Dec 25, 2022
Merry Strexmas, peasants.
Now get back to work.
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Merry Strexmas, peasants.
Now get back to work.
"Merry Strexmas to all."
Ahem. I, and my family, would like to wish all Strexcorp employees a very Merry Strexmas. May your holiday be filled with love, joy, and the agonized screams of your enemies as you brutally sacrifice them under the judging glow of your Strexmas Tree.
For those of you who are unfortunate enough to have birthdays around the Strexmas holiday, do not fret. Strexcorp is keeping a list of those who think they're being sneaky when they give you half of your deserved presents in an attempt to save money or passive-aggressively display their bigoted disapproval of your personal life choices.
We see you. We know. And we have a special place for you.
You have been warned.
I know who really comes down the chimney every year. It's a Strex employee. Instead of giving presents, you unleash strexpets to destroy the decorations, or leave strex pills. And instead of eating the cookies you eat the person who made the cookies.
Actually, a drugged up government bear comes down your chimney. And I cannot confirm not deny that our Strexpets do that.
I can’t make any promises about our newest model, the Super Deluxe Strexpet Extreme, though.
Attention Desert Bluffs Citizens!
I'm sure you're all aware that tomorrow is December 1st, which marks the beginning of a very joyous time of year: the Strexmas Season! Be sure to make all the necessary preparations for this holiday! We don't want you scrambling to get everything done at the last minute like you did last year. Isn't that right, Jeremy? You disappointed your town and your Smiling God so much. For shame, Jeremy!
Stop by StrexMart to get all of your mandatory holiday needs today! We're offering a special on Strexmas trees, complete with all the viscera garlands, baubles and yellow and orange lights that will surely make your tree the envy of all your neighbors. That's what the holidays are all about, right? Making sure you get the best, most expensive things for the least amount of money possible. Consumerism is what makes this a truly magical time of year!
Merry Strexmas,
-Divina Sonriente-Free
CFO of Strexcorp Synernists Inc, Southwestern Branch
(( Since I missed Christmas have some slightly belated Diego. Strexmas party didn't go his way and the party hadn't didn't help ))
"First of all it's STREXMAS and depends what you mean by special but I do have plans, I'm organised like that"