#stige

[vsquared2]

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[aleniksimmer]

Hello. 

First of all, let me thank you all the people who reached out to me on my last post about Stige, just your words of comfort helped me going through yesterday’s awful times @didntwantanaccount @windenlove @bowl-of-plumbobs @hibanakaori @btchtrait ❤ I have no inention abandoning the cat, I’m making a lot of progress with him, he’s starting to look for me when I’m giving him food, he doesn’t try to hide anymore that much if I’m the only one around (today he actually waited for me on the grass instead of his usual hiding spot). He is still scared and not relaxed, I was only able to pet him if he has food around but he has become a purring machine when I scratch his neck (and he also gave me the “elevator butt” or how it’s called if I scratch him near the tail). He let me pick him up by hand several times (I’m trying him to get used to it) and he seems to have gained a bit of weight (still severly underweight), but now I can see he eats and drink regurarly. As soon as I have thing sorted out I’m bringing him to the vet and give him the tratment needed (his ears are full of parasites, thik skin and dried blood, but the wound on his head still seems pretty clear and I may have overstimated the size of the cut due to all the blood; he still looses tons of fur but I think it’s more shedding than anything and now I can help him remove it, despite the dirt it seems to be pretty soft).

Now about the pics, I finally made Evelynn hair but, as espected, they have tons of issues, especially due to vertex paint I guess, and some vertices I forgot to fuse (also need to tweak the color a little). Looking at the set again, I’ve also noticed issues with the fur around the arms and the neck of the top. I already knew the necklaces had distortion issues and I don’t know if I’ll be able to fix that since necklaces that long and that thick don’t work well with all body types.

To complete the set (fixes excluded) I need to make the hair pin and the glasses. I don’t know when it will be completed and I don’t know if I’m going to publish some small creation in the meantime. I just want to let you know that I’ll restart adding my Ko-Fi link under my CCs post. I stopped putting it when I became a Select Artist on TSR, but since now I don’t know the amount needed for the vet bills I let it here just in case. What changes for you? Nothing, the download will always be a direct link to TSR and you DON’T have to do anything else that you normally do for dowloading my CCs, I just wanted to let you know the little format change on my future post.

(PS: sorry if lately my “schedule” has been a mess and I basically had no wips/CCs. University has given me major anxiety, my last exam is on the 18th, I keep having nightmares and feeling weak and tired constantly. I also forgot the appointment with my psychiatrist at the beginning of the month and I just found out today cause I was convinced it was at the end of it. Tomorrow I’ll probably be most of the afternoon in hospital to fix this and other appointments that were cancelled due to the virus. Sorry in advance if I reply late)

[bluesman56]

City Recreation by Tony Via Flickr: On the edge of the city of Odense an old landfill has not long been changed into a recreation area, and a source of methane gas.

[aleniksimmer]

It hurts like hell but in the end I decided to go with the euthanasia for Stige. She's barely able to lift her head and spends all the time on her bed. It hurts like hell seeing her like this too. I contacted the vet but I don't expect an answer today cause it's Sunday, in the meantime I'm forcing her to eat baby food and drink water with the syringe, petting her a lot. I hope I'm taking the right decision.

Thanks again to all the people who helped me going through these months, thanks for your help, your comforting messages and your shared experiences. I'll probably need to take another break after these days, I'm sorry if I won't be able to answer to everyone.

For people following me for CCs, I've a couple of items scheduled for next week but nothing major like Sets. If I end up finish other WIPs I'll schedule them too according to TSR release date. Thank you for the patience you showed these months.

I love you all.

[aleniksimmer]

Hi, as I mentioned in my last post, here is an update regarding everything. I was planning to post it earlier but it took me several days to complete. 

First of all, thanks to all the people who reached out during this rough time and thanks to everyone who follows my work for the patience. I needed some time for myself and my mental health and now I’m slowly going back on track. I’ll try to organize this post as much as possible so you don’t need to read everything if you’re not interested to.

