#sub feels

[itallstartedwithabook]

Kinda a personal post

So this month, thanks to @lilinas I’ve discovered the amazing YouTube channel ‘Watts the Safeword’ with @pupamp and Bolt. With everything from tutorials to vlogs to Q&A, it’s amazingly sex-positive, kink-positive, and educational. 

Their videos, especially the ones with Amp and @mrkristopherweston , have been so helpful for me. For some/a couple of my followers you might be familiar with my anxiety - well unfortunately it contributes to a pretty significant block regarding sex/sexuality/kink/porn etc. Watching these videos has been a part of an recent effort on my part to kind of reclaim what I’ve been rejecting, if subconsciously. I’ve been really enjoying exploring the channel, and I’m very grateful to them for putting that content out there.

Also on a less succinct note. Fuck. Subbing still fucking calls to me. Today I watched Amp’s vlog at a leather/kink convention (I think), and despite the fact that this particular one seemed like all men (?) I was so fascinated. Even snapshots of people in that headspace was tempting, seeming comfortable and open with each other. And even more so, a vlog where Kristopher hogtied Amp in the middle of a park took my breath away. The beautiful trust they have, how comfortable Amp looked in the rope...it’s like something under my skin wants it.

So idk this post is just kinda personal update I guess? Still a lot of work to do and progress to make. But I’m happy for this new addition. Acknowledging that this is still a thing to me, even if it never comes to fruition, is important.

[itallstartedwithabook]

I had a dream last night, i forget the context but it was like some kind of intense LARP/role play scenario, i was on the good guy side. some guy suggested for one of our side to get captured, tied up, and punished or something. my body response gave me away so he smirked and was like want it to be you? or something. it was like the person would be tied down facing a row of guys from the “bad” side - i think at first it would be whipping? I asked dream!boyfriend and he was okay with it but i still said no. then the scene changed and it was something like the person would be spanked and flogged (and the flogger was just enough soft/sting) and this time i really wanted to cuz H was gonna be a part of it. But it didn’t happen and I don’t know why. 

[itallstartedwithabook]

I’m gonna show this tag to him someday

[itallstartedwithabook]

so i had another amazing dream last night, there were details surrounding it but basically I think half of it was with a woman and half with a man. there was bondage, both rope and like a lacy fabric wrapped around my upper body. some playful/minor humiliation etc. I just remember being so excited for it and feeling amazing

[hyperbo-lee]

my friend just told me to go to bed, not like a suggestion or anything, like a command, and it felt like such a relief, like i was being given permission

[itallstartedwithabook]

I had a daydream fantasy of being tied up for the first time by an imaginary partner and it was his first time doing anything kinky too and there was a ton of communication and my dream self was super turned on even though the bondage scene was nonsexual to introduce us to it. We did the sling tie from watts the safeword that i watched the other day.

i wanna cry it was sooo nice

[itallstartedwithabook]

Last night I had a dream, Ds related. I wish I could remember the specifics. The best thing I could compare it to would be something you sign up for, they had three different options/tracks? But it was different setups to scene with the people that worked there. And with each track once you did the first step you could do the next? Something like that. It was a business. I remember seeing a lot of bondage frame setups.

But the important parts. Certain porn stars I’ve been vocal about liking were present and involved. And none of it involved sex. I was tied up multiple times in multiple ways. I remember one where my upper body was all tied up and one of the Doms was pulling on it playfully to show me how tied up I was. There was an ass plug at one point - interesting. And I definitely remember a crop was involved at one point on my ass.

But mostly the bliss, the trust, the security. I felt safe and happy. Sigh. And then afterward I was chatting with all the people there all friendly like. It was great.