so, pull me closer » jung subin
summary: jealousy has never been something subin approves but after seeing you slowly slipping away from his fingers, he can't help but give in.
g: fluff, slight angst.
warnings/side notes: fem reader x subin. friends to lovers dynamic. this is one of my first drafts in here, I don't really know what was I thinking nor why i'm posting it because it's so so bad, but I found it and wanted to show you, as well as fulfill one of the requests in my inbox. hopefully you'll like it! ><
Jealousy is a wicked, tricky monster and it doesn't suit him, Subin knows it.
Subin knows, as well as he knows many other things, that after all the time and effort he has invested in making his crush on you a healthy thing, it would be stupid from him to be mad. It would be dumb and childish, he knows. But even though he knows, he can't help feeling annoyingly unsettled at seeing you with Byungchan.
Deep in his heart he knows that there's no reason to feel that way because you and him aren't even a thing, so he tries —and tries hard— to ignore the voice in his head that whispers and makes him sick. It's tiring, especially after a long day in which he had to deal with a particular unpleasant sight in front of him, but he still tries.
You have always been a good friend of them. Ever since they've met you, you have always been there to listen to their worries and offer a shoulder to cry on, you have always been up to share your passions, achievements, hopes and dreams with them and celebrate theirs, and you have always been the person who makes them laugh the most at home.
All of them treasure your friendship just as if they have been lifelong friends with you, and at some point in the past some of them had developed a crush on you. Fortunately and thanks to the boundaries you yourself established from the very beginning, their platonic love had vanished into thin air after a while and only the god things had prevailed. It worked well for almost all of them, but not for Subin.
For him, you were the type of person one only meets once in life. Everything about you is special to him, from your wise and smart words to the bad jokes that only matched Chan's and the little details that kept him awake more than once, looking at the moon and wondering if you could ever be his. Your smile, your laugh, your hilarious or attractive gestures, your cute personality that wasn't meant to be cute but was anyway, the golden gleam in your eyes under the dim lights in the living room... everything.
You were kind and generous, dearing in a way he could only describe as warm and driven by the heart, and he was in love with you.
It escalated from a little teenager-like crush to real love, and he wasn't proud, but he wasn't ashamed either. You were worthy, and even when confessing wasn't part of his plan of loving you silently, he always felt that exasperating need of being close to you. You were one of his closest friends, one of the few people who were able to reach him and see the real Subin. He didn't wanted to lose that, so he stayed silent every time you were alone and you looked at him with your big, beautiful eyes, as if you knew his secret and wanted to hear it from his lips.
He stayed silent and maybe that has been his biggest mistake. He knows it now, the burning in his chest that has nothing to do with happiness tells him that he has been stupid.
Over the screen of his phone he can see you laughing, cuddling in the couch with his taller band mate and enjoying your day off with giggles and a movie.
You arrived there not long ago and you were all in the same room, some of you actually watching the movie and the others (like Subin) playing videogames or scrolling through your social media feeds. You were snuggled happily in Byungchan's arms, and even when it wasn't a rare sight for any of you since you were used to be like that with all of them, it felt different that day.
Byungchan was looking at you in a way that Subin couldn't quite conceive, and the fact they you weren't conscious of it was even more upsetting. Subin knew, as well as he knew many other things, that his other six members were aware of his crush on you. They had been a pain in the ass for months, encouraging him to go and get the girl but eventually gave up at not seeing results.
Byungchan knew, but Subin couldn't really blame him. You were gorgeous, in and outside, and he didn't had any right to stop you or stop him. Subin had always wanted you to be loved by someone worth of your love. His only problem, though, was that he wanted to be that person. Not Byungchan, not any random and just as gorgeous stranger, not anybody else. Him.
Tolerate it, Subin thought. If she wants to date someone else because you haven't had the balls to confess, it would only be your fault, you idiot. The voice in his head was irritatingly right. It didn't stopped him from being mad. In fact, it infuriated him more.
With a growl he threw his phone in the couch he was sitting on, catching everyone's attention. He cringed, cursing under his breath.
