#subconscious behavior

[decolonization00000]

Colonization is when a native can’t be their best self because a foreigner watching nearby will get high blood pressure, start screaming or some type of outlandish reaction, trying to check the natives’ behavior to fulfill their colonial Masters’ grand plan.

[09-30-19]

Social Chameleon.

One of my current struggles I deal with in my social life (online and in real life) is that my social behavior changes when I meet new people or interact with friends and acquaintances because of the strong-urging sole purpose to be interesting, well-liked, and admired by them.

Call me a social chameleon—camouflaging myself when in social settings to mingle and/or fit in with various types of diverse people, groups, and (their) personalities.

[knifepit]

Well, I'd better go to sleep now because he said he'd talk to me in the morning.

Now, whether that means text or call, I don't know, but either way, I sure as hell don't want to miss it.

[knifepit]

I blame my parents for almost everything that went wrong in my life. Don't let yourself be just another effect.. I mean, look, I used to do really well in school. I used to think school work was fun. I used to think school in general was fun. I wanted to do summer school and my dad said no. The advanced program wanted me, but my dad said no. I didn't even get any recognition for my good grades, yet my brother got yelled at every night for not trying in school. So I stopped trying. And you know what happened? I got their attention. Fuck. I screwed myself over because all along, I just subconsciously wanted attention from my parents. That's all it's ever been. I mean, when I think about things like this, I find that the root causes of my base problems is my parents neglecting me. Man, I really need to be seeing a psychologist again..