for the 2022 f1 season asks: 2, 3, & 12 (streetlightsky)
2. Is there a driver you like more now than you did at the beginning of the season?
Actually, yeah, I would have to say Mick. Which might make no sense given he's currently out of a seat but yeah I don't know...I found myself rooting for him when he found his footing around the middle of the season. Yeah he got outperformed by his teammate and made some mistakes but idk I don't think he's worse than the likes of Latifi or Stroll and I don't think Hulkenberg is going to be a massive upgrade either. I still wouldn't say Mick is one of my favourite drivers, but I do hope he has the opportunity to return to F1 sooner rather than later.
3. Is there a driver you like less now than you did at the beginning of the season?
I didn't think it's possibly to dislike Carlos even more and yet--- No, but seriously, maybe Checo? Or not even him as a driver but the hype bubble created around him this year. Yes he won in Monaco, but after that he had a quiet period where he didn't really do much of note. He won two races (in the fastest car, the championship winning car) to Max's fifteen, which...🤔 He also made a few questionable maneuvers (Brazil comes to mind) which from Charles's onboard at least looked like near-misses. And imo he was only really in contention for P2 until the end because of the many catastrophes that befell Ferrari and cost Charles a significant haul of points. It made for an interesting finale, but I do think it skewed the perception a bit.
Also, maybe Lando? I was never very hot on him in the first place but idk his attitude is so off sometimes. Especially in the way he refused to take responsibility for the incident in Brazil and brought it up again in Abu Dhabi in this "just don't do a Leclerc" way. 🤨 Like, why. It's not funny, at least not to me, so yeah, I guess he's just one of those characters I don't really vibe with.
12. Do you have a favorite fic that was set during this season?
I have to admit I kind of fell off with the fic reading at some point this season...I feel like there’s a lot of stuff out there that might be excellent, but I just haven’t gotten around to it yet. There’s this one fic that stands out but it’s technically set during the pre-season...I’m still going to give it a shout out though because it really left an impression, even though it’s not my usual go-to (I’m willing to read stuff outside my own circle of interest if the quality is, like, top notch): ufc rookie by heroics.
Oh boy, do you have a minute slkjsdgl there's the Vans Warped Tour band!au that I will not shut up about, I tried to get that one going like... three times, I think? And it just. won't. work. It's so annoying. There's also the beloved kink discovery fic that I got nine chapters and 21k words into and then just... fizzled out. There's a lockdown!fic I still want to write dearly but that's on hold... and an accidental activist fic that would force me to make more fake headlines and social media posts and I'm just too lazy slksjdgl All of these are Sebchal ofc because well. gestures at AO3 profile
⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?
Honestly I always feel a little bad about this because I can be pretty speedy 🙈 when the plot bunnies have truly attacked I've been able to write like, up to a 4k fic in an evening? And when I'm not quite feeling it I can still semi-reliably hit 1k in a day with the help of sprints and Write or Die. Editing is way slower though, that can take months depending on how long the fic is slksjdg. I try to do NaNoWriMo every year to keep the speed up because once I start taking the time to think about what I'm writing, this all goes down the drain xD
🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?
Love how one of the examples works so I don't have to remember what genres exist slkjsg but I struggle a lot with action, it's hard to write something fast-paced with a lot of things going on at once. I truly admire anyone who can pull it off. A genre that I actually write but struggle with is like, concept!fic? It's not an actual genre, I know, but the scifi/fantasy leaning stuff where I turn them into clones or barbie dolls or whatever. I always feel like I'm laying it on too thick with the dramatics, that my concept isn't clear enough or that I'm beating the reader over the head with it, and my usual style of inserting some funnies when the feelings get too much (technical term) doesn't quite work for this genre so while I love doing it occasionally, it also usually leads to me trying to remember why I even try to write slksdg
(i'm gonna save the reblog for the next time i actually post a ~real fic), but in the meantime, for the fanfic ask meme: F, G, K, N, & U (streetlightsky)
You 🤝🏻 me
putting stuff until we've posted a ~real fic
F: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?
