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Everything I Wanted

An Edward Hayes x Self Insert fluff oneshot

I didn't look up at him. Not until the first of his tears hit the dusty floor beneath.

"Ed...?"

Silence. Silence, except for his shaky breath and soft whimpers.

"Ed..."

He continues to cry, blue eyes clouded with the most pained expression I have ever seen. He tries to speak, but his words keep getting caught in his throat. As tears continued to pour from his eyes, it looked almost like his irises were sprouting rivers that cascaded down his cheeks. A blur of blue admidst the soft blonde of his hair.

"...I-I.. I'm s-sorry...!" he chokes out, before hiding his face in his palms. He cries harder, chest heaving with heavy sobs, wracking his entire body.

I reach out to put a hand to his wrist. He flinches, and instinctively turns as far away from me as he can. He's twitchy and wary. Like an animal of prey, he backs himself into a corner. Once the adrenaline rush from the anticipation of a slap wears off, he curls himself into an even tighter ball, and cries even harder.

I wait.

What feels like an eternity passes, and I once more reach out to touch him. My hand meets his shoulder, and he flinches again, a quiet, scared whimper slipping from his lips.

He doesn't try and shy away from my touch, and instead continues to sob.

I pull myself close to him, and put my other hand over the palms that are covering his face. Again, he shivers. Slowly, waiting more-so for him to pull them away himself, I guide his hands from his face. Teary gaze fixed on the floor.

I open my arms slightly, and once more I wait.

Slowly, oh, so slowly, he leans in. Scared, tense and anxious, he falls into my arms, completely still, as if paralyzed in fright.

Gently, as if he were made of porcelain, as if he could break more than he already has, I pull him to my chest, and wrap my arms around him as light as humanly possible.

I await a flinch, another shudder or pull away, but, still he lay, shivering and twitching in my embrace.

My heart in my throat, as I'm sure is his, (atleast what remains of it), I begin to stroke his hair. When my fingers settle on his head, he flinches once again.

Swallowing my heart back into it's place, I open my mouth to speak.

"I'm here."

A tear falls and soaks itself into the shaggy fur of his coat. My tear.

I hadn't noticed I'd been crying.

"It's okay, Ed."

I wait again.

"I love you."

A sob. Violent and excruciating, it shakes his body, the most pained cry my ears have ever heard along with it. Something seemed to break inside of him. Again.

How much more of him is there left to break?

He's trembling, twitching and shivering, drowning in his tears, choking on his cries, coughing and sputtering, his lungs growing exhausted. He presses himself into me, covering himself with as much of me as he can, seeking the shelter he's never had in my arms.

My chest burns and my eyes sting.

Tonight, an angel shatters in my arms, and all I can do is swallow the lump in my throat and hold my breath.

His hands latch on to my shirt, holding onto it so tight the fabric threatened to tear. He clung to me, like a rabbit to it's freedom. He clung to me, as if I would too fade and leave him, like everything else. He clung to me, like an angel to Heaven.

Like an angel to home.

I hold him close, pressed against me so tightly you could mistake us for one single person. A tangled mess of blue, yellow, piercing white, dingy greys, and earthy browns. A dove tangled in the wings of a robin.

Seconds turn into minutes, minutes into hours, sobs turn into slow, labored breaths, the heaving of his chest replaced by the gentle rise and fall of his breathing. Blue eyes no longer pained, rest behind closed weary eyelids. The grip of his fingers on my shirt now reduced to a light cling.

Silence turns into low whispers of reassurance and promises of long from now forevers.

The angel in my arms now rests it's broken wings and no longer flinches when I press a kiss to it's forehead.

Long ears flat against it's back, a rabbit with it's snow white fur tainted burgundy with it's own blood rests it's tired legs in my embrace.

Watching over him like a mother over her child, the peaceful dark of sleep sweeps me too off my feet.

When my eyes finally close, I can feel the slight grain of sand between my eyelashes.

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