Time passes in the comfort of his arms. Not fast. Not slow. But as it should.
I dozed off almost immediately after we collapsed into my cloud of pillows and blankets, but eventually wake up from the chilled night air wafting across my upper body.
With the help of the soft sound of his breathing, I relax further into the man beside me, curling myself around his frame and draping my leg over his thighs.
With his head turned up and eyes closed in comfortable sleepy silence, I count the beautiful blemishes scattered across the expanse of his neck, committing every detail of them to memory. The photos I used to gawk over online in no way compare to the creamy skin a breaths length in front of me. Fine hair tickles my fingers as they graze over a particular spot that my lips ache to touch.
Jimin's bare chest expands under my arm and I tilt my head up further to watch his mouth open wide to release a loud yawn that vibrates his whole body. Smiling, I pull myself up to press my lips against the patch of skin I’ve been staring at for God knows how long.
My bed creaks as his body twists to mirror mine.
“You’re still awake?” He asks hoarsely, positioning his face closer to mine on the pillow. I feel his soft fingers play with the skin at my waist, pinching and subsequently rubbing as if apologizing to the abused skin. Not that it hurts, if anything it feels extremely relaxing, more so knowing whose hands are doing it.
“I don’t want to sleep right now,” I reply.
He kisses my forehead and drags his lips down my temple to press another into the fullness of my red cheeks.
He giggles and mumbles against my cheek, “When will you stop blushing around me?”
My neck feels ticklish suddenly and my shoulder cringes upwards against him, “Whenever you stop kissing me so much.”
His torso lifts off of the bed, his hands pressed on either side of me to hold his weight above mine, “Oh, so should I stop kissing you then?”
In the most playful way I can, I roll my eyes at his absurdity, “Of course not,” I lift up, aiming for his pouty lips but end up kissing his cheek instead when he turns his head abruptly.
“Uh uh. No more kisses for you,” his own cheeks redden as he smiles down at me and sits back on his knees
“Nooooo,” I whine like the child I am and pounce at him. With more ease and agility than a human should even have, he slips off of the bed in one quick movement, leaving me to face plant into the sheets where his body just was, “Jimin!”
His loud chuckle echoes loudly off of my bedroom walls, “I like when you’re whiny,” falling to his knees gracefully next to the bed, he places his palms on either side of my head and lifts my face to his, “I guess if you need my kisses that bad then….”
I grab the hair at the nape of his neck and pull him into my waiting lips. He smirks and giggles into my mouth at first, but I persist on, swiping my tongue against his full lips to let him know exactly what I want. I know the exact moment the switch in his brain flips, as he grasps my underarms and pulls me off of the bed.
Knowing that I can trust him to catch me, I withhold the yelp in my throat and barrel on with my tongue until his lips part and mine grazes against his in fervor. With my hips now settled in his lap and my knees pressed against the floor, I subtly grind into the hardness I feel growing beneath me.
“This-” he tries to pull away to speak but I tilt my head and press my mouth tighter against his.
I had absolutely no intention of having sex with him again, but feeling him press into my naked bottom spreads fire through my limbs again and I'm weak to resist what my body wants. Even if it just got it's fill not even an hour ago. If I didn't know he was hard and almost beckoning underneath me, I wouldn't dare be as brash as I'm about to be any moment.
Slipping my hand between us, I grab onto his erection and center myself as best as I can before plunging down onto the length of it, taking him to the hilt in one go.
His lips yank away and he presses his forehead against mine, “Fuck, Anna-”
I watch his eyes glass over as he looks down between our gyrating bodies, admiring the way his length disappears and reappears between my folds. My walls clench around him at the pure ecstacy covering his beautiful face. Resting my upper arms on his shoulders, I grab more of his hair and leverage myself so that his face rests against my chest and bounce on his lap as if my life depended on it. And honestly, in this moment it feels exactly that way.
We hold each other close, not one inch of us separated from the other, and ride out our sudden, lust-filled highs.
My eyes are locked onto the popcorn pattern of my ceiling as I cum, the little mountains of paint swirl in my vision until I finally close my eyes and ride the steep wave back down into reality. Into the shaking lap of an orgasming Jimin. His face is indescribable right after he's done. Like nothing could ruin his mood in that moment, not even an asteroid crashing into the room. I just want to stare at the gorgeousness of him for hours with nothing else on my mind besides the many shades of pink blotting his full, agape lips. And the way his eyes flutter, fighting the urge to stay closed and fall asleep.
Falling back, I let my back rest against the edge of my bed and take deep breaths to calm my racing heart. The room smells like pure sex and I kind of like it.
“What are you smiling about?” he asks.
I look down at Jimin through low lidded eyes, “I didn't even realize I was smiling,” I say.
I lift myself up, disconnecting our bodies. The evidence of his orgasm leaks out of me and travels down my thigh as I sit on the edge of the bed. Jimin inhales sharply at the sight of the white, creamy substance staining my skin and now my bed sheets.
Usually I'd grab a blanket or pillow to cover myself up, but I feel completely at ease sitting naked, even under his watchful eyes. It feels natural now.
“I know this is a little late to ask,” he says, grabbing my unstained thigh and rubbing circles into my flesh with his thumb, “But, you're on birth control right?” His dark brown eyes stare up into mine carefully.
“What if I'm not?” I feel bratty and decide to challenge him just for the heck of it.
His bottom lip slips between his teeth and he raises to his knees to wrap his arms around me and settle between my legs, “Then maybe I'd have an excuse to stay.”
I melt.
Like fucking butter in his arms.
I may be reading into his words wrong, but it sounded like he wants me to get pregnant. That's crazy.
My brows furrow in on themselves, contradicting the way my chest vibrates from the pounding within. Confusion must be clear on my face.
“No, Jimin. You're crazy,” I whisper, as if someone were to overhear.
His hair shakes and tickles my chest as he moves his head back and forth. When his chin moves to rest right on my sternum, I search his wide eyes for a clue as to what is going through his mind. Is he just high on post-sex oxytocin or is he serious?
“I am. I know it's probably wrong, but it came out so easily,” he voices, his breath blowing gently up my chest. Goosebumps cover the area it's touched.
“No babies for me right now,” my lips purse. I hope he doesn't see how shy this conversation is making me feel. Not like I haven't thought of little baby Jimin’s before, but I never thought the conversation would actually come up. Especially this soon.
He lowers his face to my belly rolls and places little kisses around my belly button, “Maybe in a few years then.” He says seriously, lips brushing against the fine hairs of my abdomen.
He doesn't see my eyes widen, but I know he feels my figure stiffen a bit because he tilts his head a peaks up at me, “Jimin!” I whine and smack him on the shoulder playfully, “We literally just met!”
“That's never stopped people before,” he says. I feel his mouth upturn against my belly and the slow rumble that makes its way up his frame as he begins to chuckle.
“JIMIN!” I yell and push at his shoulders, to which he falls back, in the most exaggerated display I've ever seen, onto the floor where he grabs his stomach and belts his laughter up into the still air.
All I want to do is throw myself on him and join in with his contagious laughter, but if I sit any longer on my bed I'll never be able to remove the huge stain forming underneath me. Not being able to keep a straight face at his display of outright cuteness, I bite my lip has hard as I can and walk to the bathroom shaking my head. Though, when I see my reflection in the mirror, cheesing smile despite biting the shit out of my lip to control my laughter, I relinquish the hold on my lower lip and let it spill out.
Cleaning myself up takes just a minute with the help of magical wipes, and I'm returning to a half dead Jimin, still on the floor, glaring at the ceiling in no time. Literally glaring, as if they are having the most infuriating conversation. I take a moment and admire his sculpted body in the gleams of moonlight penetrating my bedroom window.
I'll honestly never be attracted to anyone else. It's almost a curse. I'll be utterly ruined if things weren't to work out...nobody else could even compare.
Ignoring the pile of clothes I had on before our little– not so little actually–rendezvous, I pull out a night shirt and throw it on. Realistically, I should shower, but some primal part of me wants to keep whatever is left of him inside of me for as long as possible. Plus, a shower would take away time spent with him before he leaves, which I feel approaching fast.
Silence surrounds us for a bit as I sit on the bed and watch him rise from the floor and pull my sweats back up his legs. Something on my desk catches his attention and he slides across the carpet to inspect whatever it is. His back is facing me, blocking the object that he examines quietly.
“Hmm,” he hums and turns with with his hands clasped around the object of interest, “I don't know how I should feel about this.” His brows quirk as he holds up a purple pen with a tiny figure of Mang breakdancing at the top of it.
I chortle in such an unpretty way at the ridiculous look on his face, “Don't worry, I no longer have eyes for Hoseok. Mang is super adorable though.”
He twirls my favorite pen in his hand and runs it between his thumb and pointer finger vigorously, “So, you had eyes for Hobi?”
My heart jumps into my throat. Shit.
“Oh! Well-I…...Okay,” I sigh and try to collect my thoughts and figure out a way to not make this anymore awkward, “I'm not going to deny that I've never been attracted to the others, but I've always been drawn to you the most. Now more so than ever…. obviously,” I giggle nervously, “Honestly, the rest of the guys are more like brothers now and my view on them is much different now…..”
“Anna.”
I pause mid-thought and look away from his hands, up into his crinkled eyes.
“You don't have to explain, silly. I was trying to be funny,” He drops the pen back into its place on my desk and smiled at me, “Plus I know how alluring Hoseok is, you don't have to pretend you're not attracted to him, everyone is.”
Wait a second.
“What are you saying?” I question him with squinted eyes.
“What do you mean?”
I watch his face turn from one of humor to confusion, “To me it sounds like you find him attractive.” As soon as the words leave my mouth a deep red flourishes his round cheeks.
“Ugh, well-” He turns away and pretends to examine the rest of the clutter covering my desk. No way am I letting this slip away. Jumping up from my spot I step behind him and raise on my tippy toes to rest my chin on his shoulder.
“‘Don't pretend you're not attracted to him’, Jimin,” I chuckle into the curve of his neck and press a kiss to the heated skin there.
I spot his striped shirt laying beside my feet. I pick it up and press it into his hand. He stares at it for a moment before pulling it on. When his face re-emerges I notice that it's still tinged pink but not as much as before. He really is embarrassed by my teasing and deep down, I find immense pleasure from it.
We stand a foots length apart watching each other for a minute in pure silence. I sense the mood switch almost immediately and a feeling of dread burrows it's way into my chest and stomach.
“When are you leaving?” I ask the question suddenly burning at the forefront of my mind.
His hair covers my view of his face as his head drops, “Tomorrow,” he sighs.
“Oh,” I sound, as if I didn't have a gut feeling already, “So, no staying tonight?”
He looks up at that and steps forward to cup my face in his hands.
“I'm afraid not. I'm not even supposed to be here right now,” his lips curve for a split second, “I packed earlier so that I could come see you.”
I smile as well, but it's not as genuine as I'd like it to be.
“When do you have to leave then?” My heart collapses in on itself.
I don't want him to go. Why did I have to fall for someone I can only have in fleeting moments?
“Hours ago.”
His hands leave my face and find my wrists. I'm pulled to the window where he stops to sit. He pulls me down beside him and I turn my body so that we face each other with the glass panel to my left and my legs intertwined with his.
“Do you sit here often?” His eyes are gentle as he loops upon me.
I nod my head, “A lot actually. I like to read whenever I have the chance.”
“Will you sit here whenever I can call you at night?” His hand grabs ahold of my ankle.
“You know that night time for me will be super early morning for you, right?”
“Of course I do.” He responds without hesitation.
“You need to sleep as much as you can”
He sits up straight, “I will, don't worry. I just need to call you even if it's only to hear your voice and tell you goodnight.”
It takes all of the willpower I have not to melt into a puddle of mushy feelings onto the floor. However strong I may be the keep from fainting from such an overwhelming feeling of love, I can't control the few tears that glide down my cheeks and drip onto my shirt.
I'm ridiculous, really. I may seem like a strong, independent woman on the outside, at least I hope that's what others think of me, but the real me is malleable and soft. Even the tiniest things can penetrate my falsely-thick skin.
Do I just accept that some crazy, weird, teenage girl hormonal shit is happening inside of me?
The sound of air being pulled roughly through teeth pierces my tumultuous thoughts.
Jimin has his hand in his hair, keeping the dangly front pieces from hiding his almost flawless forehead. His eyes are watery, but not like mine. He seems to be having an inner struggle with himself, based on the tense set of his usually relaxed lips.
“I'm sorry, Anna. I know this is all…….crazy.” He leans forward to wipe the tears from my face with his thumb on one side and the back of his hand on the other, “You feel it too, don't you?”
Oh, I feel it. But does he really feel the same? The same crushing weight that has me emotionally on edge 24/7.
“Yes,” I murmur, avoiding his eyes out of shyness.
His touch leaves me and we sit in silence for the umpteenth time tonight. Both of us caught up in our own thoughts.
Jimin is the first to move. His form rises from the window seat and ponders over the inspect the few books I have on a shelf beside my bed. He runs his finger across a few spines before speaking, “We won't be back until awards season in December.”
I frown, “That's in three months.”
“Yeah. Then after that we leave again for the second leg of our tour. I know it's a long time, but I promise to keep in touch.” His eyes reveal no emotion as they turn back to me.