Oddly, this was actually harder than expected? Going off of tags alone I came up empty, but in an unconventional way, I think green gloves by tetrapod could be feasibly considered a hurt/comfort fic; as in, two lonely, increasingly troubled people finding some semblance of solace in each other, however briefly. I'm in love with the introspective nature of the piece and all the descriptions of emotions. It feels incredibly raw and vulnerable and intimate, and it's unlike anything I've read in a long time, so, yeah. Also an unlikely candidate but replica by thermocline hits some of the same beats for me.
G: Care to share a favorite crack fic?
This is even harder because crack fic isn't a very popular genre in this fandom; or in general, across fic, I think? So I'm just gonna go with this one. Worth checking out for the unconventional format alone. Also, tabloid fodder.
K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?
Oh god 🙈 I share a lot of unhinged and/or angsty ideas in DMs but I'm not always committed to writing them - some are barely more than throwaway "hey imagine if..." kind of remarks that never really go anywhere.
Out of the ones I kind of started privately dabbling in in Docs...one of them involves gaslighting, drugging, abduction, and generally shitty behaviour from work colleagues and higher-ups. Another one deals with kidney failure, organ donation and transplants. Oh, and there was also a vaguely Orphan Black inspired AU in which Charles assumes his recently-deceased-in-tragic-cirumstances clone's identity as part of a con, becomes romantically entangled with Seb, and unravels the mystery of why (Perceval) ended his seemingly perfect life. So. Yeah. It gets...interesting sometimes.
N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?
All of them? 👉🏻👈🏻
My current main WIP, set during ~the initial lockdown from March to about June of 2020. I think it's a really interesting, bizarre period of time and I love the idea of exploring Seb and Charles's developing relationship through long-distance - they end up calling, texting, Zoom-ing. Then on top of the isolation and lack of racing and uncertainty about the season Charles also has to deal with Seb's contract not being renewed and the guilt and helplessness that stems from it and, you know, his own growing feelings for Seb; Seb, whose departure from the team is now both inevitable and imminent.
I'm still really attached to the idea but struggling with the execution since it's so introspective, there's not a lot of action since it's just a lot of Charles being stuck indoors and going about his life in a really mundane way, the tediousness of everyday life occasionally punctuated by an online race or an interview or whatever. I'm trying to find a way to find a way to convey the loneliness and lack of direction without necessarily making it feel like a chore to get through the fic, so, yeah.
Also, that one babyfic I really, really want to write and put out there but I'm struggling with how to...formulate it in a way that does the idea justice, especially considering it's a trope people generally don't care for at best, and actively dislike at worst.
U: A pairing you might like to write for, but haven’t tried yet.
As bizarre as it might sound...I'm kind of intrigued by the idea of Charles/Xavi? Okay, so I've found I'm an incurable monoshipper in this fandom and I sort of have a one pairing per driver limitation in my head - let's be real, nothing really captivates me the way Sebchal does, so it doesn't feel right to pair them off with other people; then again, I'm not really invested enough in other drivers to write about some of the other existing pairings out there, so it's all a bit of a stalemate.
Anyway, the relationship between drivers and their respective race engineers are definitely very intriguing, just the whole nature of it, the dependence, the trust that's needed - the race engineer is the only one that's "in the car" with the driver, and they rely on information from them to race as best as they can, so the potential for tension and pining is there. They also spend a lot of time together - during team briefings, in the garage, before the race, etc. So there's a lot of "excuses" for alone time, growing closer, becoming more and more familiar with each other. After a win, when emotions are running high, they share in the joy together. And yet there hasn't been a "big" driver/race engineer ship recognised by the fandom since Felipe and Rob way back when. Lewis and Bono have a bit of a following and I've definitely seen some fics, but still not anywhere close to the popularity of driver/driver ships.
For Charles/Xavi in particular I could see them sort of...falling into it. Maybe Charles is frustrated with the way his season is going; maybe this is 2019 and he's frustrated by Seb's "unavailability" and the way they're dancing around each other, and Xavi's there, and he's soaking up his joy and his anger and his disappointment, and he's dependable and he's kind and, well. Maybe it's one-sided, maybe it means more for Xavi that it does for Charles, who is still pursuing Seb - both emotionally and physically, on track, following like a shadow. But Charles still cares for Xavi, still considers him a friend - a close one, at that, someone he can be vulnerable around and put his trust in - even if he doesn't realise the depth of Xavi's feelings. So it all ends up being this tense emotionally messy love triangle-but-not-really.
