scoffed under my breath and carried the box to my car. Shoving it in the backseat, I closed the door and turned to my mom to give her a quick hug.
“Bye sweetie. Call me if you need anything.” she smiled and turned to walk back up to the house to meet her boyfriend at the door. I hopped in the car and started the engine. Pulling out of the driveway I couldn’t help but have a sense of sadness wash over me. Yes, I thoroughly loathed my mom for what she did to me and my dad, but she was still my mother. And here she was, moving hours away with her perfect man to go play pretend and have the carefree life she so desperately wanted - instead of being thirty minutes away from her own daughter to be there and support said daughter. I pretended not to notice her waving me goodbye as I drove off. Sighing, I flipped on the radio and began my drive into town.
Day 17 of @thefanficfaerie’s Season of Love Challenge
Prompt: No technology
Word Count: 142
Warnings: not fluff at all.
A blanket of white across the land, clumps in the trees, and over the roof of the cabin.
Smoke billowed from the chimney top, amber light glowing through the windows as daylight faded.
Cell service nonexistent, you left it in the console of your vehicle.
“I believe you’ve found paradise.” You said.
A crackling fire for both warmth and cooking. An oil lamp set over the fireplace, to use instead of a flashlight.
His eyes, sad and set deep within his face, looked up at you.
Wrapped in thick layers, a wool hat over his head, a dark beard covering half his face, he was a far cry from the clean cut Captain America you had first met. This was a disenchanted, brokenhearted Steve Rogers. Any pretense of humor faded.
Name: You are an idiot.
Series: Why are you looking at me like that?
Pairing: Steve x Reader, ProtectiveFriend!Bucky
Summary: the reader and Steve get into an argument (because the reader does not believe Steve can be really serious about their relationship) (Part 1). Being the protective friend that he is, Bucky decides to step in.
“Y/N, my darling idiot!” Bucky walks into your room with a wide smile and facial expression of a murderous dog that wants to cuddle and bite at the same time.
“Bucky, sweet assassin!” you turn to him and try to smile back. “What can I do for you?”
“I was talking to Steve, you know,” he sits down on your bed, and you sigh expecting another complicated conversation.
“And you are here to tell me that I am making a mistake?”
“Not really. If that is what you want, no one will shame you for that,” he promises you first, then smiles softly. “But are you sure you get the entire situation? What told you that he doesn’t love you?”
“Uh... Uhm... Me? No one can seriously want me, Buck. Not the mess that I am,” you are always open with Bucky. Ever since he opened up to you, you have been completely honest with him - that makes your relationship worth supporting, and your friendship often is the only thing that keeps both of you floating. Especially with your rooms being next to each other, your friendship quickly developed into both of you being highly protective of each other.
“You are an idiot,” Bucky states calmly, and you raise your eyebrows.
“Didn’t you say you wouldn’t shame me?”
“That does not make you less of an idiot. Alright, I stole that from Steve’s desk, so I have to put it back as soon as possible... before he kills me. But here,” Bucky hands you an average sized notebook, but you hesitate. “That’s not his diary, I would not do that! It’s his sketchbook.”
“That is not any better, Barnes.”
“Y/N, I believe you have the absolute right to see this sketchbook,” he keeps holding it in front of you, so you are forced to take it and stare at the cover. “You could open it before Steve hunts me down and rips the other hand off.”
“Oh, alright,” you flip the cover to see the first page. And freeze. It is you. Watching a movie, reading book, asleep in his lap with his hand holding you close. Your features are clear, and everything else is vague, as if his focus is solely on you. There are a couple of drawings of the Avengers team, signed with the nicknames that you call them, there is Bucky and multiple designs for his arm, but your portrait shows up every couple of pages. “Is that...”
“It is you,” Bucky nods. “Over and over again,” there are some drawings that you do not remember happening - they must be a product of his imagination. “Do you even know how horrified he is of losing you?”
“Barnes? Barnes, I know you took my notebook. I told you what will happen if you stole it!” you hear Steve’s loud voice in the hallway, as he walks towards Bucky room and checks it.
“Well, I guess we will see how horrified he is in a second or so,” Bucky tries to sound confident, but you hear the terror in his voice. “Remember, Y/N, I am your friend, you do not need my blood on your hands.”
“Barnes, if you drew anything else in my sketchbook, I will personally hunt you down!” you know Steve is kidding - he would never kill his best friend. But harm? Quite possible. You hear him sigh behind your door and murmur to himself. “Oh, of course. Where else would he go?” there is a soft knock on your door. “Y/N?”
“What?” you answer, trying to sound stable and calm.
“Is there a certain idiot in your room?” Steve rubs his forehead. “He... took something of mine. I need it back.”
“I think...”
“Sorry, I am just pretty sure he is here,” Steve interrupts you. “Just hand him over, there is nothing else.”
“He isn’t,” Steve walks in and gives Bucky a murderous glare.
“He is. He told me he would do his best to help... you... me... us. I am sorry,” then he notices the sketchbook, opened, laying in the middle of your desk. “Oh.”
“Steve,” Bucky stands up and almost crawls towards the door. “You two have to talk. With words. For once. And you are very grateful, so do not murder me,” the last sentence he screams from the hall, while running away with the speed of a very scared chetah.
“Steve,” he picks up the sketchbook and closes it momentarily. “I am sorry.”
“About what, Y/N? Taking my sketchbook? Or hiding it from me?” you shake your head. “Than what? Y/N, I am just so tired of this... thing. I am not in the mood for the short-term thing we apparently have been having.”
“I am sorry I did not believe you,” you answer quietly. “I am just stupid, and I did not believe you were serious.”
“What would I be, Y/N? Playing around with you?”
“I thought so.”
“Am I that horrible a person?”
“No, I am that much of a mess,” you feel yourself tear up again. “I just... I could not believe someone that perfect could really want me.”
“Y/N,” Steve kneels in front of you and gentle takes your face in his hands, his thumbs resting under your eyes. “I have no idea who put that in your brain. But they are wrong. You are a sweet person, and I love you despite your damn stupidity.”
“Really?” he nods. “Like... seriously for real? Not kidding?”