My pets

The lab result about the autopsy on my dog were sent to us recently. The official cause of death has been heart-respiratory failure due to a malformation of the heart no one knew about. This disease had already started affecting other organs before the heart failure but it couldn’t have been detacted without specific exams. Due to a twist of fate, this is the same genetical issue that affect my father, brother and myself. We could have probably been preventing the heart attack if we knew this when she was a puppy, she loved to run chasing the ball or simply wandering around in our garden and field. Maybe we could have tried to make her take it easier, but no one has been the wiser. I don’t believe in paradise but I like to imagine her soul being around and running happily.

On another note, Stige is doing as “best as she can”. The left ear is completely healed in terms of operation wound and tissue since the tumor has been completely removed. The right ear is “stable”. There she rejected the surgical thread and the metal pins that we tried to put later to close the remaining skin. This caused the wound to enlarge (it’s around 7cm large, from the top of the eye to what’s left of the ear) but now it seems to have stopped (notice that this is a result of months). After all the necrotic tissue “broke off” along with some cartilage, the remaining one started creating mass. In most points it’s almost at the same level as the skin, but the vet can’t say if it’s scar tissue or neoplastic, the only sure thing is that the edges are slightly better than before. This growth is also affecting the internal ear, meaning that if she isn’t already due to the damage, she will certainly become deaf from that ear. The worst case scenario is the neoplastic tissue (that attacks only soft tissues) is going to spread to the pharynx and esophagus, making difficult for her to breath and eat. I talked to the vet about possible therapies against the cancer, but the only option to block it (still not 100% sure) is radiations, which are extremely expensive and aren’t done in my region. They aren’t something me and my family can afford, due to economic and transport reasons, not to mention the lockdown forbid us to go out of our region. She also have fragile skin and I’m slowly finding out wounds beneath the fur (she’s way fluffier than my cat), I was able to heal 3 of her paws, one is still healing cause it somehow regressed open. Last week I also find a bad wound on the tip of her tail, I cut off the fur but the wound is expanding and covers more than half of the skin, I tried to treat it as I treat the others but the scab is extremely hard and only today I was able to create a small opening to drain part of the blood and fluid, even if it’s extremely painful for her. I also have some small good news, she’s been very curious about my cat lately. She can’t stay out of the cage or without the cone unsupervised cause she can hurt herself with my dad’s tools and she tends to self harm on the wound, but I noticed she’s always looking for my cat (who’s free to roam around) and, I know it sound strange, after she saw her sharping her claws she started doing that too. She was also extremely afraid of jumping down the table cause she never tried after the operation months ago, but after she saw my cat do it easily, she keeps doing it every time I put her out of the cage (before I had to pick her up myself). She’s not the best with balance due to her right ear, but she still manages to land on her feet. She also restarted meowing when she knows it’s time for her treat after I medicate her cause it’s what my cat does when it’s time to go into the cage at evening, and I also think she is starting to like being taken in arm (I usually do this to help her get comfortable with human contact). I hope with all of my heart she can recover from this and beat the cancer. She started as a stray but I consider her my pet now and I love her as much as my cat.

Speaking of my cat, she seems to have completely recovered and doesn’t give signs of the illness coming back. She spends the afternoon out, but before it’s dark she comes back inside the garage cause it’s cold and the past winters she used to sleep with my dog for warmth. She seems to have been adapted well to this new routine. In the evening, when I medicate Stige, she usually runs around the garage or play with her stuffed toy by herself, she throw it around, pretend to hide (she’s gained weight as Stige so she’s not very good at hiding behind things) and then attack it like a T-rex. It’s a great distraction both for me and Stige while dealing with cleaning the wound. She also reduced a lot the hissing towards Stige, but is still wary (even if the only one to ever hiss or show claws was her, Stige or doesn’t care or looks at her like “wtf is wrong with you”). I’m so so glad she recovered well, and being able to spend so much time with her due to the new routine is amazing since my family has the policy “no animals inside the house”.