I know how long they usually go on tour and knowing them, they will more than likely announce more dates as time passes. Not that it's a bad thing, but now more than before, I worry about his, and the others’, health. And sanity.
And whether what we have will be able to last through just a telephone or computer.
“I know you will,” I say, crossing my legs, “Try and stay healthy though.”
“Of course,” He smiles gently.
A bright light illuminates the opposite side of my bed and a chime follows. Jimin walks around to grab his phone and read what I assume to be a text message. His face is lit by the blue light from the screen and I swear I can see the disappointment in his eyes as he types.
After, turning his phone off and placing it on the bed he, once again, fiddles with his hair, “I have to go now.”
“Oh.”
“My driver is outside.”
I jump up from my seat in false haste. Every nerve in my body wants me to go as slow as I can at seeing him out, but it's going to happen either way. Why put off the pain?
“Um—I’ll get your clothes.”
He nods and I make my way into the bathroom to grab his clothing that I had hung up earlier to dry. As expected, they are still sopping wet, so I bundle them as best as I can in case anything is still dripping.
When I return with the wet clothing in my arms, I display the best apologetic face I have, “I should've offered to dry them downstairs at the laundromat but I wasn't thinking straight.” I place the clothes in his arms.
“Let's make a deal,” he says, pulling the shirt out of the bundle and handing it back to me, “If you let me keep this on,” He grasps at the striped shirt he currently sports, “I'll let you keep this wet shirt.”
“Well that shirt is yours anyways…..” I laugh, taking the shirt.
“I'd actually leave it with you, but I don't want to go back into the rain shirtless. So keep that one.”
“Why do you want me to keep your shirt so bad?” I cock my head to the side and place a hand on my hip, the bratty side showing its face again.
“I like the idea of you in my clothes. My girl, in my clothes.”
“Your girl?” I swallow.
“My girl.” He hums and pulls me into his arms, dropping the clothing onto the floor causing a resounding thump.
Just about the same noise my heart makes.
“So…...are we……” My lips shut as I realize what I'm asking.
“What?” His teeth peek out from behind his lips as he smiles.
“Nevermind,” I shake my head and lay it on his chest.
He runs his hands through my hair and tilts my head up to gaze into my eyes.
“Anna. Will you be my girlfriend?”
“Yes.” I answer, embarrassingly fast.
The eyes I've loved for years look down at me in admiration.
“My first girlfriend,” His smile is so wide and bright, I can almost feel the light illuminating my face.
For a second I'm heartbroken that I can't say the same. I've had boyfriends before, none as serious as this by a long shot. But there's something about 'the first’ and I wish I could share his joy in that.
It all seems insignificant though when his lips touch mine.
•••
The whole night seems like a blur now, as I sit in my window seat, watching the spot where his car just was. I try to ignore the ache taking over my chest, knowing that I will only see him through a screen for the next 3 months at least. At least I will see him in some form or another, I tell myself.
It doesn't work.
I fall onto my bed and mope into the pillow that still smells like his shampoo. Looks like I'm not washing this pillowcase for a while.
Does that make me weird? I think to myself
Maybe I'm just in love.
Right as I'm finally falling asleep, my phone dings.
I open the newly-downloaded app, Snapchat and click Jimin's message. A picture pops up of me asleep against his chest with text that says ‘I have the world's prettiest girlfriend’.
*I know it’s been FOREVER......2 months to be exact. But I’m back bitches. You didn't lose me! Enjoy ;]*
I pull the door open quickly, “You should make a checklist or-” I stop mid-sentence, staring in shock at the figure standing completely drenched on my doormat.
“Jimin.”
He stands before me, lips parted, blonde hair matted to his forehead; water dripping down his beautiful face. My breath catches in my throat and I literally swoon. I grab onto the door for support, more mental than physical, as a million questions race through my mind.
He swallows visibly as his eyes travel down my shock-stilled frame and he steps forward through the threshold, closing the distance between us. My head tilts back to gaze up at him, open-mouthed and stunned.
His plush lips press together tightly then open again hesitantly. “I-”
I can almost feel his chest expand as he pulls in a breath of air.
“You-” I whisper.
His hand lifts slowly and cradles the side of my face, sending my heart into overdrive. I try to speak but I'm only able to mouth the first half of ‘what’. His dark brown eyes peer down into mine, flickering back and forth between the two, as his fingers smooth down my cheek lightly.
He’s nervous.
“I should’ve listened to you.” He says quietly, but it feels like the loudest thing I've heard in days.
I can't describe or place a name on the raw emotion I feel hearing those words. I don't even know if it's more sadness or relief, but the metal ball that has taken place inside of my belly for more than a week bursts into pieces, and tears fall in streams down my face. His thumb swipes at the wetness drowning my cheeks, but he can't possibly keep up with the mess I'm making of my face.
My eyes flicker over the somber face inches in front of me, taking in every perfect detail: his pale, trembling lips, his red, puffy eyes and his pink nose that I long to stretch up and kiss. It's then I realize how cold he must be.
Swallowing, I take a step back, his hand still glued to my face, and look him over. His t-shirt is completely soaked through and sticks to different parts of his chest while the bottom of the wet fabric drips onto my living room carpet. A shiver crawls up my spine from the cold breeze blowing through the still open door.
Wiping my eyes roughly with the back of my hands I reach past him and push the door shut. He doesn't move from his spot, gazing down at me with those watery eyes.
My hands grab onto the arm raised up near my face and rub across his cold, damp skin. “You must be freezing.” I whisper.
His eyes blink, refocusing on me. “I'm okay.”
My fingers move up his arm to wrap around the ice cold fingers pressed against my cheek. I take in a sharp breath at feeling how incredibly cold they are and pull his hand down to my chest, covering it with both of my much warmer ones. I was in such shock, I didn't feel, nor see, how cold he is; not even how frozen my own cheeks are.
“Jimin,” My eyes glide over him again, “You're going to get sick! Come on.” I pull him down the hall and into my room, fully aware, but not caring of the amount of water dripping onto my carpet.
“Take your clothes off.” I say, knowing it sounds different than intended by the way his facial expression changes.
“Um-”
I dig through my drawers and pull out the baggiest pair of sweatpants I own and a long sleeved shirt. Throwing the pants onto my bed, I take off the shirt I accidentally borrowed from him and throw it as well. Jimin's eyes bulge as he watches my topless form.
I hold back a smirk and put on the shirt I just pulled out instead, covering my bare chest from his unwavering eyes. It's much more fitted than his shirt was, so the shape of my breasts are clearly discernible through the stretched fabric.
“Put those on.” I point at the clothes on my bed and he wordlessly begins removing the wet articles of clothing from his body. Shyly, I glance away when he pulls his boxers down. I know he can see the blush on my cheeks by the little giggle he makes.
“I didn't think we would take our clothes off this fast.” He comments, causing more blood to rush to my cheeks.
I stop staring at the floor and pick up his soaking wet clothes from the carpet, needing a distraction from our current situation. I squeeze the excess water out of his clothes in the bathroom and hang them in my shower to dry. When I walk back into my room he's sitting cross-legged on my bed looking my way. Our eyes connect and all silliness is gone; replaced with unnecessary anxiety.
His frown turns to a sweet smile and he pats the bed in front of him, inviting me over. As I climb onto my bed, I can't help but think how weird it is to see him in my room again. I could easily forget the past agonizing week and sit with him here, doing absolutely nothing but enjoying his presence. I feel oddly shy as I sit opposite him, like I've reverted back to how i felt weeks ago.
There's just a few inches of space between our bent knees. I catch a glance of his muscular thighs stretching out the grey fabric of my sweats and heat spreads, replacing the cold in my limbs.
We sit in silence for a minute or two just looking at each other and it feels so...easy.
Jimin breaks the quiet first.
“I'm sorry.” He says, his hands moving anxiously in his lap. “I know it's not fair that I want to explain myself to you when I didn't even give you the chance to do it.”
I inhale slowly and deeply, filling my lungs with cool night air. “I should've told yo-”
“No, no. Tae told me everything. I thought the worst of you. If I had just listened that night, we could've spent all of the time we lost together.”
I sigh as I watch him run his hand through his hair, a habit that I will never get tired of seeing. The strands fall right back into the same exact place they were, before he brushed it back. I wonder if he knows just how incredibly attractive he is doing that simple act.
Instead of being full of questions, like I thought I would be, I can’t think of anything to say to him. All I want to do is climb into his lap and wrap my arms around him. To feel the beat of his heart next to mine. Anything but talking, ironically.
I rub my hands on my thighs, yearning to reach out and have some sort of physical connection with him, but I know we need to talk first.
“It’s okay.” I say softly.
“But it’s not,” He shakes his head, “And I can’t believe Jin….” He slumps into himself and his hands work faster in his lap; he’s clearly upset and stressed.
I hate how I never know the right thing to say when people are hurting. It’s like my brain completely shuts down, and prevents me from making one coherent thought. Slowly, I place my hand on his knee, actual touch being the only comfort I can offer. For the both of us.
He looks down, smiles gently at where I'm touching his leg and lifts my hand into his own, flipping it over so that my palm faces up. My eyes focus on our hands. His feels surprisingly warm, considering he was as cold as ice just a few minutes ago, and the heat only makes me want to crawl into his embrace even more. I concentrate on his touch and try hard not to break out into chills from our temperature difference.
Funny how all I wanted was comfort from him in any way possible while we were away from each other, but now that he's finally here in front of me, I feel content, and now I’m the one attempting to console him of his worries. Just his presence alone has healed everything for me.
“How are things…..with him?” I ask slowly, watching his face for a reaction. He only gazes at our hands, his face dulling back into a sad, downward state.
“He admitted everything to me just before I came here.” I gasp, not just from his answer but also from the tingling sensation running up my arm when he starts to run his finger over my open palm. Swallowing hard, I avoid looking at what he’s doing to me, but staring at his gorgeous face isn’t helping the squeezing feeling forming in the pit of my stomach either. He doesn’t notice my reaction and continues talking, “He was very remorseful and I ended up forgiving him, but I know things will still be different between us for a while.”
He closes my hand and pulls my fist to his lips, placing a soft kiss to the back of my fingers. I have to lean forward for my hand to reach his mouth and his eyes flutter to mine as he continues; kissing each finger lightly with his chilled lips. My cheeks turn red from the way he watches me and I feel his mouth upturn into a smile, against my hand.
“What I really want is for him to apologize to you.” He adds on.
I cringe involuntarily and he quickly lets go of my hand, letting it fall between us. I don’t know if I even want to see Jin right now. What could he possibly say to me to make things right?
“Not right now of course,” He voices nervously after seeing my expression.
“I’m sorry I just-” I bite my bottom lip and avert my eyes, “I feel kind of...mad at him and I don’t know if I’m ready to see him yet.”
“No, no I understand. Honestly, I feel the same way, but I mean I have to see him.”
A few strands of his hair move across his forehead and he whisks them away before folding his arms together. He still looks cold, almost to the point of shivering. I frown and grab one of the many blankets on my bed to give him and notice my curtains moving gently.
I never shut my window.
“Fuck.” I curse, leaping from the bed to close the glass pane.
I shiver myself and run my hands up and down my arms as I walk back to the bed, where a wide-eyed Jimin sits looking at me in shock.
I pause halfway through climbing onto my bed, “What?” I ask, having no idea why he's staring at me in such an odd way.
The corners of his mouth lift up, “Just hearing you curse, it's alarming.”
I laugh loudly and sit back in front of him, but closer than before. His body visibly tenses and his eyes dart to my folded legs.
“I hope you didn't think I was that innocent. I actually happen to have a very filthy vocabulary at times.”
“Mmm. I can't wait to hear more of this 'filthy vocabulary’.” His fingers find my knee and crawl up my thigh just an inch, but enough to make me realize the not-so-hiddenmeaning behind his words.
With my mouth gaping open in shock, I playfully push his shoulder, “Jimin!”
He smirks, “I couldn't resist.” He says sniffling and wrinkling his nose.
I watch his nose redden as he swipes at it softly. I already felt bad about him standing in the cold rain, but now that he's actually showing signs of getting sick, the guilt is almost overwhelming and I start roaming my mind for ways to make him feel better. His next concert is only a few days away, and I know he'd be depressed if he couldn't sing or perform because of a sickness that could've been prevented.
“I'm so sorry,” I lean forward and place my hand against his cheeks, inhaling sharply when I feel how cold they still are. Remorse shrouds my mind. I should've remembered that my window was open and I should've covered him in blankets right away, “You're getting sick.”
Grabbing all of the blankets on my bed, and even the one wrapped around myself, I drape them over him and tuck the ends in so that no air can filter through, all while he watches me with a small smile on his face.
“It's okay, Anna. I'll be fine.” He says.
“But it's not! You have another show in a couple of days, I don't want to be the reason you're sick for it.” I frown, wondering what else I can do besides make him take a hot shower. I don't have any medicine either….
“Anna,” his arm slides out of the layers of blankets covering him and caresses the side of my calf, “We have people dedicated to keeping us from getting sick. I'm sure they'll just make me take more vitamins and drink something nasty when I go back.”
Drink….. I can make him tea!