"Subin?," Seungsik looked up from the YouTube video he was watching, brows furrowed and worry in his voice, "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah"
You and the boys exchanged a look, some of them knowing exactly what was going on and the rest of you hella confused.
"You don't look like it"
Byungchan spoke and Subin tried not to glare. Really, he tried. He shrugged, his eyes not as sweet and his features not as relaxed as before. He was tense, but he didn't wanted to snap. Not in front of you.
"Byungchan-ah," a ray of understanding hit their leader and signaled everyone the hallway, "Should we leave them alone for a bit?"
The rumor of common agreement occurred and everyone stood up, including yourself.
"Not you, y/n"
Before you could ask, all of them were out of sight and you shrugged, approaching Subin and taking a sit beside him. You put a hand on his knee, caressing with your fingertips the soft fabric of his jeans to catch his attention.
"What is it?"
Subin's eyelids flickered, "It's just-"
"Are you tired or something?," he seemed to struggle so you tried to help, watching in confusion as he said no.
"So what's wrong, then?"
"Tell them to come here again, it's okay," Subin sighed, looking at his intertwined hands on his lap, "Tell Byungchan to come back with you"
You blinked, one, two, three times. "What?"
A quick glance at Subin told you that he didn't mean to say that out loud. He was clearly fighting back his emotions and you grimaced, not used to this side of him. In his expression you could see guilt and fear, his cautious eyes were roaming all over your face in search of something you couldn't quite comprehend.
"What does Byungchan have to do with anything?"
Subin shook his head, not really wanting to speak but when you took his hand in yours, you could clearly see his resolutions disappear.
"Do you like him?"
The question took you by surprise and you nodded, trying to figure out were the conversation was going, "Of course I like him, he's a nice person and he is my friend"
Subin glanced at you, frowning and biting his lip.
"Oh! You mean, do I like him?"
"Yeah"
You thought about your answer in silence for a moment. You and him were good friends, and you liked him particularly for being nice to you whenever you felt under the weather. He was the kind of friend who would hug you closely and would listen at you first before giving sincere and objective advice, the kind of friend who always had the right words for every situation and if you were honest, he was one of the people you trusted the most.
But no. You didn't thought of him as a romantic interest because your heart was already taken by someone else. A someone who wouldn't ever be yours if you didn't do something to get him first.
"Well, no"
"Are you sure? because he likes you"
You threw your head back and laughed, surprised and genuinely amused. "Is that why you are being so grumpy for? You think I like Byungchan?"
Subin tried to remove his hand from yours, nodding to hide the blush on his cheeks. You took his face in your hands, your warm palms against his even warmer skin.
It was funny, you thought. For years you had tried to stay away from Subin even though you knew he was some sort of in love with you and you were in love with him as well. From the first time one of the members said straight to your face that you should do something and actually date the guy, you had never forgotten about him. Back then you were oblivious enough to believe that all the nice feelings you had in his presence were a mere casualty, but after experiencing more you concluded that you were in love and it was reciprocate.
You didn't wanted to force him into do something he didn't want to, so you remained silent. Everytime you were alone and he looked at you as if he had a secret he wanted to share, you remained silent, and it was probably your biggest mistake.
"He doesn't like me and I already have someone in my mind, Subin," you could hear the pout in your voice, "I just don't know if he likes me back"
You spaced out as his eyes focused on your lips, suddenly too aware of the proximity between you and him.
"I'm sure he does," his raspy voice sent shivers down your spine and you gulped when he placed on of his hands in your lower back, pulling you closer. Slow but firm, gentle but strong. You let out a shaky sigh and he made eye contact, silently asking for permission.
You nodded and he leaned on, a soft peck preceded a longer smooch. His lips were sweet and calm and as soon as you felt his head tilting to the side to deepen the kiss you hugged his shoulders, the butterflies in your gut flying wildly.
He pulled away and you couldn't help but blush at his stare, suddenly self-conscious about yourself. Your worries melted away as his free hand caressed your bottom lip.
"I told you, he likes you"