Miraculous

Uhm. It’s kinda hard to admit this and I hope you don’t get mad at me for this, but I paused any miraculous project and I don’t know when I’m going to restart. I know I left with Nino incomplete and still haven’t finished my second wave of sets, and I feel guilty for it, but, as I said several times, if I’m not feeling it I’m not going to work on it to avoid making things poorly. For weeks I was afraid to ask myself if I don’t like the show anymore, since I don’t even “consume” fanart now, but I’m pretty sure I still love it. I guess I became so detached from it due to several reasons, like I’m wating for the new season as everyone and when I looked for fanfics to “fill” the wait months ago I didn’t quite find what I was looking for, so I stopped reading them too. I’m also trying to not guilt my mother for this, cause in the end is my decision, but I kinda had to also stop rewatching old seasons for example during breakfast cause if she notices it she becomes super "bad mood” and I don’t like the sensation of her being a ticking bomb. My brother’s phylosophy is do what you like and ignore her, but I would rather avoid any possible conflict cause she tends to backstab you with wath you love till she destroys it if she doesn’t like it. So, uhm, in conclusion at the moment I feel like is better if I put miraculous in a drawer till I feel like I can handle it with the same enthusiasm as before. I’m really sorry for this.

Other CCs and Sets

At the moment I don’t plan on working on any other set (KDA included). I don’t feel like I can handle it in terms of focusing my mind on big projects. On the other hand I’m (slowly) making some random things, especially accessories, if I feel particularly inspired. I hope you can still like some of them.

Me

I wanted to apologize for my last post about the paranormal SP and other things I posted on other socials in the whim of my negative emotions. I’ve realized I’m being particularly “salty/bitchy/killjoy” how you want to call it. I’m not proud of it and I’m sorry if it felt off. I feel like I have so much negativity/anger hidden behind the surface and I’m looking for a way to release this energy without any damage. In the meantime I’ll do my best to try to avoid posting while I don’t have a clear mind. 

Thanks again to all the people who have been here despite everything. Your support means everything to me ❤ hope you are all good and safe ❤❤

[aleniksimmer]

Got a visit with the vet this morning. She said Stige's ear is getting worse, the cancer is spreading inside the ear and coming real close to the eye. I thought it was just irritated skin due to the medication, but she cut her fur and I could see the bumps underneath. She said the only other way she can help is through euthanasia when I or she can't take it anymore. I came out crying and still do whenever I think about it. I know I just need to accept it and that the chances of complete healing were very very slim so I should have been prepared, but I hoped till the end, I'm still hoping for a miracle. She came this far, she's more active and curious than before, she still doesn't play but wants to explore every time she can and meows at me when I put her back in the cage. She's becoming obsessed with what my cat does even if she doesn't seem to like her back, she also likes staying in my arms, so much that she purrs loudly and then starts napping and I've to clean her cage with just one hand. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to let her go, just thinking about me being the one stating a sentence on her life makes me nauseous. As I said to everyone I'll fight till she fights, I would do everything possible to make her feel better till the end, but knowing what's going to happen breaks my soul. I just can't process it, she's part of my family at this point, I love her with all of my heart. It breaks me.

[aleniksimmer]

Small update

Stige

She’s actually in the same spot I found her, behind the shack. If she doesn’t hear me coming she chills almost on the open, but as soon as I come into view she runs “inside” the mess. At least she seems a little more calm now that she’s in her hiding place, but she’s still scared of me. She comes closer to the edge if I give her food (but not if I leave my hand near), so my dad instructed me how to create a trap with the carrier, but she’s way too smart. She noticed the rope connected to the door and she only eat what she could reach leaving most of her body out.  I feel a little better now knowing that she still seems to hang around there and I can still feed her. The ear and now eye/nose too are as bad as when I found her the first time if not worse, but at least she is not suffering from hanger. Can’t wait to be able to bring her to the vet and be done with the surgery so she can at least avoid infections if she wants to still hide there once she heals.

CCs

I made Nino’s shirt, bracelets and hair (eyes were already done since Carapace). Iirc now I “just” need to make the hat, glasses, headphones, miraculous, pants and shoes. After all these sets I still lack of will to make civilian clothes, can’t wait to start with Mayura or the ice suits.

Anyway, in a couple of days these will be available for download on TSR. (sorry for the mess in my testing save)

Thanks again to all the people who were close to me in these last months, I wouldn’t have been able to deal with all of this without you ❤❤