“No, you can't stop me from worrying. I'm going to go make you some tea,” I jump off of the bed and notice him getting up as well, “You can stay here where it's warm,” I suggest, knowing full well he won't listen.
“I'll just take the blankets with me,” he stands up, adjusting the covers so that they cover his body fully, even his feet. He stops moving when he notices me watching him, “If that's okay with you?”
I almost say fuck the tea and run into his arms, with how adorable he looks all cuddled up in my blankets. Something completely possessive and instinctual that I have to push down deep, “Ahh, of course. What's mine is yours,” I say without thinking, then mentally facepalm. It's not like he was asking to keep my blankets.
If what I said sounded dumb to him, his face doesn't show it, “I'll keep that in mind for later,” he smirks and scoots forward towards me, since he barely has any room to move his legs under the weight of all that fabric.
But, I know for a fact that he is a fairly strong man, so maybe he's just being cute on purpose.
I hold back laughter at the sound of his feet sliding across the carpeted hallway. It gets harder to resist when we reach the linoleum of the kitchen and the muffled sliding sound turns into a squeaking scoot scoot.
Pulling a chair out from the dining table, the same chair he sat at the last time he was here, I turn to him, “Sit here.”
“Yes ma'am.” He huffs and plops down into the metal chair, adjusting the blankets so that he stays covered.
I smile to myself as I scour my kitchen for every ingredient I know of that can help with colds. I put water in the stove to boil as I prepare the rest of my last minute ingredients: lemon, cinnamon, ginger, cloves and honey. Once the water has reached a boil and the lavender chamomile tea bag has soaked in the water long enough I put the rest of the ingredients in.
We usually have a decent amount of coffee cups in the cabinet, but for some reason there's only two right now. My sister's 'I love Jamaica’ mug and my Chimmy mug. So of course I can't resist pulling down the familiar yellow cup and filling it to the top with tea.
I remember an old trick my mom used to do when I was younger and grab the cayenne pepper from the spice rack, sprinkling just a tiny bit into the tea. Just enough to clear his sinuses. Just in case.
He must recognize the spice because he makes a low gutteral sound as I sprinkle it, “Umm, should I be worried why you're putting that in my tea?”
Rolling my eyes, I carefully carry the cup over and place it in front of him, “It's just a little bit to help you breathe better, don't worry,” I assure him, grabbing a spoon from the utensil drawer and setting it beside the cup.
He chuckles when he looks down at the drink set in front of him, “You have good tastes in mugs….and jewelry.”
“Jewelry?”
“Mhmm,” he hums while blowing at the steaming cup of golden tea. The scent of lavender and lemon reach my nose. “Remember the bracelet you wore to the fansign?”
“Oh yeah!,” I sit across from him and watch him sip cautiously at the hot liquid. It's almost comical how long it takes for him to gather enough courage to let the tea touch his tongue. His face lights up in surprise after the first sip, “Wow, I'm actually surprised.”
I fake pout, pretending as if I'm hurt that he's surprised something I made is good.
“Not that you can't cook! Or make tea I mean! I'm just surprised that the pepper doesn't throw me off.” He watches me warily, presumably for my reaction.
I frown some more for effect, but a smile soon takes over my face at the nervous look he gives me.
“You're cute.” I say, giggling and shaking my head gently.
He beams at my words and I remember how much of a praise kink he's always seemed to have.
“That's my line.”
“So what am I supposed to say to you then?” I ask, tilting my head.
“Maybe 'You're sexy’?” He responds calmly and wraps his lips around the edge of the ceramic mug, taking a big swig.
I almost choke on nothing. He's really full of himself tonight, “You're cocky.”
“No, I'm just stating a truth. That's not being cocky.” He grins widely giving me a glimpse of his teeth.
“Oh Jimin,” I shake my head and look down. My eyesight falls on a stack of magazines left on the table by my sister. The gossip covered page turns my mood sour in record time. We still haven't talked about the news. No, the scandal.
I can't stop the quiet curse that leaves my lips at the thought of mentioning it and killing the mood.
“Anna, you really do have a filthy mouth.”
“I'm sorry,” I say softly, all happiness gone from my voice.
The mug is placed gently on the table and he scoots his chair around so that he's a lot closer to me. He's always so aware of how I'm feeling.
“What's wrong?”
I glance down at my hands for a moment before speaking, “I think we should talk about the pictures.”
His cheeks turn ashen and he sighs deeply, “We should.”
I fear the response to the question filling my mind, but I ask anyways, “Are you in trouble?”
He huffs a quick laugh and sits as far back in the chair as he can. The blankets fall off of his shoulders and split open in the front. I catch a fleeting glimpse of his taut lower belly as he stretches his arms up into the air behind his head.
“There's not really a way they can punish me. They need me right now. But I do get lectured every day about it.” He responds, pushing the rest of the blankets completely off of his body and bending over to rest his elbows on his knees.
My belly clenches. I sit, non moving in the chair as he seems to study my face. Growing self conscious, I squeeze my lips into a line and turn my attention away from his handsome face, down to his bare feet. His toes are curled under in the cutest way and I realize there’s no part of this man’s body that doesn't make me blush or give me the urge to topple him.
“When I saw the headlines, that’s when I couldn’t stop thinking about you the most. Even though I had felt hurt at the time, it was so upsetting knowing that you were most likely reading and hearing all of the hateful opinions. I wish I were here, instead of wallowing in my pain.” His face falls into his palms on an exhale.
I lean forward a bit and weave my fingers into his hair. He looks up as I push the long strands back off of his forehead. “Don’t feel bad, I was wallowing as well.”
“You never let me down,” he lifts his head from his hands and smirks with one side of his mouth, the corner of his lip curling up cutely.
“Why would I let you down?” My hand drops from his hair. I sit back and cross my arms, some brattiness seeps out from within.
“Sometimes I wonder if there's a catch or something. Like maybe you have an extra toe or maybe you kill people on the side.” his shoulders shrug.
“You’ve seen my toes! Many times, in fact. And who says I don't kill people on the side? How else am I affording this luxurious apartment?” I spin around in my chair, spreading my arms wide to show him the outdated paneled cabinets of the kitchen and the living room furniture handed down to me and my sister from our parents, “I'm clearly a hitman. Well, hit-woman.”
“See what I mean!” he yelps frantically, gesturing wide with his arms.
“I don’t.” I say. Truly confused as to why I need to have a fault. As if I don't have any, he's had to have seen some already.
His hair bounces back and forth and his lips purse tightly as he shakes his head, “You're perfect, Anna.”
I can't breathe. My shirt somehow feels too tight and I fight with my brain, who doesn't want to send the signal to my lungs to inhale. If I exhale, he’ll notice and know that I'm affected beyond words by that short statement.
Breathe, Anna.
I inhale as slowly as possible, “Me?”
“Of course you, who else?”
“I'm not though,” my hands rub against my legs, “But thank you?” I add emphasis to the last two words.
I'm not perfect. He's the perfect one. Always walking around without a care, as if he knows he already has the world in the palm of his hand. Does he know he has me in his grasp?
Jimin 'tsks’ a few times, but it's just background noise at this point. My mind focuses on one thought. He thinks I'm perfect. I think he's perfect. My perception of him only escalated to this point once I got to know him better, and now I truly, truly love everything about him.
Love.
Love?
If he thinks I'm perfect in his eyes, maybe he feels the same about me as I do towards him.
Maybe Jimin loves me.
Wait. Do I love him?
I feel hot and nauseous. This suddenly feels….serious.
Jimin's voice penetrates my racing thoughts and I feel myself jump slightly.
“Don't overthink it. Just accept it.” He gives me a huge ear to ear smile and his eyes turn into little crescent moons. And just like that my nausea is gone and replaced by figural butterflies. I could melt in this chair and drip onto the linoleum floor right now.
I can't help but wonder whether I deserve this unbelievably beautiful man in my life. How did he end up here with me of all people?
Clearing my throat, to hopefully change the subject, I gesture towards his, now empty, mug, “Do you want some more tea?”
He looks confused for a second, but quickly hides it and grabs the yellow mug, “Yes, please.”
I take the cup from his hands and walk over to the remaining tea on the stove. The tea has cooled down much faster than I thought it would and I groan softly, “Um, it's actually cold now. It'll just take a few minutes to heat it back up.”
I reach to turn the stove on, but Jimin hums.
“You don't need to, I like it cold as well.”
My hand hovers over the dial, “Are you sure?”
“Yup. I'll drink it like that.” He nods in my direction.
“Okay,” I say, pouring the amber-colored liquid into his cup. Jimin moves in my peripheral vision and on instinct I look over at him standing up from his chair and pile of blankets, now on the floor. By the time my attention is back on the task at hand, the tea has already reached the rim, but thankfully didn't spill, “Shoot,” I murmur, pouring enough tea into the sink so that it won't spill as I walk back to the table.
Grabbing a paper towel, I wipe the side of the mug. Warm hands on my waist make me jump forward, pressing my abdomen into the countertop. An angelic giggle sounds from behind me and soon the familiar softness of Jimin's flawless face is pressed into the crook of my neck.
I blame the counter for taking my breath away, rather than the pressure of his torso against my back and the feel of his lips rubbing, yet not kissing, my overly sensitive skin. I can feel his heartbeat pound at the same rate as mine, strikingly fast.
When his lungs expands, making his chest push further into my shoulder blades, I know he's breathing the scent of me in. And it's the sexiest thing I've ever experienced. His groans of delight have me relaxing into his soft embrace and my eyes close of their own accord. An overwhelming surge of emotions and sensations bubble forth, but I don't know whether I want to cry or scream.
He presses his full lips into my neck and goosebumps appear over every inch of my skin. My head falls back onto his shoulder to allow him more space to explore my skin, but instead of continuing, he threads his fingers through the hair at the back of my head and tugs gently.
I feel his mouth move to my earlobe, “I've missed you so much,” he whispers into the skin below my ear. My blood alights with fire and rushes to my erratically pounding heart. Not even a minute has passed and I already feel like putty in his hands. He could mold me into whatever he wanted without a single protest from my end.
Reaching back, I dig my fingers into his dense thighs.
“Turn around,” he breathlessly commands into my ear.
Obliging, with more anticipation than I'm willing to admit, I twist in his grip until my lower back is pinned against the edge of the counter by Jimin's, heavy yet comforting weight.
Without hesitation, he leans in to catch my parted lips in a kiss I can only describe as blazing hot. Like always that scorching heat spreads like wildfire to every end of my body. His kiss intensifies, almost like he's demanding control over my mouth. I fight the losing battle between our mouths, taking out my sorrows and pain from the days I spent hurting over him, before giving into his control.
The hand in my hair steadily moves, dragging through my locks and tugging every few moments to allow it's owner more dominance over my willing mouth.
Before I can even comprehend what's happening, I'm lifted, by my thighs, up onto the edge of the cold countertop. I yelp into his lips and frantically grab onto his broad shoulders. When he pushes me further onto the frigid counter, I hear a clanking noise and my head hits the edge of the cabinets hanging above.
“Mmmph,” I groan into his mouth in sudden but short-lived pain, before he breaks our kiss and pulls back to look at me. I watch his face pale as he realizes what happened.
“Sorry,” he says quickly, reaching up to caress the back of my head before sliding his hands down to cup my face.
Shaking my head curtly, “It's okay,” I ensure him, giggling at his adorable expressionof concern. I wouldn't have minded if he had kept on kissing me, but seeing how much he cares about such a little thing makes my heart swell.
With all hesitancy completely gone, I run my hand along his cheek, giving into the urge to slide my thumb over his reddened, lips. I can feel the atmosphere surrounding us shift. His eyes darken considerably, causing brief fear to spark within me, but it's quickly drowned out by the effervescent lust flowing through my veins.
The long tongue that I've drooled over the last few years peeks out from behind his lips and runs along my curious thumb. I push my finger past his lips, just a touch, and I swear that the heat and wetness of his mouth matches that of the crease between my legs. My legs squeeze around his waist at the sight of him sucking on my finger. I never thought that something like this could turn me on so much.
At this point I think that I could get turned on just by looking at his earlobes.
I barely get a chance to inhale before he's ravishing my mouth again. Our lips tangle more and more, the thought of them becoming one seems completely tangible in the moment. His taste drowns out my senses and embeds itself in my mouth, as if I'll ever forget the addicting flavor of him. The mere thought of forgetting brings pain to my chest.
We breathlessly clutch at each other's clothing and skin in our haste. It feels like at any moment he could rip my shorts off and fuck me right here on the countertop. And I probably wouldn't say a damn word to stop him.
When Jimin scoots my bottom further onto the counter, I feel a wet sensation under my thigh. Just as I notice it, a loud dripping sound over powers the sound of our heavy breathing and lip smacking.
Looking down at the counter beside me, I see that the cup of tea is tipped over, it's contents already covering the counter, drenching my shorts, and dripping from the counters edge onto the floor.
“Sorry again…” Jimin says faintly.
I lift my eyes up to his and frown, “I'm tired of you being sorry for the night. I forgive you for everything that's happened and everything that may happen within the next hour,” I say, smirking as soon as the words are out of my mouth, knowing it will light a gorgeous smile on his face.
He does smile and a light blush covers his cheeks. I lean into him and kiss him once more, already missing the feel of his lips. His hands rub up the sides of my wet thighs and he pulls away slowly.
