An idiots guide - Snooker
Balls on a table, holes to hit the balls into and sticks to use to propel them to their destination. Simple...and yet not so! For those who have never encountered a snooker table, let me enlighten you. The construction:
A rectangle of slate cut to 3.7m by 1.86m is the basis of a good quality professional standard table. This is then placed on a framework made of wood and is at the very start of the whole creation. Six holes are cut into the slate, one in each corner and one along each long edge, equidistant from each end, making a symmetry one can only dream of - these are known as "pockets" and some kind of catching method was devised by some clever chap (or chapette - but likely a chap) to claim the balls sent packing into the dark recesses.
Wood (chopped down by a burly Scandanavian logging enthusiast) is then used to create a border around the table to stop the balls from rolling onto the floor and generating a farcical scene involving an old lady, a shopping trolley, a box of hobnobs and an passing vicar. The edging wood is then further improved by a piece (or pieces) of rubber to make it lovely and bouncy - to which the balls can be rolled against and a satisfying "thunk" heard, followed by the offending ball moving off in an altogether different direction. The table is then covered in a cloth or felt layer which feels lovely to the touch and provides a wonderfully comfortable place to sleep on while your opponent selects their shot (more on this later).
Lines are then drawn on the table and et viola, everything is ready for a set of Snooker! But how can there be a ball game without any balls? I hear you silently scream at this page. Hold your horses...or hold your cues I might add (this is the kind of joke you will hear in snooker halls up and down the land). Snooker requires balls. That isn't to say it's a male only sport, oh no, not at all, women's Lib and all that jazz. But it DOES require balls. hard, shiny ones of many varied colours.
Yes, Snooker is a colourful sport - mostly of the colour is concentrated on the table of play and not by the characters that attempt the task of points accumulation - to win the bout and become the victor of the ball bashing frenzy. What colour's do a Snooker player need to know about? In the words of a certain Meerkat its "simples". 15 red balls all worth one point, 1 yellow ball worth 2 points 1 green ball worth 3 points 1 brown ball worth 4 points 1 blue ball worth 5 points 1 pink ball worth 6 points 1 black ball worth 7 points and a white ball used by the players stick to hit into whatever ball the owner of the previously mentioned wooden rod is attempting to lose down a hole (any hole - no questions asked). Scoring:
The first player hits first, they strike the white ball (with their pole into the red balls and either hope to lose a red one into a receptacle or hide the white ball behind another colour ball making the other players job of hitting a red ball before any other colour ball that bit more tricky. With me so far? good! If a player smacks a red ball (by use of the white as a conduit) into any of the six cleverly placed holes then they score 1 point and get another "bat" or "play" but have to hit another colour ball (they can chose which). If they hit the selected ball into a hole they get the points that ball is worth and the ball is placed back on the table in the positions it started life out at at the beginning of the contest. They then have to hit another red ball - by use of the white ball, in an attempt to hide it from the field of play and score another of the points. This basically goes on until a required ball does not "play ball" and fall into a hole that has been Placed in the theatre of combat. When this occasion occurs, the opponent then has their go...and this process continues until all the balls have been hidden, one player has scored enough points to stop the other from being able to equal their total or until one player decides they want to go for a wee, or a bite of KFC (other fast food options are available). Other bits and bobs:
It should be noted that penalty points can be awarded to an opponent if: A player hits a wrong coloured ball, A coloured ball goes in followed by the white ball, A coloured ball goes into a hole and another coloured ball (including the black which isn't technically a colour) follows the same theme and also decides to duck and cover, If a player tuts too loudly during another players go, If an aggressive hairstyle is sported by either player This is a pretty comprehensive set of rules for you, so off you pop, play a round of snooker and see just how impossible a game to master it really is. Or alternatively - sit back, relax - perhaps even have a little snooze in the process, and enjoy the wonder that is Snooker. Thanks for reading. Please leave your comments on my twitter: https://twitter.com/BrynLucas Over and out...for now