“Y/N. I love you. Stop overthinking it,” there was not even a burden on your shoulders - it was an average planet. And it has just flown away. You nod quickly, and Steve chuckles, pulling you close and pressing his lips against your forehead.
“I love you too. And I am a moron.”
“That’s okay, I am used to that. Just trust me a little, alright?” you nod again.
“Don’t kill Buck.”
“Someone else will, don’t worry. He tends to bug people a lot...”
Series Includes: Steve x reader, Friend!Sam x reader and lots of angst.
Brief Synopsis: You are tired of sharing Steve with the world, but he refuses to stop dedicating his life to helping people, even if it means losing you. Based on the song “Waving Goodbye” by Sia.
Warnings: Blood, torture, murder, hostage, reader as bait, creepy clown mask (I have a sort of clown phobia so I put this just in case)
Word Count: 3118
A/N: This was written for Samii Gets Scary Writing Challenge @senselesssamii . Congrats on all the followers. My prompt was “You know that part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid and everyone hates them for it? This is it?” This whole horror thing was cool to try. As always, no beta all mistakes min and feedback is more than welcomed.
Summary: You and Steve go for a night out at the movies. After the movie and on your walk home your night turns into something straight out of a horror movie.
^ignore the words
Steve Rogers was Captain America. This is a fact that everyone knew. This was how everyone saw him. He was always Captain America and never just Steve Rogers. You knew that feeling all too well. Being raised and trained in the Red Room with Nat all you were ever seen as was the killer assassin you were made to be, not y/n l/n, the innocent girl that didn’t have a choice. This fact was how you and Steve became best friends. This was also how your routine with him began.
Every Friday, if y’all weren’t on a mission, you and Steve would go out and see a movie together. Nothing fancy, just two friends going out to see the funniest movie they can find in the theaters and getting the junkiest junk food they can to distract them from the horrors they have seen in their lives. The theater y’all frequented was only a mile away from the tower so you always walked to get some fresh air and feel normal every now and again.
This Friday, however your mission ran late. So, instead of seeing the usual 5 o’clock movie, you had to catch the 8 o’clock which you didn’t really mind. The movie ended a little after ten and you guys began you little journey back to the tower. You were glad you chose your sweater outfit as it started to get a bit chilly.
After a few minutes of walking the hairs on the back of your neck started to stand. You felt like you were being followed. You looked over to Steve, who had his arm over your shoulder, and he gave you a squeeze telling you he felt it too. So, you both made the decision to walk in the opposite direction of the tower, not wanting to lead anyone back.
You found yourselves walking in an alley way in almost complete darkness. The creepy factor was really starting to settle in. Suddenly, a noise caught your attention and you turned only to see one of New York’s famous giant alley rats. You chuckled to yourself thinking you were just being paranoid and your assassin spy side was just creeping to the surface. That’s when you felt Steve starting to fall to the ground. There was a dart sticking out of his neck. Before you could react, you felt a sharp pain in the side of your neck and the darkness took over. You were hit with a tranquillizer dart and who knows where you would wake up.
Slowly but surely you began to open your eyes only to discover your hands were strapped to a table above your head and your legs were strapped down as well. Your arms and legs where spread apart and who ever tied you down knew what they were doing. You looked down to see your sweater had been torn off. You were stuck and for once didn’t know how you were going to get out.
You looked around to find Steve with no luck but noticed you were in a run-down warehouse of some sort. You couldn’t tell exactly due to the lack of light in the building. You heard a clatter almost like metal on metal and you turned your head to the direction the noise came from. That’s when you knew you were fucked.
The noise came from other girls who were chained in cages in nothing but their underwear. They seemed drugged up to the point they had no fight in them. Their stomachs and arms were covered in old white scars and some fresher red ones. For the first time since you were a young girl you were scared for your life.
That’s when a bang on the cages caught your attention and you saw your capturer. He had a considerably large blade in his hands and a fucking clown mask over his face. Really!!???!?!!? It had to be a clown mask. You hated clowns. It was stupid and childish, you knew that, but hey they freaked you out and just made this situation so much worse for you.
“You, my beautiful specimen, are going to be the next part of my collection,” he said with a nightmarish voice as he used the blade to wipe the hair out of your face.
“Over my dead body,” you respond with venom dripping from your voice. Your spy training was really coming in handy in hiding your fear here.
“That’s the plan, my dear.”
A sickening chill ran down your spine as he said that. You could really use a blue eyed, 6-foot super soldier right about now. Or rather just his strength to pull from these restraints.
“Where’s Steve?”
“Oh, don’t you worry your pretty little face about your precious boyfriend, my dear. He will be taken care off.”
You didn’t bother to argue about the boyfriend comment. It actually came up a lot. Since you and Steve were such close friends many people misconstrued that relationship as a romantic one. But you couldn’t lie you didn’t mind him being called your boyfriend.
“You keep telling yourself that, creep. He won’t be so easy to put down.”
“You let me worry about that. You should be more concerned about yourself at the moment,” he said as he dragged the blade across your stomach.
You let out a blood curdling scream. The knife was exceptionally sharp and he had to have gone down at least three inches into your scream.
He dragged the blade across your abdomen a few more times. Each time feeling deeper than the last eliciting screams and tears from you. You could feel the blood dripping down your stomach, rolling off our sides. He began to attack your arms when, thankfully, he decided he needed a different blade. You let out a sigh of relief for the break.
Steve POV
I felt stiff and like I was laying on a concrete floor. When I opened my eyes that is exactly where I was laying on a concrete floor in a steel cage. A thick steel cage. I tried to pull the door of its hinges but that didn’t work. I tried to push the door out but that didn’t work either. Whoever took us knew how to keep someone locked up.
That’s when I remembered y/n. She wasn’t in here with me. Where is she? No, no, no, no, this can’t be happening. I looked out of the cage only to be met with a gruesome sight. A metal table that looked to have restraints attached to it. It was covered in a layer of blood. It didn’t look to fresh or maybe it was. I couldn’t be sure. It was really dark in this warehouse. If it wasn’t fresh than it couldn’t be y/n’s right? Or maybe it could. How long have I been unconscious?