Or maybe they just sleep together because it helps Charles keep a "clear head", especially in a season where they're blessedly competitive and he's actually fighting for something. I don't know, there's a lot of ways this could go, but it's a niche little pairing that I think could be worth mining and exploring a bit. Will I ever commit to writing it, beyond an odd drabble? I guess we'll see.
for the fanfic trope grading, here's a million: amnesia, spies au, royalty au, sickfic, coffee shop au, a/b/o, bodyguard (streetlightsky)
Hi, I've missed you 🥺 Also oh my gosh I love this list 👀
Amnesia: C: (Neutral. A good author might be able to sell it, but a bad one will kill it deader than dead.)
Ngl I haven't had much exposure to this trope in the fic realm? The first thing that came to mind for me was that one movie with Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum 🙈 It's not an outright no, but it feels kind of predictable? That being said everything is subjective to a degree and if you gave me a fic where, say, Seb's the one who has to convince Charles that after failboating for the longest time, yes, they did, against all odds, get together and had this established thing going on...I would be intrigued 👀 Especially since Charles is the one with all the unhinged incomprehensible words ("Ich liebe dich") and gestures (scrapbook helmet) while Seb's way of showing love and affection is a lot more subtle and he'd probably take it slower, reminding Charles of their traditions, inside jokes, favourite songs they share, places they enjoy visiting together, etc. But also it'd be interesting how he'd cope with Charles reverting to this...adoration from afar phase he was in, the way he was so starstruck with Seb that it made their initial interactions as teammates quite awkward. He'd probably have a hard time believing that anything came of his crush - and that Seb reciprocated his feelings! So yeah, never say never, I guess? But since that fic doesn't exist I'm just gonna go with not really my thing but not 100% against it either.
Spies AU: B (Like it. Not one of my bigger cravings, but it can scratch a certain itch if I’m in the right mood.)
Fun fact, I'm a big fan of spy movies and cyclically go through a mini James Bond phase every time a new 007 movie comes out. So this gets a big hell yes from me, at least in theory. Afaik there's not that many spyfics in this fandom, and certainly not ones where Sebchal's involved, because I probably would've had some recollection of that. So I can't really go on the quality of existing F1 RPF spyfics but it's something I'd like to see more of, I guess? In the rights hands I think it could be really great. I wrote a mini take on a James Bond AU in a F1 RPF setting many, many moons ago myself.
Royalty AU: D (Not my favorite. I avoid it if I can, but it won’t necessarily put me off reading something.)
This is another one of those tropes where I feel like I'd have to read a really, really interesting spin on it to be hooked? Preferably one that plays on already existing like...canon elements and just worldbuilds from there, as opposed to being like "oh this one person is an undercover prince" or, worse yet, making it a full-on historical setting. The one exception for me is Anastasia because that's my beloved childhood film and I'm very sentimental, lol.
Sickfic: D (Not my favorite. I avoid it if I can, but it won’t necessarily put me off reading something.)
Ngl I can't remember ever going to look for sickfic specifically? I mean it can be nice but having the main plot be just the sickness and caring for the sick partner aspect then that's not that interesting to me. Maybe if it's part of a larger fic that sort of deals with the ups and downs of an established relationship?
Coffee Shop AU: B (Like it. Not one of my bigger cravings, but it can scratch a certain itch if I’m in the right mood.)
Again this is one of those tropes I like in theory but my enjoyment hinges on the execution. Sometimes it also features as a sort of side-plot in college AUs, that's also cool. Christmasfic with an abundance of sweet seasonal caffeinated drinks is beloved around this time of year.
A/B/O: F (Hate it. Will immediately make me nope out of a fic.)
Look, not gonna lie, having grown up in the midst of the Twilight craze, at first the terminology used in those fics made me imagine this sort of...shapeshifter scenario where they're turning into actual wolves. But as I understand it they're...human, or at least human-shaped, just with animalistic traits and urges? I know, I know, but there's worldbuilding! That's the thing that doesn't appeal to me, though. This idea that one's inherently portrayed as "the protector" and the other inherently needs protection because of the like biological label they come assigned with and the sort of power dynamics at play here aren't...something that appeals to me I suppose. And if it's about the baby-having aspect then I mean...strip away the "wolf" stuff and call it magical realism/cosmic fuckery and I'd be happy with that, lol.
