#sugwara

[remuswriting]

FIRST WORDS; TSUKISHIMA KEI

In a world where the first words your soulmate say to you is on your wrist, Y/N manages to get “hello.”

TAGS: Angst with a Happy Ending; Hanahaki Disease; Soulmate AU; Mentions of vomit

WORD COUNT: 20,269 words

NOTES: This is the longest one-shot I’ve ever written. Hopefully, it’s not over the top and is somewhat enjoyable. I tweaked Hanahaki disease some to fit the vibe I was going for. I hope my Tsukishima is good enough. Also, I edited this to be the 2021 version instead of the original. (You’re welcome.)

Read on ao3 if it glitches on you! 

Y/N loved the concept of soulmates.  Seeing the first words they’d say to you on your wrist seemed magical.  Sure, it was strange to get it on your 10th birthday, because what if you had met your soulmates before then?  He didn’t really care though, because soulmates were so cool.  Someone was going to love you for the rest of your life, and in return, you loved them back.

His mother had to tell him to calm down, because he started coming up with all sorts of scenarios of what they could possibly say to each other.  It didn’t help that his best friend Hinata Shoyo shared the same enthusiasm over it, so his mother had to deal with two boys full of excitement.

Hinata’s 10th birthday was before Y/N’s, and they both found the words on his wrists to be really strange.

“One day I’m gonna set for you.”

They spent Hinata’s birthday looking up what that could mean, and they learned all about volleyball.  Hinata didn’t seem excited about it until he saw a match on TV when he was riding his bicycle a year later.  Y/N, however, was enthralled.

When Y/N’s birthday finally came around, Hinata stayed over so they could find out what his soulmate would say together.  When the clock struck midnight, the word appeared, and Y/N wondered if soulmates were still magical after this.

“Hello.”

He looked over at Hinata, who was staring at his wrist in confusion.  It was normal to get normal greetings, but that didn’t mean Y/N wanted one.  It was fairly silent until his mother opened the door with a huge grin.  She had been excited about this too, but hearing her child come up with countless things his soulmate would say was hard to handle at times.

“So, what’s she going to say?” He asked, and Y/N slowly showed her his wrist.

“Hello,” Y/N said, and he paused as his brows furrowed together. “She’s going to say hello.”

Silence fell back over the room.  His mother and father had cool words, but he got stuck with hello.  He wanted something cool like they had.  His father had said, “We’ve been here way too long.”  And his mother responded with, “You’re right.  Let’s leave.”  Those were cool, and you automatically knew who your soulmate was, but hello gave you nothing to work with.

Y/N’s face lit up. “I know what to do!” He clapped his hands together. “I’ll just never say hello unless it’s to an adult!”

His parents looked at him confused, but Hinata’s face lit up as if he immediately understood.  Y/N’s parents were still in the dark about what he meant by that.

“She’ll be able to know then!  If you say something weird, then there’s no mistaking it!” Hinata exclaimed, and Y/N nodded excitedly.

“Yes!  If she’s decided to mess up my life, then I’ll mess up hers!” Y/N said, and his voice loud and full of excitement.  His mother just stared at him and sighed.  Of course her son would act like this.

When they went back to school Monday, people asked him about what his soulmate would say.  Disappointed expressions surrounded him every time he told them it was hello.  He was known for starting interesting conversations, so people knew who he was without even having to say hello.  Next year, he’d be in junior high, and hopefully he’d find his soulmate there.

 ****

Y/N moved before his first year of junior high.  It was only 30 minutes away by car, so it wasn’t like he was completely gone.  He joined the volleyball team at his school, because he had fallen so in love with volleyball.  Hinata had fallen in love with volleyball a little after his birthday, and they both hoped that one day they’d go against each other.

“Hey, you’re L/N-san, right?” Naoko asked, and he was on the soccer team and in Class 1-3.  Y/N nodded and looked back down to his ankle, which he was wrapping with an ace bandage.  He had twisted it during morning practice, but he refused to let anyone actually know about it.

“You’re Naoko-san, right?” Y/N asked, and Naoko nodded.  Soon enough he sat next to Y/N on the bench near the volleyball gym.  It was awkward, because they hadn’t ever spoken to each other before, but Y/N had seen him around.  Y/N couldn’t figure out what Naoko would be there.

“I have a friend who wants to confess to you, but doesn’t know how,” Naoko said, and Y/N looked over at him.  What did that mean?

“Well, I don’t know either,” Y/N said, and he went back to his ankle to check the ace bandage was wrapped correctly. “I’ve never been confessed to, and I’ve never confessed to anyone.  Why not ask a girl or something?”

Naoko looked at him frustrated, but not in a way that was aimed at Y/N.  He ran a hand through his black hair before he huffed slightly.  What was so frustrating about all of this?  This mystery girl could just come up and say she likes him.  It wasn’t like he would accept, even if he did know her.

“Just tell her to confess to me.  My schedule is pretty much the same every day.

“It’s not a girl,” Naoko blurted. “That’s why he doesn’t know what to do.”

Y/N’s head snapped up to look at him and he didn’t understand.  He had always thought it was fictional for people to be gay; something for women to fetishize, so he had never given it a single thought.  The guys in his class always talked about girls, but he had never really been interested in it.  He preferred to be around his teammates, because they made everything feel easy.  Well, not all of them, but definitely Takeshi.

Takeshi was a wing spiker who always told the team to rely on Y/N more, because he was their libero.  Y/N always stared at Takeshi more than anyone else, but he couldn’t help it.  Takeshi was so pretty with his brown eyes and bright smile.

Y/N froze for a second, realizing what he was thinking, and blinked his eyes a couple of times as he looked at the ground.

“Why are you even here?” Y/N asked, and Naoko dragged his hands down his face.

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Naoko admitted, and sighed. “I just thought if I told you and you said you were straight, then it’d save him from heartbreak.”

“If I don’t know him, then I definitely won’t date him.  Regardless of if I’m straight or gay,” L/N said, and he looked back at Naoko. “Do I know him?”

Naoko shook his head. “No, but everyone knows you.  You do realize that you are friends with nearly everyone in our year, even if you know them or not, right?”

Y/N nodded slightly, because he did know that, but it didn’t mean he actually knew them or that they actually knew him.  He didn’t have many real friends, who knew important things about him, so how could anyone else possibly be in love with him?

“Yeah, but I don’t know him.  So, it’ll be pointless if he confesses to me.”

Naoko nodded, and soon enough Y/N was left alone on the bench staring at the side of the gym.

 *****

Y/N started to shut down after he spoke to Naoko, because he didn’t know where he stood with soulmates and sexuality anymore.  The thought of a guy confessing to him didn’t bother him.  The idea actually seemed nice.

He’d stare at the word on his wrist and wonder who was going to say it.  Would it be a girl or a guy, and how would it feel when they did?  Would he be able to fall in love with his soulmate?  What if he never met his soulmate?  What if he wasn’t straight?

He felt so trapped in his head that he started to hate soulmates.  The thing that had been so magical not even a year ago now felt like it controlled his life without his permission.  Why was he required to fall in love with someone when he could just fall in love with who he wanted to?  People had always frowned upon people loving someone who wasn’t their soulmate.  Y/N had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t his soulmate.  He had fallen in love with Takeshi.

It was hard to escape Takeshi, because they were on the same team, so Y/N just ignored it.  He put all of his emotions into volleyball, because that’s all he knew to do when it came to coping.  Whenever he was emotional, he just used it to his advantage in volleyball.  His coach always praised how his receives were going to beat Nishinoya Yuu from Chidoriyama Junior High, which Y/N didn’t think he was accurate.  He knew he was a good libero, but he didn’t compare to Nishinoya.

Hinata declared he’d be the next tiny giant and practiced constantly for it.  He constantly told Y/N how he wished he had a real team so he could finally practice like he wanted to.  Hinata had once said he wanted to meet the volleyball player he idolized, and that Y/N could do that by meeting Nishinoya (not that Y/N idolized him.  He just really wanted to be like him), but Y/N said the only way he’d meet Nishinoya was by playing against him.

His relationship with Hinata was unaffected by Y/N’s crisis, but Hinata was outside of that world.  He wasn’t attached to his volleyball team or someone he’d ever be able to fall in love with.  Even when he practiced with Hinata, Hinata didn’t merge into that world.  Y/N was grateful to have some sense of what life used to be like–what he used to be like.  Hinata didn’t constantly question if he was okay.

“I want to know what crazy person says to someone that they’ll set to them,” Hinata said as he and Y/N tossed the volleyball around. “Especially as their first words.”

“We’ve always said that she’ll probably be better at volleyball than you,” Y/N said, and Hinata gasped as the ball hit him in the head.

“I’ve never said that!”

Y/N laughed into his hand and Hinata looked genuinely upset.

“Oh, I guess only your mom and I said that.”

Hinata threw the volleyball at Y/N, but Y/N simply received it like second nature.  Hinata forgot all about the comment and asked Y/N to teach him how to receive.

Although Y/N was doing good in volleyball, he wasn’t as close to his teammates like he once was.  He focused on practice, not anyone else’s problems, because he didn’t see a need to.  This was a different him, because the person who used to spend so much time trying to figure out what was going on with others was gone, because he was tired.  He couldn’t do it anymore.

Takeshi tried to talk to him about it, because it was concerning to see one of your best friends slowly become something that wasn’t him.  After numerous ‘I’m fine, stop asking,’ Takeshi got the point and stopped asking.  The watchful eye never went away, and it made Y/N angry, because Takeshi didn’t have the right to do this to him; to care about him.

He handled his anger by taking it out during practice and managed to knock someone down from how aggressively he had received a ball one day.  No one had known that was possible, but apparently it was something he could do.

“L/N-kun!  Go take a breather!” Coach screamed at him, and Y/N nodded as he walked out of the gym.

He found himself standing in front of the bathroom, his forehead against the wall, and he turned around to press his back against the wall and slid down.  The moment he hit the cold tile floor; he hid his face between his pulled-up knees.  He needed to stop thinking–stop feeling.  Interhigh was coming up soon and he needed to focus on that.

“Hey, are you okay?” Takeshi asked, and Y/N jumped at the sudden voice, but he didn’t look up at Takeshi.  He wished Takeshi wasn’t actually there. “L/N-san, I know you say you’ve been okay, but you’ve been acting weird recently.”

“It doesn’t matter how I’m acting,” L/N said softly, and he was afraid he’d start opening up. “Why are you even here?”

Those words reminded him of when he spoke to Naoko two months ago.

“Coach wanted to come to make sure you wouldn’t break anything.” Takeshi fell to the floor and sat next to Y/N. “I didn’t think you would though.”

Y/N nodded, and he stared down the floor.  He was fairly certain that only Takeshi thought that, because Y/N had wondered for a brief moment he was going to break something.

“Why are you my friend?” Y/N asked, and he finally looked at Takeshi, who was still unbelievably attractive, even though he was drenched with sweat.  His unruly curls were plastered down because of the sweat, and it looked like he had purposefully done it with hair gel. “Why did you decide to be my friend?”

“L/N-san, you’re friends with everyone.  You’re fun to be around, and you always know how to make me happy.  You always make me happy,” Takeshi said, and he looked at Y/N with a soft smile. “That’s why we’re worried about you.  It’s like you’ve cut all of us out, and you’ve gotten so aggressive during practice.  We just want to know why.”

“Things are just really difficult right now,” Y/N said, and he looked down at his feet as he internally chanted not to stare at Takeshi for too long.  He didn’t want to do something stupid. “There’s just been a lot on my mind.”

“I understand that,” Takeshi said with a laugh. “I’m in love with someone who isn’t my soulmate, but at least volleyball has been here for me.”

“Who?” Y/N asked without hesitation, and he felt so pathetic for getting excited over hearing that.  Maybe this would be their confession, and sure it wasn’t romantic, but it would be a confession.  Takeshi blushed as he looked down at his lap.

“Don’t tell anyone, but it’s Tamura-san,” Takeshi said softly, and it felt like Y/N had been stabbed in the heart.  Of course it would be Tamura; Takeshi’s childhood best friend and captain of their team.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” Y/N said with a soft smile, and Takeshi smiled back at him. “You can head back.  I just need a couple more minutes.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.  Don’t worry.”

Takeshi left and Y/N sighed as he leaned back so his head was against the wall.  Soulmates wouldn’t hurt him like this.  They wouldn’t be in love with someone else.  They wouldn’t break his heart, because they wouldn’t believe they were only best friends.  Soulmates had to love you back, and they always did.  He wouldn’t have to go through heartbreak like this again.

Y/N let himself cry for a couple of minutes, because maybe it would help.  Maybe it was what he needed to finally get all of it out of his system.  He could stop being in love with someone who clearly didn’t love him–would never love him.  It was going to be okay, because he had a soulmate out there waiting for him.