“I guess you're going to have to take these off now, you know, before you get sick,” he smirks and I know I'm supposed to laugh, but I can only picture him sliding my shorts down and feeling truly how wet I am already.
He seems to read how I'm feeling, based on my non-comical reaction, and his expression darkens again. His lips find my neck and his hands grab onto every part of my body that he can. He squeezes my hips roughly, before moving up to cup my breasts through my shirt and graze his thumbs over my nipples. I shiver in his hands and gasp into his mouth, earning a small sexy chuckle from deep in his throat.
Those evil fingers of his slip under the waistband of my shorts and slowly tease downwards, as of asking permission. It's then I realize that we really are just moments away from having sex in the kitchen, where my sister could easily walk in through the front door and see. I'd never live that down.
Garnering as much willpower as I can, I place my hands on top of his exploring ones and groan out of frustration, “Jimin,” I whine.
He looks at me with shiny, glassed over eyes.
“Let's go to my room.” I say.
It takes a moment for him to shake out of his lustful daze, “Yes,” Is all that he says, before pulling me swiftly off of the counter and dragging me down the hall, back to my room.
With my door shut and locked, and all of the lights turned off, I crawl onto my bed and sit in the middle where the soft moonlight filters through my window and puddles on the bed. I know he can see me clearly in the blue-toned light, even though the rest of the room is near pitch black.
I lay back on my hands and squeeze my legs together suggestively as I watch him undressing at the end of my bed. First he pulls his shirt off, lifting it over his head achingly slow, giving me a beautiful show of his flexing abdominal muscles. I bite my lower lip when he undoes the tie of the sweats I let him borrow and practically peels them down his thick legs. I've never wanted to ride anyone's thighs more than right now, but I know we're both too worked up and impatient for that.
He joins me on the bed and my heart vibrates in my chest when the moonlight floods his creamy skin. Everything suddenly feels extremely romantic.
He helps me lift my shirt over my head and throws it on the floor, then I climb onto my knees so we're almost face to face and unhook my bra. His fingers grab onto the thin straps and pull them down my arms before throwing it with my shirt.
“I want to try something, if that's okay?” He leans down mumbling into my jaw as he presses feathery kisses along it.
“Anything,” I respond, grasping onto his arms for support.
He pulls away and looks me in the eyes as he pushes my shorts and panties down my thighs. I help him by lifting my legs one at a time to remove the wet clothing from my body.
“I want you on top,” he says, lowering himself into a lying position.
Licking my lips, I nod my head and start to climb straddle his naked hips.
“On top of my face.”
I freeze, fully registering what he's asking. The idea is amazingly appealing but something holds me back from nodding this time.
“I-i've never done that….before,” I whisper, glancing down at his the insanely hard muscle between his legs. I blush red and turn face away quickly.
He grabs onto my hands, “Don't be nervous. I haven't either. But I really want to look up at you while I taste you.”
Fuck. I moan, I can't help it. I can't deny how would I feel when he says dirty things like that.
I watch him stick his middle finger in his mouth and then reach down and coax it through my drenched lips. Involuntarily, I grind onto his hand, already wanting the feeling of being full.
With low-lidded eyes, I watch Jimin concentrate on moving his hand against me. His tongue runs continuously across his lips, as if imaging the taste of me. I close my eyes and imagine his tongue inside of me.
“You don't have to if you don't want to,” he muffles.
But I really do.
I bite my lower lip and climb up the bed until I'm next to his face. His eyes are wide with shock and anticipation at seeing me actually approach.
“I want to,” I say, before raising my leg and placing it carefully on the other side of his face. My heart pounds against my ribcage, watching him adjust his position under me. His hands grab my ass cheeks and guide my pussy down to his delicious mouth.
My whole body hiccups when his tongue presses into me. He doesn't even prepare me, he just sticks the dangerously long muscle into my hole. I spasm, groaning out explicits words and grab onto my head board. His mouth sings to my weeping core and coaxes it ever closer to bliss. I find myself grinding down onto his eager lips that devour me and worship every part of my aching sex.
His tongue finds my clit and swirls around the nub before sucking it into his mouth and releasing it with an audible pop, earning a high pitched cry my tight throat.
“Bounce on me,” He mumbles into my pussy lips.
My hips act of their own accord and follow his command. His tongue enters me fast, setting a pace for my grinding hips. I ride his face, bringing myself closer and closer to orgasm.
When my moaning becomes louder and I start to feel extremely sensitive, he pushes my hips up and maneuvers me down until I'm sitting on his stomach. Groaning out of frustration, I grind into is toned belly, searching for my climax.
Jimin seizes my movements and pulls me down to the mattress. He's in between my spread legs before I can even beg for it and he centers himself, teasing my entrance with his bulbous head until I start pushing myself down. He chuckles deeply and bottoms out in the first thrust.
“FUCK!” I scream.
His thrusts soften significantly after my outburst and he rubs his hands in circles on my belly.
“Did I hurt you?” He asks.
“No! No! Never!” I say quickly, hoping he believes me.
His fingers find my hard peaks and gently twist them between his fingertips. I feel more wetness flooding my channel and I grab onto the sheets to better push myself onto him, in time with his achingly slow strokes.
I think of how touchy and rough he was being with me in the kitchen and wonder just how rough he could get in the bedroom. I ponder over whether I should ask him or not as he continues teasing into me. It's almost like he's afraid of hurting me. He's holding back much more than usual.
When I've had enough and start to crave having him fuck me harder, I gather the courage to speak.
“Jimin,” I moan softly.
His hands move to grab onto my thighs, “Anna.”
“I want you to be rough with me.” I squeak out.
His hands tighten immediately, grabbing onto the flesh of my thick thighs and his dick swells inside of me. He liked that.
“Rough?” He asks, running his hands up and down where he just grabbed my skin harshly.
I know I'm about to see a whole other side of Jimin and the thought already has me feeling breathless, “Really rough,” I exhale.
As soon as my plea is out, he withdraws from me and flips me over. I grasp at the sheets, squeezing them tightly in my palms.
“This rough?”
I turn my head to the side to look at him. He leans over my back and grabs the back of my neck so that I can't move, “Yes,” I whisper.
“Get on your knees.” He demands softly and I oblige. His hands roam over my thighs and ass cheeks, grabbing every part of me that he can.
On my knees, with my head held pinned to the mattress by his unrelenting hand, I wiggle my ass a little, hoping he'll get how bad I need him.
“Mmmm. A lot has changed the last week. First your vocabulary is a lot dirtier and now you practically beg me to be rough with you.”
He runs his cock along my slit, dragging up and down, teasing my entrance with every pass of his throbbing member. I feel delirious with need.
The breath is forced from my lungs when he plunges into me with more force than the first time. He sets a brutally fast pace that makes his pelvis slap loudly against my ass. I find my body slipping forward with each fluid thrust of his hips, until my head is threatening to bang against my headboard. I fumble with one hand, searching for the wood above me, and place my palms flat against it. My other hand reaches back to cover Jimin’s at the nape of my neck and his grip loosens immediately, allowing me to turn face down and muffle my moans into the sheets.
My hair is pulled to the side and smoothed back from my damp skin. I twist my head back to the side and watch the way the light plays off of Jimin’s face. His lips are spread open, allowing rough breaths to pass and his eyes are on me, capturing mine under a hypnotic gaze. My moaning grows louder from feeling his eyes on me, until I’m so loud that I know my neighbors must know exactly what I’m up to.
I feel Jimin’s hand trail up my spine and massage the dip in my lower back.
“Tell me,” his thrust lighten into a more controlled pace, “If you need me to stop.”
My eyes close at the softer pace and the relaxing tone of his scratchy voice. He places a kiss just under the nape of my neck and his warm breath cascades over my neck, chilling my heated, damp skin.
“Don’t stop, please.” I whisper, reaching my arm back to grasp the hand holding my hip in place.
Both of my arms are grabbed and pulled behind me, making my torso rise off of the bed and curve outwards. He surges harder, regaining his earlier speed and leans over my arched back to press his lips under my ear.
“I won’t,” he breathes onto me.
More curse words spill out of my mouth as I take him deeper than he's ever been, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
His length stretches me out, almost painfully, in this position. The tip of him pounds fervently at my cervix and I desperately open and close my fingers, searching for something of him to grab onto, but he keeps my arms held tight behind me, so that I take every inch of him.
“Ji-jimin,” I whine into the air, fighting the battle within me to slow down. But it feels so good, I don't want him to stop. I've never felt so extremely satisfied and it makes me wonder if this is what I've been missing in my sex life all along. Roughness...or maybe I was just missing Jimin, “Uhhh….puh-lease….do-”
He release one of my arms and wraps it around my waist, pulling my body back to press against his hard, contracting torso.
He presses rough kisses into my neck, tasting me with his tongue in a wet trail up to my ear, “Don't what? Don't stop?” His other arm joins the first around my waist and he cups my bouncing breast.
“No,” I whimper, “do-nt stop.”
“Okay,” his lips drag across the back of my neck to the other side of my face, where he places more, gentler, kisses.
I turn my head to the side and he hastily captures my mouth. When I taste myself in his mouth I moan at the memory of him in between my legs. As we kiss his hand glides in between my breasts and flattens above my heart; the other crawls down my belly and slips into my folds to find my sensitive nub.
It feels like too much. Hot sweat breaks out over my skin, while I shiver from the icy pleasure spreading everywhere. All I can do is rest my head back on his shoulder and pant heavily as Jimin brings me to my release. I bite my lip to keep myself from telling him to go faster, as I'm already feeling light-headed with the rate he's slamming into me. I just want all of him.
Almost as if he's reading my mind, his hips thrust faster, making the already loud slapping noise from our connected bodies even more brutally loud.
His voice echoes in my dazed, pleasure-giving mind, “Anna, I-,” My hand raises to rest against his sweat-tinged cheek, “I-.....fuck.”
He curses into my neck and adds pressure where I need it the most. His fingers move in a way that has me moving my hips with him, frantically searching for my own release. When I finally find it, I go limp as he continues thrusting into me, slowing down to a more tolerable pace to which I ride my orgasm out.
“So beautiful,” he groans before I feel him swelling inside of me. His hands tighten where they grab my skin and his climax is so powerful that I can literally feel each spurt he makes inside of me. Something I've always read about but never believed to be true, until Jimin.
And for a split second I realize he came inside of me for the second time with no protection and I send a silent thank you to whoever invented the IUD.
We collapse onto the sheets, beyond breathless. I barely did any work, but you'd think I just completed a marathon with how fast my heart rate is. The post-sex calm sets in and I find myself slipping easily into his arms, my leg resting over his and my head tucked in tight next to his chest. I can hear and feel his heartbeat on my cheek and I close my eyes, drowning out everything else but the sound of his heart and deep breathing.
I feel so relaxed and at ease. So comfortable and completely safe. The sky could fall on top of us and I'd be happy just being in his arms before we die. It's a crazy thing, not being afraid of death. Just because of one person. And even crazier when you reach the point when you can truthfully say that you would give your life for them. Or maybe I'm just crazy, that's all.
After a while, when we are no longer swearing and my skin starts to break out in wracking chills, Jimin kisses my head and gets off of the bed to gather any blanket he can find. He layers them on top of me and climbs under, quickly pulling my shivering body back into his embrace.
“You smell so good,” he says quietly, resting his chin against the top of my head.
“It's Marc Jacobs,” I groggle into his chest.
He shakes with soft laughter and runs his fingers through my hair.
“What are you doing to me?” He asks.
I stay quiet, assuming it's rhetorical but then I remember what he was trying saying moments before I came. Or at least, what I think he was trying to say. A certain phrase that's been floating around my mind since the last time we were together.
One that terrifies me yet excites me at the same time.
Thursday morning, the day after my eventful little meeting with Taehyung, turns out to be the best morning I've had in awhile. Sometime around one a.m. Tae sent a short, but amazing message that set the stage for my day.
My heart grasps back onto the hope that it had lost at exactly six a.m. when my alarm goes off.
New message from V
V: We talked :)
Two words.
And probably the most beautiful emoji smiley face I’ve ever seen…
Are what give me the energy I need and the mental strength to get my day started with a lot more enthusiasm than usual.
As I get ready for work I think how it almost feels silly now to regain hope, just a few days before they leave for their North American tour. No matter what happens, he’ll be leaving. Gone for months. And if things aren't even somewhat resolved by then, I fear that his feelings for me will slowly fade away. He’ll get used to the way things were before and forget me completely. And if it weren’t for the phone call between him and Tae yesterday, I would think that he has already. All while I’m stuck here in Korea sulking, watching videos of him on stage from across the globe, my heart full to the brim with regret.
Waiting for him to return.
But, right in this moment, I’m done with doubt. I’m tired of thinking negative thoughts that ultimately do nothing but bury me deeper into the dirt. As painful as it is to think, I know there is a high possibility that things may never work out, but I still have to go on with life. So instead of overthinking, like i always do, I should try to stay as positive as I possibly can. It sure sounds better than moping all day, achieving absolutely nothing.
Also, knowing that there's someone on my side vouching for me is something that I can cling to for now. Tae seems trustworthy and genuinely concerned about my well being and happiness. I don’t know how to ever repay him, whether things work out in the end or not.