Whatever they used to drug did a good job at jumbling my brain a bit. It couldn’t focus on one thing. It started asking so many questions that I couldn’t answer. The only one thing I knew for sure was that I needed to find y/n. I need to make sure she is okay and hurt anyone who made her not okay.
She was my best friend, or at least that’s how it looked to the outside world and that’s the part I played. The truth is I am in love with her. Have been since about a week after I met her. I know that sounds really soon but she was beautiful, badass, and saw me as Steve Rogers, the kid from Brooklyn, not Captain America, the super soldier out of his time. That last part is my favorite thing about her. She sees me as me, just like I see her as her, and not the killer spy assassin she was made to be. I see y/n the kind heart girl who didn’t have a choice and did the best she could to survive.
She survived the Red Room. I had to make damn sure she survived this. She didn’t escape hell to be taken out by some psycho. No, I’m had to get her out of this.
As he was trying to come up with a plan to get out of the cage he heard you scream. A scream of pure pain. He knew that scream. He had heard it before.
Moscow – 3 years ago
You and Steve were posing as an undercover couple to get knowledge from a Hydra operative. You guys were supposedly wealthy and wanted to invest in Hydra. Besides the criminals and the breaking the law part it was nice. Even if it was pretending it was nice to be a “couple” with you even for a little bit.
The initial meeting had gone perfectly and the guy loved you. He actually seemed excited to bring you guys on as business partners. However, the second meeting he acted strange the entire time and kept eyeing you up and down making Steve clench his jaw and ball his fists.
The next day he had a solo meeting with the man and when they were done he definitely knew something was wrong. He rushed home, or what you called home for the mission, and saw the place was trash, there was blood drops all through the place and you were gone.
Turns out one of your old contacts from your days as the Red Widow had been in on this deal and recognized you and blew your cover. Ivan was his name and he had taken you. He had you for two days beating you, slicing you, and using different torture methods to get what information they could out of you.
When Steve found you, he heard you scream and saw that you were knocking on deaths door. Turns out they underestimated you because they gave you everything they had and you never cracked. Steve simultaneously loved and hated that about you.
He almost lost you then, he wasn’t going to let it happen again. Your scream gave him the strength he needed to kick down the cage door. He ran towards your screams as fast as he could.
Reader POV
You were getting really light head from the blood loss. You could still feel it streaming down your sides onto the table below. You couldn’t believe you escaped torture just to be thrown right back into it. Of course. It figures this would be how you go.
Suddenly, you saw a shadow approaching the table you were tied to.
“Please, no more. I can’t take anymore, please,” you begged as the tears started to stream down your face.
“Hey Doll, shhh…. It’s just me, Steve. I’ve got you. I’m going to get you out of here sound good?” he said rubbing the top of your head to calm you. He looked to your restraints thanking god they weren’t chains but rather leather belts. He yanked them out of place, all four of them, and grabs you off the table placing you on your wobbly feet. He noticed your state of undress so he took off his shirt and gave it to you to cover up. Thankfully he still had his white tank top on underneath.
“Steve, he’s coming back. He just went to grab another blade to continue to slice up my arms,” you said looking at Steve with fear in your eyes which through him for a loop because you never looked scared.
Before he could respond your capturer knocked Steve over the head with a heavy lead pipe, disorienting him, and grabbed you.
“You can’t leave my dear. You are far too beautiful and make a perfect addition to my dolls,” he said as he flicked the lights on and saw dead bodies of women much like yourself hanging on the walls almost like they were on display. He takes this moment of distraction and starts to drag you away from Steve, but Steve picks up the lead pipe your capturer dropped and hits him over the head with it. He grabbed you and y’all ran.
The warehouse you were in was quite large and held many rooms. Each room you passed was mush like yours with the metal table and restraints. Most still had blood in them which made you sick to your stomach thinking about your own table. Each room held a different torture method. Some had hammers, some had knives like yours, some had electric paddles, and so on and so forth. This guy made it his life’s journey to torture women and you had become his next victim. You were beginning to think you were never going to make it out of there alive.
You heard him coming so you and Steve hid in the nearest room. As soon as you heard him go by you turned around to see the arsenal behind you.
“You know I really wish you had your shield right now,” you said looking at Steve.
“Well Doll, I try to make it a habit not to bring my work on a date,” Steve said turning red at the word he used.
“Uhhh… Date???”
“Night out, chill out, hang out, whatever you want to call it. The point of it is to forget about work and Captain America.”
You looked at him strangely and felt a tingling in stomach. You couldn’t help but like the sound of a date with Steve. What? No. You don’t like Steve like that. He’s your best friend. There’s no way you have those feelings, right?
Before you could think about it any longer you heard a noise and grabbed the closest sharp weapon to you which just so happened to be an axe.
“You know that part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid and everyone hates them for it? This is it,” you stated hunched over looking at Steve.
“Y/n, what are you about to do?” he said looking at you with a raised eyebrow.
“You got my back, right?”
“Always Doll.”
“I’m the bait,” you spat out and before he could say anything else you ran into the hall calling out for the sick son of a bitch to come get you.
He turned the corner and came charging towards you. You managed to lift the axe and slice his arm pretty good, but it wasn’t enough. He grabbed you and pulled out his blade.
“You stupid bitch. You could have been part of something beautiful but instead you chose the jock who will through you away like a piece of garbage like they all do,” he spat in your ear.
At that moment Steve jumped out with a sword.
“I would never do such a thing, you are the messed up one here,” Steve retorted.
As your capturer went to stab you in the stomach Steve took the sword and rammed it through your capturer’s stomach effectively killing him and saving you.
He dropped the bloody sword and scooped you up in his arms giving you the biggest hug he could muster.
“Ouch, Steve. Still kind of bleeding out here,” you said wincing and he let you go.
You reached down in the man’s pocket looking for his phone only to be surprised to find your phone. You took and dialed Tony’s number.
“Y/n, hey. Where are you? It’s like 4 in the morning,” Tony said groggily through the phone.
“Yeah sorry about that. Ummm… I don’t know where we are. I need you to trace my phone and come get us.”