 *****

After the talk with Takeshi, Y/N’s feelings did go away, but knowing he was gay didn’t.  Y/N decided to just stop thinking about it, and put all he had into volleyball, but he accidentally stopped talking to Takeshi like they once had.  It had hurt too much to be around someone who broke his heart, but he was nearly through with feeling what he used to.

They won at Interhigh, beating Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High in the process, and Y/N will never forget the angry look on the King’s face.  Y/N had received nearly every serve the King had done, even if it was aimed to be somewhere Y/N wasn’t.  Beating Shiratorizawa Academy Junior High was the absolute highlight, even if he hadn’t been able to beat Ushijima like had wanted to.  Winning put Y/N in high spirits, even made him act like himself again for the rest of the day.

“Y/N!” A voice called out, and Y/N turned to see Hinata running towards him at full speed. “That was crazy!”

“I didn’t know you came,” Y/N said, and he caught Hinata, but was tackled instead. “You told me he was an asshole to you in June, so you know I had to really destroy him.”

“Your whole team is so cool!  My team wasn’t even a real team,” Hinata said, and Y/N nodded, because he knew.  He knew Hinata had been the only member of the volleyball club until three first years showed up and he had forced his two friends, who knew nothing about volleyball, to join for the tournament. “So, it’s really cool to see my best friend playing on a real one!”

“Come on, L/N-san, the bus is about to leave,” Sora said, and Y/N sighed at Hinata’s upset face.

“You’re already leaving me!” Hinata wailed, and Y/N whacked him upside the head with a laugh.

“Come over tomorrow.  It’s not like you can’t.” Y/N ruffled Hinata’s hair with a grin. “I’ll text you later, Shoyo.”

“Okay!  See you tomorrow!”

 *****

 “So, you’re really going to nationals?” Hinata asked, and Y/N nodded.

“You bet, but I need to figure out what high school I’m going to before that,” Y/N said, and he looked over at Hinata. “Do you know where you’re going?”

Hinata was drinking a cup of hot chocolate Y/N’s mother had made for him.  The worn volleyball they always played with was situated in his lap.  Y/N found it funny that they were both obsessed with volleyball, but Hinata wanted to always be touching the ball.  Hinata looked over at him with the biggest grin Y/N had seen in a while.

“Karasuno obviously!  I’m going to be the next tiny giant!” Hinata said, and his voice was loud and excited.  Y/N chuckled at the excitement.

“Shiratorizawa is trying to recruit me, but maybe I’ll go to Karasuno,” Y/N said softly, which made Hinata’s brown eyes light up.  His mother wouldn’t like this decision, because she wanted him to go to the best places.  She believed he was outrageously talented in volleyball and pretty good academically. “My only question is what are you going to do every morning?  Take the train?”

“Nope!  I’m going to bike!” The volleyball fell from Hinata’s lap into the snow-covered grass.  He looked overly excited, as if this was the best idea he has ever had.  It might’ve been. “I’ve been getting used to biking everywhere.  That’s how I got here!”

Y/N looked over Hinata as he shook his head with a small chuckle.  How was his childhood friend so determined and motivated?  Y/N was like that once, but then he became scared of who he was and the world around him.  He gave his all in volleyball, but he couldn’t anywhere else.  It was hard to give your all when you were scared if people would leave once they learn who you truly were.

“You amaze me,” Y/N said, and he ruffled the ginger hair with a laugh. “Let my mom drive you home though.”

“Wait, if you go to Karasuno, then we can finally play volleyball together!” Hinata exclaimed, and Y/N gave him an awkward smile.

Y/N was scared to join another volleyball team, because what if fell in love with another team member?  His heart had been destroyed in a way that he knew he wouldn’t be able to handle if it were to happen again.  He caught himself looking at his wrist, something he hadn’t done in a while, and really looked at Shoyo, who was grinning as he picked up the volleyball as if it were his prized possession.  Y/N knew he’d do anything to make his best friend happy.

“Yeah,” Y/N said, and he nodded. “Yeah, we can.”

 *****

 Karasuno was different from what Y/N had been expecting, even though he hadn’t had any expectations going into it.  He knew he’d be on the volleyball team and most likely in a college prep class, but that was about it.  When classes ended, Hinata was waiting outside of Y/N’s classroom, and Y/N really wanted to strangle him.

“I know you don’t know this, but first years typically don’t go to practice for the first week of school,” Y/N said, but he was still being dragged to the gym.

“I’m just so excited that I have to go now!” Hinata exclaimed, and Y/N chuckled as he continued to be dragged towards the gym.

Karasuno High had a really nice campus, but Y/N wouldn’t say it was nicer than his junior high’s campus.  He missed that school–missed his team.  He regretted not saying a proper goodbye, because he had cut everyone off when he realized he was starting to fall in love with Takeshi again.

When Hinata opened the gym doors, there stood Kageyama Tobio in all of his shitty glory.  Y/N had heard Hinata talk about him before, but Y/N had also dealt with Kageyama before.  Kageyama had defeated Y/N’s team at Spring Interhigh, but Y/N had destroyed him at Interhigh in November.  Kageyama was more focused on Hinata than Y/N, which was nice.  Y/N needed to breathe, because he wanted to absolutely destroy Kageyama.

“You’re L/N Y/N,” Kageyama said, and Hinata was outraged that Kageyama remembered Y/N’s name, but not his.

“Yeah, and you’re the douche bag whose teammates ditched,” Y/N said, and he looked like he didn’t care, but his voice held resentment. “I’d say that’s why your team lost to mine, but we were already kicking your asses before that.”

“You don’t know shit,” Kageyama sneered, and three upperclassmen entered the gym.  They looked at the three first years before one of them looked at Y/N in amazement.

“Noya is going to freak out when he gets back,” the shaved head boy said, and Y/N looked at him with a confused expression.

“Is that a good thing?” Y/N asked.

The attention was turned over to Kageyama, and he was thankful he wasn’t being put in the spotlight like that again.  He wanted to be seen on the court, but not outside of it (although that became a thing in his third year of junior high).  Y/N then watched in horror at the chaos of Kageyama and Hinata’s rivalry, and then watched as they were kicked out of the gym.

“Well, that was something,” Y/N said, mainly to himself, and Sugawara (the vice-captain) laughed slightly.

“We take teamwork very seriously here,” Daichi, the captain, said, and Y/N nodded slowly.

“My coach in junior high was the same way,” Y/N said, and he looked away. “Sometimes we’d get way into our heads and have to be kicked off the court for a bit so we could breathe.  You can’t play as a team if you can’t only think about what’s happening on the court.”

After they spoke for a bit, Y/N sheepishly asked if he could join practice and the team said it was okay with them.  Y/N decided he liked his new team, but the guilt from not saying goodbye to his old one loomed over him the entire practice.

 *****

 L/N woke up in a good mood.  He had finally actually slept for the first time in who knows how long, and he felt good because of it.  Maybe it was because he wasn’t constantly stressing about what anyone finding out if he was gay.  They didn’t know him well enough too and they also didn’t seem like they really cared to know.

“Y/N-chan!” Hinata called out, and Y/N turned to see his best friend running towards him excitedly.  He also looked like he had been working out, but it was only 8am and Hinata never looked like that after biking.

“Hey, Shoyo,” Y/N said, and he stopped to wait for him. “What’s up with you?”

“Sugawara-senpai and Tanaka-senpai let me and Kageyama practice this morning,” Hinata said with stars in his eyes, and Y/N looked concerned.

“Does Daichi-senpai know about it?”

Hinata shook his head, and panic filled his eyes at the mention of the volleyball captain.  Y/N chuckled before his eyes caught sight of a tall blonde boy across the yard, who looked like he didn’t want to be surrounded by everyone.  Y/N couldn’t blame him.  Even though he was best friends with Hinata, Y/N didn’t befriend people like he used to, but he really wanted to befriend the annoyed blonde boy he had just seen.

“Who are you staring at, Y/N?” Hinata asked as he tugged on Y/N’s sleeve.

Y/N looked over at Hinata, who seemed like he was buzzing with energy, and blinked a couple of times.  It wasn’t that Y/N was disorientated, but because he hadn’t really been paying attention to anyone around him except that blonde boy.

“Some blonde guy,” Y/N said, and he bumped shoulders with Hinata. “Let’s just get to class, because you definitely need to use your brain.”

“Hey! That’s not nice!”

“Shoyo, we’ve been friends for years.  I don’t have to be nice to you.”

 *****

 Y/N decided to swing by afternoon practice, just to check it out, when he saw the blonde boy from earlier there.  Daichi stood in front of him and there was another student next to the blonde, he had olive toned hair and a nervous composure.  Y/N walked over to them with an awkward smile on his face.  Were they also volleyball players?

“Hello, L/N,” Daichi said, and Y/N sent him a bright smile.

“Hello, Daichi-senpai.”

The other two looked at him confused, which was understandable.  Y/N had been confused yesterday when everyone had been introduced.  Although yesterday had been a lot to handle.

“Hello, I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi,” the olive toned haired boy said with a slight smile.

The blonde looked Y/N over out of the side of his eye, and he seemed to be evaluating him.  Usually, Y/N would be uncomfortable, but being so close to the guy who interested him when he had seen him earlier trumped those nerves.

“Hello,” he said, not adding anything else, which made Y/N do what he always did; say something ridiculous.

“I wish snakes had arms,” Y/N said, and the blonde and Yamaguchi froze, which made Y/N tilt his head and eyes widened. “I’m so sorry.  I know that’s really weird, but my soulmate is going to say hello and I decided to say crazy things.  So, you know, they’ll know.”

“Are you fucking serious?” The blonde asked, and Y/N took a step back as he put his hands up in defense.

“Yeah?  I mean hello is a pretty vague thing.”

“My wrist has said I wish snakes had arms all these years because of you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, and he looked at the ground with an awkward chuckle.  How was he supposed to respond to that?  He hadn’t expected this to be the way he met his soulmate.  Or that his soulmate was actually going to be a guy.  Y/N wanted to say it was technically the blonde’s fault for being so basic by saying hello.

“Tsukki, it’s not like he knew what he was going to say,” Yamaguchi said, and the blonde rolled his eyes.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.”

“It’s not my fault that you had to say the most boring thing!  How was I supposed to know who my soulmate was if we were both to say hello or hi?” Y/N screamed, and Tsukki rolled his eyes. “Give me an answer.”

“Wow, my soulmate seems to be a little bitch,” Tsukki said, and that’s when Daichi decided to step in.

“Hey, we don’t talk like that to our teammate here,” Daichi said strictly while Tsukki and Y/N glared at each other. “Do I need to do what I did to Kageyama and Hinata with you two?”

“I’d quit,” Y/N said, and he wondered if he could just pretend he hadn’t met Tsukki. “You said I couldn’t play in the 3-on-3 anyways, because I’m a libero.  You can’t punish us that way then.”

“Maybe you should quit,” Tsukki sneered, and someone was suddenly holding Y/N back.  His blood was boiling and all he wanted to do was kick Tsukki down to the ground, so he could properly deck him.

“Maybe you should learn that being an asshole isn’t a personality trait,” Y/N sneered back, which made Tsukki narrow his eyes at him.

“I think we can call it a day for the first years,” Daichi said, and he was starting to look panicked. “We’ll talk tomorrow when everyone has calmed down.”

Tsukki started to walk away with Yamaguchi, and he mumbled something that caused Yamaguchi to give him a shocked look.

“You know we eventually have to fall in love with each other!  It’s how soulmates work!” Y/N screamed, which stilled both Tsukki and Yamaguchi.  Tsukki didn’t turn around, but Yamaguchi turned to look at Y/N, who was still being held back by Tanaka.

“We’ll see about that,” Tsukki said before they started to walk again.

“I wish my first words had been ‘you’re a piece of shit’ instead of the dumb shit I said,” Y/N mumbled, and Sugawara appeared with a hand covering his mouth.

“So, your first words really were ‘I wish snakes had arms’?” Sugawara asked, and Y/N nodded sadly.  He wished it had been something better than that, but at least it wasn’t hello. “You really will fit in on this team.”

 *****

 Y/N wasn’t included in the 3-on-3, because he had been practicing with the team already.  It also wasn’t fair for only one team to have a libero and the other team not to.  He was told to come to the match for it, because it showed team unity.

“Y/N, this is going to be so fun!” Hinata exclaimed as they walked to Karasuno High together.  Hinata had stopped at Y/N’s house so they could walk there together, also to grab breakfast Y/N’s mother had made.

“It’ll be your second game ever, right?” Y/N asked, and he took a bite into his egg sandwich he had made before they’d left.

He was glad his mother wasn’t with them, because she’d scolded him.  It was considered lazy to eat while you walked down the street, because you didn’t know how to plan your day out.  Y/N just couldn’t find it in himself to care.  Hinata had one in his backpack for later, but he was too worried to eat now without getting sick.

“Yeah!” Hinata exclaimed before he suddenly looked nervous. “Oh no, what if I mess up?”

“Everyone messes up, Sho-chan.  I wasn’t a starter until my second year, because I constantly messed receives up,” Y/N said, and he yawned. “You’ll get to play no matter who wins, so don’t worry so much.”

