#still aching

[its-all-gonna-be-worth-it]

and i wish i could know you much more sometimes

wish i could do nothing with you

[sekritjay]

Got off a stag weekend I didn’t particularly enjoy only to immediately start work in the kitchen 10 minutes after returning home. Still tired and aching because said stag weekend was drinking and physical activity, neither which are my idea of a good time, only to be coolied into painting several rooms and humping shit up and down four flights of stairs while nursing aching arms, legs and wrist

But the absolute worst part of my day so far is being forced to listen to whatever shit is classified as “country” “music” these days - who the hell thought marrying country with pop music was a good idea, and then subjected it to the same three topics of drinkin’, truckin’, ‘n fuckin’ all the goddamn time. Who in their right minds thinks that is worthy of air time?!

Had to go back and remind myself what was decent country music by going through my ME:A playlist from way back when and remembered that decent country owed more to folk these days. And hey-ho! Back to my comparatively happier self

[between-clouds-and-sunshine]

Love has been something that's occupied my mind since I was a teenager. I think it all started around 5th or 6th grade, when the girls in my class - myself included - began to developing crushes. And I wasn't spared from that.

Unfortunately, my expirence with love have never been particulary kind. My first crush was a few grades above me. Somehow, word got out at school, and one day during lunch break, he showed up with his classmates just to laugh at me. I was humiliating.

As time passed, other girls started having their first experiences ‒ some even got relstionships. I felt jealous, not because I didn't want them to have it, but because I wanted it for myself. Later, I had a crush on a boy in my class. Funny enough, we had gone to the same kindergarten. But.. he was in love with my friend.

And thst's how it's been ever since. I wanted to love - but even more, I wanted to be loved.

One day, a friend said to me, ''You need to lower your standards. You're not in their league.'' What does that even mean? That I'm not pretty enough for the guys I like? And there it is again.. that feeling of not being good enough.

So I did what she said, I lowered my expectations. But still ‒ no one wanted me. No matter how much I tried. And when someone did show interest, I got hurt... or pressured.. or disrespected.

My heart is so full of love. But no one seems to want it.

Now, I've reached a point where the thought of someone genuinely liking me feels... strange. Uncomfortable even. And yet, I still long for it. Like the teenager inside me who fell in love for the first time and never really stopped hoping.

It hurts. But over time, the pain has dulled. And now, it's just a quiet ache that never really goes away.

[7anai]

basically, i have to uproot every nerve, every memory, every emotion, that i have ever felt towards him. i don’t care if he’s your childhood sweetheart. don’t ever give him the benefit of the doubt. you can talk to people until your blue in the face. still doesn’t dictate their next motive. it’s up to that person to choose.

[xeonba]

It's been 2 days but i still have BTS Artist of The Year award acceptance speech on repeat

[reallyactuallycereal]

I am officially going to the doctor.