Bodyguard: C (Neutral. A good author might be able to sell it, but a bad one will kill it deader than dead.)
Again, this largely comes down to like... I haven't read many takes that I enjoyed, but I feel like it can be done in an interesting, fresh way? I'd enjoy an F1-set fic here where one is the other's security detail but they're still a driver and not like, a popstar or royalty or the president's son or something "out there" which is usually the case with this trope. Give me a take where they're begrudgingly warming to each other through the hours upon hours of commuting they have to do. Milling about the paddock together. Maybe there's nothing as dramatic as leaping in front of a bullet, but seeing some of the fan recordings of Charles especially and how people are often crowding his car, the chaotic scenes outside/inside hotels, etc... I think Seb would have his hands full, lol.
most memorable scene from any fanfic you've written: sebchal, obviously; in 'been a long year' where charles is in the bath and seb sits on the floor next to the tub with him. it's so quiet and tender and beautiful. please unpack and tell me more! <3 (streetlightsky)
Oh my gosh, I mean...just the fact that you've read it and that something stuck out to you means so much! <3
Fun fact, been a long year is stitched together from unfinished WIPs I'd started during the season in response to events happening in real time (situational fic my beloved) and new bits that I added specifically for the purpose of the fic to sort of tie all those elements together. I hadn't seen anyone really write about the thought process behind the Sebmet (and I'd spent hours thinking about it myself at that point) so that sort of became the "glue" in some way, one of the overarching themes of the fic.
Some of those WIPs were more self-indulgent than others (I just liked the bizarre vibes in Germany; the cold miserable weather, the way Charles turned up to the track wrapped up in about fifty layers, the almost liminal space a cancelled session provides.) Turkey and the aftermath was one of those moments that felt pivotal, like it demanded to be written about. I wasn't the first to explore this concept - a bunch of wonderful fics appeared in the days after the race. Most of them focused more explicitly on the smut aspect of hurt/comfort though, and I wanted to explore a different kind of physical intimacy (and just hint at where it might go towards the end of the scene.)
I also noticed that across fics, generally speaking, it's usually Charles who seeks Seb out, and I wanted to flip that and have Seb be the one who goes to Charles's room and initiates that interaction. Within the fic itself, I guess it kind of works as a reverse-parallel to the scene in Monza, where it's Charles hovering by Seb's door, the two of them having that moment in Seb's room. I associate shower scenes with spontaneity and smut, so I really wanted a bath scene in there, since it allows them to have a longer, more drawn-out quiet sort of introspective moment instead. There's that element of vulnerability there, both physical (Seb is dressed, Charles is not) and emotional (Charles openly aching for the race that could've been, the missed opportunity of sharing one last Ferrari podium with Seb in a season where that felt distant and attainable.) In terms of hard visuals, I was inspired by this photo from a (rather upscale) hotel in Istanbul - in my mind the entire post-race hotel segment is set there, though it's never explicitly mentioned by name.
Thank you again for reading the fic, I'm delighted you enjoyed it! <3
Jemma is eternallygrateful for Trip’s presence. With him around to distract Fitz,it’s easy for her to slip out of the gated pool area. Only Skyeseems to notice and she gives Jemma a brief thumbs up, hopefullymeaning that she too will work to distract Fitz, giving Jemma plentyof privacy.
She knocks on door113 and almost immediately hears a muffled “Come in.” Ward isstretched out on one of the two twin beds, his eyes fixed ahead on awall that boasts nothing but faded wallpaper. (Jemma and Skye havealready argued over whether it’s meant to be flowers or rabbits,but seeing the same pattern in here she wonders if it’s someaquatic theme.)
“Is that reallywise?” she asks, shutting the door firmly behind her. And lockingit too; if Ward thinks anything of that, he doesn’t say a word.“Inviting any stranger into your room at only a knock?”
His lips curl upand his eyes finally slide to her. “I knew it was you.”
“Really?” Sincehe didn’t seem bothered by her locking them in together, she takesa seat on the edge of the bed by his thigh. “Was it-?”
He shakes hishead. “I knowyour knock.” At her frown of confusion, he shrugs. “I knoweveryone’s knocks. And your footsteps and your snores-”
“I don’tsnore.”
