Rock Station Promo
“You’re listening to: Granite”
*Drum Thing*
*Guitar Thing*
(2-5 sultry women) “ThE gRaNiTe” (1 woman) *moan*
“One Oh Six Nine Nine Nine”
(DJ Khaled) “We the best music!”
(Buddy Holly by Weezer) “What’s in his hands it’s yeah it’s in his hands--” (Guitar solo from Buddy Holly by Weezer)
“The hard rock station of (midwestern city)”
(Chorus to Hash Pipe by Weezer) “I got my hash pipe. I got my hash pipe. You got your problems. I got my hash pipe.”
“Only on One Oh Six Nine Nine Nine”
(2-5 sultry women, one of them is choking) “OnLy On OnE oH sIx NiNe niNe NinE ARGH COUGH ARGH AGH AGHELP ARGH”
(Island in the Sun by Weezer) “On an island in the sun--” (cut to muted vocals only) “Where we’re playing and havin’ fun.”
(The band Weezer pops in, unsynced) *Clear background noise from a crowd comes in* “One Oh Six Nine Nine Nine!” (One of them yells:) “The Granite!” *confused murmuring from the others*
(Buddy Holly guitar solo plays again)
“We ONLY play the HARDEST ROCK”
(One of those guys from Weezer comes on, like that lead singer guy, whatshisface) “Hey what’s up guys,” *desperate coughing like he’s dehydrated*, “I’m (whathisface), and from now on, this station is under MY control!”
(Advertisement for gum begins to play) “Have you ever not brushed your teeth in the morning?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” (They are quirky and relatable and real people)
(A cacophony of various Weezer songs play) (In the midst, a clip from JG Quintel’s Close Enough plays) “Hope you guys like Weezer.”
(Goes silent (except for gum ad: “Just eat it!” “No!” “Fuckin eat it you slime!”) for chorus of Say it Ain’t So by Weezer) “Say it ain’t sooooOOOoooOOOooo. Your love... is a heart-breaker!”
(gum ad) “Woah, this flavor is long lasting!” “Yup, all that and more with Fork Gum’s arrow flavor--”
(Interrupted by Weezer’s cover of Toto’s Africa) “Nothing more than a hundred ways to keep me from yoooouuuu! I bless the rains down in AAAAFRRRIIICCAAA! Gonna do some things that will have us never even haaaAAAaaadDDDDddddd!”
“Next up on GRANITE:”
“This is MY STATION!” *yelling* *a chair is upended*
(My Name is Jonas by Weezer plays at the same time as the halfway point in The Sweater Song by Weezer)
“H-h-hope you guys like W-w-w-eezer-zer-zer-zer.”
“Fork Gum. It’s like that other gum but good.” “I’m never brushing my teeth ever again!” “Haha no don’t do that.”
“Granite!
