Reading your own story is weird because you actually like that one, it has a good plot and like everything in it what you‘re looking for in a story but you can‘t stop thinking “This is the worst story ever” the whole time.
Note: This is long, and reader uses his middle name because I think that's cute ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆
C|TW: canon typical abuse nothing new,
Your movements were slow this time around, not a hint of hurry in your actions. The bacon popped and sizzled in the pan while you cracked some eggs into a bowl. It’s funny, on any other day you’d have got to acting a fool when the grease began to pop your way. You’d wear a jacket, or any thing you could find, to shield your skin from the sputtering grease. This morning, you couldn’t find it in you to be bothered by some bacon grease, not after dealing with Lex and his nonsense.
It’s odd how much your life can change in a fraction of a minute. One second you’re an average woman working to make ends meet, the next you’re meeting up with a rich man in secret to test the waters without the public knowing.
The two of you weren’t friends prior to dating, at first you only heard about him in the news, then had occasionally delivered mail and packages to his home. There were days when he’d be pulling off or walking past you without so much as a glance. Of course you didn’t mind it one bit, it was much better than having a snarling dog daring you to cross a fence. You’d take a silent billionaire over those poorly trained dogs any day.
You couldn’t say exactly when he started talking to you, but eventually he began the basic small talk when signing for his packages. Nothing special just things along the line of,
“What have you got for me today?”
“I don’t know, you ordered it”
“So, are you working hard, or hardly working”
“Sign here for me”
“Oh, you’re sick of that one? What about, thank god it’s Friday?”
“I guess, can’t complain”
“I guess I’m better off talking to drywall”
“Have a good one”
Down the line, as you started dropping off the mail the small talk was less robotic on your part, to be fair, having the same conversation with everyone is draining so of course you weren’t making an effort to do anything more than collecting a signature and leaving. Anyways, Lex would talk about his plans for the day, you’d mention looking forward to seeing a friend. Still small talk, just a little more human.
You’d have easily kept things strictly business if you’d had known how cruel this man could be. Then again, he has an inexhaustible amount of money, there’s no way he got it without being an unethical person.
“Bacon?” Lex questioned, joining you in the kitchen. He didn’t greet you or nothing, straight to the nitpicking.
“From your fridge, you bought it.”
“I bought a lot of things, head chef.” He smiles as he leans against the kitchen counter. You didn’t need to look to know that his eyes were on you. “Why do I sense that you’re upset with me? I thought we hashed things out.”
“I ain’t mad, I just don’t feel like talking”
“You’re not mad but you don’t want to talk?”
“Pretty much” At that he lifted himself from the counter and made his way to the fridge.
"Should I postpone that trip, wait until you're not in a mood?"
"Probably better to cancel it, to be honest." Your eggs looks so fluffy in the pan, you weren't a genius but nobody could tell you anything when it came to scrambled eggs. Never dry, never too salty.
"If you have something to say, say it. You don't need to keep dropping hints, as if it's not clear as day that you have a problem, and not just any problem. One with me, so speak your mind sweetheart."
"Don't call me that."
"That's not cute, you don't get butterflies when I call you that?" His voice was even as he picked at you, though he slammed the fridge close with enough force to rattle the items. You could hear some things falling to the bottom of the fridge even after the door was sealed.
"I'm not in the mood Joseph!"
"For what?"
"This shit right here! I'm not about to keep repeating myself until you ready to hear what the fuck I'm saying, you know why I'm upset, stop finding little shit to say to get under my skin! I'm not in the mood for this."
"Are you done?" He shrugs. A new habit of his when he doesn't like your attitude. In the earlier days of your relationship he was the one to blow up verbally, even tossing things around to highlight his anger. That didn't move you.
It could be because of the fact that you grew up around people like him, you've seen men do that little dance anytime things didn't go their way. You weren't intimidated by volume and didn't shut up because things started flying. You stood your ground and said your piece all the same in those situations. Why give them the reaction they want? Whether you shut up or not, it ended the same.
You don't know when he stopped making a big show of his anger but eventually, you were the one doing the outbursts. You were the one getting loud, the one stomping off after the two of you weren't seeing eye to eye.
Meanwhile, Lex would be standing in place, more than pleased to see that he made you act out. It's frustrating. When he did it, it was to intimidate you. When you resort to yelling out at Joseph, it's to be heard. It's to get it through his head that you don't like the way he acts. You feel like you are in the twilight zone sometimes, how can someone so smart not understand the most basic things you're saying? Things he should already know.
