ESCAPE
(Part 2)
That walk towards the parking lot felt like there’s a ticking time bomb in her head - until they finally reached the car.
“When is Aunt coming?” 00:15
“Oh, she sent me a text…” 00:12
“..she said that she’s still having trouble shopping.” 00:10
“She will just wait for me here..” 00:05
“..to return from my errand.” 00:03
RUN. LEAVE NOW. RUN. RUN. PLEASE! PLEASE!!!!
But she didn’t.
She trusted him up to that point. 00:01
Until she froze again like the heavy traffic outside the car. 00:00
She wanted to break loose from that seat belt and from his touches. She tried her best to lean and look away. She wanted to clearly show him that she doesn’t want what is happening.
For once, she wanted to fight back and run at the same time.
She wanted to open that car door with all her strength and being.
She wanted to escape the car and from his lustful eyes.
For once, she wanted to scream and shout for help. This time, not just in her mind.
She wanted to get out. She doesn’t care anymore if a car hits her.
She would rather die.
But she didn’t.
Until now, she didn’t know why. All she remembers were the questions in her mind. What can she possibly do now? Does she have any choice? It was all her fault, right?
The moment she got off that car, she made a decision never to trust him again; that what just happened won’t happen again. “Isaksak niya sa baga niya yung pasta at kotse niya!!!” That’s what’s screaming in her mind but why is she crying? Why are these tears falling?
No. She can’t cry now. No one should know about what happened.
And that was what she hoped.
A week after, she went home and was greeted by her mother’s furious face. What’s on her mom's hands almost gave her a heart attack.
They were two framed photos of her, eating pasta.
“What are these!? Why did your uncle sent these!? Did you meet him?”
“I told you to stay away from him!!”
“Are you really that foolish? Come on, you should be wise! You should not trust people easily! So what do you think happens now, huh? You really want to ruin my relationship with your aunt??”
“You are so stupid! Don’t dare tell anything about this to your dad.”
Then that’s when she ran and tried grabbing the frames from her mom’s hands. She's going hysterical. She wanted to smash them with her bare hands and use the broken glasses to slash herself but her mom’s grip was too tight. She felt she’s going crazy with so much anger inside her. She hates her uncle. She hates her mom. She hates herself. She hates everyone.
She slumped on the floor. Bawling. Screaming. Hitting the floor with her bare hands. Maybe somehow the pain can go away with every hit.
Would things be different if she didn’t go with her mom to do the laundry at her aunt’s house 10 years ago? …if she was not alone in that living room? …if people did not lose sight of her at her grandparents’ house? …if her 10-year old self realized that something wrong happened and asked for help? ...if she felt that someone cares for her? …if someone reached out and helped her realize that she was sexually abused and that she needed help? …if someone supported her and strongly advised her that going near the abuser again is dangerous? …if someone helped her realize that it’s more important to protect herself first rather than others?
Her tears falling but her eyes blankly staring on the floor.
Written: 30 May 2020