“Kageyama won’t get to play setter until next year, and he’s really upset about that,” Hinata said, and he pushed his hair down before he started doing an impression of Kageyama. “I must do everything volleyball by myself, and I don’t need any help.  I must always play setter.”

“As much as I hate him, I get where he’s coming from.  If I couldn’t be a libero, I’d just quit.  It’s my position, especially because I’ve only learned how to do that.  I’ve never even spiked a ball before.”

Hinata’s eyes went wide.  Apparently, Y/N had never given the other that information.  He assumed Hinata would’ve figured out that being a libero means you can’t really spike or set a ball, so there wasn’t a need for him to learn those things.  Y/N wanted to assume he’d be decent at it, because he could jump high.  He just didn’t know if his spikes would be any good.

“Spiking is the best though!” Hinata yelled, only to be shushed by Y/N.  His voice dropped to a whisper. “It makes me feel so gaah, you know?”

“Does it make you feel alive?” Y/N paused. “Why are you whispering?”

Hinata shrugged with a bright smile. “I don’t know!”

The rest of the walk was full of Hinata rambling about how much he loved spiking, but that receiving was too hard.  It’s the first time they had done this since Y/N moved, and it felt good to do it.  It made it feel like no time had passed, even though Y/N was now 5’6” and Hinata was still the same height, but with fluffier hair.

“We never talked about the fact that Tsukishima is your soulmate,” Hinata said, and Y/N sighed as he looked at the ground.

“We’re not going to.  I’m going to ignore it for as long as possible.”

“You can’t though!  You know how dangerous that can be!” Hinata yelled as he flailed his arms around. “Y/N-chan, I know you don’t like him, but it doesn’t stop the fact that he’s your soulmate and ignoring him means you could get Hanahaki disease or Kirameki disease!”

“Those are unrequited love things, Sho-chan,” Y/N said, and he rolled his eyes. “Also, those things rarely happen in soulmate cases.  It usually only happens when you love someone who isn’t your soulmate.  Or if your soulmate loves you, but you don’t love them at all.”

“Still!” Hinata yelled, and he grabbed Y/N’s arm to stop him. “There’s nothing wrong with being with a guy.  I just don’t want you getting hurt!”

“So, you don’t care that I apparently like guys?”

Hinata made a confused face and shook his head.

“Why would I care?  It’s not like you’re in love with me.”

“You’re right.  I have standards.”

“Hey!” Hinata exclaimed, and he let go of Y/N’s arm.  He held an annoyed expression, which made Y/N laugh. “I think I’m part of high standards!”

“Sho-chan, you don’t even understand what I’m saying,” Y/N said, and he tried to stop laughing. “Having standards means someone has certain things someone else has to have to be with them.”

“Explaining it makes it worse!” Hinata yelled as he threw his head back.

Y/N didn’t know why he was so worried about Hinata knowing he was gay.  Hinata was still the same idiotic guy that Y/N had known back in elementary school.  The smile stayed on his face, even after his laughter died down.  He really was thankful for his best friend.

 *****

Y/N found himself watching Tsukishima as the blonde played in the 3-on-3.  It was normal to watch people play, especially ones you had never seen before, but he knew he couldn’t stop watching because Tsukishima looked good when he played.  Y/N was fairly certain he didn’t look all that attractive when he played, because he sweated as if he’d never have another day to.

“So, snakes with no arms,” Sugawara said as he went to stand next to Y/N.  He loved Y/N’s first words so much that he had now made it a weird nickname. “I see you’re staring at Tsukishima, especially after he took off his sweatshirt.”

Y/N had to admit that it had been attractive.  Seeing Tsukishima getting into the game to the point he had to take off his sweatshirt was almost enough to get Y/N over the entire ‘I hate you’ thing they had going on.  Maybe if Tsukishima kept it up, Y/N would be attracted to him enough to kiss him.  Not that Y/N would tell anyone that, because that’s weird.  It would be especially weird if told Sugawara, who was staring at him way too intensely.  Y/N’s cheeks started to burn from the attention, and he looked at the floor.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but your staring is a bit too much,” Y/N said sheepishly.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Sugawara looked away from Y/N, and it seemed like he actually felt bad that he had made Y/N uncomfortable.  Y/N could tell that Sugawara would probably go back if he could avoid making Y/N uncomfortable.

“It’s okay to look at him though.  He is your soulmate after all,” Sugawara said, and Y/N looked over at him curiously. “No one is going to get mad at you, well except for Tsukishima.  He seems like a real stick in the mud though.  You’re a lot peppier, kind of like a subdued version of Hinata.”

Y/N laughed a little as he shook his head. “I’m not sure if you’re insulting me or not.”

“I don’t insult my underclassmen until I’ve known them for at least a month,” Sugawara said, and Y/N gave him a weird look.

“So, does that give me time to do stupid shit and not be bullied for it?”

Sugawara laughed as his hand landed on Y/N’s shoulder.  When he looked at Y/N, his eyes held more mischief than Y/N liked.

“Insulting and bullying are two different things.” Sugawara looked over and pointed at Tsukishima. “Anyways, you can go back to watching your stick in the mud soulmate block people again.”

Y/N reluctantly did, but he also watched Hinata, who would always be overdramatic and over trusting, spike Kageyama’s perfect sets.  Y/N hoped Kageyama wouldn't end up hurting Hinata by going back to his harsh ways from junior high.  If he did hurt Hinata, then Y/N would have to kill him, because no one was allowed to do that.  Hinata brought light with him everywhere he went.  His name literally meant sunshine, and he had been the one thing in Y/N’s life that had stayed a constant.

Y/N wanted to see if he could receive those crazy quick attacks.  He wanted to know how much power was behind them, and if his arms would hurt after receiving them.  How fast did he need to become to know when they were going to happen and where they’d land?

It wasn’t surprising that Kageyama and Hinata’s team won, because of the new freak quick attack.  This meant Kageyama would get to play as setter if the coach allowed him to, and it seemed that Karasuno’s coach/advisor did whatever the third years told him to.  So, the likelihood of Kageyama being a starter seemed slim, but he’d get to play as a starter in their practice match against Seijoh, because of course Kageyama’s senpai had some sort of rivalry with him.

“Tell me, Kageyama-san,” Y/N said, and Kageyama glared at him. “Shit, sorry.  I was just going to ask why Oikawa-senpai seems to be targeting you.”

“I don’t know,” Kageyama said, and he looked down at the ground.  Y/N wasn’t so sure he believed that, but he didn’t comment about it.

“Y/N-chan, did you see my spiking?” Hinata exclaimed, and Y/N nodded before he ruffled Hinata’s hair.

“Yeah!  You're better than I thought you were, but not by much.”

“So mean, Y/N-chan!”

Y/N noticed Tsukishima looking over at him, but once their eyes met; Tsukishima looked away.  Soulmates were supposed to be curious of each other and try to learn more about one another, but Tsukishima acted like that was the last thing he wanted to do.

“Hey, Tsukishima-san, you’re really good at blocking,” Y/N said, and he just wanted to see what would happen.

Tsukishima glared at him. “I didn’t ask.”

Y/N shrugged and let out a big sigh. “Doesn’t mean I can’t say it.” He smirked slightly. “So, get used to it.”

“Annoying brat.”

*****

 “You’re doing a terrible job at getting Tsukishima-san to like you,” Sugawara told Y/N before practice one day, and Y/N tilted his head slightly.

“I’m not trying to do anything.  It's obviously going to take time, because he’s clearly stubborn.” Y/N sighed. “It’s not worth rushing.”

“Well, I met my soulmate back in junior high, and I didn’t have to win him over like you do with Tsukishima,” Sugawara said, and he had a fond look in his eyes as he chuckled. “His first words to me were ‘I didn’t know angels existed’ while mine were ‘hey, are you going to faint.’  He still calls me angel.”

Y/N smiled at Sugawara, because that was one of the few cute word exchanges he had heard of.  Most junior high exchanges were stupid, but Y/N couldn’t judge anyone by any means due to what he had said.

“Why doesn’t he go here?” Y/N asked, and Sugawara fetched his phone out of his bag.

“He moved to Sendai right before first year of high school, but we still talk,” Sugawara said, and he showed Y/N a photo of him with a brunette boy with glasses.

“He looked like Fujioka Haruhi from Ouran High School Host Club, but before her transformation,” Y/N said, and Sugawara looked at the photo with a smile.

“I guess you’re right.” Sugawara put his phone back into his bag and gave Y/N a look. “You’re incredibly charming, so just use it on Tsukishima.  We all know he’ll bully you for the rest of your lives, because of those words, but at least you’ll have each other.  At least you’ll have your soulmate.”

Y/N looked at him cubby and tried to contain his smile. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 *****

 The sight of Kindaichi and Kunimi made Y/N his roll eyes.  Of course he had to see those two again, because having Kageyama on his team wasn’t bad enough.  The dirty looks they gave him as they walked by made him scoff.  It hadn’t been Y/N’s fault Kitagawa lost, but their own fault for crumbling as a team.

“We’re not going to lose to you again, L/N,” Kindaichi said, and Y/N looked at him with a shrug.

“Words are just words.  Where are your actions to prove them?” Y/N asked, and it had also been the last thing he had said to Kindaichi at Interhigh semi-finals.  Kindaichi had always been one to talk big, but never fully showed what he had actually said.

“Stop talking and come on,” Tsukishima said, and Y/N rolled his eyes.

“Okay, but do you ever wonder if snakes have arms?” Y/N asked, and a smile on his face and Tsukishima glared at him.

“You make it so hard to even try to be nice to you,” Tsukishima said as he walked ahead, no longer alongside Y/N.

“Awe!” Y/N exclaimed as he covered his heart with his hands, making sure to be extra overdramatic. “You were trying to be nice to me, how cute!”

“L/N, stop harassing Tsukishima!” Daichi called out, Sugawara elbowed him in the side, which made Daichi let out a small ‘off’ sound. “Let’s warmup!”

 *****  

The match was going just fine, especially the competition that Watari and Y/N had going on to see who could get the most digs.  Y/N was fairly certain he was the only one aware of this competition, but that didn’t matter to him, because he wasn’t going to lose.  He wanted to destroy Kindaichi every time they went against each other, and it was purely because of the comment that he would beat Y/N.

Kageyama and Hinata’s quick attack took Seijoh by surprise, but that was to be expected.  Without it, Y/N was fairly certain Karasuno wouldn’t have been doing so well.  Seijoh had a team that was recruited, unlike Karasuno.  Seijoh had tried to recruit Y/N, but his mother had been so fixated on him going to Shiratorizawa.  It had gotten to the point that she had told him just to unfriend Hinata, because he wasn’t on Y/N’s level anyways.

When Oikawa Tooru entered the court, Y/N looked him over and knew the pretty boy would most likely end up being trouble.  Y/N had been on the bench his first year of junior high but had seen Oikawa destroy people with his jump serves and there was no telling how deadly it was now.  There was no telling how badly Y/N would want to receive every last one.

Y/N was rotated out with Tsukishima, which didn’t understand, but he let it happen.  When Oikawa started targeting Tsukishima and Hinata, Y/N wanted back on the court, because he wanted to receive those serves.  There was also the fact he wanted to help his teammates.

“Do they really not know how to receive?” Y/N asked Sugawara as he flinched at the sight of Tsukishima and Hinata struggling. “I thought Hinata was getting better.”

“That is him being better,” Sugawara said with a slight chuckle. “I thought you would know how bad Hinata is at volleyball since you’ve been friends with him forever.  Isn’t he the reason you came to Karasuno?”

It wasn’t like Y/N had really gone to Karasuno entirely for Hinata, but because he had wanted someone to lean on.  Hinata had been the ideal buffer, so then Y/N didn’t end up falling in love with someone on the team.  Tsukishima being on the team only fucked everything up.

Sometimes Y/N wished he had just gone to Shiratorizawa and been gay for Ushijima like nearly every other volleyball player, and it would be acceptable.  Instead, he went to Karasuno and met his fucking soulmate.

“L/N-san, switch out with Tsukishima,” Kiyoko said, and they quickly did so.

Tsukishima looked annoyed, and Y/N couldn’t blame him.  It would be like Y/N trying to spike and block when he’s never done those things, although Tsukishima had learned to receive; just not to the ability he needed.

“Well, look at who Karasuno’s libero is,” Oikawa said, and Y/N watched his every movement.  Oikawa was going to give a nasty serve and most likely direct it at Hinata. “Doesn’t mean much at this point though.”

The was perfect, and somehow Y/N managed to get it to soar to Kageyama.  He knew it looked flawless, but his arms hurt like hell now.  Hinata scored the last point and Y/N smirked as he looked at Kindaichi.  He’d always beat anyone who told him he couldn’t.

“That was a nice receive,” Oikawa said, and Y/N looked over at him before he shrugged.

