#sthappy

[rileysletters]

My guardian angel,

I love you so dearly, so sweetly, so truly.

I have never felt this way about anyone I’ve ever known.

In this lifetime, or any other.

You are my soulmate.

My other half.

The piece of me that has been missing for so long.

My dearest, my sweetness, my love.

Your scent intoxicates me.

Your voice entraces me.

Your embrace secures me.

I am whisked away to a world unknown.

But I never want to leave.

Because you are with me.

And I, with you.

And being apart hurts more

than watching you fall

in fake love

with users and abusers.

My darling, my king, my angel.

You’ve shown me what love can feel like.

I’ve loved you forever.

In every lifetime, I will choose you.

Regardless of if you choose me.

We fit so perfectly, in each other’s arms.

I miss you when you’re away.

I’m sorry to have hurt you.

I wish I could take it all back.

I wish I were in your life, oh so long ago.

Maybe then we would have had a chance.

But life held us a distance away.

And now I am at a loss.

Hoping, and wishing, and praying

That you’ll see.

How good we are together,

How we were meant to be.

[rileysletters]

I got to see you tonight.

You were doing what makes you happy.

I love seeing you happy.

Your smile is infectious.

And dont smile often.

You spent time with me,

And ate my food.

But thats fine.

Im happy to share.

I just want you to take care of yourself,

So I dont mind sacrificing some things for you.

Jeez, I love you.

I swear everytime I see you,

I get heart eyes.

I miss you so often,

That when we're actually together,

It never feels long enough.

I get lost in your eyes,

Eyes that you hate.

But I love everything about you.

Your chocolate brown eyes.

Or maybe theyre cherry stained wood.

Either way, theyre gorgeous.

Speaking of gorgeous,

Your voice.

I could listen to you for hours.

And i have.

You used to talk about everything.

Sometimes it didnt make sense to me.

But they were things you were passionate about.

So i lent an ear.

I leaned on your shoulder. Twice, actually.

You didnt shrug me off.

Or push me away.

You supported me.

Let me relax.

And I felt comfortable

Letting my guard down

Once again.

I got hugs tonight.

I love your hugs.

Your hugs make me feel safe.

You are comfort to me.

You are my safe place.

I miss you.

And I love you.

I would be so happy to just be able to

Lay in your embrace,

And have you sing to me.

I could die happily in your arms.

Youre just so perfect for me.

I wish you would stay in my life forever.

But I know that's unrealistic.

Just stay by my side, as long as you can.

Please?

[rileysletters]

Dearest and most darling.

I think I've finally come to terms with my feelings. I think ive finally made peace with the fact that you will never love me the way I love you.

At first when you told me you would rather date my best friend if given the chance, i was hurt. I felt like my heart had shattered. I felt betrayed. But i still continued to love you, for some reason.

After some time has passed, and ive had a moment to digest the information, and reflect on it, I am happy for the both of you.

You would treat her the way she deserves to be treated. You would take care of her. You would make her happy, in a way that I dont think you could ever make me. And I am okay with that. I am finally okay with it.

Because if you love her, abd she loves you, you'll both be happy. And you'll both still be in my life. And honestly, I will be happy as long as i can continue to be present in both of your lives, and to be able to call you both my best friends.

I love you so much. And i will never stop loving you. But I do believe my love for you has evolved into more of a familial feeling than one of romance or attraction.

I adore you so much. I am very proud of the man you have become. And how far you've grown since you initially came into my life.

I love you, be safe, make choices, don't die.

[rileysletters]

My angel.

I haven't been completely honest with you.

No, I've not lied.

I've never lied.

But i haven't told you the entire truth, either.

I told you I was having seizures, and that's why you stopped seeing me so often.

That's only partly true.

I mean, it's definitely a thing, a scary thing, that was happening, and I think I have under control now.

But I ran because I was trying to escape my feelings.

I was in love with you.

But you were in a relationship.

And I didn't want to overstep my bounds.

I was hesitant to tell you how I felt.

I was scared you would not feel the same way.

I was apprehensive about how my secret would affect our friendship.

And I couldn't bear the heartbreak that might have been associated with any of that.

So I ran.

But I kept the music playing.

I kept reminding myself.

I kept torturing myself.

And now I'm back.

I've told you my deepest secret.

You're still my best friend.

And I still love you more than anything; it's just too late to do anything about it now.

So I'll stay by your side.

As long as you stay by mine.

And I'll hope that one day my decade long wish will become reality.

I love you so much.

Please be safe.

Make choices.

And most importantly, don't die.