“Us? Us who? And how do you not know where you are?”
“I’m with Steve and it’s a long horrible story Tony. I’ll tell you it once I’m back at the tower and not bleeding out where Ii stand.
“Shit, okay. On my way now,” he said as he hung up the phone.
Tony was there in less than minutes and had you in the infirmary in 15. Which is where you were now. Laying in a hospital bed in a hospital gown wishing you were anywhere else. But the 100 stitches in your abdomen were telling you to stay put as well as just about everyone else in the tower. Natasha went into a frenzy wanting to kill who did this to you but you told her Steve already took care of it. She smiled and left you alone with him so you could talk.
“You know you were incredibly stupid for doing that,” Steve said with an expression on his face you couldn’t quite read.
“For one, I told it was going to be stupid and two I knew you would have my back and that was the only way to draw him out to kill him.”
“Well, you can’t do that to me because I love you damn it and I can’t stand to see you hurt,” he said with anger, concern, and sincerity written all over his face.
This confession left you shocked. You had just been pondering the possible feelings you might have for him and now he says he loves you? You couldn’t form any words. Maybe you did love him. He was the only stable close male relationship you have ever maintained in your life. He always saved you and had your back. You loved the time you spent with him. Was this love? The only way you could think to respond was to pull him into a kiss and to your surprise he grabbed your face with his giant hands and deepened the kiss.
You finally parted and you said, “I’m sorry for scaring you, but if we want this to happen you are going to have to get over it because we are both Avengers and it’s the job.”
“You’re going to be the death of me Doll,” he said with a smile as he sat next to you on the hospital bed.
“First, yeah probably. Secondly, as much as I love it, I’m going to need you to stop calling me doll. At least for now. Because when I hear it, all Ii can think about are those poor women and what that psycho was planning for me,” you said with a smirk as you cuddled into his side.
“Got it, sweetheart. I’ll also let Buck now. It’s just kind of an old habit, but I get it.”
You both laid there in each other’s arms until you both fell asleep and the rest of the Avengers started exchanging money on the bets they made on how long it would take you two to admit your feelings for each other. Ultimately Buck and Nat tied and were both the happiest that you guys took the swan dive.
Tag List: Let me know if you want on my Marvel list
Warnings: angst and heartbreak - no resolution to it (sorry)
Summary: In a short amount of time, Steve became one of your best friends. Over the course of your 11 month friendship, things changed so drastically that you could barely keep up - and you’re still suffering the Rogers Effect a year on...
(italics are all flashbacks, **flashback scene in a flashback)
A/N: This is based off of the Taylor Swift song “All Too Well”, so I wrote this for Steve because I wanted to do an angst-feels fic that essentially was all about heartbreak. This fic talks about events taking place over 11 months, then 3 months after those 11 months - so where I’ve written “1 month post...” means 1 months after the events of the 11 months. If that makes sense? And I designed it to jump around, it’s a rollercoaster! I used real experiences for this too so yeah, hopefully it breaks your heart a little <3 ily
You stepped through your apartment door, your heart heavy with sadness. You had been on your way home from SHIELD, mindlessly flicking through your social media when you saw a photo Wanda had uploaded two hours ago of the whole team. Your heart had sunken into your chest, your breathing ceased, as your eyes were drawn to look at his face. You tortured yourself doing this, stopping to stare at the photo instead of scrolling passed it like you should have.
It had been just over a year since you’d seen him, even longer since you had spoken, but the pain was as fierce as if no time at all had passed. Your eyes studied his features - his carefree smile, the way he stood behind Wanda with his hand on her shoulder, his other arm slung over Bucky’s, his hair was so perfectly swept to the side as he always liked it, and his eyes shone so brilliantly blue that it felt like you were staring into the sky after months of darkness, having forgotten what it looks like.
You bit down on your lip, your leg bouncing up and down, trying to ward off the tears as your throat closed up. You had held yourself together until the moment you’d stepped through your door, feeling the hot tears run down your face.
You shuffled through the lounge and hallway, taking solace in your bedroom while you changed into comfier clothes. Thankfully, this was one place he hadn’t invaded, hadn’t tainted, with his own personal poison to ensure you were haunted by him forever.
You heard the front door open and Nat’s voice sing out, realizing she was home earlier than expected as she moved through the apartment. You were perched on the floor of your room, your back resting against the cold, hard wall, and your knees pulled up close against you.
“(Y/N) are you ho- oh my god are you ok?!” She rushed over to you, crouching down to look you in the eyes.
I’m fine.
You wanted to say, the words stuck on your tongue.
I saw a picture of him and barely felt anything.
You wanted to scream, but it died in your throat.
I finally think I’m over it, over him.
You thought to yourself, the words sinking you further into the floor.
Instead, you let out a loud sob, unable to hold it in anymore, your chest cleaving in two. As soon as the floodgates opened, it all came out. Your mind raced through everything that ever happened between you - from start to finish, and every beautifully pure detail in between. Your body shook with the ferocity of your tears, Nat moving to sit next to you and pull you tightly into her in an attempt to provide some comfort.
(Nat’s POV)
She knew exactly what had happened, that you had seen him. She was sure it was that photo Wanda had uploaded, since there was nothing else that could cause you to break like this since you deleted him from all of your social media, and your life. She had been there every single day, from the moment he’d left you high and dry, to now. Even though you were still healing your broken heart, you had made so much progress.
You had lost weight at the beginning, your pallor looking thin and sickly, you stopped sleeping and eating, and that was when she insisted that you two move out from the tower. She even spoke to Agent Coulson and got you moved to another team - although they weren’t the Avengers, they all had their own abilities and worked missions the same way the Avengers did. They weren’t as high profile either, being dubbed “The Silent Knights”, so you got a break from the constant media frenzy that used to surround you.
It had worked in your favour that this team was specialized for covert, highly classified missions that relied on stealth, since you and Nat had both had the same...treatments. Where she was the Avenger’s super spy weapon, you went back to your roots with the Knights, enjoying the thrill of the hunt in the cover of darkness.