“It was pretty easy, so I’m not sure why everyone was struggling,” he lied, and he could still feel his arms throbbing.  That time had been purely luck, and he was going to need to train to receive Oikawa’s serves next time.

“Why are you with Karasuno?  You obviously have more skill than any of them.”

He didn’t know how to say that he had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t his soulmate and realized he was gay, which completely destroyed him, but Hinata had been the only person who made him feel normal.  Y/N would do anything for Hinata, because he had saved Y/N without even realizing it.  That included going to some school he never thought he’d go to.

“I mean I could’ve joined your team or Shiratorizawa but,” Y/N said, and he was cut off.

“Are you just going to talk all day?” Tsukishima asked, and Y/N hadn’t realized Tsukishima had been there.

“Sorry, it seems that it’s time to go.  It was good finally playing against you, Oikawa-senpai,” Y/N said, and he turned to leave, but Oikawa grabbed his wrist.

Y/N looked down at Oikawa’s hand, and Tsukishima stepped in, detaching the hand from Y/N’s wrist.  He didn’t speak, but it was obvious the words he wanted to say were “Don’t you dare,” but Oikawa apparently couldn’t tell.

“I know you hate Tobio, so why are you fine playing on the same team as him?” Oikawa asked, and there was a weird sort of desperation in his eyes.  It was as if he was searching for an answer to the question for longer than he had let on.

“I don’t think I actually hate him,” Y/N said with a shrug. “Hated how fucking annoying of an opponent he is.”

“Can you please stop talking about the King and go?” Tsukishima asked, and he was obviously frustrated.

Your soulmate has to care for you.  You could hate them with all you have and still care about them, because that’s how soulmates worked.

It was why Y/N knew he didn’t need to work so hard to get Tsukishima to like him, because it would happen.  His mother had always told him soulmates are required to love each other, which wasn’t always beautiful.  Sometimes your soulmate was evil, but you had no control over it.

“Yeah, it was nice meeting you, Oikawa-senpai,” Y/N said, and he followed after Tsukishima, who still had an irritable expression on his face. “Thank you for getting me out of that.”

Tsukishima didn’t respond, but Y/N could see a faint red tinge on his ears.  What a tsundere.

 *****

 “Are you only saying that because I’m short?” Someone asked as Y/N entered the gym to see Hinata next to a dark-haired boy with a blonde streak in the front of his hair.  Y/N froze, because that couldn’t be him.

“No!  You’re really good at receives,” Hinata said before he smiled wide. “My best friend is a little taller than me and he’s a libero!”

“Really?” Nishinoya asked, and Y/N wanted to leave the gym.  He could simply pretend he had never been on the volleyball team, because meeting Nishinoya was going to be embarrassing.

“Yeah!” Hinata looked over Nishinoya’s shoulder to see Y/N and pointed at him. “There he is!”

Nishinoya looked over and froze when he made eye contact with Y/N.  Suddenly, he grinned so wide it looked like it could hurt.  Tanaka, Sugawara, and Daichi were all over on the side of the court, ready to watch this interaction.  Nishinoya had grumbled about the fact he hadn’t been able to play against third year L/N, because he looked like he could kick his ass.

“You’re L/N Y/N!” Nishinoya screamed, and he went over to Y/N, who only nodded.  Nishinoya was cuter without a net between them, and it made Y/N nervous. “I’m Nishinoya Yuu from Chidoriyama Junior High!  Hopefully you remember me!”

“How could I not remember you?” Y/N asked, and there was an insulted tone in his voice. “You’re the best libero I’ve ever gone up against.  No one has ever pissed me off more, but it made the game really exciting.”

“I thought the same about you!” Nishinoya yelled with twinkling eyes that made Y/N swoon slightly. “So, if you’ve gotten better, then I may be fucked.”

Y/N had found Nishinoya attractive when he went up against him about two years ago but had never recognized it as a crush but thought that he was amazed at Nishinoya’s dedication.  Nishinoya was the most dedicated libero Y/N had ever gone up against.  Passion and dedication were attractive to Y/N, and he’d admit it was probably why it was so hard to find Tsukishima attractive.  Tsukishima didn’t seem passionate or dedicated to anything, except for during the 3-on-3.

“He’s definitely better than you,” Tanaka said, and it was clear he was trying to rile Nishinoya up. “Just wait until you go up against each other during practice and he kicks your ass.”

“I’m not that good,” Y/N said, but it didn’t seem like anyone had heard him.  He wasn’t really sure on what to say in order to get their attention. “He’s going to always be better than me.”

Nishinoya looked over at him with a smirk that made Y/N weak in the knees.  He had never found anyone as attractive as he found Nishinoya.  The crush from junior high still lingered, but he wasn’t a second year in junior high anymore.  He was a first year in high school and knew who his soulmate was, but why did Nishinoya still make him feel like he could fall in love with him.

“No need in trying to compliment me when you’re already my favorite.” Nishinoya laughed slightly and Y/N’s heart was beating so fast it hurt. “We’ll see who the best libero is, but just know I’m not going to throw it just because I’m an amazing senpai.”

“I’d never want you to throw it, Nishinoya-senpai,” Y/N said, and Nishinoya turned bright red at the honorific.  Y/N tilted his head with furrowed brows, because he wasn’t sure why Nishinoya was acting like this. “Is everything okay?”

Tanaka’s hearty laugh rang throughout the gym, and Nishinoya glared at him.  There was obviously something more than what Y/N knew, and he continued to look at them curiously.  What was he missing?

“Don’t worry, it’ll make sense later,” Sugawara said, and he placed a hand on Y/N’s shoulder, which caused Y/N to jump slightly. “Or not.  Ask me later what it means.”

Y/N nodded, and he looked over at Nishinoya and Tanaka, who were now wrestling, and sighed slightly.  He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do about Nishinoya, because this would result in disaster.  It was clear that he didn’t want to be soulmates with Tsukishima, and if he started to fall in love with Nishinoya, well who knows what would happen.  Maybe he’d just quit the team, because it was justifiable.  He didn’t want to be part of anything messy and dangerous like that.

“Maybe I should just quit the team,” Y/N said, and Sugawara quickly looked at him. “I mean Nishinoya-senpai will be the starter, and I doubt we’ll ever need to sub him out, so I’ll just be waiting until my third year to finally play.”

“Are you already admitting defeat?” Nishinoya asked, and Y/N looked over to see Nishinoya with a challenging look in his eyes. “The L/N I played against two years ago would have never just said that.  He would try his hardest to kick my ass and show me who’s boss, even if you’re only a first year.”

Nishinoya was right, because that’s exactly what Y/N had to do to play before his third year in junior high.  He surpassed his senior because he wanted to play against Nishinoya and wanted to become good enough to consistently receive the powerful jump serves Oikawa had.  Y/N had struggled to get better, but he did it in a way that surprised his coach as well as the number of schools that had tried to recruit him for high school.

“Okay, so how do you want me to kick your ass?” Y/N asked, and he took a step closer to Nishinoya, who also took a step closer. “Want me to slam you to the ground?  Or maybe you’d prefer me to tease you until you’re at my feet?”

Nishinoya’s cheeks burned bright red, and he couldn’t look at Y/N, which made Y/N smirk.  This wasn’t his normal self, but the competitive side that came out whenever he was challenged, typically during a game.

“You’ve broken him!” Tanaka exclaimed, and he laughed once again.  Y/N looked Nishinoya up and down before rolling his eyes.

“What has L/N-san done?” Tsukishima asked as he entered the gym, and he looked interested in knowing what was going on.  It was because his soulmate was being spoken about and you’re always curious when your soulmate was part of the conversation.  Part of Y/N wished it was more than that.

“He broke Noya!” Tanaka yelled, and his laughter was nonstop, as if this were the funniest thing he had gotten to experience in a while.

“Noya challenged him and when L/N gave the same energy back, he started to malfunction,” Sugawara said, and there was a glint of something in Tsukishima’s eyes.  Y/N slightly craved to know what it was.

“Oh really?  Can L/N-san even beat him in a competition?” Tsukishima asked, and Y/N turned to look Tsukishima in the eyes.  Tsukishima’s brown eyes widened slightly before they narrowed.

“Do you just want to see me play?” Y/N asked with fake innocence in his voice. “It’s okay if you do, because I can just practice right in front of you if you want.”

Tsukishima didn’t budge, but Y/N wasn’t fully ready to break him like Nishinoya.  He was in full on competitive mode now, which was something he hadn’t shown off at the practice match.  It usually only ever came out during official matches, when things actually mattered.

“Or maybe you want me to lose so I’ll go running to you and you can comfort me,” Y/N suggested, and he tilted his head with a smirk. “Too bad I’m not going to lose.  I guess you’re just going to have to ask me to run to you.”

Tsukishima looked Y/N over and Y/N knew this was a moment where your soulmate has to find interest in you–has to want you.  Sugawara had said Y/N needed to use his charm on Tsukishima, but it seemed like he didn’t really have to try so hard.

“Wait, are they soulmates?” Nishinoya asked, and Sugawara nodded as he watched Tsukishima and Y/N.  It was almost like he couldn’t look away. “But I wanted L/N to be my soulmate!”

Tsukishima’s eyes shot over to Nishinoya, and there was a look that made Nishinoya fidget slightly and quiet down.  Tsukishima pushed Y/N’s shoulder gently, which caused Y/N to move away from Nishinoya and be more behind Tsukishima.

“It’s really too bad that he already has one, isn’t it?” Tsukishima questioned before he turned back to Y/N and rolled his eyes.  He was acting as if Y/N had just done what he had, which made Y/N scoff.

“Actually, I’m open to changing who my soulmate is.” Y/N smirked, and he looked over Tsukishima, which created just a tinge of pink on Tsukishima ears. “Mine seems to hate me most of the time.”

The tension was already thick, but Tsukishima’s silence made it even worse.  Hinata, who had somehow managed to stay quiet throughout all of this, decided to finally speak.  Y/N wasn’t sure if he should love his best friend or debate on fighting him.

“Did I ever tell you guys what my soulmate is going to say to me?”

Hinata’s eyes were bright and shimmering, which would make everyone assume that he was just being annoying, but he was trying to get the attention off of the situation.  It also helped that he hadn’t shared that since the entire Y/N and Tsukishima thing had been happening.  It wasn’t every day that teammates ended up being soulmates, so it was exciting that it had happened on their team.

“No, I don’t think you have,” Sugawara said as he looked over to Hinata, who grinned at everyone with a bright smile. “Do you want to share it?”

“He always wants to share it,” Y/N said, and he laughed slightly.  He got strange looks, and he wondered if they realized how long he and Hinata had been friends for.

“One day I’m gonna set for you,” Hinata said, and he proudly showed everyone his wrist. “It’s exciting that they also love volleyball!  I just don’t know if it’s going to be a girl, because isn’t that something a guy would say?”

Thankfully, this opened up a whole other debate, and Y/N went to leave.  Maybe he’d go to the club room and stay there during practice, and only leave when it was time for Hinata to walk him home.  Or maybe he’d just go home and never come to another practice, because no matter how confident he could act; Nishinoya would beat him.  The knowledge didn’t destroy him like he had once thought it would, but it felt more like something he couldn’t stop.  It made sense, and he couldn’t go up against sense.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Tsukishima asked, and his long, thin fingers wrapped around Y/N’s wrist.  If Y/N really wanted to, he could just break out of the hold and continue walking.  He didn’t though. “Well?”

“I don’t know.” Y/N’s voice was soft, unlike how he was merely minutes earlier, and he looked at the ground. “Maybe the club room.  You’re free to come with me.”

Tsukishima let go of Y/N’s wrist, which just made Y/N’s arm fall limp to his side.  Y/N turned to Tsukishima, who was looking at him with analytical eyes, and Y/N let out a shaky breath.  What would Tsukishima see that Y/N didn’t want him to?

It was clear the effects of soulmates seemed to only be affecting Tsukishima, and Y/N didn’t know why.  He didn’t have any feelings of wanting to be closer to Tsukishima.  He didn’t find himself daydreaming about them being together.  He didn’t find any feelings of attraction towards Tsukishima.  It felt like Tsukishima was just existing and happened to be Y/N’s soulmate as well.

“Sure, why not?”

Yamaguchi didn’t say anything when they walked past him, even though he clearly wanted to.  Y/N could see how the comment about the sudden closeness between Y/N and Tsukishima died before he could even open his mouth.  Was it because of Tsukishima?  Was Yamaguchi scared of Tsukishima?  And if so, why?

Y/N didn’t see a reason to be scared of Tsukishima, but maybe he saw him differently than everyone else.  Maybe he could say this was their soulmate connection.  Tsukishima was just bitchy and closed off and Y/N was used to dealing with people like that.  One of his upperclassmen his first year of junior high was worse than Tsukishima, and Y/N had ended up getting into a fight with them after finally snapping back.

“So, you want to quit?” Tsukishima asked, and Y/N looked at him as he shrugged. “Don’t.”