[rileysletters]

Dear Mann,

Recently a little fish swam through the grapevine and told me that you’re in your current relationship because your partner showed interest in you, oh so long ago. And apparently it had been so long since someone showed interest in you, that you felt compelled to proceed with a relationship. (Which only confirms my theory that you’re only in your relationship out of necessity, but that’s neither here nor there…)

But let me ask you something, do you ||have sex|| with someone you have no interest in? Because last time I checked it had to be a mutual agreement between consenting adults. But yet, it had been so long since anyone had expressed interest in you. 🤔 Or maybe you thought my feelings had waned and gone away.

I have loved you since the day I met you. You kicked down the walls I put up around myself, and introduced yourself. I introduced myself with a dumb nickname that you still use to this day, and are the only person alive that still does. And you began to sing. Your voice beckoned me out of my fortress, and I’ve been following the sound of the music ever since.

Now, maybe it’s because we had ||been drinking|| that night, and maybe I might have ||made the drink a little strong, but you were not drunk. Far from it.|| Perhaps, you meant that no one had shown interest in you since that night (which I genuinely find hard to believe…you’re gorgeous, but I digress). And granted, I had stepped away for a cosmic minute (roughly 7 years…and that’s on me) but it was to work on my physical and mental health so that I could make sure I kept my promise to you.

But I’ve told you how I feel, how I’ve felt, and now it’s too late to do anything about it…but I don’t think you understand how much it hurts to love you day in and day out, and you go on thinking that no one had any interest in you.

Or just maybe the fish wasn’t supposed to have shared that secret…

[rileysletters]

I got to see you again last night.

You were doing what makes you happiest.

You had a shite day, full of anger and resentment.

But I was able to bring a smile to your beautifully dimpled cheeks.

As you played your music and I sat crocheting, everything felt right with the world for once.

I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I rubbed your shoulders, massaging them and hoping you would relax.

You put a stop to it, and asked instead for a hug.

You hugged me tight, and the world melted around me.

I felt safe in your arms, and for once nothing mattered.

I wish that moment would last forever,

but we had to return to the real world.

So you could continue to do what brings you joy.

And I could go back to fawning and swooning over you.

[rileysletters]

We were forged from the same star.

Oh so long ago.

Brought together by fate, maybe.

Or destiny; I don’t know.

We eventually fell apart.

For such a long time.

Days ended up turning to years.

The blame is mostly mine.

I never stopped thinking about you.

And the time that we shared.

I wanted to come back sooner.

And show you how much I cared.

But the past can’t be fixed.

It’s been long gone.

We must continue down our path.

And eventually move on.

Now is now and it’s the present tense.

I want to make this last.

To enjoy the time we spend together.

Though it’s always over too fast.

I’m happy to be back.

As a piece of your life.

I want to stay by your side.

Because being away feels like a knife.

Rebuilding our relationship.

There’s so much to say.

I know I will never be your best friend.

And that’s okay.

I know there are people more worthy of that title.

And that’s fine.

I will never be your best friend.

But I’m glad to call you mine.

[rileysletters]

You told me you’re happy I’m back in your life.

I’m happy to make you happy.

Even if it’s not in the way I want.

I’m happy to have you in my life.

It’s been a decade already.

Where did the time go?

I was gone for a good portion of that.

I hate that I missed out on so many important things.

I was dealing with my own stuff.

Stuff I couldn’t have you around for.

Stuff that would only have gotten more complicated.

So I stopped showing up.

I stopped messaging.

And calling.

But I never stopped listening.

Your voice led me home.

It led me back to you.

I never forgot you.

And I can’t afford to forget you.

You are my sanity.

My happiness.

I’ve never felt happier than when I’m with you.

You fill my soul with such elation.

And I cannot imagine what my life would be like, without you in it.

I am less fidgety.

And more scatterbrained.

But calm.

And peaceful.

Being around you immediately changes my mood.

Hearing your voice makes me swoon.

I get light headed.

I cannot breathe.

I feel like I’m flying.

But not afraid of falling.

I trust you implicitly.

You take away all my fears.

And I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side.

You truly make me a better person.

By simply being in my life.

And by existing at the same time as me.

I’m happy that you’re happy.

And happy I can make you happy.

Even if it’s not the way I want.

I’ve always been a giver.

Willing to sacrifice to make people happy.

Always putting what I want aside to provide for others.

That means putting my feelings aside.

While you don’t want me.

Hoping that someday.

You will want me.

I won’t be cast aside.

And I’ll be able to make you as happy as you make me.

But who knows if that day will ever even come.

I’ve never felt you as happy as I did.

When you told me those words.

“I’m happy you’re back in my life”

Who would’ve known that seven little words would have had such a grand effect on me?

I felt your heart.

It aligned with mine.

And I almost cried at the sound of those words.

Happy cries.

But no less.

You bring so much joy into my life.

So much light.

And so much happiness.

I never want to lose you.

I’m happy you’re happy.

And I’m happy I make you happy.

I’m happy you’re back in my life, too.

And I promise I won’t leave again.

As long as you promise me the same.