After a couple of weeks off, away from him and the tower, you had begun to gain some colour. You filled out your clothes a bit better and you begun venturing outside of your shared apartment, even if it was just down to the shop and back. You had even begun to laugh again, a sound that nearly brought tears to her eyes because she feared he had broken you to a point you wouldn’t be able to recover from entirely.
She had kept Bruce away from the apartment, not wanting to flaunt her relationship with him in front of you, but you had noticed how his absence had affected her and you’d given her the okay to have him over. You had explained that you were a big girl and that you didn’t want to be the one standing between her and her happiness, that just because your heart was broken, she didn’t have to suffer alongside you.
Besides, you had to start moving passed it all eventually, and Bruce was lovely, he knew the situation and wouldn’t dare bring up his name, so he was safe to you.
As she sat there, cradling you and soothing you, she wondered whether there was going to come a day where you would be able to be truly happy again, a day where the mere sight of him wouldn’t reduce you to anything. A day where you were finally indifferent, or at the least unaffected by him.
(Your POV)
You were captive into your head, your mind forcing you to relive those 11 months with him, and the 3 months after that in limbo felt like your own personal brand of torture. You held onto Nat, your fingers curling around her arms as you struggled to regain control, but it was no use. This was it. You had fallen again, your body draining of energy and falling apart at the seams, each memory another blow to your already fragile heart.
I walked through the door with you, the air was cold
But something ‘bout it felt like home somehow
And I left my scarf there at your sister’s house
And you’ve still got it in your drawer even now
(Four months in)
You collapsed through his door, laughing as he scrambled to pull you back into his arms.
“Steve no, please stop,” breathlessly squealing through his attack, “you know I hate being tickled!”
“I’m trying to warm you up and get your blood pumping! I’m helping you doll!”
He laughed, wrapping his body around yours and nuzzling into your neck. The sensation of his skin on yours jolted you away from him, turning to face him.
“I forgot my scarf! I knew I was colder on the way back here than when we went there! You thought I was crazy!” You punched him in the chest, knowing he would barely feel it, “well I will get it back for you then, I’m sure Wanda probably picked it up on the way out.” He moved in to kiss you, his lips warm and soft, his arms encircling your waist. It was slow, lingering, your fingers moving up around his neck to play with his hair. You heard a low moan when you did, his grip tightening before you broke apart.
“I think I’m pretty warmed up now Steve, you’ve done well.” You chewed on your lip, savouring the taste of him.
“Oh love, I have much better ways to do that...:” His eyes grew hungry, his hands wandering down your body as he pressed his lips against yours, moving you back through the room and kicking the door shut.
**
A week later, you were rifling through Steve’s drawers - wearing nothing but your gym shorts and sports bra - looking for your favourite shirt of his to steal, when your hands brushed over familiar fabric. You pulled your scarf out of his drawer, staring quizzically, wondering when he’d picked this up.
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to give that back to you. I kept forgetting.”
He was standing in the doorway, fresh from his morning run, his hand nervously running through his hair.
“Or, maybe you keep it because you secretly want to wear my pretty red and blue floral scarf?” You wiggled your eyebrows at him, snickering at the image in your head. “The red and blue are your colours after all, Captain America.”
He strode up to you, his hand pulling the scarf - and you - to him, “I also wear white, Red Widow.” He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek while you feigned shock at him using your spy name, before sauntering off into the adjoined bathroom, allowing the door to remain ajar so you could see him strip his shirt off through the mirror.
“You know, between you stealing my shirts, and leaving your own stuff here, it’s as if we live together at this point.”
He stared at you through the mirror, a smirk playing on his lips as you shook your head at him.
“You know, maybe this is home somehow. Not the room, just wherever you are.” You moved through to the bathroom, poking your head through to see him in the shower.
He opened the shower door, “you know what I think?” A mischievous grin broke across his face as he launched himself out and wrapped his arms around your torso, lifting you and carrying you towards the shower.
“STEVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” You squealed in delight, your arms flailing to grab a hold of anything that might give you some leverage. He smoothly reoriented himself to pin your legs, edging towards the water.
“I need a shower, and I want you to help me.”
You relented, nipping at his lips, “aren’t you a big boy? Why do you need my help?”
“Maybe I just want some company.” His fingers brushed under the waistband of your pants, tickling your skin. “I’ll deal with these in a minute.”
He stepped into the warm steam, putting you down gently while his mouth worked its way over your neck, up to your jaw, before finally giving in and meeting your mouth. His hands roamed your body, grabbing your waist harder as he grew more frenzied in his actions.
You both had a really, really good shower that morning, feeling right at home.
Oh your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze
We’re singing in the car getting lost upstate
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place
And I can picture it after all these days
(2 months in)
You snuck a glance over at Steve, the sunlight gleaming onto his face - highlighting his soft, pouty lips, his long eyelashes framing his crystal blue eyes, and his golden hair creating a halo around his head. His brow slightly furrowed in concentration as he absentmindedly ran his fingers over his lips, driving one-handed in his usual fashion.
You heard the familiar chords of the electric guitar fill the speakers of the car as you leapt with joy in the passenger seat, causing Steve to yell in panic.
“What, are you ok?!”
You stared at him, eyes wide with joy, “it’s my song Steve!! Sing with me!”
He chuckled beside you, shaking his head as you turned the volume up, drowning out the world.
You swung your head wildly with the beat, pointing over to him, “I’m going out tonight, I’m feeling alright, gonna let it all hang out. Wanna make some noise, really raise my voice, yeah I wanna scream and shout.”
You winked at him, stomping your feet to the rhythm, “come on, sing with me!”
“The best thing about being a woman, is the prerogative to have a little fun, yeah!”
You belted out the chorus, looking over to see Steve staring at you in his usual sweet way as he held his hand up like he was holding a microphone - belting out the chorus alongside you.
“Oh oh oh, like totally crazy, forget I’m a lady, men’s shirts short skirts, oh oh oh oh really go wild yeah doin’ it in style,”
You squealed in delight, his moves exaggerated - rolling and shaking his shoulders, slightly moving his head from side to side - as if he were performing to a stadium instead of just a girl in a car, his eyes shining with glee.
