Dear Love, I guess this letter is long overdue, yet i am overcome with emotions and i feel i must write to you, for i am very far away at the moment and i miss you terribly. I keep getting stuck in what to say, and my finger tremble, hovering over the keyboard, yet they say "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." Back when we first met, i was a hallow shell of a person, i had no dreams, no voice, no passion, no confidence and i was alone trapped in a dark realm that no one could ever penetrate, no psychologist, no therapist, no friend, no one could see what there really was beneath the exterior, except for one person, You. I suppose, as the days turned into months and the months turned into years, i suppose that it was a ongoing change that to the naked eye looks like nothing but i know deep down, that changes were made. For one, i believe that love exists now, you show it so honestly, you do not stoop low, you have changed into a calm and strong young woman, a lady and im in awe of that, although i struggle to survive daily i am honoured you have managed to make your own changes and i congralute you on that, you are a force to the reckoned with. It feels like i have known you for years but although i lost touch of who i was, you were there my darling, you saved me time and time and time and time and time again, you never gave up on me even when the whole world has given up on me and i have given up on myself. What can a young man of 24 possibly begin to describe the way he feels whenever you walk into a room, although you might think me in darkness, i feel the weight of your foot descending down the marble staircase, i feel your breath before you even begin to speak to me and for a brief instant, i feel safety enveloping me, overpowering me, urging me to keep carrying foward and then i am met with you, in all your beauty, all 5"7 of it. That hair, that face, those hands, that laugh, i feel like a fairy queen just dropped into this ugly horrible metal world and i feel like my insides get high off a drug i dont even see or consume, i feel your presence and it stirs me. How can a young man of 24 possibly begin to describe the way you have changed him? The way you made me see how life is so dear and precious and the way you have humbled me, making me see my own mistakes, and strangely, still loving me for who i am, you never abandoned me even when i was angry and i lashed out, that humbled me to no avail and i still cannot believe you have remained in my life like this. How can a young man possibly explain, in words, how you managed to break through his wall, that he spent years building so no one will ever hurt me ever again, even when your own blood hurts me, you still reach out and protect me, like a mother to her son, yet i know, i know you are waiting for me to spread out my wings and fly, i know you wish it very much that i rise from the ashes and never back down again, i know you wish me to be stronger than this and you wish i survive unlike many people who didnt and ended up hallow versions of themselves, i know you wish me to be the girl you met that first month, no anger, no darkness around me like a shroud, i know you wish it very much, i wish that too. How must a young man of 24 explain to woman of 27 that he sometimes loses all his control and he wishes to wed her and work for the family and bring all your dreams to life, how will this young man ever show you with facts that you have not waster two and half years of of your life trying to get me out of hell? You are my woodland fairy, true to your given name, you are magical in all ways in this ugly and tortured world that humans have made so, you are light and dust settling in a beautiful sunday morning in a forest glade, you are that and so much more, you are Aphrodite incarnated, with the wisdom of Athena, with the strength of Artemis. All these qualities make you desirable and likable alike, you are one of a kind and for this, i must always say, you never ever, cease to amaze this young man. What is a howling wind dashing against a wooden shed on a cliff compared to your willpower? what is a balanced scale compared to the insanely intricate way your genius mind works? You are the best partner anyone can ask for My Love, for you managed to remove that arrow that was shot through my chest and you cleaned the poison off, with just a single glance from those hauntingly beautiful eyes, you are the best at this, you always were and you always will be that i am very certain of. The fact that i am still alive and haven't sneaked off and ceased to exist is all thanks to you, you do not know this, for i am always silent, but you gave me courage to fight this demon inside me, to fight the darkness with light, it was only because you gave the strength, because i fell in Love with a woman who is modernly saintly. I am honored, i am proud i am elated, that i am a partner to a woman such as yourself, let this be known, let this be stamped down in the sands of time as a eulogy to all the pain, all the suffering people put us through, all the anguish we both suffered apart, you transcended my love into a phoenix and you flew and i am here on the ground looking up seeing the sky torched with your majesctic wings with hues of pink and red and orange. You are the sun, the moon, the stars combined, you are a galaxy and beyond, for your worth is double that of all the metals diamonds and pearls that exist in this world, you are irriplacable! I hope this letter spoke true to what my heart is feeling, for me your presence is a harp and violin and an angelic voice in a field, you gave me courage to start again, and for that i owe you my life, i hope you see what you have done to me, for that is something of Love, and you have shown me, the greatest testimony of that, thank you for believing in me when i gave up at last, thank you for bringing me back with that rope and i didnt descend into hell again. Thank you my Dear, I love you, with all my heart, all my soul, all my body and mind, i am yours till the end of time, yours now and after death, Stefano.
a letter from a dead man to his love. (03-11-2019)
