#stutter talk

[yesididstutter]

Everyday I Stutter

I have woken up everyday for 23 years. I have stuttered everyday for nearly as many years. I will, hopefully, go to sleep tonight, God willing, I’ll wake up tomorrow, and guaranteed, I will stutter then too. It won’t go away as long as I don’t either. As much as I may hate it, my stutter is apart of me. It’s apart of my story but it will not be the period at the end of my sentence. It’s just a comma, telling me to take a break. A semi colon saying, hey pause and start again. As long as I’m here, my stutter is too. But there are worse places I could be, worse things I could have. I wake up and so does my stutter but that does not mean my confidence gets to sleep.

[yesididstutter]

Would anyone be interested in a stutter podcast?

I have no idea how to set up a podcast but I’ve been thinking about starting one..? Would anyone be interested and listen or have topics or anything? I know there are a few but they mainly tell other peoples stories. I’d like to stay focused on keeping it general and applying it to everyone. I don’t know. But for real.. please let me know.

[yesididstutter]

What you can’t have

You know the ironic thing about stuttering is it is a constant game of wanting what you can’t have. You want to order something specific, ask a question, say something, but you can’t. You just want fluency but you can’t have that either. One won’t necessarily solve the other, but it sure would help. And its infuriating. Have I tocuhed on that yet? It’s simply infuriating. Because no matter how much you want it, there’s not a whole lot you can do. So people’s reaction is to tell you to want something else. Want to have a day of fluency, to be happy, to enjoy yourself. But I want what I can’t have. I already said that. I just want it. Because everyone else gets it. So why can’t I. I’ll stutter right through that menu because damnit Louis I want my steak medium well. What I can’t have is permanent in the case of my stutter, but I can still have what I can’t have, because I want it.

[yesididstutter]

Stand Up

Now this is a personal story that I'm going to turn into a plea so bear with me. Today at lunch, I had a hell of a time ordering. So my aunt says, "just point to it". I cried all through lunch and in the Uber I got just to escape the situation. The worst part was that my mom and sister were there and said nothing. They've spent more time with me than anyone and didn't care to stand up. I can't even order lunch without being picked on. By my own family. And then they won't stand up for me. This one is for the non-stutterers: stand up. Be an ally. Help our voices be heard. No one will ever shame you for sticking up for them. They'll shame you for talking over them as if their stutter is taking up too much of their time. Stand up for your voice, his voice, her voice, their voice. Stand up, tall.

[yesididstutter]

Everyone’s a Doctor

People love to give me their opinion of why I have a stutter or how to fix it. Especially now that I’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. 

“Maybe your stutter is because of your anxiety”

“This medicine will help mellow you out. It might help with your stutter too.”

My favorite was a psychiatrist telling me to talk slowly and see if that would help. What a novel idea. I can Wikipedia too, bud. The reason this bothers me so much, is because I never asked for your help or advice on this. I told you about it to explain myself and let you know what’s going on. Not to get your advice, that I know has good intentions. I see this and I realize this, but the thing is, I don’t need a doctor. I just need you to say okay and move on. Not suggest I get a brain scan to see if I have a tumor. Not to tell me my disorder is causing another one. I just need you to listen. Not everyone’s a doctor. And that’s okay.