“oh oh oh get in the action, feel the attraction, colour my hair, do what I dare, oh oh oh I wanna be free yeah, to feel the way I feel,”
With the final line, you both turned to stare at each other, holding your invisible microphones, deadpan expressions on your faces, “man, I feel like a woman!”
You threw yourself back into your seat, lost in a fit of laughter over the Captain breaking out into a Shania Twain song - ‘Man! I Feel Like a Woman’ no less. You would remember this moment forever.
And I know it’s long gone
And that magic’s not here no more
And I might be okay
But I’m not fine at all
(9 months in)
“No please Nat, don’t go talk to him. If he wanted to see me, or even talk to me, he would.”
“(Y/N), he’s being an ass! He can’t treat you like this just because he feels like it. You’ve been there for him for months now, and what, just because he’s ‘busy’ he has no time for you anymore?”
“Look, I am more hurt by this than I ever thought I’d feel, even more so because I never thought he would be the one to hurt me. But he has, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it but whatever we had is gone.”
“You seem awfully okay to just let this go…”
“I’m not okay, I’m not even remotely okay or fine or managing at all. But I have to anyway, because if he’s too busy to even let me know he’s okay then I can take the hint.”
“You shouldn’t have to just take it. He’s the one that’s pulling away for no reason and you shouldn’t be expected to just accept that.”
“I have to. If he wants to talk, he knows where to find me.”
‘Cause there we are again on that little town street
You almost ran the red ‘cause you were looking over at me
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well
(2 months in cont.)
Your laugh echoed through the car, almost drowned out by the wind whistling through and moving your hair in wild directions, your eyes taking in the small town shops and the way the light shone through the trees to cast an earthly glow on the entire place.
You felt him slip his hand underneath yours, his fingers intertwining, squeezing gently. You turned back to him, meeting his eyes, your lips parted slightly in surprise before melting into a smile at the sight of him smiling at you.
You bit your lip gently, feeling his thumb move over your skin, sending shivers across every nerve, butterflies erupting through every part of your stomach. You glanced down, your mind wanting to make sure this was real, before you were jolted in your seat as the car came to a halt.
He erupted into deep, raucous laughter when he realized that he’d narrowly avoided running a red light, a little old lady glaring at the two of you in your own personal bubble, oblivious to the outside world when you had each other.
Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed
And your mother’s telling stories about you on the tee ball team
You tell me ‘bout your past, thinking your future was me
(6 months in)
One night, you were sat on the barstool next to Steve, leaning forward into his side, looking through some old photos that he had found of himself, as well as photos of you when you were younger. He didn’t have many, seeing as it was the 40’s and after his parents died and he went to war, there wasn’t really anyone around to keep things.
He treasured what he had, regaling stories of times when he and Bucky would get into mischief, or when the two of them were so inseparable that he had tried out for the school baseball team just to be with Bucky.
You stared at his profile, taking in every feature - big and small - while he told you of the time that little seven-year-old Steve tried to jump from his twin bed across the room onto his dresser. He had missed and hit the floor with a thud so loud that his mother had raced in fearing he was unconscious. He had broken his glasses, thankful they were intended to be temporary anyway, and he had cut his lip open on his teeth, causing blood to run down his chin and stain his clothes. He’d never heard the end of it from Bucky.
Sliding your photo album forward, his eyes roaming over every single photo and page - studying your child self and commenting about how cute you were, how similar you looked to your mother, how much you had and hadn’t changed - you began telling your own childhood stories.
You rarely opened up to people, having the experience that they always left once they got what they wanted from you, but you slowly began to trust that maybe - just maybe - Steve might be the one who changes your mind, breaks through your walls, and will stick around to be part of your future. Whatever that was, however it happened, you didn’t care so long as he was in it.
And I know it’s long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed to
(3 months post…)
As much as you hated to admit it, Nat was right. Being in a new apartment, away from the tower, was good for you. Eating became a regular habit, as did sleep, and you had even moved teams so you didn’t have to see or speak to Steve anymore.
You had deleted him from all of your social media the day you’d started seeing posts of him with Sharon Carter, not wanting to subject yourself to the torture of wondering what she had that you didn’t - why she was good enough for him. Why giving yourself over to him, giving whatever he wanted of you to him without a second thought, wasn’t enough.
Soon, you noticed you’d go a day without him entering your mind, then two, then three. Soon, you were giving him a passing thought at best - focused on your team, missions, and life. Even though you hadn’t gotten any answers, or apology, regardless of the times you’d reached out in hopes of getting one, you had begun to accept that there was nothing else you could do. This was his choice, to cut you out of his life as if you were a malignant tumour that was killing him, and you didn’t need someone like that in your life.
Every now and then, your mind would wander back to him and you’d think of the good times you had, enjoying the untainted memories before you remembered why you were in this position in the first place - why you needed to forget him at all. You deserved better. That was what mattered, and that was why you were determined to forget him, because he didn’t give you any sparing thought when he was cutting into your heart and ripping it to pieces with his silence. Why should you have to continue to suffer for someone else’s choice. You don’t. You deserved better.
You just had to try and remind yourself of that every time you remembered his face, and why you were no longer a part of each other’s lives. You deserved better.
‘Cause there we are again in the middle of the night
We’re dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah
(7 months in)
You had wandered from your room, seeking out a hot cup of tea in the hopes it would calm your mind enough to sleep. You sat on the very same barstool as the night you had reminisced about your past with Steve, letting the memory relax your body, closing your eyes as the heat flooded through your cold limbs.
“Can’t sleep?”
His low voice, so familiar you didn’t need to look to know he was already sitting next to you, broke through your trip down memory lane.
“Nope, another night of exhaustion and an inability to make up for it. But hey, it’s only 1.30am, I still have time to get in a couple of hours if this tea does its job.”
You smiled weakly, sparing a glance at him while he moved to open the fridge - always on the hunt for food - taking the opportunity to gaze at his form: the way his sweat pants hung low on his hips, his shirt stretching across his shoulders, the way his soft hair was standing haphazardly on end, sleep making him look at least 50 years younger than his 95 years old and almost as if he were vulnerable.
