A #visualrepresentation of my #trainsofthought at any given moment. Probably why I am so easily flustered by interruptions. It’s not easy to get back on that many tracks once you’ve been derailed, much less get back to where you left off. #frustratedwithmyoldbrain #strungalong #knottoday
Now guys, this post is tailored for women, but it is suited for everyone. I encourage everyone to read and be informed because you may have a cousin, sibling, nephew, niece, aunt, uncle, friend, etc. that knows that they are being strung along, but haven't done anything about it. By the end of this post, you will have done a self examination as it relates to being strung along and stringing someone else along. Please don't stop reading until the end. This is a topic that forever tugs at my heart and I know someone can be changed as a result of my obedience to share.
Well, no time to waste, so.. What does the term "stringing along" mean?
Urban Dictionary said it best:
"The term 'stringing along' is defined as:
The act of dragging out a relationship with someone while having dishonest intentions. This can be applied to friendships or dating. The person stringing along the victim usually is getting something selfish or one-sided out of the situation such as sex, money or attention from others. This usually ends poorly for the person being strung along. The victim is sometimes aware of the situation but does not break the cycle due to them being a tool, insecure, spineless or gaining something less from the relationship such as not being completely alone even though they are being used."
Let me reiterate that I will be targeting women in this post. Guys, I really do love you all a lot, but because I am a woman (young lady, for the technical people) myself, I will probably be able to reach them better than I would you guys. But, it won't hurt to read it!
First of all, ALL guys are not 100% focused on sex, money, attention, etc. There are really genuinely nice guys out there. Not all of them fail to see your worth.
Are you in a relationship (official or not) that you know is not beneficial, but you're holding on because you love him, you don't want to start over with someone else, he's your everything, or because he's all you see? Well, whatever the case, you have to let go.
How do I know that I am being strung along?
1. He won't make it official. He's one way in private, and another in public. Yall's "relationship" is on and off.
He gives you so many reasons why a relationship is not for the two of you. He gives you every reason except the one that states that he's just stringing you along.
He makes so many promises when you two are alone, but when you are out in public, he acts as if he doesn't even know you exist. When he's around his boys, he lets his pride take over. He treats you like one of his props, something he uses. DO NOT SETTLE FOR BEING A FRIEND WITH BENEFITS, PLAN B, SIDE-CHICK, OPTION, OR LAST RESORT. How do you ever plan on moving on if you're still going out of your way to please him? If he can't publicly show you that he genuinely appreciates you, he's not the one. If he "appreciates" you just for your body, your money, your car and everything else he can get out of you, he's not the one. If he was the one, he would respect you. He wouldn't belittle you every chance he got. He would, instead of picking out all of your flaws, accept them and love you despite the imperfection. He would honor the fact that your body is God's temple, crucify his flesh, and wait until marriage. If he was the one, he would make it obvious that he wanted to be with you and he would pursue you God's way.
2. You're always taking up for him.
Everybody is always telling you that he's not it. I'm not talking about the "nay-sayers and haters." I'm talking about those people that are spiritually in tune with the will of God; those people that know that you know better. Instead of giving ear to them, you say, well he's going to change eventually. I can't let him go. He's been acting right lately. Knowing that the only reason he's acting interested is because you went over his house last night, you gave him a ride, or because you supported him at his game (not realizing that his other option was sitting two rows behind you).
3. He doesn't want to commit, but he doesn't want to let you go either.
He shoots you a text every now and then, asking how you're doing, calling just to check up on you, but his motives aren't right. That's his way of making sure that you're still there when all of his plans and options fail him. If you've asked, "Why won't he just let me go?" you're being strung along. Promise. You may lie and say that it doesn't affect you or that "it's just a little text," but that's where it all starts. What you allow is what will continue.
4. You're not benefiting from it.
Where's your joy? Your drive? Your passion? Is being with this person making you a better person, or is your identity locked away in this "relationship?"
5. You're trying to pursue him, you have no standards, and you don't walk in your worth.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord. - Proverbs 18:22
The scripture says that he who finds a wife....pause. Let's stop there. He who finds a wife.. hm. Nowhere in this verse do you see, "She who finds a husband, finds a good thing." That's the whole point. He is supposed to pursue you. You shouldn't be chasing him down! Let him find you. If he's not doing that, he's not the one. Simple as that.
6. You're in denial.
If you're honestly over him, good job, kudos to you, but you are not my focus. My focus is on the ladies who will be honest with themselves and say, "I'm just not over him. I just say that hoping that not only will people believe me, but that I will convince myself." One thing I've learned is that if you're not willing to be honest with yourself, you will never get anywhere. "Denial doesn't change anything, just prolongs it." After struggling for a while, I had to literally sit down and do a re-evaluation. I said, okay, Kayleon. This relationship is over, and it was over before the words "It's over" ever came into the picture. Obviously, this relationship was not what I had intended it to be. But, one thing I refuse to do is beat myself up for it. Yes, I may have crying spells every now and then, but that doesn't mean that I should turn around and go back. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change what has happened and that is one thing I just have to accept.
"When people walk away from you, let them go. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people or that you’re a failure, it just means that their part in your story is over. Letting go of certain people isn’t saying I hate you, It’s saying,”I LOVE ME!” Celebrate the change of seasons."
I can't give you 5 steps to get over him, because I've learned that everyone heals differently, so what it took for me might not work for you. What I will say, however, is that it will take you reaching the point of "enough is enough" for you to finally seek freedom and get it.
If you say, "Well, okay. Now what?"
SIMPLY focus on Christ.
Seriously. The rewards that come with freedom in Christ and His love (the ultimate love) are indescribable. I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.
Let's pray..
God, I love You. I pray that You touch everyone that took out time to read this post. I pray that someone's life is changed and that You get all of the glory. For those that don't know You, we know that this is the root of the problem. Give them the desire to know You. Help us to be free in You. Free us from any and everything that is not pleasing to You. Whether it's a relationship, habit, or anything else. If You're not getting the glory, it's not worth it. When You remove those things from us, give us the strength to cope. Give us that indescribable joy and peace that only You can give. Give us hope and remind us that trouble doesn't last always. Again, we love You. We thank You for keeping us and watching over us from the beginning. It's in Jesus' name that we pray, Amen.
My heart goes out to every individual struggling with an unhealthy "situationship." I strongly encourage you to get out of it right away. Believe it or not, I didn't go too much in depth in this post, so there may be some lingering questions or advice that you need. Please be sure to contact me if so. Doesn't matter if your a guy or a gal; I just want to help you. You can send me a message on Facebook, email me ([email protected]), send a message on Kik (Kay.Kay24), DM me on Instagram (kay2kay4) or even use the 'Ask Me Anything' link on this page. You have the option to ask anonymously. Whatever it takes... It hurts my heart when people think that they can't trust anyone. Some people, including myself actually care. I used to feel the same way, so I know, in my own way, what it feels like. Whatever is said between us, stays between us. I promise.
Thanks for taking the time out to read! You will never know how much it means to me.
If you have any ideas concerning topics you think I should blog about or anything you want explained, please let me know. I'd greatly appreciate it!