He only does this to make you feel silly. Like you're doing too much. You know that's what he's doing, but it doesn't change the fact that he is good at it.
"Fuck you," you had no problem getting your plate together, it wasn't hard to multitask, "you don't really care until it's you."
"I do care, I might even love you," Lex laughed as he made his way past you to lean against the entrance of the kitchen, "I let you get away with a lot compared to the others, that has to mean something." Your brow raised at that.
"So you treat me a little less shitty?"
"Oh please, I spoil you, no fairytale comes close to depicting the life I give you" True. You weren't ashamed to admit that he had gave you a ton of gifts. As your relationship got more serious he'd give you custom jewelry, fly you out to his private island for a vacation. He's even went as far as hiring your favorite artist to perform for your birthday.
Lex has always been observant so his presents were also thoughtful. When it wasn't jewelry and trips, it was heartfelt gifts that showed that he paid close attention to you. Still, none of that cancells out the bad things he's done.
"You got somewhere to be?"
"I always do," He walked over to give you a few quick kisses on your cheeks and lips heading towards the door again "Don't do anything dumb."
"Like what?" He stopped in the doorway, again.
"That's right, I never told you about the ex that bleached my suits and soaked three of my Audemars in paint, did I?"
"Nope, never came up"
"Well don't be as dumb as her, then I might forgive you"
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
Four hours, he'd be gone for at least four hours. That was more than enough time to collect your shit and get the hell out before he came back to the penthouse. You'd have had a head start if he wasn't so damn observant. There was no way you'd be able to hide a bag in the closet without him catching onto your little plan.
Lex has never raised his hand at you during the worst of your arguments. He'd shatter his glass of bourbon and go off on his own to cool down. You weren't about to wait until he got mad enough to black your eye. It's already bad enough that he talks down to you.
You should've left when he started to drop his public act of being the beloved philanthropic billionaire. Behind closed doors, the more he got used to the idea of you being around, the more lose his tongue became.
He didn't hide the more classist and elitist views he held, when you'd ask him to explain why he thought that way it'd turn into you trying to open his mind. You honestly had no business playing teacher to the smartest guy on earth, in hindsight you should've known he never gave a fuck. He probably liked the idea of letting you believe you could influence him.
What's done is done. You won't waste your time with him any longer.
The only reason you didn't clue him in on your breakup is because you weren't willing to take that chance. He's too unpredictable and to be honest, you couldn't say what he'd do if you told him you wanted to end things. That's what made you nervous. You weren't going to stick around to find out either.
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
"I got eyes on her. She has a duffel bag and what looks like a, I want to say, a tea tin? Those metal tea boxes."
"Don't let her out of your sight." Lex stared down at the screensaver on his screen. It was a picture of the two of you celebrating your one year anniversary. Surprising that he was in the same relationship for so long. It's especially shocking that he had half a mind to spare you from his wrath.
For some reason he couldn't bare to use the same tactics for you. Sure he still wasn't the ideal husband but compared to his past relationships, you haven't seen a thing. Maybe he could've shown you the depths he could reach. Maybe then you wouldn't have thought to try and surprise him with an empty home.
Lex turned his office chair, looking over the city as he thought of what he could do.
"I want her on the beach by seven."
"Copy."
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
"Seriously? That's what you doing now?" You've been held against you will for the last three hours. Instead of going home you had bought an apartment using your money from being a mail carrier. The last thing you'd want is to be around your family after leaving a filthy rich man. You didn't have the patience for their jokes or stupid questions that boil down to them wanting you to crawl back to Joseph. The peace of having the space to unwind and reset after leaving didn't last long. enjoyed your new apartment for twenty minutes before your door was kicked in.
"Who doesn't love the beach?" He was always smiling. Everything was funny when he was getting his way.
"Wipe that smile off your face, I ain't laughing."
"Don't be like that." He sung in a teasing tone.
"Like what, you had your goons kicked down my fucking door!" It was terrifying. "Did you even think about how that'd affect me? Random man throwing me on a plane to who knows where?"
"Well you can relax now, I'm standing right in front of you," he threw an arm around your shoulder and forced you to turn, "Welcome to PlantWatch my dear."
"That doesn't explain why I'm here. If you had them following me, you knew I was leaving."
"I always knew," he led you by your hand to a tent. "I want you to reconsider."