Once my hair is re-straightened and I'm dressed for the surprisingly cool weather, I saunter into the living room and find my sister relaxing on the couch eating a yogurt parfait so fast that she doesn't notice me enter.
“Don’t choke.” I utter, startling her.
She drops her spoon and grunts as she leans down to pick it up. “Shit. You almost made me choke.” her eyes glare at me playfully.
“Sorry.” I say, raising my shoulders out of remorse.
She chuckles and points her spoon towards the kitchen. “There's one in the fridge for you too.”
My face lights up and I dash to grab the glass jar, filled with granola and berries, from the fridge. As I'm grabbing a spoon from the drawer Vee yells from the living room.
“I added extra strawberries too!”
I lick my lips in anticipation before digging into my breakfast delicacy. It’s a relief not having to make myself food before work. Now I can relax a little before leaving.
My sister's jar now sits abandoned on the coffee table, her legs folded underneath her as she watches me eat.
“You seem happy today.” She points out, wrinkling her brows at me.
“I am!” I pop a strawberry halve into my mouth and smile down at my food that's quickly disappearing.
“Yes, but…. abnormally happy.” She adds.
I shrug and turn on the TV, leaving it on whatever channel it was last on, which turns out to be a drama network. Overly dramatic music plays as two characters come close to kissing. I giggle and prop my feet up on the coffee table. It's been so long since I've sat down and watched anything on cable TV. I peer over at my sister, feeling her eyes on me. Her dumbfounded expression makes me stop chewing.
“Whah?” I say with a full mouth.
I watch her face change, as if she's had a revelation. “Oh my God. He talked to you didn't he?” She sits up and turns her whole body to face me.
“Umm-” I swallow my mouth full of food and ponder my words. “Well…..no.”
She throws her arms in the air and grunts. “Are you in denial or something? Because….yesterday you barely even wanted to talk to me and you blasted emo music all night, but today you’re the happiest you've been in a while. What's going on?”
“Nothing.” I shrug again and scoop the last bit of yogurt out of the jar.
“Anna.” She lowers her eyelids, attempting to intimidate me, but instead it makes me laugh and almost spit my yogurt on her.
I cover my mouth to keep it closed as I giggle. I can't help but feel strangely giddy, as if there’s not one negative bone in my body.
“Things are okay. I found out that he wants to talk, but he's just afraid.”
“And that makes you this giddy?” She asks, raising one brow.
“Well, yeah. That's a good thing!”
She shakes her head as she rises up from the sofa and grabs her dirty dish to take it to the kitchen. “Young love.”
“Your not even that much older than me!” I yell, following her into the small kitchen with my own jar.
The glass clanks loudly against the sink when she places it inside with the rest of the dirty dishes. She pivots on her heel and rests her hip against the counter and I have to reach around her to put my own jar in the sink.
“You know,” Her long arms fold across her chest, “I think he’s acting like a total baby.”
I’m caught off guard by her statement and stare at her with a face of shock. “Wah? He has every right to-”
“Yeah, but you didn’t actually cheat on him. He needs to grow some balls and talk to you. It’s something that adults do, you know. Nothing is going to be solved by ignoring it.” She sighs, clearly annoyed by the topic. In three small strides, she's sitting at the table digging through her purse, pulling out trash and balled up receipts. After the table is covered in random crap she keeps in her bag, she reaches the item she's looking for.
“Here,” I’m handed a tube of bright red lipstick, “This will look good on you.”
I stare at the little tube, popping the top off and twisting it up to get a better look at the color. It’s a bold shade of blood red that I’d never even consider wearing. But, without a moment's debate, I apply it to my lips. She’s never been wrong before about what looks good on me.
Her bright smile fills me with joy, reminding me of when we were younger and how she always had a smile on her face no matter the situation. She thinks shes slick though, trying to change the topic.
I rub my lips together before speaking, “So are we not going to continue our conversation?”
Her long, silky locks fall into her face as looks down, shaking her head. “I don’t know. If I were you, I’d have gone to his house already and confronted him.”
“And that’s where me and you are different.” Chuckling, I grab my little leather backpack and put it on.
“If you don’t hear anything by tonight, go to him tomorrow.” Her voice sounds as if shes joking, but her face says otherwise.
“You’re crazy.” I say, now standing by the front door.
“And so are you for giving up so easily.”
My shoulders lower as I sigh. Little does she know that I feel far from ‘giving up’. It’s hard to not seem obsessive in this situation. Showing up at his door sounds a little to tempting right now though…..
“Hey,” I say, needing to be the one to change the topic now,before my thoughts become crazy, “Will you be home normal time tonight?” Her job has been keeping her extremely busy as of late. I feel like I live alone most days.
She grabs her things off of the table and walks over to me, ready to leave as well.
“Yes, actually!” Her usual tired face looks joyful. “Things have been slowing down at work, thankfully! Why? What’s up?”
We step out of our tiny apartment and she locks the door behind us.
“We should do something tonight. Like maybe watch movies and binge eat.” My words garner the reaction I expect: her loud snorting laugh and a pat on the back.
“There’s the Anna I know and love. Of course we can! You get the snacks and I’ll get the movies.”
Once we reach the end of the walkway leaving our complex, we go opposite directions to our respective bus stops. I place my hands in my jean pockets and smile the whole way to work. I have a nagging feeling that today is going to be a good day.
-----
After a surprisingly stressful day at work, I decide not to trust myself anymore when I think it’s going to be a good day. It’s as if the universe kept saying ‘fuck you’ all day and everything that could go wrong at work went wrong. So I make an in the moment decision and walk to the grocery store instead of taking the bus, with the intent of clearing and relaxing my overworked mind.
Glancing up at the grey, cloudy sky, I make a mental note to be quick in the store. It looks as if it could start pouring down raining any minute. The sky darkens into a more sinister color the closer I get and I consider grabbing the next bus.
Too late, I think as the storefront comes into view, faster than I expect.
A forceful tremor runs through my body when I enter the warm store, making me realize just how chilly it is outside. I guess it’s time to start taking a jacket to work. Finally. I’ve missed the cold.
Grabbing a little plastic handheld basket I stroll through the store, pulling any and everything off of the shelves that looks the least bit yummy. By the time I'm standing in the middle of the chip isle, completely overwhelmed by the selection, my basket is full of nonsense. Chocolates, chocolate covered things, things filled with chocolate and a few different sugary, caffeinated drinks. Obviously my goal tonight is to stare down the throat of diabetes.
Choosing which chips to buy is too daunting alone, so I pull out my phone to send a quick text to Vee. It’s then I see that she’s already texted me and I see that my phone is still on silent from when I turned it down earlier at work. Admittedly, I have a small heart attack seeing that I have a message from anyone starting with the letter ‘V’. I’ll have to change either my sister or Taehyung’s contact names later.
Vee: I’m really sorry but my boss asked me to stay later tonight. I really wish I could tell him no, but we both know that’s not an option with him. :( Forgive me Anna. Love you. Raincheck?
I can’t prevent the pout that sweeps over my face at her message. I was truly excited to spend time with her, and not even just to get my mind off of things, but because I miss our sister time.
Oh well. I know she’s a busy woman now. That doesn't mean that I have to cancel things.
I shove a couple of bags in the basket and make my way towards the checkout lines, determined to have a fun night of pigging out by myself. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done it. What else do you do when you have too many feelings and no way to express them? You have a deep conversation with a tub of ice cream or a whole bag of chips.
I’m forced to make line behind two teenage girls, since only one register is open. The cashier is taking her time ringing up the few things an elderly man is purchasing. I sigh deeply and switch my weight to my other foot, waiting a little impatiently for the belt to move forward so that I can be free of this heavy basket. The voices of the two girls in front of me grow louder as they flip to another page in the magazine they are looking at between them. Due to our close proximity, I can’t help but pick up their conversation, especially when I hear the word ‘Bangtan’.
Gulping and pulling the basket closer to my center, I glance over the other tabloids, desperately trying to not hear their loud voices. Little bits here and there force their way into my ear though.
“Scandals like this usually destroy groups.”
“They might just kick him out instead of everyone disbanding.”
“That poor girl.”
I push down the vile rising in my esophagus and quickly unload my things onto the conveyor belt as it inches forward. In my happiness, and later stress, I had forgotten completely about the pictures the whole day. The reminder of it all has me close to dropping everything and leaving the store empty handed, just to avoid hearing more of their small talk.
With anger and anxiety slowly taking over, I slam the sodas down onto the belt, not caring about their potential loss of carbonation. The girls look over their shoulders at me, judgement being the only thing I can read from their almost too perfect faces. My movement and blood freeze as they look me over. My heart pounds, thinking that they must recognize me from the photos, despite not sporting my usual curls. I smile softly at them and place the rest of my things down, pretending to not be affected by their quizzical stares.
“Are you a tourist?” One of them asks, rudely.
I almost forget my fear as the urge to slap her takes over. As many times as I’ve been asked that in my life, none of them have been in such a negative way as just now. The anger must show on my face, as they both shrink back a little.
I stand up straight, feeling like I need to assert my dominance over them. Technically I am her elder and she just spoke to me in a purposely rude tone of voice. So I can be as bitchy as I want, right?
Maybe I shouldn’t.
“No actually, I was born and raised here.” I respond, lacing my words in false kindness.
The girl who questioned me glances down at the magazine in her hands and then back up at me. “Oh, okay.” She says.
They pay for their things and leave the store, taking my anxiety with them. It’s so hard to control myself sometimes when my emotions are all out of whack. I mentally pat myself on the back for not giving into my anger and also for forcing myself to wake up early every morning to do my hair. It truly, honestly helps. Those girls, for sure, would have been much more curious and questioning if I had my usual hair style. My hair has always been the one thing that stood out to people ever since I was a child.
Once I’ve paid for my ridiculous amount of snack foods, I place the heavy drinks in my backpack and carry the light things in a grocery bag. I race home, through the light sprinkling rain, in fear of the clouds opening up and drenching me before I make it there.
I breathe a sigh of relief when my front door comes into view and rush inside just before rain starts pounding against the roof. Unlike normal people who shut everything whenever it rains, I walk around opening the windows in the living room and my bedroom, allowing the fresh rain air to filter in. Just breathing the clean, crisp air during a storm always gives me an indescribable feeling. Like calm and still, despite the tumultuous rains outside.
Standing in front of my open bedroom window, I take a few deep breaths, inhaling the dewy air and letting it relieve my muscles and mind. After forcing myself to shower, before I became too lazy, I search through my drawers for pajamas that I have stored away for winter time, but instead I come across something that makes my mood go downhill fast.
In the bottom drawer, underneath a few pieces of clothing I hardly wear, I see a glimpse of Jimin’s striped shirt. The shirt i accidentally stole from him and hid away along with the tears it for sure would bring on. But, now as I stare at it, I feel sadness but also another emotion that I can’t place and I pull it out and slide the soft fabric over my head. I press the sleeves against my face and inhale, the scent of him faint but definitely still there. I quickly bury the emotions boiling up within in me, not wanting to revert back to uteral miserableness.
Pulling on a pair of soft shorts, I wrap myself in my blankets and lay down on my bed to watch TV, the snacks long forgotten. Scrolling through the channels, I stick to the first one that isn't playing a sappy romance movie or show, which turns out to be around the 30th channel. I guess everyone’s a sucker for romance and heartbreak, that is until they've experienced the two of them themselves.
As the room gets chillier and darker, I wrap myself tighter in my bundle of fabric and drift off to sleep a couple of times. Each time catching myself and sitting up straight to stay awake. A knock on my door startles me, effectively waking me up. I yawn and turn on my phone to see that it's just past ten p.m. Where did the time go?
I don’t remember my sister getting home, but with how much I’ve been drifting in and out of sleep, she had to have slipped in without me hearing. I climb off of my bed and open my bedroom door, expecting to see my sister there in the hall, but there’s no one. Fear seizes my heart for a moment. Is my apartment haunted?
I step out of my room hesitantly and peek into the bathroom, when I hear another knock but this time on the front door. I exhale, relieved that it's just my sleepy mind confusing me. I drag my feet to the front door, rubbing my arms at how cold the room is.
Nothing is out of place and all of the lights are off so Vee must have forgotten her keys again.
I pull the door open quickly, “You should make a checklist or-” I stop mid-sentence, staring in shock at the person standing drenched on my doormat.
■ Credit to my dear friend/editor Lou for proofreading everything for me :]
MASTERLIST
When he comes back into the room he hands me a little black bag and grabs the shorts he had selected earlier. I peek into the bag and see a white suit. What I pull out drives a deep flush onto my face. Before I can say anything he grabs my hand and pulls me up quickly.
“Come on.” he says and leads me out of the hotel room and down the hall to the elevator. I notice that his guard is no longer there but I don't have time to question it as he's pulling me along so fast.
“Why such a hurry?” I ask once we’re on the elevator.
“I’m really excited to go swimming now! I haven't gone in a long time.” My heart saddens at his words. It sounds like he needs some more fun and freedom in his life.
When the elevator doors open he peeks out before pulling me into the empty lobby. Not even a receptionist sits behind the front desk. We practically run towards the pool room, which makes me feel like a teenager sneaking out for a night time swim with her boyfriend.