“Why?” Y/N asked as he tilted his head slightly, and Tsukishima looked away from him.  He looked straight ahead, and Y/N wondered if he was trying to hide any embarrassment.

“It won’t be the same without you.” Tsukishima’s ears slowly started to tinge pink. “And it shouldn’t matter if someone is apparently better than you.  You can get better too.”

A smile played on Y/N’s lips as he looked Tsukishima over, but he didn’t make a move to face him. “Are you trying to say that you think I’m a good player?  Are you trying to compliment me?”

Tsukishima grumbled slightly as he looked down at the sidewalk.  He was embarrassed, and Y/N wanted to laugh, but all he did was smile at him.  It was moments like this where Y/N should find Tsukishima attractive, because it was raw.  It was only them and Y/N got to really see who Tsukishima Kei was.

“It’s not really a compliment if it’s a fact.”

Y/N stopped walking and really stared at Tsukishima, who stopped after a couple of strides in front of Y/N.  People had always told him he was a good libero, but he had always struggled to believe them.  Sure, he knew he was good, but he wasn’t good enough in his book.  Nishinoya calling him good made him nervous, because what if he actually wasn’t?  What if he had been fooling everyone all along?

When Tsukishima said it though, it felt different.  Y/N wanted to say it felt different because they were soulmates.  It felt different because soulmates always changed everything.

“Do you really mean that?” Y/N asked, and his confident façade fell as he looked at Tsukishima with wide eyes. “Do you really think I’m a good player?”

“I do.” Tsukishima rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from Y/N. “Everyone does.  Do you not?”

“I don’t know,” Y/N said, and he looked away from Tsukishima. “Not really.”

Why was he telling Tsukishima this?  The level of their closeness was just teammates who didn’t talk about anything except for volleyball.  It didn’t matter if they were soulmates, because they weren’t close.  Tsukishima wasn’t Hinata or Takeshi.  Maybe Y/N was starting to feel the effects of being soulmates, because he didn’t think he’d want to open up to Tsukishima this fast.

“Why?” Tsukishima asked, and he finally looked at Y/N.  He looked like he actually cared, and Y/N didn’t want him to.  Tsukishima took a step towards Y/N and Y/N took a step back, because this was all starting to feel like too much.

“I-I don’t know,” Y/N said, and his words felt like they wanted to race out of his mouth. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.  See you later.”

Tsukishima didn’t seem upset by Y/N sudden change in heart, and just moved over so Y/N could walk by.  Once Tsukishima was no longer in sight, Y/N started running and ended up at the tennis court.  Maybe he should have actually gone to the bathroom instead of receiving weird looks from the boys’ tennis club.  He didn’t care enough to turn back and fell to the ground to stare up at the blue sky as the grass tickled against his cheek.

The helpless feeling that was lodged into his chest was similar to when he had found himself in love with Takeshi.  He was scared, which was pathetic, since Tsukishima was his soulmate.  He was scared to fall in love with his own soulmate.  Usually, people immediately accepted the feelings that came along with soulmates, but those feelings just made him feel gross.  It felt wrong–everything felt wrong.

It didn’t feel wrong like this when he had loved Takeshi though.  It hurt and tore him apart, but he didn’t feel so disgusting.  It didn’t feel like this when he looked at Nishinoya.  Why did this feel different?  Why did his feelings about his soulmate feel so wrong?

Y/N hated how it felt whenever Tsukishima would gently touch his shoulder or the small of his back.  The feeling always lingered until it was all he could feel, and it felt like it was consuming him.  He’d have to reach into his boxers and imagine it was Tsukishima’s warm and gentle hands instead of his own for the feeling to finally go away.  It felt disgusting though, and he couldn’t look at Tsukishima for days after whenever it happened.

Y/N hated how he always leaned in so he could hear what Tsukishima was saying.  Soulmates always wanted to hear their soulmate whenever they spoke, but Y/N hated it.  He found it annoying and hated how Tsukishima always turned his body towards him whenever they spoke.  Tsukishima’s voice was deep and made L/N feel weak in the knees.

Y/N wasn’t attracted to him though, because it all felt wrong.  It felt wrong to masturbate while he thought it was someone else touching him.  It felt wrong to be affected by a voice.  It felt wrong to not even find that person attractive, even with those things attached.  Y/N wanted there to be something that made Tsukishima attractive, but there was nothing.

Takeshi had been attractive.  He had made Y/N lightheaded from just his smile and how bright his eyes would get whenever they stepped onto the court.  The way he laughed made Y/N smile, as well as how he always leaned into Y/N whenever they spoke.  It always felt like it was just the two of them.  He had made everything feel so good, even if he didn’t love Y/N.  How did he make Y/N feel good when Tsukishima couldn’t?

 *****

 Y/N hadn’t even managed to take more than 10 steps into the gym when Tsukishima’s fingers wrapped around Y/N’s wrist and pulled him out of the way of a rogue volleyball.  Y/N looked up at him and took a deep breath, because he wanted to scream at Tsukishima.  He wanted to yank his wrist away and scream at him to stop touching him.  He didn’t want to feel his touch for hours later, but he didn’t.

Y/N gently pulled away with an awkward smile before he went over to Nishinoya, who wiggled his eyebrows at Y/N.  All Y/N wanted was the work on receives and maybe even show Nishinoya up in the rolling thunder move, but the ball located under Nishinoya’s arm showed that wasn’t going to be happening right now.

“Trouble in paradise?” Nishinoya asked, and he laughed a little. “I can fix it for you.”

Nishinoya hadn’t been quiet about his crush on Y/N, in fact he had been so loud about it that Tsukishima had even asked Y/N to stop being a libero.  Eventually Nishinoya would find his soulmate, and the crush on Y/N would go away.  Whatever feelings Y/N had weren’t permanent as far as he could tell, so he didn’t see the problem.  He and Nishinoya wouldn’t fall in love, and Y/N wished Tsukishima could see that just as clearly as Y/N could.

“Well, it wasn’t really paradise to begin with,” Y/N said, and Nishinoya quickly tossed the volleyball over to Y/N, who received it and sent it back to Nishinoya. “Pretty sure he still hates me a little bit, but it’s okay.  I’m not really ready for the whole falling in love thing yet.”

Nishinoya only nodded and smirked.  Y/N wanted to know what he was thinking, but he never asked.  He never asked questions anymore, because what would it get him?  Sure, he’d have answers, but would he even want those answers?  So, Y/N stopped asking questions, because there wasn’t a reason to.

“Do you remember your first words to me?” Nishinoya asked, and Y/N nodded slightly.

“It was like ‘I’m going to kick your ass’ or something.” Y/N received the ball and it soared through the air to Nishinoya. “Why?”

“Just wondering.” Y/N caught the volleyball when Nishinoya sent it back to him, and he stared at Nishinoya. “I just find it weird that your soulmate is Tsukishima.  It would make more sense if it were me.”

Y/N wouldn’t necessarily agree.  Before the beginning of his crisis in junior high, he was a lot like Hinata, but not to an extreme.  He laughed a lot and made more sarcastic remarks and quick comebacks.  Now he used volleyball to avoid feeling and thinking, because it was easier to deal with everything then.  It didn’t hurt so much like it had back in junior high.

“Soulmates don’t do what we want,” Y/N said, and his mother had told him this when he told her about Tsukishima.  She had been upset, because she wasn’t going to have grandkids, but she wasn’t upset that Y/N was gay. “We just have to accept it and let it all happen.”

“Yeah,” Nishinoya said, and his voice dragged out for a moment.  He looked like he was really trying to understand, and Y/N wondered why he couldn’t.  What was so hard about it? “Let’s make people serve for us.”

Y/N nodded, and he threw the ball into the ball cart as he followed Nishinoya.  He wondered what Nishinoya’s wrist said, because he couldn’t see it through the orange sweatbands covering both wrists.  Was it embarrassing?  Was he ashamed of it?  Why was he hiding it?

“Nishinoya-senpai, what are your words?” Y/N asked, and Nishinoya turned bright red, because he still wasn’t used to the honorification.

“Doesn’t matter,” Nishinoya said, and Tanaka tackled him, which made it impossible for Nishinoya to answer any more of Y/N’s questions.

Y/N didn’t know why he cares so much, because he wouldn’t gain anything from it.  Maybe he’d be closer to Nishinoya, but he felt certain he wasn’t going to be getting an answer.  Beyond that, it didn’t actually matter.

Being soulmates with Tsukishima only concerned the team, because they were teammates, and everyone would have to deal with it.  If they weren’t, then it wouldn’t matter to any of them, except for Y/N, Tsukishima, and Hinata.  It only mattered to Hinata because he had been there when Y/N had gotten ‘hello’ on his wrist, and Y/N had been there when Hinata had gotten his words.

But Y/N didn’t know how much he cared about soulmate words.  It felt like he was in junior high and the idea of soulmates was ridiculous.  Words on his wrist shouldn’t determine who he falls in love with, especially when they were supposed to be making everything feel so magical and perfect.  Nothing was magical and perfect.  His heart didn’t race whenever he caught Tsukishima staring at him, but instead it made him feel nauseated.  There weren’t moments where Y/N felt his face grow hot because of Tsukishima.  He didn’t yearn to be with Tsukishima.

He just wasn’t in love with Tsukishima, and that must mean that they weren’t actually meant to be soulmates.

 *****

 Y/N never got sick.  He was the one who took care of Shoyo whenever he got sick with the flu, and still didn’t get it.  He didn’t miss school from being sick.  His mother used to joke that he had a superhuman immune system, and Y/N would always tell her his immune system was normal.

So, when Y/N complained about feeling nauseated and dizzy, his parents were concerned.

“Have you been overworking yourself?” His mother asked, and he watched her make porridge from the table. “I know it’s been stressful finding your soulmate and not being a starter.”

“The coach hasn’t said who is on the starting line-up yet.  We’ll find out during golden week,” Y/N said, and his voice was vicious.  His mother looked over her shoulder to see his forehead planted against the wooden table. “I’m not going down without a fight, so of course I’m working hard.”

After a couple of minutes, his mother put some porridge in front of him, and he looked up the bowl.  Y/N had never had rice porridge now that he thought of it, so he was wary.  Hinata had always complained about the taste of it, but Y/N came to find out that it wasn’t all that bad.  He ate a little of it, his appetite still lacking, and was sent to bed.

His father walked him to his room, because Y/N had wanted to go out back and practice.  That wasn’t allowed though since he was sick, and it was another reason Y/N had decided he’d never get sick again.  He knew that no one ever wanted to be sick, but he really wanted to be at practice right now.  He had started getting the hang of the rolling receive, and Nishinoya was pissed about it.  Y/N reassured him though that he wouldn’t scream rolling thunder whenever he did it.

All Y/N really wanted was to be proper competition for Nishinoya, because it was fun to bicker with him.  He enjoyed being Nishinoya’s friend, and that grew as he got to be around him more and more.  They’d be going up against Nekoma at the end of golden week, and Y/N was excited about it.  What Coach Ukai and Y/N’s cousin Aiko had told him about Nekoma, it was a strong school and he couldn’t wait to see what would happen.  He didn’t think Coach Ukai was entirely qualified to be a coach, but Y/N didn’t really care as long as he got to play somehow.

His father left once Y/N entered his bedroom, and Y/N slowly moved to his bed.  He lifted the blankets and they felt soft under his fingers.  Once he sat down, he quickly stood up and dropped the blankets.  He was going to throw up, and he was hoping it was only the porridge being gross.  The moment he ended up next to the toilet, he vomited a couple of times.  Y/N panted as he held onto the toilet bowl and looked to find three white flower petals in the mess of all of the porridge.

When did he eat flowers?  Was he really that sick to where he ate flowers?

Y/N stared into the toilet; the smell was terrible, but he couldn’t stop staring at those three white flower petals.  His mother was quickly coming down the hall, so he wiped his mouth off with toilet paper and flushed the toilet.  She looked so worried when she opened the door and saw him on the floor.  Y/N tried to reassure her that he was okay.  The porridge just didn’t sit well in his stomach.

She ordered him to go to bed immediately, even though he didn’t have a fever.  He wasn’t tired, but he listened and laid down.  All he could think about was when he and Hinata walked to the 3-on-3 together.  He remembered exactly what Hinata had said, word for word.

“Y/N-chan, I know you don’t like him, but it doesn’t stop the fact that he’s your soulmate and ignoring him means you could get Hanahaki disease or Kirameki disease!”

Y/N had really thought those things were myths.  They were only ever told to kids to scare them into making sure they loved their soulmate when the day came.  Those three white flower petals said otherwise, and he felt stupid.  He felt so stupid now and didn’t know what he was going to do.

Hinata was right.  You can get Hanahaki if you don’t fall in love with your soulmate.

 *****

 L/N never had a fever, his appetite was just nearly nonexistent and he ended up getting a cough. He expected to throw up more but it was rare, which went against the symptoms he had seen online.  If his mother was to look through his computer history, then she’d be concerned for his safety.  He mainly looked at academic articles over it because he didn’t want to read fucked up fanfiction about celebrities having it.