"I just don't think we're meant for the long run, it doesn't feel like you want us to last." you looked over the space in front of you. The people around you working endlessly, you're not sure what they're doing but it's unnerving watching them move hastily.
When the woman standing guard in front of the tent step aside, you didn't know what you were looking at. Obviously a machine of some kind, but you were confused.
"You still working on this?" Lex had left your side to do something on the computer set up near the contraption.
"No, it's done." A bright purple light filled the space until you were staring through a portal.
Lex stood in front of it, holding out his hand waiting for you to take it. Of course you shook your head 'no' but he grabbed your arm in a bruising grip and forced you to step through.
The space around you was dim and vast, it didn't look like much. You couldn't see land or anything other than dark mass. You stumbled a bit at Lex's pace as he briskly walked through the strange place. He's doesn't stop until you come face to face with a pale, gaunt creature. You screamed out of shock, you didn't know what you were looking at. With the atmosphere and the sudden change, you genuinely believed he was a monster.
"Come on, don't be rude, this is Mister Handsome," he touched the…guys? Shoulder and brought your hand towards his "I made him when I was twelve, who better than to pilot the platform than someone I knew personally?"
"You made, this?"
"Him, yes, when I was twelve. But that's not why we're here." You were already scared when he pulled you through a portal, but now you felt a pit of despair growing in your stomach. "Hey now, watch your step, if you fall off the edge you're not coming back." The creature, Mister Handsome, turned away and propplled the platform forward.
Lex still had your left arm in his hold as you jolted from the movement. You didn't know if you should sit on your knees to be safe or what but he didn't seem bothered standing in place, on a floating board. It must've been his hubris, why wouldn't he want guardrails on something like this?
As the board, or platform, drifted through the space you saw more life, just not the way you'd expect. Animals hooked up to machines, guards walking through the space unfazed by their surroundings.
"Did you make them?" You looked up at Lex who was already staring down at you.
"The raptors? No, they're just wearing suits I provided. A hundred percent human."
"Do they live here?"
"No, they make sure nothing comes in, or out, without my explicit permission."
“Is? Is that a, black hole?” You wish you hadn’t seen that. It was bad enough you were in another dimension, even worse knowing you were close to an actual black hole. “Is this safe?”
“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t”
The platform doesn't come to a stop yet when you hear the voices. You don't even think Mister Handsome was close to the destination when you started hearing the people shouting for Lex.
"Let me out!"
"This is inhumane!"
"I'll stop writing, I'll cut off my hand if you want!"
"Kill me and end this torture"
Their voices overlapped, as the board got closer you finally see them. People trapped in cubes, or what you can only assume are glass boxes. There had to have been more than a hundred of them here.
You thought your heart stopped.
"This is why we're here!" Lex beams as he steps forward, proud to show off his diabolical prison. "This is where my enemies are kept. The place my exes end up, especially the ones dumb enough to talk shit about me." He laughed as the three of you drifted past a sobbing woman.
"I took the blog down! Please, let me go!"
"See how she lies?" He shook his head, still smiling from ear to ear. "She refused to delete the blog and had the audacity to post the private messages of me asking here to do so, I had to shut the blog down myself."
Were you breathing anymore? You felt dizzy, so maybe you were holding your breath and didn't realize it.
"I loved how you left the place." He returned to your side to throw an arm over your shoulders. "There was no paint, no mess, no missing clothes. Did you know one of these idiots tried to resell some of my custom cufflinks?"
"You're leaving me here." The words came out so quiet, "You're dumping me next to a black hole and never coming back."
"What makes you so sure?" He must've loved how scared you looked. "For the record, most will never be able to view a black hole so clearly and not get sucked in. That's an achievement NASA hasn't accomplished. Yet, here we are, two lovers enjoying the ambience that only an active black hole could create"
"Why else would you bring me here Joseph?" Tears were streaming down your cheeks, you could feel some of them racing down your neck.
"Have I told you how much I love it when you call me that?" Mister Handsome made a soft grunt as he brought the platform to a full stop, right in front of an empty cubicle. "I told you, this is where I keep my exes. Did we break up?" It's hard not drop to your knees at the sight, he was going to leave you. "I don't remember saying I wanted to end things."
"Joseph, I.."
“Lexie! Please forgive me! I’m sorry!” your eyes landed the woman next to the empty prison with your name on it. She was unkempt, she looked like she hadn’t showered in days, maybe weeks. Visibly distraught and pressing herself against the glass. “I’ll do anything! Please Lexie, don’t keep me here, I’m sorry!”