If only.
We reach the double doors to the pool and walk in, to my shock. I guess they unlocked it for him before we came down.
My breath is swept away at the sight of the room. It’s dark, with only the underwater lights illuminating the room. The reflection of the slightly swaying water bounces off of the walls and surrounding chairs. Two of the walls are covered entirely in more gold-trimmed windows,giving us a view of the hotel’s lush courtyard filled with green vines and blue flowers. The setting feels extremely romantic.
“The locker rooms are over there.” He points to a door on the left wall. “I’m going to go change too.” He says before disappearing into the men’s locker room entrance. I clutch the little black bag tighter and walk in to change. I quickly put the two piece on and inspect myselfin the mirror.
I mentally whistle at my reflection.
This is way too sexy.
The top is a strappy halter that fits my boobs like a glove and luckily the bottoms cover my whole behind, but they still fit a little tighter than I’d want. I’m used to wearing either one-piece suits or flowy swimsuits. I remove the price tags without looking at them and throw the bag into the trash as I leave the locker room.
Jimin still isn't out so I stand by the edge of the pool for a minute taking in the stunning beauty of the room and surrounding courtyard. After a few more minutes pass I start to question how long it’s taking him. I know for a fact that men don’t usually take this long changing clothes. Especially changing into just shorts.
I look around the room at all of the empty chairs and the dark shadows behind them. An eerie feeling creeps into my brain at the moving shadows. I’ve always been slightly afraid of the dark, a fact that's hard to admit for a 21 year old.
He needs to hurry up….
I walk over the the stairs of the pool and step down onto the first step. The crisp water feels amazing on my feet. I walk forward, deeper into the pool and allow the cool water to take away the heat of my body. I stand in the water for a few moments and start to wonder if he left me. Pesky worries shroud my brain.
Maybe it was a trick. Maybe he locked me in here.
Despite knowing that Jimin would never do something as cruel as that, my legs guide me back out of the pool. I grab a towel from a nearby table and wrap it around myself. I walk towards the entrance door and grab the handle to see if it’s locked when I hear a loud creaking behind me. I turn around to see Jimin coming out of the locker room holding two inner tubes.
Oh my god Anna.
Get yourself together girl.
He throws the floats into the pool making a resounding plop noise. He notices me by the door.
“Why are you all the way over there?”
“Uh….I was just wondering where you were.”
“Oh.” He pauses then walks around the pool and over to me. “I know I took forever.”
I smile shyly. “It’s okay.” I glance down his figure at his grey shorts, a clear bulge apparent through the thin fabric. My eyes flicker back up to him fast.
“Do you want me to turn the lights on?” he asks me, eyes on my face.
“Oh...no. Its pretty like this.”
My eyes find his hips again and gawk at the deep ‘V’ there. A line so simple yet so sexy. His bare torso only a few feet in front of me practically calling for me to reach out and run my hands down it. His mouth curves into a smile and he steps forward a few steps closer, the distance between us now only an arms length.
“Are you cold?” he grins down at me.
“No, why?”
His dark brown eyes one over my body. “Because you’re covering yourself in a towel.” I turn crimson again.
“Ye-” I start to say.
“Do you want me to look away?” he interupts.
My head shakes softly. “No, it’s okay.” I calm my nerves some and loosen the death grip I have on the towel. It falls from around me revealing my bikini-clad body to him. I throw it on a nearby chair when I hear a quiet gasp.
He's staring hard, taking in each area of my body one by one, his face showing blatant lust. I start to feel anxious and cross my arms in front of me blocking as much view of my body as I can.
He frowns and glances at my face then steps forward and reaches out to grab my arms. They are pulled down to either side of me by soft, warm hands. My heart is pounding in my chest, so close to jumping out. His mouth opens slightly as he gazes down at me and inhales slowly.
“You’re beautiful.” He smiles, a few inches away from my face. I blink fast and forget to breathe.
My hand is grabbed and he pulls me to the pool stairs before stepping in and dragging me along, deeper into the water. When the water is at my bellybutton he turns around, still grasping my hand.
“Do you know how to swim?” he asks me seriously.
I giggle at his question, my sudden laughter echoing in the room. “Yes, of course. It’s kind of too late to ask that though.”
He smirks and continues pulling me into the water until the water hits just under my breasts. He lets go of my hand and dives under the water. I watch him swim gracefully to the other side of the pool and resurface. His black hair dripping wet in front of his eyes. I don’t realize I’m staring until he speaks.
“Come on.” he says, shaking me out of my stupor.
I dive under just like he did and swim towards him. My eyes open to make sure I’m going in the right direction, and I catch a glimpse of his chest under the water. I almost choke on the water. I come up for air short a few feet in front of him, covering my face to hide my expression and wiping the water out of my eyes.
“I’m glad you came.” he says again and smiles.
Ugh.
I really don’t know how much more smiling Jimin I can take before my heart gives out.
I sputter out, “Me too.”
How could I not show up?
Saying that out loud seemed like it might come off bad so I held it in. The thought of whether he’s done this before invades my thoughts again. I need to know what’s really happening between us.
“Why did you give me your room number? Do….do you do this often"
“No.” he pauses. “This Is the first time I've ever done something like this.”
“But, why me?”
“No one has ever stood out to me before, like you did. I had this weird feeling while I was signing your picture...the thought that you would walk off and I would never see you again made me feel…..sad.” He blushes and looks down at the water away from your stare. “Sorry, I know that sounds kind of crazy.”
“No. It doesn’t sound crazy. It actually sounds really nice…”
Jimin glimpses back up at me, “And the way you talked to me as if we've known each other for a while.”
My eyes start blinking fast, “Sorry…”
“I like that,” he says. Oh.
His eyes shift down to my chest and back up to my face in a flash. If I weren't staring at his face so hard, I wouldn't have noticed the small movement. I look down to see my nipples hard as rocks, protruding clearly through the thin white top. Fuck. A nervous laugh falls from my lips as I throw one arm across my chest, covering up.
He starts swimming over to me causing my insides to do somersaults.
Oh God, he's getting closer. I don't know if I'm ready yet.
Taking a deep breath, I dive under the water going as deep as I can until touching the bottom. Who would've thought that sitting at the bottom of a pool would help anxiety? I release air slowly through my mouth to try and stay at the bottom as long as possible. I have to cool down before facing him again.
The lukewarm water feels good against my skin and does help me calm down some. But not as much as I wanted to. My lungs start burning, calling out for air, so I push my feet against the floor and swim to the top.
The pool is still other than the ripples of water flowing outwards from my shoulders. I circle around searching for Jimin, and only see open water. Did he get mad and leave?
Shit. I overreacted.
The shadows behind all of the lounge chairs and in the corners of the room are still and empty.
Yup, definitely overreacted.
“Jimin?” I cringe as my voice echoes loudly. Aching pain blooms from my chest at the thought of making him leave.
I clumsily climb out of the pool, almost falling back in. “Jimin?” I whisper this time. A quick walk around the pool provides no results. Defeated, I stop at the edge of the pool, look down at the, now still, water and go over what happened in my mind. Ugh. Why would I assume he'd try something so soon. Even if I did dream of that…..I'm sure he would never come onto me that strong right?
I should've just let him.
Sighing I turn to go get the towel I had earlier when the sound of feet slapping against the floor reaches my ears. I barely have time to glance over to see Jimin sprinting my way before he wraps his arms around me and we both tumble into the water.
Arms and legs tangle together as we sink deeper into the pool. Jimin grabs my waist, pulling me into his body as we rise to the surface. My pulse is through the roof….in heaven even. I cannot believe the situation I am in right now. Chest to chest with Park Jimin. Wet, in multiple ways. His delicate hands gripping my waist hard.
We resurface, gasping for air. My lungs get relief but my chest is steady humming. I open my eyes despite the water dripping from my hair and down my face. His jet black hair is stuck to his forehead and hanging in front of his eyes in thick strands. His lips part slightly as he takes in the sight of my trembling form in front of him. The tension between us is like a rubber band and I can feel it being stretched to its max. He starts moving to the side of the pool, my legs still halfway wrapped around his and now only one of his hands grabbing my hips. Despite being aware that we were approaching the side of the pool, the cold, hard tile pressing into my back catches me by surprise and makes me yelp.
He licks his lips and I swear I feel that metaphorical band snap between us. He moves his head closer to mine and my eyes shut instinctively. It feels like minutes but is only a second before I feel his breath brush across my lips, making me draw in a ragged breath of my own. I could smell him and almost taste him on my tongue.
A loud creaking noise breaks the silence. “Ah fuck.”
We both jump and look over at the intruder. Well, intruders. Taehyung is standing just inside the entrance door staring at us, knowing exactly what was about to happen. He saw it all, no denying it now.
I turn to glance at Jimin, who is as pale as a ghost looking up at his friend in the doorway. He let's go of me and slips out of my reach. I couldn't keep the frown off of my face. Hopefully he didn't see it.
Another figure enters the room behind Taehyung. “What are you doing?” Jungkook asks Tae, not even noticing us in the pool. By the time he sees us, Jimin is already at the stairs climbing out. “Oh.”
Jimin, soaking wet and dripping everywhere, walks over to where I threw my towel down on a lounge chair and grabs it. Tae and Jungkook don't say another word as they watch Jimin hold up my towel, blocking their view of me.
“Hurry out, I won't let them see you.” he says while watching me intently.
What he says clicks in my head and I grab onto the edge of the pool, pulling myself up and out. When I'm standing, he wraps the towel around me and leads me past Tae and Jungkook, out the door.
Well this isn't how I pictured meeting BTS.
Walking through a hotel half naked, soaking wet, in a towel AND with a kpop idol is no easy task. Before every corner Jimin makes me stay back while he peeks to make sure no one is there. Thankfully we make it to the elevator without being seen. While waiting on the elevator Jimin convinces me to take the towel off to use as a sort of umbrella inside the elevator.
“The cameras,” he says.
I nod in understanding and quickly unwrap the towel. My body is mostly dry, except for my hair dripping down my back, so I didn't have to deal with any shivering. I hold the towel over my head and try to ignore Jimin's little glances at my half clothed body. I gulp, remembering how close his lips were just a few minutes ago.
Why does all the good stuff keep getting interrupted for me? First my wet dream, now a potential make out session with Park Jimin. What have I done to deserve this?
I should stop having ungrateful thoughts….
The ding of the elevator doors pull me out of my trance. No one is inside, which means we are that much closer to making it back to his hotel room without being caught. Just 20 floors to go.
Mirrors cover every available wall space inside the elevator. Great. If it wasn't hard enough covering our faces with the towel, it sure was now. Jimin pushes in closer to me, wrapping his arm around my waist pulling me into him. He pushes the button corresponding with his floor and guides our bodies to the nearest corner. I look up at him hesitantly to find his face mere inches from mine. His hair is still damp and dangling in front of his eyes, but I can still see him gazing at me through the dark wet locks.
I stop breathing and try to think of something else. Anything else to distract me from how amazing he smells and his close proximity.
If I think hard enough I can almost make out the slight bulge in his shorts.
No, no, no, I can't think of that right now.
Jimin sighs, sending his breath to crash into my cheek. Goosebumps run along my skin.
“What's wrong?” I ask, thinking negative thoughts. Does he hate the position we are in right now? My mind never fails to be pessimistic.
“I didn’t think about the cameras throughout the rest of the hotel.” he says.
My heart squeezes, but not in fear like it should. More like in pain. The logical side of my mind knows that we cant be seen together. The media would go crazy and I would probably get death threats from girls, and boys even, all over the world. But, the other side of my mind is whining...saying that hes sighing because he’d hate to be seen with me, out of embarrassment. More thoughts that I push down.
I shrug a little, “People won't know what to even look for. I'm sure no one will notice, don't worry.” At that he responds with a small smile.
“You're right, let's not think too much into it. We can't change it anyways.”
My eyes leave his face to stare at his chest, “Yeah.”
The numbers above the elevator door say 15 when I glance up. For a fancy hotel, this elevator sure is slow.
“Hey.”
Jimin’s hand grips my waste a little harder, reminding me again of the scenario we’re in. I'm gently shoved backwards until I'm against the wall. Again. I'm starting to love how walls feel against my back.
“I'm sorry that we were interrupted.” he breathes out. I try and avoid looking up at him, but I fail. When our eyes are connected once again, that invisible band tightens itself around my insides. It squeezes to remind me of how powerless I am over my body right now.
He drops his grip on the towel above our heads and let's it fall, enclosing us on one side. The hand touching my waist raises to remove my grip on the other side of the towel. It falls to drape over us completely. My mind goes in a million different directions.
My skin breaks out in sweat despite being practically naked in this tiny bathing suit. My breathing picks up and so does his. Suddenly my dream of him crushing me against the door and kissing me floods my brain, causing me to close my eyes and hum softly.
Just as the elevator dings, signifying we've arrived at his floor, he leans in and presses his lips to mine. So soft.
Electricity runs through my veins as his mouth possesses my mouth. Boldly, I reach up to lace my fingers in the hair at the back if his neck. He groans and does the same to me, pulling me in so our lips have no chance of escaping each other. I bend my knee and lift my left foot against the wall behind me for support.