He gives her alook.
“I don’t,”she insists. Maybe she makes some noise on the rare occasion she falls asleep inthe lab but that’s only because her body’s in an awkward positionslumped over her lab bench. When she sleeps normally, she’ssure she makes no noise atall.
“It’sa cute snore,” he says and that- that’s just silly. She looksaway, afraid she’s blushing like a tomato.
Shewas over this. Him. Or trying to be at any rate. And then five daysago, while they were trudging through the snow in search ofProvidence, fate saw fit to undo all her hard work.
Hesits up. His fingers brush her hair back from her face. The fainttouch echoes through her. If she had to compare it to something itwould be the sizzle of the Chitauri virus, only this is decidedlymore pleasant.
Hisfingers slide down to her chin, tipping it back up so she can meethis eyes. She can’t at all read what he’s thinking but shethinks—hopes—it’s approval. She knows she isn’t who he wantedbut-
“I’msorry,” he says.
“What?”The apology is so far from her current train of thought that it takesher a moment to think back in search of what he might be apologizingfor. But there’snothing. He’s done nothingat all to warrant an apology.
Hisface twists in that way it so often does when he feels he could havedone more to protect them. (Typically it’s seen in the lab whenshe’s stitching the six inch cut on his arm and he’s worryingover Fitz’s jammed finger, silly goose.) “I should have come backsooner.”
Shetakes his hand in hers, for the first time exploring the size of it.He’s so large, so manly. She’s always found that terriblyattractive.
“I’msure you did all you could. And we’re all safe—I won’t say itwas fun getting chased out of yet another base by the United Statesmilitary but no one was injured and we can’t ask for much more thanthat. And you’re here now.” She reaches out, resting her handover his cheek. She thinks he must feel her touch as deeply as shefeels his because he tips his head into her palm, his eyes slippingshut in quiet bliss. “That’s more than enough.”
Fora while they remain just like that. The light in the room is dim, thecheap bulb on its last legs. Outside LA is quieting down for thenight. Cars still whiz by but they’re fewer and farther between.There’s a happy shriek and a splash Jemma assumes comes from Skye.It’s all distant though, very far away from the two of them in thisroom. They could almost bethe only two people in the whole world.
Whenhis eyes finally open, they search her body. “Where-?”
Shesmiles coyly and folds her hands between her thighs. “Oh, I don’tthink we’re quite there yet.” She glances at the door. “Fitzdoes have a key, after all.”
“Itcan’t be that bad.”
Shetips her head to look at him just as his smile starts to fade.
“Canit?”
“Let’sjust say the only outfit you’ve seen me in that would show it isthe one I wore on the beach in France.”
Ward’sface freezes and for the first time ever she sees what might be thebeginnings of color blooming in his cheeks, but he shakes it awaybefore she can be sure. She makes a mental note to try to bring itback again at every opportunity. Purely out of scientific curiosityof course.
“Whatabout yours?” she asks.
Inlieu of answer, he strips off his shirt. She always gets something ofa thrill watching him do that and the effect is only multiplied now,knowing that she has a claim over his body and then seeingthat claim spelled out. The M’s in Jemma are somewhat compacted,curving as they do between his muscles, but the rest of her namespreads out quite nicely over his left pectoral.
Withoutconscious thought, she reaches out to touch it. He hisses in abreath, sounding so pained she snatches her hand back, only to haveit caught in midair.
“No,”he says. “That felt … good.” There’s something like a plea inhis eyes so she touches the soulmark again. She exerts no pressure atall, but he falls back anyway.
Shefollows him, goes up on her knees next to him. The feel of his muscles moving beneath her hand is intriguing, like she’s never touched another man before. Her other hand followsthe first, covering her name beneath her palms. Hisback arches and he lets out a moan that curls in her gut. She thinksabout the placement of her own mark and imagines how it will feel tohave him touch her there.
Shelifts her hands away, wishing suddenly for a bucket of cold water.
“Ithappened while we were searching for Providence,” she says.
He’sbreathing hard, frowning up at her like he can’t understand why shejust took away his favorite toy.
“Wewere trekking through the snow and I suppose that was good becauseeveryone thought I lost my footing, not that I’d gotten my mark.”