A study had been done that if both soulmates didn’t like each other, Hanahaki wouldn’t happen. There was unrequited love when one loved the other but the feelings weren’t reciprocated.  The only way to reverse it was to fall in love with your soulmate, which was shown to be easier than the libero thought it would be. That’s what statistics showed at least.

He was in stage one where only a couple petals appeared but not every time he coughed.  He needed to avoid as many symptoms as possible.  Symptoms for it could be coughing, vomiting, trouble breathing, fever, uncontrollable shaking, loss of appetite, low body temperature, and hallucinations.  Y/N already had coughing, vomiting, and loss of appetite.

The first year was smart in how he planned to try to fall in love with Tsukishima.  He started to sit next to him when he could and asked to walk home with him after practices.  It was just that it wasn’t working the way he wanted it to.  Kei (Tsukishima had told him to call him that) was actually funny when he wasn’t being a complete asshole.

He had even put his headphones on L/N and the libero learned that the middle blocker was into K-pop and J-pop.  The two stopped in the middle of street because the h/c first year couldn’t stop laughing about it.  Y/N looked up some of the groups the blonde had shown him and made vague comments about it during practice.

“Stop flirting,” Sugawara joked with a teasing smile.  He was probably the most excited to see the two finally interacting in a way that wasn’t at each other’s throats.

“I can’t help it, have you seen him?” Y/N said and Kei chucked a ball at him in response, but the libero received it. “You can’t take me by surprise when it comes to volleyball.”

It felt like they were just childhood best friends and L/N had slammed his head into the wall next to the vending machine outside the court.  Things between them had changed so much but he still struggled to form romantic feelings for the blonde.  What was different between Takeshi and Noya compared to Tsukishima?

Takeshi had gotten into his face once.  They were so close and he gripped his shirt as he screamed in L/N’s face to start acting like a libero.  It was his first year and he was still new and clumsy with volleyball but the brunette didn’t care.  Y/N got frustrated and stopped giving it his all but Takeshi didn’t allow it.  Even though they had both been first years, the brunette was the only person to make Y/N get fired up to play.

Then he heard and saw Nishinoya play and it was almost like someone had lit a fire in him.  He was antsy on the side of the court his first year and wanted to go against the other.  Noya was stunning to begin with but his love for volleyball made him even better.  L/N remembered when they had looked at each other through that net and he knew that everything just felt right.

“I hope you’re ready for me to kick your ass,” Y/N said to the other libero during warm-up. Nishinoya gave him a challenging look. “We’ll be going against Shiratorizawa.”

“Only way that’ll happen is if I give up.” Noya took a step closer to the other. “And I don’t do that.”

“Good because neither do I.”

Even though L/N’s team had lost in the end, he felt like he was on cloud 9.  His love for volleyball was at an all-time high.  His team was pissed at him for being so happy but Takeshi made the comment that it was rare to see two good liberos go against each other. It didn’t matter what it was but he felt like he was in love with Noya and volleyball.

Oh.

L/N realized that his crush on the two boys had started because of volleyball.  The crushes grew when his love for volleyball grew.  Their inspiration made him want to be better, love always did that though.  He read about it.

Tsukishima hadn’t inspired him the other boys had.  He showed no passion towards anything, especially not volleyball.  That was why Y/N kept struggling to fall in love with him because there wasn’t an actual connection of a share interest.  Sure, he could sing the lyrics to songs Kei loved but he didn’t love them himself.

There wasn’t a proper way for him to tell Kei that he didn’t love him, when the blonde obviously loved him, and it resulted in Hanahaki.  He couldn’t demand for him to show passion for something he wasn’t passionate about.  It was just that Y/N didn’t want to die.  He wanted to play with Karasuno and go to nationals.  He wanted to be in love with his soulmate.

If he told Tsukishima that, what would the blonde do?

 *****

 Y/N never got a fever, but his appetite was nearly nonexistent, and he ended up with a cough.  He expected to throw up more, but it rarely happened.  He had googled all about this, and all of the things he had read said he should’ve been throwing up more.  If his parents looked through his computer history, then they’d be worried.  In his defense, he was only looking at academic articles instead of fucked up fanfiction.

He had read about a study where when both soulmates didn’t love each other, Hanahaki wouldn’t happen.  If there was unrequited love (when one loved the other, but the feelings aren't reciprocated), then Hanahaki was bound to happen.  The only way to reverse it was to fall in love with your soulmate, which was shown to be easy according to statistics, but Y/N wasn’t finding it easy.

He was in stage one, where only a couple of petals appeared whenever he coughed, but not every time.  All Y/N knew for certain was that he needed to avoid as many symptoms as possible.  Every website read out the same symptoms: coughing, vomiting, trouble breathing, fever, uncontrollable shaking, loss of appetite, low body temperature, and hallucinations.  All he had then was coughing, vomiting, and loss of appetite.

Y/N was smart with how he planned to fall in love with Tsukishima.  He started eating lunch with him, which Tsukishima acted like he hated at first, but he’d scoot close to Y/N and their sides would barely touch each other.  He’d look at Y/N with those warm brown eyes, and Y/N wished he’d want to melt because of them.  Y/N also started walking Tsukishima home after practice, even though it was so far out of his way.

He learned that Tsukishima was actually really funny when he wasn’t being a complete asshole.

There were times when Tsukishima would put his headphones on Y/N, and Y/N learned all of Tsukishima’s favorite songs; most being K-Pop and J-Pop.  They had stopped in the middle of the street, because Y/N couldn’t stop laughing over it.  He had expected emo music and lo-fi from Tsukishima, not this.  Y/N would randomly make vague comments about the groups he had been shown during practice.

“Stop flirting,” Sugawara joked, but he had a teasing smile.  It was clear to see that he was the most excited that they were finally interacting with each other without being violent.

“I can’t help it, have you seen him?” Y/N teased, and Tsukishima chuckled a ball at him in response, but Y/N received it easily. “Sorry, but you can’t take me by surprise when it comes to volleyball.”

It felt like they were childhood best friends, similar to him and Hinata.

Y/N slammed his head into the wall next to the vending machine outside of the court.  Nothing was working, even though he was trying so hard.  Sure, things were changing, but there still weren’t any romantic feelings.  He just couldn’t figure out why there weren’t.  What was so different with Takeshi and Nishinoya?

In his first year of junior high, Takeshi had gotten into his face.  They were so close as he gripped at Y/N’s shirt and screamed in his face to start acting like a libero.  Y/N was still new and clumsy with volleyball, so he got frustrated and stopped giving it his all, but Takeshi didn’t care.  He wasn’t going to allow it.  Even though they had both been first years, Takeshi was the only person to get Y/N fired up to play.

Then Y/N heard and saw Nishinoya play, and it was like a fire had been lit under him.  Y/N was antsy on his side of the court his first year, because he wanted to go against Nishinoya.  Nishinoya was stunning to begin with, but his love for volleyball made him even better.  Y/N remembered when they had looked at each other through that net his first years, and it felt right.  He knew that next year; things would be different.

“I hope you’re ready for me to kick your ass,” Y/N said, and Nishinoya gave him a challenging look.  It was only warm-ups and Y/N was confident. “We’ll be going against Shiratorizawa.”

“Only way that’ll happen is if I give up.” Nishinoya took a step closer to Y/N. “And I don’t give up.”

“Good, because neither do I.”

Even when Y/N’s team had lost, he felt like he was on cloud nine.  His love for volleyball was at an all-time high.  His team was pissed at him for being so happy, but Takeshi made the comment that it was rare to see two good liberos go against each other.  It didn’t matter what it was, but he felt like he was in love with Nishinoya and volleyball.

Oh.

Y/N realized that his crush on Takeshi and Nishinoya had started because of volleyball.  They grew as his love for volleyball grew.  They inspired him to want to be better but love always did that though.  He had read about it while looking for ways to fall in love with Tsukishima.

Tsukishima didn’t inspire him.  He showed no passion towards anything, especially not towards volleyball.  That must be why Y/N kept struggling to fall in love with him, because there wasn’t an actual shared interest.

It didn’t matter how many of Tsukishima’s favorite songs Y/N could sing by heart, or how many slices of strawberry shortcake they shared.  Tsukishima didn’t have an interest in anything that Y/N loved.

There wasn’t a proper way for him to tell Tsukishima he didn’t love him, because it was so clear that Tsukishima loved him.  It was just that Y/N was suffering, and he needed something, but he couldn’t demand him to show passion when he had nothing he was passionate about.

Y/N didn’t want to die.  He wanted to play with Karasuno.  He wanted to go to nationals.  He wanted to fall in love with Tsukishima.

What would Tsukishima do if Y/N told him that?

*****

Y/N had never been more excited for Golden Week.  He loved practicing with his team.  He loved practicing with Hinata and how exciting Hinata was about everything.  He loved watching Hinata run through the place they were staying with wide starry eyes.  Even though Hinata had inspired him to play volleyball, Y/N never fell in love with him.  Most likely because he and Hinata’s relationship leaned more towards brothers than anything else.

Tsukishima had placed his futon next to Y/N’s, which caused them to be teased by Sugawara and Tanaka.  Daichi shut them up as he sent Tsukishima and Y/N an apologetic expression.  While Y/N didn’t care, Tsukishima moved his futon to be next to Yamaguchi’s instead.  Y/N had noticed that Tsukishima didn’t like attention, so he most likely felt embarrassed by this.

“Do you not want to sleep next to me?” Y/N asked, and they were alone.  He knew this was the only way to get Tsukishima to talk to him. “It’s okay if you don't, but just ignore them if you do.”

“Do you want me to sleep next to you?” Tsukishima asked, and he took a drink from his water bottle.  His expression was hard to read, but Y/N knew Tsukishima was just trying to feel out the situation.

Y/N didn’t know if he wanted Tsukishima to sleep next to him.  Part of him honestly didn’t care who slept next to who as long as everyone slept and no one was bitchy in the morning.  His team in junior high had always been so bitchy in the mornings to the point he was told to stop being so cheery.  All he had done was say good morning during breakfast.

“I want you to be happy,” Y/N said, and he meant it. “If it makes you happy to have your futon next to mine, then do so.  I’ll deal with everyone if I need to.”

Tsukishima had a small smile on his face, and Y/N nearly didn’t catch it.  Tsukishima was pretty when he smiled, but the effect would go away all together if he smiled all the time.  It stayed while he put his futon next to Y/N’s, but disappeared when it was no longer just him and Y/N.

Y/N smiled at him, but there was a sadness to his smile.  He still wasn’t in love with Tsukishima, but he was to the point that he so desperately wanted to be.

 *****

When Hinata ran off without the team, Y/N and Sugawara got teamed up somehow.  Tanaka said that Y/N and Tsukishima couldn’t go alone, because they’d get all lovey dovey.  Tsukishima said he didn’t want to look for Hinata, and Y/N said he was going to look and would pair up with someone if needed.

As he and Sugawara walked around, he started to feel a little sick to his stomach.  He had grown used to this feeling, but he was typically at home when it hit him.  He really didn’t want to throw up his breakfast in front of his upperclassmen, especially if there would be flower petals in it.  Sometimes you don’t get to decide what you’re going to do.

He threw up on the side of the road.  He would’ve preferred a trash can, but there wasn’t one near them.  Sugawara looked at him concerned, and Y/N heard him say something before he fell silent.

There was a fully formed flower in the midst of the vomit.  A white candytuft, one of the more common Hanahaki flowers.  It meant ‘indifference’ and usually those who had tried to ignore their feelings received them.  It was getting worse, and it was clear his efforts to fall in love weren’t working.

“How long?” Sugawara asked, and Y/N didn’t look away from the fully formed flower. “How long has this been going on?”

“Two weeks.” Y/N let out a shaky breath. “I’ve been having to leave the gym to cough, and this is the fourth time I’ve thrown up.  This is the first fully formed flower though.”

“I thought you were in love with him,” Sugawara said, and Y/N closed his eyes.

“I want to be.” Y/N’s voice was soft and felt like he could cry. “God, I want to be.  I look at him and I want to be in love with him so badly, but we have nothing in common.  He's not passionate about anything.”

“Let me guess, you’ve only ever been attracted to volleyball players,” Sugawara said, and L/N looked up at him with tears running down his face.  Sugawara looked upset, but also sad.  He looked so sad too.

“Yes, they’ve always motivated me to want to be better.”

“Are you still in love with Nishinoya then?” Sugawara asked, and Y/N wanted to act like he had never been in love with Nishinoya, but they both knew that would be a lie.  He had been just as obvious as Nishinoya.

“No, I’m not in love with anyone.” Y/N crouched down and put his face between his knees. “And that’s the fucking problem.  I’ve focused so hard on trying to love Kei that I can’t even remember what it feels like to be in love with someone.  What does it even feel like?”