More tears welled in your eyes at the sight, the fact that you were in a dimension of Lex's own creation was enough to unnerve you but seeing a woman who's biggest fault was dating Lex, trapped in this hellscape broke you. This man was on a level of his own, you don’t think you’ve witness a terror like this in your lifetime.
“Alyssa, is that piss?” He pointed behind the woman at a darken spot in the floor of her transparent enclosure. He doesn’t feel an ounce of shame or remorse for this. It’s a game to him. If you had ate anything before being dragged out of your home you might have thrown up from the stress of it all.
“Lexie, I didn’t mean it!” the woman was on her knees now.
“You don’t think I’m, what was it?” He cocked his head to the right as he knelt down to her level outside of the glass. “A miserable sack of shit?”
“I was upset! I didn’t mean it!” She sobbed.
“No, you were right. It wasn’t your fault my dad didn’t give a flying fuck about me.”
“Lexie, please!”
“Alyssa,” he dragged the last “a” in her name, “I’ve told you I hated that nickname and you’re still using it.”
“I’ll call you whatever you want, just let me out of here.” She pleaded, “I’ll do whatever you want, say what you want me to, you can pick what I eat for the day, I don’t care! Just please, give me one more chance I won't tell anybody about this!”
When the woman was done begging for her freedom Lex stood at his full height. He closed his eyes and hummed a little tune, pretending to ponder the idea of accepting her desperate plea. It only took him a few seconds before looking down at you, who was now a sobbing mess. He tapped his shoe on the side of your knee, gently nudging you as you shamelessly bawled before him.
“Should I trade you for a pissy has-been model? I bet you couldn’t tell this was the famous Alyssa Chadell, the supermodel that took the world by storm.”
You didn’t answer him. Crying was your top priority as you floated on a board in another dimension, listening as Lex taunted one of his many victims. This man was beyond dangerous and there was nothing you could ever do to satisfy someone this vindictive. You were sure you’d wind up here one way or another, and that’s if you manage to make it home tonight.
“Come on babe, I want to hear your thoughts. Pissy has-been model, or moody mail carrier?” You shook your head, wanting him to stop talking all together. “No, you don’t think it’s a good trade, or no as in you don’t know?”
“She clearly doesn’t want to be with you, she clearly can’t handle a man like you! I can Lex, you wouldn’t need another lover, if you had me!” Alyssa pleaded over your heavy sobbing. Shit, you don’t blame her. You’d probably say the same thing if you were stuck here for days on end with the psychological torture of hanging out near a damn black hole. Hating Alyssa for that would be asinine.
“Settle down Alyssa, I’m talking to my fiancée, probably.”
"Joseph…I don't…I-" It was pointless. You couldn't beg for your life even if it depended on it. For a moment it was silent. You don’t know how long he waited for you to answer before he finally let out a sigh. Unbeknownst to you, he signaled for the creature controlling the board to return to the entrance.
As you sobbed and muttered to yourself you could hear the people shouting, pleading for Lex to give them their freedom. There were some people begging to hear something about their families, were they okay, did he kill them, would they ever hear their voices again? Their voices got softer, until they stopped altogether as you got closer to the entrance.
You remained on your knees, practically glued to the spot. The only reason you left the dimension was because Lex’s firm hands guided you out. You were inconsolable even as one of Lex’s heartless guards drove the two of you home. Knowing Lex, he couldn’t have been paying these guys enough to be filthy rich, you’d bet he paid them enough to be almost comfortable in middle class at best. Chump change compared to the wealth he had at his disposal, but they were clearly satisfied.
You don’t know how long you were crying but it wasn’t until you were standing in the shower that you finally took in your surroundings. All that sobbing had given you a migraine and the heat from the hot water was enough to soothe it. You inhaled deeply, unconsciously moving to stand directly under the shower head, it was comforting.
“Are you done?” Lex stood behind you, he was lathering soap on a washcloth as you stood underneath the shower head. “I thought I’d have to sedate you” You weren’t paying enough attention to anything after his cruel display, just moving as he directed you. There were suds already racing towards the drain and a light floral scent hanging in the steam that filled the air. He had already washed you.
“Wh-Whe…” Your voice came out hoarse, and there was a soreness in your throat. You didn’t know what you were going to say, but it wouldn’t come out. Maybe you needed more time before speaking.