Understandingwashes over him. His hand comes up to cup her elbow, run up the backof her arm. It’s a familiar motion, soothing, protective.
“Youdidn’t tell them.”
“Ithink Trip realized. He’s seemed especially determined to befriendFitz ever since it happened. And I did tell Skye.” Jemma drops oneleg over the side of the bed, sitting on the other. “After we foundout the Fridge had fallen, she tried calling you but there was noanswer. She was worried sick so I told her. I thought it wouldreassure her.”
Hesmiles. “I don’t mind. But you know we’re gonna have to telleveryone eventually.”
Shedoes. But until he came back, she couldn’t shake the fear thatperhaps the coming of the soulmark was the last thing he felt before…She shakes herself. It’s the sort of thing that happens in romantictragedies, not real life. She should know better.
Hepulls her to him, laying her down against his shoulder. From thisangle, she can just see the last S in her name.
“I’msorry you had to hold onto this all alone,” he says.
“Skyeknew,” she reminds him but it’s not forgiveness and they both know it. Thepast few days would have been harrowing even without the coming ofher soulmark. But having it and not having him? That was the worstpart of all. “You were doing what was right,” she says, as muchto herself as to him. “You were protecting us.”
Hewas so determined to see Garrett locked away after all he’d done tothe team. And even with the Fridge falling and the mark coming on,which was sure to distract him (it hurt,far more than any literature on the subject indicated), he stillensured that they would be safe from him for good. He slayed themonster that’s been haunting their team for months. She can’tfault him for that.
“Yeah,”he sighs. His hand has found the edge of her sweater and his fingersare dancing idly over the exposed skin there. It feels good. Warm.
Sheshuts her eyes on the strange wallpaper, the might-be-octopuses dancing behind her eyelids. This may be just anotherstop, one more hiding place in what’s sure to be a string of many,but she’s never felt more at home.
A sequel to my decision is final (which isn’t necessary reading but you might wanna brush up on it anyway since it’s from 2016).
“So-” is allGrant gets out before Jack’s groaning. “What?”
That little facetwists up to him with a seriously?expression that’s so much like Kara it hits him like a punch.(Which is, honestly, also a lot like Kara. She was deceptivelytiny and packed a hell of a right cross.) He’s got his homework spread out in front of him on thecoffee table, spelling sheets and multiplication drills and maps ofthe thirteen colonies all mixed up and he goes back to it while hetalks.
“That’syour serious voice. You only use it when we’re gonna talk.”
Grantrests on the edge of the couch, glad Jack’s too engrossed in hiswork to see his frown. Is he really that easy to read when he’stalking to his son? That’s kinda scary. Or it’s just a testamentto Jack’s skills at reading people. He’ll go with that one forthe moment.
“WellI was hoping we could. This is kinda serious.”
Jack’spencil freezes halfway through Mississippi. His little shouldersshake. “Are we moving again?” he asks softly.
Grantwinces. Technically they’ve only “moved” the once—that wasGrant’s gentle way of breaking it to Jack that they were nevercoming back to the Hub—but he used the same words again last yearwhen Gonzales’ people ran them out of the Playground. That time wasmore of a vacation than a move since they’re back to living herenow, but it had to be scary for a kid who went through the uprisingonly nine months earlier. And just a few short months before that helost Kara, had to be transferred from the Treehouse to the Hub.
“No,”he says firmly. “We’re not moving. This is a good talk.”
Jackbounces on his butt to turn on the spot. “How good? Are we gettinga dog?”
Fitz.He’s been angling for a dog for weeks and lately has started ropingJack into his requests.
“Nota dog. But I’m hoping we’ll get something better.” He checksthe exits, makes sure no one else has come into the lounge in the fewminutes he’s been here, and then just for good measure leans downclose to Jack to whisper, “How would you feel if I asked Jemma tomarry me?”
Amillion emotions flicker across that little face but all too quicklythey settle into what is unmistakably disappointment.
“Ornot,” Grant says quickly. The words tear at him—he knows betterthan to get his hopes up about anything but he’s maybe beenenvisioning the three of them together as a family—but Jack’s themost important person in his life, if he’s got something againstJemma then that has to be taken into account. “I don’t have to. Iwas just thinking- well, I thought you liked her. That you might notmind if she became your-”
Whilehe talks, Jack’s head lowers. A fact that’s quickly becomingdistraught hiding behind unruly hair.
