okay this is so not studyblr related but I took a break to focus on school and my life especially spiritually. I was in kind of a dump. I went to class, passed (hallelujah) but didn't do it effectively. I went on vacation but didnt really do any studying or planning. I just came back living alone for the first time and things were hectic. I went to a few spiritual conferences where I really learned to let go. Not just plan things or hide secrets. Really let go of everything and start from there.
And it worked. I was less worried of what people thought of me or how things were gonna go. Honestly these few months were a mess. I blindly applied for a job on campus, not even thinking I would manage to get the interview. I did and during the interview I thought, "honestly I'm just gonna wing it. If I get it, then God really wants me to get this job". After the conference, miraculously, I get the job. The shock doesn't kick in until minutes later while I'm reading the email.
I get a part time job on campus, I'm accepted into the programs, i get an idea of what I wanna do in life, I cut off all those toxic family drama and focus on me. I find I have less days where I stay in bed doing nothing and I realize how much shit I have to do. I'm taking it one step at a time. And that's okay. I found stuff I enjoy doing now! I've taken up penpals! I started to invest in stationary and use it instead of hoarding it in my room.
I'm more careful with money. I start to do things with purpose. I've learned to grasp the bigger picture instead of worrying about myself. I can differentiate between being selfless for myself and others. I learn to socialize genuinely instead of faking it. It's like I was given new lens and I like it.
I know there will be more responsibilities but I think mentally I'm more ready to take it on. I feel like we talk about mental health in general but not about ourselves. I learned that spending time with family back home, their views were not mine. I couldn't live in a lifestyle like that and it made me stressed. They probably think I'm ungrateful or bratty, but to be Frank, I cant find myself to care. I spent so much time repairing relationships that I thought were broken but they werent my job to fix.
I found myself irritated which normally I wasn't. And some people would fake concern and tell me "you're not like this". Because they don't know how I am. I've been bottling it in for so long. And it's okay to get irritated. It's okay to have fights. Because in these moments where I'm vulnerable, I can see who are my real friends.
Again, this is not a studyblr post. I've been MIA for a year, occasionally liking and reblogging stuff. But this is a community that has helped me in the long run. I want to return the favour.
Please reblog, or like this post if you think someone can relate or if this is helpful. We need more people to understand that mental illness is no joke. We have days where we feel like a slump. It's perfectly okay. No one is expecting you to be composed all the time.
And soon, when I have the time and when I can, I will start posting actual content. All this time I was worried it wasn't aesthetic enough but honestly no one cares. As long as your study notes or techniques help you, that's all that matters.
This is just a reminder to take care of yourself. Physically, emotionally and mentally. Love you guys,