He turned around to face you, sighing with a small smile on his beautiful, soft lips, “ok, come here.”
You quietly put your mug on the counter, shifting off of the barstool and moved into Steve’s open arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck, him hugging your waist, nuzzling into your neck as he began to slowly rock. He pulled away ever so slightly to rest his forehead against yours, moving his arms to rest on your hips, licking his lips.
You both were turning in a small circle, illuminated by the fridge light, the only sound being your slow breaths and your heartbeat thundering in your chest. You heard him begin to hum, one of his favourite slow tunes from the 40’s, letting the sound wash over you and relax your mind. Your eyes grew heavy, laying your head against his chest as he kissed your forehead, his steady heartbeat syncing with yours.
“You know I love you right? You’re my best friend, and I know I said that I don’t think you can love a person unless they’re family or a lover, but you were right. You can love someone more than other people, you love them because you treasure them above all else, without wanting it to be romantic. So, I love you (Y/N).”
You felt a small smile tug at the corner of your mouth. “I know I said that, but I don’t expect you to tell me you love me just because I believe in that kind of love. You don’t and that’s fine, because I know you care about me whether you say it or not.” You let out a long breath, “but in any case, I love you too Steve. You’re my best friend, and I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you in my life.”
You felt him breathe a sigh of relief, his fingers moving under your shirt to trace small circles in the sensitive skin above your hips.
“I’ll always be here. I have nightmares about you leaving me, you know. I wake up panicked, scared you’re really gone.” His hands tightened around you, his voice low and laced with anxiety. “I actually had one tonight, which is why I was up. I’m glad I have you right here with me right now.”
“You know you could always call me or come and find me if you’re having nightmares. I’m always here for you.”
The cold from your body was gone, replaced with his warmth as you nestled yourself further into him, soon begging sleep to let you have just five more minutes.
Maybe we got lost in translation
Maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece
‘Til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well
(1 month post…)
He’d gone radio silent again, only one week after you’d gone to the movies together - his attempt at repairing the rift in your friendship. Relationship? Whatever this was. The pain buried itself deep inside your heart, constricting your chest, as your finger hovered over his name in your phone.
Should you bother texting him anymore? All you got were limited responses, if any at all, but you just couldn’t forget about everything that had happened between you - dropping it as if it never existed in the first place.
It’s as if he got scared of the idea of being close again and high-tailed it out of there, as if you had the plague. Not only had he hurt you the first time he did this, but he’d tried since to hope you’d forgive him, to earn back your trust. You had given him both, even though fear and experience told you to run for the hills and not look back, knowing that your friendship was worth fighting for.
The fact that history repeated itself only told you that whatever you were - whatever you had - he’d torn up, thrown away, burned. What you thought was a masterpiece, was just scrap paper to him. You began to look back over your friendship, trying to pinpoint moments where you might have gotten confused and misunderstood his friendly intentions, or maybe times when you’d asked too much of him, but the only things that came to mind were the times when he’d sought you out - which was every single time - to hold you, kiss you, touch you, and tell you he loved you. There was no mistaking that, right?
Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
‘Cause I remember it all, all, all too well
(10 months in)
“Nat, he texted me. I mean, he didn’t come and see me or call me, but he messaged me, asking to go to the movies. He said he misses me. He said he loves me.”
You were staring at your phone in your hand, looking at the text message as if it were physically hurting you, like a hot stone burning into your palm.
“Well what do you want to do?”
You put the phone face down on her bed, throwing yourself into her pillows. “I just want to ignore him, hope that he suffers even a smidgen of what he put me through last month, but I can’t say no. God, why can’t I say no!”
You felt silent tears sliding down your face, thinking back over the way he’d so casually just dropped you from his life without so much as a message or anything. You ceased to exist before you snapped and confronted him. It’d been hours of arguing, yelling, him insisting that he was only doing it out of concern that you were getting feelings for him and he was trying to spare you.
**
“Steve, I’ve been upfront and honest with you this entire time, and I’ve never made a move on you or done anything unless you initiated it. You hold my hand because you want to, you hug me because you want to, you told me you loved me because you wanted to. I never initiated any of that because I knew you wanted to keep your distance, that you’re not an overly affectionate and emotional person, which is fine by me, just don’t go putting this on me when it was your decision to cut me out.”
“It’s as if you want me to be two different people! You say you want Steve Rogers but then get mad when I’m not Captain America. I can’t be both at the same time, you can’t just pick and choose the parts of me you like.”
“Since when have I ever asked you to choose? I chose you - all of you - from the get go. Not once have I done anything to have you question that, or at least you’ve never brought it up to me. Everything was fine until you decided it wasn’t, Steve, so I can’t play this game. You hurt me, you don’t get to decide you didn’t, and you don’t see how that’s your problem.”
You had stalked away, hiding away behind your locked door, buried under your blanket as you crumpled into a sobbing mess.
**
The unanswered text message taunted you, before you finally relented and said yes. The whole time, he’d held your hand, grabbed your waist, and made sure that in one way or another, he was always in contact with your skin. When you’d gotten uncomfortable in the theatre seats, he’d shifted the arm rest up, pulling your feet onto his lap as he lazily drew small circles over your thighs.
He’d wrapped his arm around your shoulder when you’d gotten cold, laying small kisses on your cheek and temple, his attention warming the chill you had been trying to maintain in defence. He’d told you he loved you as he dropped you at your door, insistent on walking you even though you lived in the same building, and as soon as he’d left, your phone lit up with a message from him saying goodnight and reminding you he loved you once more.
You began to question what his love meant, fear creeping into your skin as you debated whether his declarations of love were starting to mean something more to him.
Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it
I’d like to be my old self again but I’m still trying to find it
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
(2 months post…)
You were packing up the last of your things, glancing around at the stark, bare room in shock. This had been your home for so long and now it was time to go. Of course, you couldn’t stay anymore when it meant being around him, but you didn’t want to leave your home and your family just because of him. Nat had been insistent that you two needed to move out together, calling your apartment the ‘Widow’s Web’ in an attempt to get your more excited, but you were grieving. The loss of your friend, and the loss of your home.