He let's go of my neck and pushes me tighter into the wall, grabbing my hips with both hands and squeezing possessively. My hips form a mind of their own and lift up into him. His hot tongue teases my lips, begging for entry. I let him in without hesitating, impatient to find out if he tastes how I dreamt. Our tongues collide and I roll my eyes back while moaning softly into his open mouth. My dream can’t even compare to the real thing. He tastes like heaven on my tongue.
His hips grind gently against me and I gasp when I feel the bulge through his shorts rub against my lower belly. He sighs against my lips and leaves my mouth to press hard kisses to my chin, then my throat, making my head fall back. The towel still draping over us molds against my face cutting off my breathing. Instinctively I tilt my head back down to catch my breath, which causes Jimin to lift his head from my neck and look at me.
“What's wrong?” he asks, concern lining his voice.
Blinking rapidly while catching my breath, I shake my head, not being able to make coherent thoughts.
“Nothing,” I manage to scramble out. He relaxes at my response.
His hand grabs one side of the towel, lifting it to look out. Cool air hits me in the face.
He laughs, “I guess it got a little hot under here.”
I look away from his face, blushing like a madwoman. He must think I blush all of the time.
“We should get off the elevator now, before someone walks in in us.” He raises the towel slightly and presses the button to re-open the elevator door that had closed while we were exploring each others’ mouths.
Grabbing my hand he pulls me close behind him once the doors open. We walk briskly down the wide hall until we reach his door. Warm air rushes out of the room as he opens the door, causing us to both simultaneously groan. Jimin glances back at me and grins. Hes pulls me into the room and let's the door slam shut before letting go of my hand. I stand there in the entryway, suddenly feeling awkward and out of place. He notices I'm not following him and turns around.
“You okay?”
I grab my left arm with my right hand, covering some of my bare belly. He notices the action and looks down at my waist. It almost feels like an entire audience is looking me over, with how intense his eyes are on my body. He clears his throat and looks down at the floor.
“Yeah,” I respond softly. I should learn more vocabulary. I inhale slowly, “Sorry...I..”
He walks over and softly places his finger under my chin, lifting my face up to his. “Stop saying sorry.” he says sounding exasperated. He leans and plants a quick kiss on my lips then turns to walk back into the sitting room. “Come on, don't be shy now.”
As I finally walk through the archway, I see Jimin sitting on the couch with his head thrown back and arm across his eyes. He looks exhausted. I start to search for my clothes when I remember that I changed in the locker room by the pool. Fuck.
“Um.” I stare at the coffee table pondering what to say. Jimin takes a deep breath and exhales loudly. I wait for him to sit up and look at me but he just sits there covering his face. Is he sleeping?
“Jimin?”
I sit on the couch next to him and poke the arm laying over his face, but he doesn't move or say anything. Wow he really did fall asleep. I'm sure he had a long day. I should let him sleep….but I don't have any clothes to leave in.
Grasping his upper arm, I shake him gently. He wakes up fast and moves his arm away to look at me with heavy eyes. “Ahh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep…”, he says sitting up fast and facing me. I grin and shake my head.
“Its okay. You don't have to apologize, I'm sure you've had a long day. I should go home now….but, I left my clothes in the locker room.”
“Oh,” he jumps up, “You can wear something of mine and I'll get yours back to you the next time I see you.” He doesn't see me turn red as he walks into the other room. After a minute he returns holding a plain white shirt and grey sweatpants. When he hands them over to me, my palms start sweating, thinking about the fact that I've seen so many pictures of him in these exact clothes. There is a God. I take the clothes from his hands and stare at them. “You can change in the room if you want, or there's the bathroom too.”
Nodding, I stand and head to his room. I think about shutting the door but decide against it. I'm not getting naked anyways, I can just wear the bathing suit underneath the clothes. Especially since I also left my bra downstairs too. I slip the big shirt over my head and pull it into place. When I bend over to put the pants on I notice Jimin standing in the doorway watching me. I freeze with the pants halfway up my legs. He's looking at my thighs with his bottom lip between his teeth. I should be creeped out by him watching me dress but it makes my lower abdomen heat instead. How many times have I caught him staring at me so far?
His head shakes as if he's trying to wake himself up and walks over to sit on the bed next to where I left my bag. I pull the pants all the way up, then tie one side of the loose shirt in a knot so that it doesn't drown me. I'm by no means a super thin girl but his oversized shirt still hung low and loose on my torso.
When I join him sitting on the bed, he has my phone in his hands, entering a number into my contacts. My heart races. He's giving me his number. After pressing save he holds my phone up, taking a quick selfie and assigns it to his contact info. He hands me my phone. I take it and look at the screen that now says ‘Jimin’ in big letters and a heart emoji. Below is the adorable picture of him. I smile and glance up at him to see he's grinning also.
“I'm sure you know that you can't give that to anyone.” he says.
“Ah, of course!” I exclaim. “Don’t worry, I'll keep it a secret.” Shutting my screen off I place it back inside my bag and and put the strap over my shoulder. He watches me as I sit on his bed contemplating what to say next. How do you say bye to an idol who has been touching and kissing you all night?
As I gather the thoughts running through my head, Jimin leans over so that his face is looking up into mine and kisses my pouty lips softly. Our mouths part and our eyes meet for a moment before he sticks his fingers through my hair and gently pulls me until I'm laying under him on the bed. His lips touch mine again, caressing them gently only for a second. Then he presses them harder into mine, and makes little circles on my scalp with his fingers. I gasp for air as he pulls away and open my eyes. He gazes at me longingly for a few moments but doesn't say a word. Then he opens that tempting mouth of his.
“I hope you come back" he says.
I giggle, “Why? Because you want your clothes back?” I bite my lip to hold back my smile.
He grins, “Yes...and because I want you.”
My lungs fail me when I try to inhale. I swear I can feel my heart in my throat.
He wants me. Jimin wants me.
Does he want me? Or does he want my body?
He can have either one…
I know my swim bottoms must be soaked by now, but not from water. Rubbing my legs together, I flash a tiny smile and shyly look away from his gaze. How can I think such dirty thoughts on the inside but feel so shy on the outside?
His weight lifts off of me and he rises from the bed. I take a mental breath and get up to stand beside him. My thumbs play with each other out of nervousness in the still silence.
“I'll ask my driver to take you home, so you don't have to take the bus, if that's okay with you.”
“Thank you.” I say.
“Text me when you get home safely…...if you want.” His eyes flicker down as if afraid to meet mine. He's been so forward with kissing me but why when asking me to text him. I smile to myself.
“I will, Jimin.”
He walks me to his door and opens it halfway. “My driver should be on the 1st floor of the parking garage. I'll call him to let him know you're coming.”
“Okay, thanks again,” with that I back out of the room slowly and wave awkwardly at him. He laughs and waves back. He doesnt shut the door until I'm halfway down the hall.
A black SUV is waiting for me as soon as I step out of the parking garage elevator. I climb into the back and hesitantly shut the door.
“Are you Park Jimin’s driver?” I ask the man dressed in all black in the driver's seat. Yeah, ask after you've already gotten in, dummy.
“Yes ma’am. Where to miss?”
I give him my address then sit back and twiddle my thumbs the whole way home. I debate texting Jimin while waiting or not, but decide to just wait until I'm there like he said. I don't want to seem desperate. As if I haven't already.
My sister is asleep when I enter the apartment, thankfully. I don't think I could handle 20 questions right now at….What time is it? I walk to the kitchen and look at the clock on the microwave.
“Jesus.” I whisper when I see that it's 2:30 a.m.
No wonder my sister is asleep. After grabbing a bottle of water, I head to my room and lock myself in. I groan loudly as i throw myself on my bed and bury my face in the pillows.
What a night.
I grab my phone and throw Jimin a quick text.
Me: Made it home :]
I stare at my phone for all of 30 seconds before Jimin texts me back.
Jimin: Ok, Sweet dreams Anna. I hope to be in them.
I giggle hard at that and bite my lip.
Me: You will ;]
I put my phone to charge.
As hard as it is to do, I force myself to get up and take a shower. The hot water helps me relax, both physically and mentally. I put Jimin’s shirt back on along with some clean undies before leaving the bathroom.
The numerous pillows on my bed hug my body as I lay down for the night, helping me feel secure as I drift off into what I hope will be another amazing, Jimin-filled dream.
The guard closes the door behind me, leaving me alone in the dark foyer of the suite. Flashbacks of my dream immediately fill my head. I back up against the door and concentrate on slowing my pulse and my racing thoughts.
After a few moments, I’m back to normal. I hesitantly step forward, approaching the archway to a sitting room. The temperature in the room is noticeably warmer.
I compose myself and call out, “Hello?”
No one answers.
The room is fancy, yet sophisticated and minimal. Nearly the entire length of the right wall is taken up by a sleek console table with a marble top. A large flat screen hangs on the wall above it, and a tray filled with snacks sits on the end nearest to me. A tan sofa and matching chairs line the opposite wall of the room. Gorgeous floor-to-ceiling windows provide a breathtaking view of the sparkling city outside.
To my right is a small, round dining table with 2 chairs. Just beyond the table is a large, wide door. It’s cracked open slightly, letting a soft beam of light lead right up to my feet.
“Hello?” I call out again.
Still no response.
My legs take me to the door and I place my hand on it, pushing it open more. More light encompasses me as I stand in the doorway of the dimly lit bedroom. I can see more city lights through the windows as I continue pushing the door open. My eyes fall to a small seating area…….then a nightstand with the source of the light…….a huge dishevelled bed…….and finally to someone laying shirtless on the bed, staring up at a phone held above their face. The sight catches me by surprise and I take a step back out. My legs fail me and I fall to the floor, landing hard with a loud thump.
“Oww...” I rub my butt and glance back up to see shirtless Jimin jumping off of the bed. He throws his phone and connected earphones down and rushes over to me. He crouches down with a genuine look of concern on his face.
“Are you okay?” His hand reaches out in front of me. I stare at it.
Am I okay?
No.
I’m not okay.
My eyes follow his hand up his arm and down his naked torso. His sweatpants sit low on his hips, providing a unobscured view of the deep ‘V’ leading below. My core clenches at the sight of it.
He reaches down and grabs my hand to pull me up.
I guess I was staring at his abs for too long.
My wobbly legs barely hold me upright when I’m fully up off the floor. “I-I’m okay..” I lie, trying to avoid eye contact.
His hand lifts and two fingers press under my chin to lift my face. My eyes flicker up to his and my lips gape open. His gaze is intense.
A smile creeps onto his face slowly. “Don’t be afraid. It’s okay to look at me.”
“Sorry.” I say flashing a soft smile, resisting the urge to break eye contact.
“Sorry that I didn’t hear you enter.” he mewled. His soft fingers drop from my chin and gesture towards the bed. “Do you want to sit?”
I peer at the king sized, half made bed and ponder all of the things that could happen on a bed of that size. My eyes widen slightly, “Yeah, thanks.” I walk over to it and sit down gently, despite the alarms going off in my head.
Fuck you brain.
If something is gonna happen on this bed…..I’m going to let it. I’ve never had a one night stand and I’ve always said that I never would but, who am I to deny Park Jimin?
Maybe it won't even lead to that…
I force down my hopes and expectations of tonight as I watch Jimin walk over to an open suitcase on the floor and pull a black shirt out of it. He smiles at me softly and lifts it over his head. I get an even better view of his ripped abdomen and a small happy trail disappearing into the band of his boxers.
Oh my God. I don’t know if I can survive anything past talking to Jimin.
The gesture of him putting on his shirt is so simple and natural, yet sexual at the same time. I can just imagine helping him slide that shirt back off and feeling every indenture and curve on his stomach. Does he know what his abs do to fans like me? Just a one-second glimpse can fuel weeks of pleasure...If he knew what was going through my mind right now, would he get excited by it?
I don’t realize that I’ve spaced off until he's sitting in front of me on the bed waving his hand a few inches in front of my face. I gape at him again and blush.
“Sorry!”
What is wrong with me?
Sadness clouded his features. “You say ‘sorry’ too much.”
I bite my lip, fighting the urge to apologize again. I’ve been trying to work on that lately.
His mouth twitched. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?” He gets off of the bed and walks over to a table next to the door where there are more snacks and a mini fridge underneath. I usually deny the first time I'm offered food or drinks but the room is getting hotter by the minute, and I don’t know if it's just me or if it’s actually warm in here. I really need something to cool me down.
“Yes, please. Anything that's cold.” I fan myself with my hand, just now noticing the sweat starting to break out on my skin.
A soda can is handed to me by soft hands. I peek up at his face and smile before taking the drink from him and opening it. The bed shifts as he sits down beside me. I notice that he got himself a water instead of a soda like me.
He observes me fanning myself as I sip at the cold, refreshing drink.
“Sorry it's so hot in here. The air conditioner is broken and they can't fix it until tomorrow.”
I frown. “And they didn't offer you a different room until they get it fixed?”
“Uh yeah...they did but I feel like that's a big hassle. I don't like to make things more complicated. Plus I don't mind the heat. Especially at night, I can sleep without covers with the balcony door open.”
I imagine Jimin in his tight boxers face down on the bed hugging a pillow to his body. I start sweating more.