“Your heart beats faster whenever you’re around them.  You’re happy whenever they talk to you, or when you just see them.” Sugawara crouched down next to Y/N and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Life feels better when they’re around, even if it’s only in a mundane way.”

“Those are all just soulmate things,” L/N sniffled, and he wiped his eyes. “Everyone feels that for their soulmate.”

“What do you feel for Tsukishima?”

“I like being around him.  He’s different when it’s just us and it’s nice.  Like, he’s really fun when he’s not worried about everything.”

Sugawara gently squeezed his shoulder, and it was comforting.  Sugawara’s touch didn’t feel like Tsukishima’s, and Y/N was happy about that.  He wanted that to only be a Tsukishima thing, because he wanted something to be only a Tsukishima thing.

“We’ll figure something out,” Sugawara said, and Y/N started to cry harder, because he knew they couldn’t. “I promise that you’re going to be in love with your stick in the mud soulmate.”

“You can’t promise things like that,” Y/N cried, and Sugawara slowly started to run comforting circles on Y/N’s back. “You can’t get my hopes up.”

“Trust me, I always keep my promises.” He took his hand off of Y/N’s back and stood up. “I’ll go find Hinata and we’ll come back here.  You can have a bit to yourself.”

Y/N nodded, and he looked over at the candytuft, which felt like he was staring at him from his own vomit.  What would Tsukishima think when he learned that Y/N’s flower meant indifference?  The only way you got that flower was when you actively decided to no longer want your soulmate.  There wasn’t much you could do to make yourself fall in love with someone past what he had done.  Countless articles had said so.

He wanted there to be a universal thing that made soulmates fall in love.  Typically, just because they were soulmates did it, but there were times where this happened.  He wondered if maybe he was aromantic, but strictly platonic soulmates were always matched with someone else who was aromantic.  There was also Takeshi and Nishinoya, which would debunk him being aromatic.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Someone asked, and Y/N had moved to sit somewhere that wasn’t the street.  He looked up to see Tsukishima looking at him with a confused expression. “You’re not telling me you got lost looking for Hinata.”

Tsukishima called Hinata by his name whenever he was around Y/N, because Y/N had asked him to.  Y/N had said it was fine to tease his best friend, but he didn’t want to hear the teasing when it was just them.  Y/N had asked this while trying to use puppy dog eyes, and Tsukishima seemed to cave because of it.

“I don’t feel too great, so Sugawara-senpai went to look for Sho without me,” Y/N said, and he realized he wasn’t lying when he said that.  He still felt nauseated and like he needed to lie down.

“Well, you kind of look like shit,” Tsukishima said, and he placed the back of his hand on Y/N’s forehead. “You’re a little warm, but you don’t feel like you have a fever though.”

“I love when you say I look like shit.  You really know how to woo a guy.”

Tsukishima smiled slightly. “Just for you.”

It was moments like this when Y/N wanted to be in love with him so badly.  Moments where he wanted to reach out and hold Tsukishima’s face between his hands and tell him all the reasons he loved him.

“Do you love me?” Y/N asked, and he hadn’t meant to.

Maybe if he heard it, then he’d love Tsukishima back.  Maybe he just needed confirmation that he was allowed to love him.

“Of course I do, dumbass.” Tsukishima took a step away from Y/N. “Why else would I come looking for you?”

Because you’re my soulmate.  Because you feel like you have to.  Because everyone said you have to.  Not because you love me.

“I don’t know, maybe you wanted to get some more exercise in,” Y/N teased, and Tsukishima rolled his eyes.

“Let’s get back to everyone.  I don’t want to hear them go on about how long we were gone,” Tsukishima said as he reached out a hand for Y/N to get down from the brick ledge easier.  It wasn’t even that tall, but the gesture made Y/N want to start crying again.

“We could always give them a reason to tease us.”

Tsukishima's ears went red, especially when Y/N grabbed his hand. “Shut up.”

“Don’t be like that Kei,” Y/N pouted, but they both knew he was only teasing him. “I know you never want me to shut up.”

As they walked back to the team, hand in hand, Y/N started to worry.  Did he tell Tsukishima he loved him back?

*****

Tsukishima was more observant than he let people believe.  It wasn’t like he suddenly knew someone just by observing him, but he could pick up tendencies people had.  Yamaguchi’s ears turned red whenever he lied, which was rare.  Hinata was livelier after he walked to practice with Y/N.  Kageyama was always in a mood, but Tsukishima was starting to think it was just Kageyama’s personality.  Then there was Y/N, who felt impossible to get a read on.

Y/N always teased Tsukishima when he thought it was needed.  After heavy moments, there was always something to make Tsukishima roll his eyes and to get them out of that atmosphere.  Even he was with everyone as well.  Y/N made SHINee references more than Tsukishima wanted him to, but at least no one else knew what he was referring to.  Y/N went in between calling him Kei and Tsukki.  He only used Tsukki because he said he felt left out that Yamaguchi had a cute nickname for him, but Y/N didn’t.

Tsukishima had grumbled and told him to call him whatever, but he loved whenever Y/N called him Kei and Tsukki.  He loved when Y/N did anything when he was near him, because everything felt so easy.  There was the soulmate argue, how you always felt like that with your soulmate, but Tsukishima refused to believe that.  He wanted it to be special between them, because it felt special to him.

He had noticed that Y/N had never told him he loved him back the other day though.

It had started to eat away at him, but it was now the day of the Nekoma match.  He was next to Y/N, who had clenched his fists as he glared at the floor.  Y/N wasn’t made a starter, and Nishinoya had even fought with Coach Ukai about it.  He had said that Y/N could be used in the second set, because he was just as good as the now starting libero.

“Hey,” Tsukishima said gently, and Y/N looked up at him with watery eyes. “It’s okay.”

That was the wrong thing to say, and he blamed not being able to get a good enough read on Y/N.  He blamed Y/N for not being as transparent with him as Tsukishima was.

“I understand that this is just some fucking club for you, but it isn’t for me!” Y/N screamed, and he dug a finger into Tsukishima’s sternum. “You’re fucking tall and get to be a starter without fucking trying, but I’ve been trying for years to get to this skill level.  So, don’t say it’s okay.  I could’ve gone to Shiratorizawa, where I was promised to be a starter, but I came to Karasuno, and I don’t even get to fucking play!”

Usually, Tsukishima would get angry and throw sharp words at someone who acted like this towards him.  He didn’t this time.  He pulled Y/N’s wrist away from his sternum and put it on his own.  Everyone was staring at him, but for once Tsukishima didn’t care.  He noticed Sugawara holding Nishinoya back, which was good, because Tsukishima wouldn’t be as kind to him as he was being towards Y/N.  Sure, he no longer saw Nishinoya as a threat, because he had thought that the effects of soulmates had finally hit Y/N.

“You’re right.  I don’t understand and probably never will.” Tsukishima paused when he noticed Y/N was crying. “You can scream and cry or do whatever, but everything will still be the same.”

Y/N ripped his hand away and wiped his eyes.  Normally Tsukishima would find someone pathetic for crying like this over some club, but this was different.  It was different, because this was his soulmate and he loved him.

It was obvious that Y/N didn’t love him back when Y/N looked away and grumbled at the court.  The realization made it crystal clear on how to read Y/N, which Tsukishima wasn’t sure he should be happy about.  Everything they had done together made sense now with how Y/N was acting.

Y/N had always been shy to touch and only allowed hand holding.  Tsukishima had accidentally grabbed onto him one day when he tripped over something, and Y/N refused to look at him for days after.  He didn’t let anyone touch him, unless it was Hinata, but they were basically brothers.  Any time that Tsukishima had initiated something, there was a tight smile on Y/N’s face as if he were being forced to deal with it.

Tsukishima had never walked him home, because Y/N always said it was too far out of the way for him.  When Hinata had heard this, he had said that Y/N lived the closest to Karasuno out of anyone on the team.  Tsukishima had already known it was a lie, but he assumed that maybe Y/N’s parents were like his mother, who had tried to invite Y/N to dinner for the first time Tsukishima had been walking home.

He watched as Y/N stormed out of the gym and Hinata followed after him, and he couldn’t get himself to move.  A hand touched his shoulder, and it was Sugawara, who looked as if he could see right through Tsukishima.  Maybe he could, but Tsukishima did nothing in response.  He stared straight ahead and didn’t know what he was going to do with all of these feelings–with all of this information.

“You’re allowed to be upset,” Sugawara said, and Tsukishima looked over at him. “You’re also allowed to talk to him about it.  I actually encourage it, because he most definitely won’t.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tsukishima snapped, and he’d just be cold hearted again.  It wouldn’t bother him if he were.

It was just that he knew the next time he saw Y/N, he’d forget that.  He’d be filled with warmth and happiness that he was next to Y/N, even if he wouldn’t show it.  His affection was making a playlist of his favorite songs to show Y/N before he had even thought about if Y/N wanted to listen.  His affection was keeping an extra hoodie in the club room in case Y/N complained about being cold.  His affection was everything no one saw.

“Sure, you don’t,” Sugawara said before he lowered his voice to a whisper. “And L/N definitely doesn’t have a flower collection growing in his lungs.”

Tsukishima froze and Sugawara walked away.  He didn’t move when Y/N came back with Hinata.  He watched Nishinoya tackle Y/N and shower him with compliments.  Tsukishima couldn’t move, because if Y/N had a flower collection in his lung, then that meant something had been happening.  He didn’t know what to do.

 *****

It was dark outside by the time they arrived at Karasuno.  Y/N was still upset about the starting lineup, and everyone knew.  Yelling at Tsukishima had been one of the lighter things he had done.  Before that, there had been a fight with Coach Ukai, and Y/N had been threatened to be kicked off the team, which Y/N only responded by telling him to do it.

“There’s no point to volleyball if I can’t play libero!” Y/N screamed, and some of Nekoma looked over at them.

“You’re still a libero, but you’ll just play when the rolling thunder kid can’t,” Ukai said, and Takeda stood near them with a concerned expression and twitching hands. “It’s not that bad being on the bench.”

“It is though!  I thought you played volleyball!” Y/N threw his hands up in the air with a scoff. “This is fucking ridiculous, because all you’re doing is pulling class rank when that isn’t needed.  Nishinoya-senpai and I can switch out throughout the game!

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that!” Ukai yelled back, and Y/N stared him down with narrow eyes. “I will kick you off this team.”

“Do it.”

The way Y/N looked made everyone uneasy.  It was clear he was done and like he felt nothing, and he was making everyone else experience it.  Hinata would later say that Y/N had never looked like that before, and Tsukishima believed that.

“Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves now,” Takeda said, and he was finally stepping in. “No one is going to be leaving the team today.”

Y/N had been quiet the entire ride home and gave no one attention, except for Nishinoya who was only quickly hugged.  Tsukishima was surprised to find Y/N walking over to him, because he assumed that Y/N was done with him.  Y/N was in a shit mood and didn’t love him, so he was done with him for now.

Y/N looked tired and his eyes were red and puffy.  Tsukishima missed when Y/N looked more vibrant and was vocal, not whatever was going on now.  It actually pained him to see.

“You’re walking me home, let’s go,” Y/N said, and he took one of Tsukishima’s hands into his own.  Tsukishima waved bye at Yamaguchi, who looked just as confused as Tsukishima felt.

It was nice outside, even though the summer heat was nearly upon them.  Y/N didn’t talk like he normally did, but instead was silent in a way that made anxiety build up in Tsukishima’s chest.  He could handle a pissed off Y/N, but he couldn’t handle a pissed off Y/N who also possibly had Hanahaki.

“It’s so fucking ridiculous that he thinks he’s qualified to be a coach just because he used to play,” Y/N said, and Tsukishima looked down at him, whose brows were furrowed together. “I just feel so useless now.  I spent all of junior high dedicating myself to volleyball, and this is what happens.”

Y/N stopped in the road, and he let go of Tsukishima’s hand.  Tsukishima looked at him, and it felt weird to be stopped like this.  They had never stopped on their walk home before, except for when Y/N had been laughing so hard he couldn’t walk anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Tsukishima said, and he didn’t know if that was what needed to be said or not.  He didn’t know anything, and he felt helpless.

“I use volleyball as a coping mechanism,” Y/N said slowly, and he stared at the street. “So, in junior high, I fell in love with one of my teammates and used volleyball to cope.” Tsukishima watched Y/N’s hands clenched into fists and then unclench. “I don’t love him anymore.  I don’t, I don’t even know what.”

Y/N stopped talking and it was clear he was struggling to say what Tsukishima didn’t want to hear.  Tsukishima hated lying so much and hated being betrayed by those he trusted, but he’d be okay if Y/N lied to him forever if he didn’t have to hear it come out of his mouth.  Honestly, he knew he couldn’t hear it come out of Y/N’s mouth.

“You don’t love me,” Tsukishima said, and his voice was cold, and Y/N nodded.

“I want to though, like I want to so badly.” Y/N was being sincere, and Tsukishima didn’t expect him to lie now, so he believed him. “Just show me some kind of passion or like something I do!”