You were putting the last of your clothes in a box when you pulled out a dark blue plaid shirt, instantly recognizing it as one of his. Your chest caved, remembering how many nights you spent wrapped up in it, the smell of him relaxing you into a deep sleep devoid of your own nightmares. Now, you had to find your own ways to cope, now with your normal nightmares and the ones he’d induced.
You folded it up, placing it on top of the empty dresser as Wanda poked her head in the open door.
“Hiya (Y/N)! Wow, it’s really happening. It’s so strange to think we won’t be neighbours in the tower anymore.”
She put some things down on the stripped bed, hugging you hard, fighting back her own tears.
“I’m so sorry you felt you had to leave to find yourself again lovely.”
You pulled away, nodding for fear that you’d begin crying if you opened your mouth. You noticed the pile of things she’d placed on the bed, your throat closing up.
“Oh, yeah. Steve gave me these to give to you. I wouldn’t of given in if it had been stupid stuff, but I noticed it was all yours and I thought you’d want it back before you left.”
“Thank you Wanda.” You slowly grabbed everything off the bed, handling it as if it were poison, and dropped it into the last box, not caring that it was meant for clothes. You wanted it all out of your sight unless you wanted to spend another hour crying your eyes out.
Wanda pulled you into another hug, your body paralyzed as your mind was lost to thoughts of Steve, and what had happened over the last year - almost a year. You hadn’t even gotten through a year of true friendship before he’d disappeared from your life. No rhyme or reason except being too busy. Even that excuse had faded into nothingness. Silence was what your friendship with him was now. Just devoid of everything except the deafening silence.
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
‘Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You can’t get rid of it ‘cause you remember it all too well, yeah
You had noticed in the months since Steve froze you out, the only thing you hadn’t found was your scarf. You thought maybe he had kept it, wanting a piece of you with him as if he still cared. But anyone who cared about anyone wouldn’t do what he did, so he’d have no sentimental reason to keep the scarf.
You guessed you’d misplaced it sometime, putting the absurd idea that Steve might care for you out of your head.
‘Cause there we are again when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you’ve ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
It had been six months since you’d left the avengers tower, and your dreams were still haunted by his beautiful face, the way he’d throw his head back whenever he laughed, and the way he’d hold you close - always wanting to be touching your skin, hugging you with his hands on your waist, kissing you on your cheeks or temple. You thought back to the countless times he’d said he loved you, sometimes for no reason at all.
You knew you would’ve gone to war for him if he’d asked. Your love for him would’ve defied anything, because you trusted in him that he would be true to his words and actions, and that he treasured you just as much as you treasured him.
He had always said that he rarely felt true attachments, scared for them to leave or something to happen to them, and yet he was unable to imagine being without you. He’d told you over and over that you were one of the most important people in his life, one of the few he loved and one of the only people he ever told he loved. He felt what you had together was rare, and that he wanted to have you in his life forever.
You realized you two had different definitions of what forever meant.
Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
You had made it through an entire year without Steve in your life, experiencing moments of joy and triumph that were only yours, not poisoned by his presence, You had been on your way home when you saw the photo. It brought back memories you had tried to bury, not wanting to relive his words and touches, his glances and kisses, not wanting to remember the way he said he loved you, and forever. It was rare he said, but evidently not so rare that it was priceless.
You remembered it all too well.
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44. “I am not the jealous type, but what’s mine is mine. End of story.” K so I love your writing btw, your awesome! I was thinking that maybe the reader was talking to an avenger or some random dude, and Steve, Captain America, gets jealous, (happy ending?) Thanks!!
Hey sunshine,
Of course! I’d love to!
Name: Concede to the senior citizenPrompt: 44. “I am not the jealous type, but what’s mine is mine. End of story.”
You are talking to your old classmate that you haven’t seen in a couple of years. There is a lot to remember about your old teachers and friends, see his family’s pictures, discuss your and his future plans.
“Afternoon,” Steve walks up behind you and rests his hand on your shoulder, offering another one to your classmate. “I am Steven.”
“Of course! Captain America,” your classmate shakes the offered hand and visibly winces - you know how strong Steve’s handshake can get. “I am Y/N’s classmate, we were just discussing our plans. Maybe get together this evening to chat and have a beer?”
“Gladly,” you want to offer to meet at your place, but Steve interrupts you.
“We are going to my place tonight,” you really want to raise your eyebrows at how blunt Steve is, as he smiles at your classmate, as if apologizing. “I just got from a mission, and I haven’t seen Y/N is almost two weeks.”
“Oh, not a problem. I live nearby, we can hang out any time later. You can join us, Steven. Y/N’s friends are always welcome,” you feel Steve’s nervousness increase, so you decide to help him a bit.
“Steve is my boyfriend, so you’re signing up for a whole double headache of me,” you friend waves his hand in the air, as if it does not matter at all.
“You are both welcome. I have to go now - I have a meeting with Mr. Stark in a couple of minutes. It was a pleasure seeing both of you,” you give him a short hug, which is incredibly awkward because Steve apparently does not want to let go of you. So, while hugging your friend, you still have a heave hand on your shoulder.
“See you later,” he rushes off to Tony, and you turn to Steve, honestly going to break his neck. “What the hell, Steven? Are you jealous or something?”
“I am not the jealous type,” you raise your eyebrows, so he has to continue after sighing with utter desperation. “But what’s mine is mine. End of story.”
“Yours? Aren’t you all for freedom… Wait, are you actually jealous?”
“Merely knowing that I am far from the best option for you.”
“So I would just jump at the sight of a new, strong male?” apparently, the sarcasm points at where he was wrong, as Steve looks away. “Am I an idiot to just drop a good committed relationship for the sake of some short-term affair with my old classmate?”
“I am sorry,” Steve suddenly smiles. “I was just worried he may try...”
“Well, he would have to concede to the senior citizen,” you joke, and Steve pulls you close, briefly pressing his lips against your temple. “Lord, stop worrying about that. I am not leaving you. Deal?”
“Deal,” he answers quietly, and you smile - no one could have known that Steve Rogers, the ultimate image of the American Hero, is so afraid of losing you to someone else. Well, now you do.