“W-what, is there s-something, on my f-face?” Had he always this, insensitive? You went back to standing under the water, focusing only on the way the water comforted you. At least until he removed the shower head to rinse himself off.
What we’re supposed to do now? You know too much to ever be at peace again. He cursed you with the knowledge of that place, those people, his power. You felt so insignificant, weak, and small. How are you supposed to live with that kind of torment hanging over you?
“Don’t start, because you might not stop” This time Lex was rubbing a towel over your skin, his movements were gentle and firm. Your breathing had gotten heavier, soft sniffles escaping now and then. By the time you were lifting your arms to slide into your nightgown your breathing was steady again.
The clean scent of detergent filled your nose when Lex pulled the thick blanket over you. There was another scent, you think it’s frankincense or myrrh. Either way it was a warm smell. As you laid on your side, you didn’t know what to think. Should you call your parents, see what your sister is doing? You wouldn’t tell them about today, you would just listen to them. Take in every word they said.
With a clap of his hands the lights were off. The city lights provided a dim glow to the room, it wasn’t pitch black but it was dark enough to plague your mind with the image of that black hole from earlier. You flinched at the thought and your heart skipped a beat at the frightening image. Lex was behind you before you knew it. His bare chest was pressed against your back and he draped an arm over your stomach, pulling you close to him.
“Don’t worry, I got you.” He kissed the shell of your ear before laying his head on the pillows “I don’t think I’ve ever been moved by someone else’s tears before.“
Galga suspected he was far from the first apprentice to sit up late at night having guilty, conflicted fantasies about his master, and at least in this case the man was his own age. The fact Atwert was currently his teacher could hardly make the whole situation that much more fraught than his own destroyed history already had. Still, he felt something like shame, staring at the ceiling of his apprentice room by the light of one guttering candle, slightly too cold from the encroaching chill of the ocean on the other side of the window.
working on what unless something happens fast will be the first explicit rated fic in the ship tag. feel slightly odd about that lol. maybe proud?
It's not like From fans are more transmisogynistic than other fandoms. It's basically the same. So society at large.
But man can you see the contrast between Gywndolin trap jokes and vitriol at any trans reading of Miquella.
They'd fuck us, but we aren't people to empathise with.
I find Miquella super relatable. I too was a boy who wanted to grow to womanhood. I know how discarding the part of yourself that's a girl, numbs you to yourself and the world. But you feel you should do it, out of shame or the expectations of society.
It's deeply sad and speaks to my own life. St. Trina is part of Miquella and he needs to accept her.
But if you don't feel any of that, If Miquella just makes you think of abandoning other hopes or things that brought joy, for a job or out of fear of shame from family or friends, then okay.
But you should go "Maybe our experiences aren't irreconcilably different. I sorta see how that feels." And not "Damn transses, pushing their agenda on everything."
I should probably also yap here about Professor Pines au bc people has been begging for it and I do in fact keep thinking about it.
So I guess, little taster for some of my yapping???
Bc it’s pride (but also bc I have been thinking abt it anyways) I’ve been thinking about just. A queer student.
Maybe in a similar or rougher situation to me, not being out at home bc you KNOW it would be bad. So you’re tentatively out at college but you have to talk to your professors about it.
Dr Pines has been one who you just have NO idea how to approach. He’s just, such a wildcard that how DO you predict him???
This is a guy who yaps about his family and moths and cryptids, but also bitches about how Mothman owes him money. He growls and hisses at people.
You go to his office hours and bring him a weird fucked up coffee abomination because you should probably try to be presenting him an offering so he’s in a good mood. He drinks coffee like a teenaged girl but also like he’s trying to fight god
You give it to him and he smiles a little, takes a sip, seems genuinely pleased(????) and then takes an energy packet out of desk and pours it into the coffee. There is already espresso in it.
He asks you what you have on your mind as he stirs in the shot of straight caffeine into this unholy, cloyingly sweet, caffeine based abomination. You stare for a moment as he stirs this thing, trying to find your voice.
You inform him, hesitantly, that you’re queer, that you would like to use a different name than what’s on your transcript.
He doesn’t say anything at first, just takes an unsettlingly long drink of the drink offering you gave him.
Oh so you’re like his great nephew! How nice.
HUH???
Somehow you expected an old dude to…be less casual about this? He literally took this better than one of your younger professors.
You try to find your voice again and may or may not make an undignified noise instead.
He doesn’t notice because now he’s too busy going off on a warm tangent about his nephew.