“Superboy?”Grant asks, resting a hand on his shoulder.
“Icalled her ‘mom,’” he mumbles, the words barely audible.
Grantsuppresses a flinch. “When?”
“Afterwe came back from Uncle Christian’s.” So after the Gonzaleshubbub. That was ages ago.
“Wellthat’s okay. What’d Jemma say?” She never mentioned it. Coldfear crawls down his spine. Maybe she had good reason not to. What ifit’s not Jack’s feelings he has to worry about?
Theshoulder beneath Grant’s hand shrugs. “I dunno. I was in bed.”
Not exactly a good reason for her not to answer him but… “Thenwhat’s the problem?”
“Ishouldn’t’ve!” His head pops up, red with fury. “Ishouldn’t’ve called her that because she’s not! She’s not mymom! I don’t have a mom! She’s dead! She’s dead and she left meand-” He cuts off with a hiccup when Grant pulls him into hischest. He’s so much bigger than he was the night they rescued himfrom AIM but he’s still so small, just a kid stuck in this world ofvery adult problems. Hell, even Grant feels too young to be dealingwith most of the shit they see on a daily basis, and poor Jack’sright in the middle of it all.
Heholds him close, rocking him the way he did when Jack was a baby and up all night with a rough cough. Eventually the tears run out—afterleaving behind a cold mucus stain on Grant’s shirt—and Jack’scries quiet to sniffles.
“Yourmom loved you,” Grant says softly, his voice roughened by his owntears. “More than anything in the whole world. The day she foundout she was having you-” He chuckles. Kara came right up to him,told him she was pregnant and keeping it and she didn’t care whathe thought about it. “She loved you right then.”
Jack’sfist tightens in Grant’s shirt and a faint whine escapes him. Itdoesn’t take a genius to figure out he’s feeling guilty forrepaying her by calling someone else by her special title.
Grantpulls back enough to see him. “But you know what? I think she’dbe pretty sad right now.”
“Becauseof me?” He sounds so miserable, Grant’s gotta give him a squeeze.
“Becauseshe’d want you to be happy. She wouldn’t want you feeling bad forcalling Jemma ‘mom.’ Your mom would’ve been so soglad to know you found someone else who loves you that much, whomakes you feel safe and cared for the way she did. Andif that’s what Jemma does, then you shouldn’t feel bad forcalling her that.”
Jackgives a faint sniffle and wipes at his eyes. “You really thinkso?”
“Iknow so.”
Hisface is still mottled from all that crying but he manages a hopefulsmile. “Do you think Jemma would wanna be my mom?”
He sets his earlier, foolish fears aside; he’sseen Jemma with Jack. There’s no way she doesn’t love him. “I think she definitely would.” Grantscrunches one side of his face. “Do you think Jemma would wannamarry me?”
If that look earlier was Kara’s the long pause he gives now is definitely Grant’s. “Hmmm. Maybe.Can she still do experiments if she marries you?”
“Definitely.”
“Didyou get her a real pretty ring?”
Grantmakes another check of the doors but either this is just a reallyweird time where no one’s coming in or they heard enough of Jack’scrying jag to make themselves scarce. Either way, they’re clear.
Hepulls the box out of his pocket. “What do you think?”
Heexpects Jack to oooo and ahhh but he surprises him by taking the time to turn the ringover in his hands, carefully considering every facet of it beforegiving a firm nod. “Looks good! She’ll definitely say yes.”
Granthugs him close again. “I hope so, superboy. And you know if shesays no, that doesn’t mean she loves you any less, right?”
Jackrolls his eyes and slips back to the ground and his homework. Theonly sign of his distress is the quick hand he swipes across hisnose. “I know.”
Grantgives it a few seconds, enjoying the sight of his kid doing somethingso mundane as homework before he moves to stand, tousling his hair onthe way.
“Dad?”Jack asks before he’s done more than shift his weight to his feet.
“Yeah?”
“You’rereally sure mom wouldn’t mind?”
Jack’snot looking at him, but Grant smiles anyway. “I really am.”
Hewaits another second, just to be sure, and like he thought there’sanother, even more tentative, “Dad?”