“What do you mean?” Tsukishima asked as he tilted his head, and he leaned into Y/N’s space slightly. “Why do I need to do those things?”

“Because I’ll fucking die!  I’ll die if I can’t fall in love with you.”

Y/N’s expression had been full of hurt, but it morphed into a blank one.  His eyes held more pain than Tsukishima wanted to see, and he wished he could unsee it.  Y/N had confirmed that he had Hanahaki with those words and Tsukishima didn’t know what to say.  Was he supposed to pull some fake passion or shared interest out of his ass?  He couldn’t do that, even if he wanted to, and he wanted to.

“How long?”

“About two weeks.” Y/N looked down at his shoes. “Got my first entire flower the day Sho got lost and Sugawara-senpai went on without me, because I was sick.”

Tsukishima wanted to be angry.  He wanted to feel the need to scream and throw things.  Instead, he felt sad, because he wasn’t sure what there was to do.  He doubted that explaining why he loved Y/N wouldn’t make much of a difference.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to break your heart.” L/N’s voice was soft and weak. “I just wanted to make you happy for however long I possibly could.”

Tsukishima watched as Y/N clenched his fists before he started crying.  It was pathetic, but it made Tsukishima’s heart hurt more than he wanted it to.  Y/N let out a wet cough and white flower petals ended up in his hands.  Sure, Tsukishima was in pain, but it was clear that Y/N was as well.

“I’ll just fall out of love with you since you can’t fall in love with me.”

He thought it was a good idea.  They could just go back to pissing each other off and he’d stop caring about how close Nishinoya stood next to the Y/N.  The way Y/N grabbed him by the collar and yanked him down said otherwise.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Y/N spat out as he glared Tsukishima down. “Once you fall in love with your soulmate, you’re in love with them.  You’re forever destined to be in love with me, even if you no longer want to.”

It wasn’t fair that Tsukishima didn’t get a choice in this.  He deserved to get a choice in if he loved Y/N or not, especially since Y/N had gotten a choice in it.  It wasn’t fair that he thought Y/N looked beautiful with wet cheeks and snot dripping from his nose, but Y/N didn’t see Tsukishima the same way.

“Why don’t you love me?” Tsukishima asked, and his voice was calm, which was different from the volume in his head.

“Besides being soulmates, nothing connects us together.  You don’t love volleyball or show passion for anything.” Y/N let go of Tsukishima’s shirt and pushed him back slightly. “Sure, you got into the 3-on-3, but you never showed anything more than that.  Passion is different than not wanting to lose.”

Tsukishima was surprised Y/N remembered the 3-on-3.  He was surprised Y/N had actually paid attention, because he had never made it seem like he remembered the little things.  Tsukishima had always felt like he remembered everything–noticed things that Y/N never did.  Maybe it had been clear for a while how Y/N had felt, but that didn’t mean much to Tsukishima right now.  His brown eyes focused on Y/N and his fists clenched so tight his knuckles turned a bone color.

“I’m passionate about you!” Tsukishima screamed, and he pointed at Y/N. “I’m so fucking in love with you that it hurts, and you say I’m not passionate about anything.  Our common interest is you, is that not enough?”

Y/N froze, and Tsukishima wanted him to do something.  He was angry and didn’t want to say everything he thought and felt, because he didn’t do that kind of thing.  He was used to bottling everything up, but he couldn’t do that when it came to Y/N anymore.

“I text you to make sure you got home, because I want to keep talking to you.  It doesn’t matter if we talked the entire walk to my house, because it’s not enough.” Tsukishima took a step forward. “I love when you laugh at my comments, because it makes me know you’re actually listening.  Or when you try to sing, even though you obviously can’t sing for shit.  It makes it feel like it’s only us, and that’s all I fucking want.”

Y/N just kept staring at him like he couldn’t breathe.  He stared at Tsukishima like that was all he knew how to do.  With there being no interjections made Tsukishima continue on.

“I’m honest with you and I’m not like that with anyone.  I don’t give two shits if it’s apparently some soulmate bullshit, because to me, it’s just a you and me thing.  You make me feel safe enough to say what I want to.” He took another step closer to Y/N. “You make me so fucking happy with your stupid comments, and how you try to fix your hair before class even though it looked fine before you messed it up jut to fix it.”

Y/N’ breath hitched when Tsukishima took another step closer, and he looked up from Tsukishima’s chest and they were making eye contact now.  Tsukishima waited for a moment for Y/N to say something, but he didn’t.  Y/N just continued to stare at him as if he still didn’t understand what was going on.

“I actually want to go to volleyball practice because I get to see you play.  You’re amazing when you’re not on the court, but you change when you’re in the gym,” Tsukishima said, and he noticed how Y/N took a step closer to him this time. “You make me want to be a better player; to be on your level.  If I’m on your level, then I can actually play with you like you want me to.”

“Is this really how you feel?” Y/N asked, and his eyes were scanning over Tsukishima’s face. “Or are you just saying this in hopes that I won’t die.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Tsukishima looked down at the ground. “I also don’t want you to die.”

Y/N threw his head back as he laughed, and Tsukishima stopped breathing for a second at the sight and sound.  The 5’6” boy leaned into Tsukishima, and his head landed on Tsukishima’s chest as he continued to laugh slightly.  Warmth spread throughout Tsukishima’s body, and he refrained from wrapping his arms around Y/N.

“I hate you so much,” Y/N said in between laughs. “You had to get pissed at me for not thinking you’re passionate for it to all finally click.  You had to tell me that I make you passionate.”

Tsukishima wrapped his arms around Y/N, who let out a gentle sigh.  They had never done this before, and now it was all Tsukishima wanted to do.  He could basically hear their soulmate teacher saying that soulmates make everything better than it actually is.

“Can you do something for me?” Y/N asked as he pulled away enough for Tsukishima to look at his face.

“What?”

“Come closer,” Y/N said, and he pulled Tsukishima down by grabbing his shirt and quickly kissed him. “Thank you.”

Tsukishima’s face was bright red, and he couldn’t tell if Y/N was flustered as well.  He felt like both of them should be flustered, so he moved down and kissed Y/N again.  It felt better than what he thought it would feel like.  Sure, his mother had said the moment she had kissed his father that all of those feelings felt real and not so dream-like, but this was different.  Everything felt magical, especially when Y/N looped his arms around his neck to kiss him easier.

“You’re in the middle of the street!” Sugawara screamed, and Y/N pulled away with a laugh. “At least go home!”

“Do you guys always make out when walking home?” Hinata asked, and he was pulling his bike alongside him.  Y/N merely winked at him, which made Hinata shriek.

“Of course we don’t make out when we walk home,” Tsukishima said, and Y/N pouted slightly. “He decided to jump me today.”

“I would never!” Y/N gasped, and he placed a hand over his heart. “How dare you accuse me of that!”

“Y/N-chan, I bet I can run down this hill faster than you!” Hinata said, and his voice was loud and cheerful.  He quickly put his bike on the sidewalk as Y/N put his bag on the ground.

“You’re on shortie!” Y/N yelled, and they started running.

“So, how’s the flower garden?” Sugawara asked, and Tsukishima jumped at how close the other was to him. “Were you able to kill it?”

“I think so,” he breathed out, and Sugawara nodded. “Unless he’s lying.”

They watched as Y/N tried to trip Hinata as they started walking back up the hill.  Hinata and Y/N were both laughing, but Y/N was the main one while Hinata would scream ‘not fair’ every couple of seconds.  It was the first time Sugawara and Tsukishima had seen Y/N look so at ease and happy since they had met him.

“I don’t think he’s lying,” Sugawara said, and Tsukishima nodded, because he didn’t either.

Y/N walked to Tsukishima, beating Hinata back up the hill (even though he had technically lost by repeatedly tripping Hinata on the way up), and beamed at him.  Y/N’s smile felt like sunlight on a cold day, and his eyes were full of warmth; things Tsukishima had never noticed before.

“I’m hungry, want to get something to eat?” Y/N asked, and he grabbed Tsukishima’s hand without second thought, and it made Tsukishima’s skin tingle. “It’s on me if you want to be cheap.”

Tsukishima intertwined their fingers and nodded. “You’re totally free to pay for me.”

Y/N groaned and looked over at Sugawara, as if he would be able to help him out.  Sugawara laughed slightly and looked at Tsukishima.

“I think he wants you to pay,” Sugawara said, and Tsukishima looked down at Y/N, who was pouting. “You don’t want to make him sad, do you?”

“Yeah,” Y/N said, and he intensified his pout. “You don’t want to make me sad, do you?”

Tsukishima sighed.  The way Y/N looked at him was different than all of the other times, and it made him want to do whatever Y/N wanted.  Sure, he didn’t have a lot of money to spend, but he’d spend it all on Y/N, especially if Y/N looked at him with those sparkling e/c eyes and warm smile.

“What do you want to eat?” Tsukishima asked.

“Pork buns!” Hinata exclaimed, and Y/N laughed a little.  Hinata was too cute for him to handle.

“I was thinking more like sushi,” Y/N said, and he turned to Hinata. “I was also thinking of it more as a date.”

Hinata’s eyes widened as he nodded, and Y/N laughed at him slightly.  He felt like he did before Takeshi and maybe Hinata had realized that.  Hinata turned to Tsukishima and tried to give him a threatening look.

“If you hurt him, then I’ll have to kill you.”

“Shoyo!” Y/N yelled with a small gasp. “He’d beat you up before you could even try!”

An argument between Y/N and Hinata over how mean Y/N was, and Y/N looked at Tsukishima with a smile, but Tsukishima looked away.  Y/N walked over to him and grabbed his hand that he had dropped when he had started arguing and looked over to Hinata.

“As much as I love you, I really want sushi,” Y/N said, and he also really wanted to kiss Tsukishima more, because it was better than how anyone had ever described it.  He still felt warm all over and Tsukishima’s touch still lingered, but it didn’t feel like it used to.  Tsukishima’s hand was warm in his and Y/N wanted to bring it up to his face to place a kiss on it.

“Come on, Hinata,” Sugawara said, and he wrapped an arm around Hinata’s shoulders. “Let your upperclassman buy you some pork buns.”

Once they were gone, Y/N looked up at Tsukishima with a bright smile.  He was going to get sushi for free (as long as Tsukishima had enough money), and Tsukishima couldn’t back out of it now.  It had already said he would.

“You ready to go, boyfriend?” Y/N asked, and brown eyes widened at him.

“B-boyfriend?” Tsukishima stuttered, and his cheeks turned pink.  It was clear it affected him, but he was going to try to make sure it didn’t seem like that.

“Yeah,” Y/N said, and he brought Tsukishima’s hand up to his face so he could lean his cheek into the palm. “Is that okay with you?”

Tsukishima’s eyes softened, and his thumb caressed Y/N’s cheek.  Love swelled up in Y/N’s chest, and it felt like it was all hitting him at once.  This was so much more than he had ever felt for Takeshi and Nishinoya, so he wanted them to be on the same page.  He didn’t want to see the hurt that had been in Tsukishima’s eyes earlier but continue to see what was in front of him now.  He also feared he’d continue to have Hanahaki if they weren’t on the same page, if something bad happened.

Tsukishima’s soft and fond smile replicated his eyes, and Y/N leaned into the touch.  He wondered if they’d be more affectionate now.  He desperately hoped so.

“Of course it’s okay, brat.” Tsukishima leaned down and kissed the crown of Y/N’s head.  The nickname held so much affection that made Y/N want to laugh.  Only Tsukishima would make an insult into a pet name, but it was okay.  Y/N didn’t mind. “It’s more than okay, you should know that.”

Y/N did know that, but he had wanted to hear it anyway.  Those words made it feel like he could finally breathe again.

“I love you,” Y/N said, and he kissed Tsukishima’s palm. “I love you so much.”

[dailydoseofdrawings]

Stop playing with stray animals! ❤️❤️❤️

@bittersweetsourcandy5 gave me this idea! Thank you! If anyone else wants me to draw somthing like this message/ask me! <3

[curucuruchii]

HQ<3

[tsuukie-remade]

ah hey !

1. First impression: really plants and also cool interests 2. Truth is: youre a super lovely person with really cool plants and interests omg, also sports3. How old do you look: hmm about your age?? 17/184. Have you ever made me laugh: not that i can think of no :^(5. Have you ever made me mad: no way omg6. Best feature: i really cant pick one omg but maybe your hard working nature?? i rly respect that7. Have I ever had a crush on you: i dont think so!8. You’re my: friend9. Name in my phone: alex (n then a load of flower emojis)10. Should you post this too? i think you already have :o

[tsuukie-remade]

dandere but probs more deredere ?

ahh that’s probably about right omg thank you v much!! :>

[tsuukie-remade]

i'm amy and boy do i ever love MELONS n SPACE. what time is it? teatime, 24/7

whoa 10/10 perfect!!! you even used the n omg i think you might make a better me than i do