The corner of his mouth lifted, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. He clears his throat, “I’m glad you came. When you didn't today I thought that you wouldn't show up.”
He must be crazy.
What woman or man in their right mind wouldn't show up?
I may have been somewhat hesitant about coming at first, but deep down I knew I would.
“I had to work most of the day today and I wasn't really sure what time was a good time to show up.”
He drew his lower lip between his teeth and looked down at my thigh. My hand travelled down to the spot his eyes were burning a hole into.
Realization crossed his face and he blinked back up at me with a small smile. “Yeah, I didn't even think to put a time.” Silenced enshrouded us for for a few moments before he spoke up again. “So where do you work?”
I thought of the job that brought immense joy to my life. “I’m an assistant pastry chef at a bakery downtown.”
His eyes lit up. “Ahhhhhhh, I can tell you enjoy your job.”
“Really? How?”
“Just by the way your face lit up when you told me. Only people with passion smile like that when talking about a job.” My cheeks turned scarlett.
He moans a little and says, “I've been wanting cake for a while.”
“Why don't you get some? I'm sure room service has cake.” I glance at the phone on the nightstand.
He follows my gaze and frowns. “I can't right now. Strict diet.”
“Ohhh…….sorry.” My hand slaps to my mouth as soon as ‘sorry’ leaves my lips.
He throws his head back and busts out laughing, eventually falling back onto soft the bed. “You're so cute.”
Oh.
Jimin said I'm cute.
He obviously doesn't realize how adorable he was laughing right now. Something I never thought I'd see in person. Especially following a compliment about my looks. My lips are pursed trying to contain a huge smile as I look down at my hands and wonder what to say to take the attention off of me.
“Um…...Sooooo……..why are you guys staying in a hotel when you live just an hour away?”
His hand reaches up and runs through his black hair. “I'm not supposed to say but…..I want to tell you anyways.” He chewed on his bottom lip for a second. “We’re filming a music video here.”
My eyes went round and I sat up straighter on the bed, giving him my full attention, as if he didn't have it before. “No way!”
The corner of his mouth lifts and my reaction. “Yes way. It's actually being filmed in this hotel.” I think about the beauty and style of the hotel and try to figure out for what song they are filming for.
“What song!?” I ask, hands on my knees expectantly.
“That I'm not telling you.” His mouth twitched.
Dammit.
“Aw, now I'm not going to stop thinking about it.” I say pouting my lips.
His eyes narrow. “Don't guilt trip me, Anna.”
My hand raises to cover my heart.
He just said my name.
And it sounded like velvety chocolate leaving those pink lips of his.
Calm down heart.
He knows exactly the reaction him saying my name has on me, by the way that he's observing my every movement.
Time to change the subject again.
“Do you always have a hotel room all to yourself?” I ask him, in a low voice, knowing that he'll catch on to me changing the subject.
“No, this is actually the first time I've had a room to myself in a while. We usually stay two in a room, so one person gets a whole room to themselves. This time I won.” He smirks.
“Is it lonely?” I know from following BTS for years that he doesn't like to be alone.
Awe transformed his face. “No…..not yet at least. Plus I can go visit them down the hall whenever I want and….I have you here right now.” My pulse jumps.
Instead of wallowing in basically another compliment my mind goes in a different direction.
Does he do this often?
Am I just an easy game to him?
“Why are you sad?” His soft voice pulls me out of my thoughts. I wipe the worried look off of my face.
It doesn’t matter anyways. Even if it's true, I can’t exactly be mad at him for it.
He needs company too I’m sure.
I smile up at his beautiful face. “I’m not sad, far from that actually.” That lightens his face up.
My eyes land on his plump lips as he runs his tongue over them. Those lips are seriously driving me insane. I can almost feel how soft they are.
“I can't stop thinking about cake now.” he exhales sharply.
Look who’s the cute one now.
I think of something….and I’m hesitant to say it but i do anyways. “If you want, I can make you some when you’re done filming.”
“Mmmmmmmm..” His eyes close to moan before continuing. “I’d love that.”
I giggle softly at his reaction. “What’s your favorite flavor?”
He sticks his tongue out again to wet his puffy lips. “Chocolate.”
I gawk at him, reminded of my dream of him licking that chocolate cupcake…..and then me. Wetness soaks my already moist panties.
Fuck me. I should've brought an extra pair.
The heat of the room and my body starts to become overwhelming and I wipe the back of my hand across my forehead. It’s covered in a layer of sweat. He notices and reaches over for a towel sitting on his nightstand. He hands it to me and I go to wipe my face when the smell hits me. The towel smells like jasmine and soap, sending my ovaries into overdrive.
How can this man smell so good?
I could cum just smelling his towel.
His sudden voice makes me jump and I drop the towel in my lap. “Are you okay?”
“Uh-ah...yeah. Just….a little hot. That’s all.” I stammer out.
“Do you want to go swimming?” he asks.
“Swimming?” my brows furrow. Swimming means I get to see Jimin’s abs again…
“Yeah, there's a pool downstairs. We could go cool off.”
You might cool off but I sure won’t.
“Wouldn’t it be closed by now?” I reach into my back pocket and pull out my phone to check the time. 10:04 pm.
He grins slyly. “It is….but I can pull some strings. Give me a second.” He stands up and reaches over to grab the phone he threw earlier and starts walking into the sitting room.
“Wait!” I exclaim. he looks back at me questioningly. “But, I don't have a swimsuit.”
He pauses, thinking about it for a split second. “I’ll figure something out.” he says and walks into the other room. I hear his muffled voice for a minute or so before he comes back into the doorway. “Okay, let’s go.” he walks over and grabs some shorts from his suitcase.
“Um….what do I wear?” I ask hesitantly, fearing I’ll have to swim in my underwear and bra.
“They’re bringing something up right now.”
A couple of minutes pass in complete silence before there’s a knock on the door. He quickly gets up to answer it. My nerves start to pick up again.
A chiming sound reaches my ears and I quickly wash my hands before leaving the bakery’s kitchen and heading towards the front counter. A petite girl is bending down to get a closer look at the desserts on display behind the glass. She pouts her lips and looks back at a guy standing a few feet behind her.
“I can't decide what to get. Come help me!” She pleads cutely at her boyfriend, who's eyes seem to travel over every item before turning to her.
“I really don't know babe, this is for you. You choose whatever you want.” He says.
I swallow the familiar acid in my throat that appears whenever I see something even slightly romantic and clear my throat gently to get their attention.
“Hello! Is there anything specific you're looking for?” I stand behind the glass display smiling gently.
The girl grabs onto her boyfriend's upper arm and pulls him closer. Her head finds his shoulder and her doe eyes blink rapidly as she tilts her head and looks up at him.
Don't puke. Don't puke. Don't pu-
A chiming sound reaches my ears and I quickly wash my hands before leaving the bakery’s kitchen and heading towards the front counter. A petite girl is ben
“Just choose for me! It's too hard.” She whines up at his calm face.
He sighs and kisses her nose. “You're such a baby.”
She grins at that. “Your baby.”
BLEGH.
I tap my fingers on the glass impatiently as the man looks over everything again. His eyes still and glance at my hand thrumming against the surface.
“Um….. we'll just take two of those.” He noticeably gulps and points at a chocolate cupcake. “Sorry.” He says smiling gently.
My eyes widen at his apology. “No worries!” I say enthusiastically, hoping he doesn't think I'm being rude. I use a pair of tongs to place the two cupcakes into a box and slide them onto the counter near the register, where they are already waiting to pay.
A group of four girls file into the door as the boyfriend searches his wallet for cash. The girls chat excitedly and discuss what they are going to get. Once the couple is heading out of the door, one of the girls approaches me.
I really, really want to put on a nice face and smile at her like I'm supposed to, but a shiny little button on her bag with Jimin's face on it catches my attention and my mood goes downhill instantly.
The universe won't give me a break today. Exactly one week after the incident - as I like to call it in my mind - since thinking about the details of everything is too stressful to revisit, I'm starting to seriously consider leaving Korea. If I'm going to hear his name or see his face every day I'm never going to move on. But of course that little bit of hope that sits at the back of my mind prevents me from truly trying….and the fact that Taehyung's number still sits in my phone. A number I've been impatiently waiting for a text from.
I plaster a fake smile to my face and welcome her kindly. She practically jumps out of her shoes with excitement.
“I saw a van with this place's name on it at the BTS concert the other day. Were you guys working there or something?” She spits out quickly, her words barely discernible.
Cold sweat waits just beneath my skin. For some reason I feel like I've just been caught. Like this girl knows what I've been up to the past few weeks, but that'd be crazy. I'm overthinking it.
I breathe in slowly, replying on my exhale. “Yeah, um...we catered for them.”
The girl pales in front of me. “No...way. So, did you see them?!” She asks, louder than necessary, as I'm literally three feet in front of her. Her friends rush over at hearing her question. They gather around tightly and I feel like I'm about to read a fairytale to a bunch of little kids.
I feel nervous even mentioning the boys, as if it would somehow give away my secret. But, I'm just a normal girl who ran into some of the members backstage while on the job…...that's all they'll ever know. I'm sure no one would believe the truth anyways. Plus this is exactly what my boss wants, a little publicity. Word of mouth. And I'm sure that's precisely what is going to happen once these girls leave and post every detail I tell them across social media.
I spice up the details here and there to make it sound more entertaining. Nothing big just some slight fangirling while describing how each member looked up close and personal. They all look as if they are about to faint any second and I genuinely smile, remembering a time when I'd have acted the same way. But things are different now.
The girl who approaches me first pipes up when I've finished describing six of the seven members. “What about my baby Jimin?” She squeals.
I know my face turns sour at the way they furrow their brows at me. I clear my throat and pretend that what she said didn't rub me the wrong way.
“He...he wasn't there.” I lie, not wanting to tell her anything about my baby Jimin, but mostly because I'm trying to avoid saying his name out loud.
“What!!!” She yells, causing me to flinch away.
“Yeah, he was the only one I didn't see.” I add on, noticing the others frowning.
“That sucks. I really wanted to hear about Jimin.” I flinch again at his name. “He's my bias!”
The other girls nod their heads furiously at me and a small red-headed one chimes in. “I can't believe how lucky you are though! How are you even breathing right now!? I'd have had a heart attack seeing them like that.” She huffs, placing her hand against her chest exaggeratedly.
They all nod again and wait for me to speak. I swear they'd do anything I say, no matter how crazy, from how they cling to my every sentence.
“Yeah...it was...crazy.” I laugh softly and look down at my hands resting on the countertop. “So were you guys going to get anything?” I pray that my subject change works.
They glance each other nervously.
“We actually just came here to ask that.” The main girl says shyly.
Well damn.
“Would you like samples?” I ask.
Their faces light up and once again, they nod in unison.
•|•
I roll my eyes and scoff at the ridiculousness pouring out of the little bluetooth speaker sitting on the counter behind me. The distraction of music is a necessity during big orders like the one occupying us today. Unfortunately, instead of calm music, Rachel put on a celebrity podcast that has made me roll my eyes at least ten times since we started listening. Each rumor they talk about gets more and more outrageous as they go on.
If not for the fear of hurting her feelings, I'd have turned it off already. I've never been one for gossip and rumors, especially the type that this specific channel likes to speak about endlessly. I'd love to know where these people get their information from.
Shaking my head at the annoyingly poppy voice of the female co-host talking about some actresses promiscuity, I turn my focus back to the dainty task at hand. Cutting a particularly difficult lace design into a strip of fondant. There's literally no room for error, if I don't want to start over from the beginning. My eyes are glued to the dusty pink sheet before me, carefully guiding the sharp fondant knife along the barely visible lines I drew beforehand.
My mind goes in and out throughout the agonizingly slow process, catching words here and there about whatever scandal is being discussed.
'-cheated’
'no prenupt’
'custody’
Those poor people, having their personal business blasted across every radio, TV and social media platform their is. A short musical clip plays of a familiar song, catching my attention.
The girl host's annoying nasally voice speaks again, over the song I've heard so many times before.
“So, you'll never guess which member of BTS was caught with a girl recently. Twitter is absolutely blowing up as we speak! Stay tuned to find out who it is.”
I go cold, clenching my fist around the object in my hand.
“ANNA!”
My eyes refocus on my work just in time to notice how close I was to cutting my finger with the precision knife. I gulp and stand up straight before placing the knife down on the counter and brushing my shaking hands on my apron.
“You almost cut yourself. Did you not notice?” Rachel looks at me from the other side of the large work table.
Blinking fast, I nod my head quickly. “Uhh, yeah. I blanked out for a second.”
She looks concerned. “Maybe you should take a small break. A few minutes won't put us behind.”
My eyes snap up to her. There's no way in hell I'm going on break before this commercial break ends. As much as I hate the anxiety pressing me, I have to know now. I pray it's one of the other members, as fucked up as it may seem. I wouldn't want any of them to be involved in any scandals that would hurt them, but my stupid heart is only concerned about one of them right now. It can't be Jimin, right?
It hasn't been long at all since things ended and I can't imagine him seeing someone right now. I'm sure it's not him.
But what if it is..
What if he needed a distraction from the pain…..or worse. What if his feelings weren't as deep as I thought they were and he's already over it.
I give my trembling hands something to do while waiting on the longest commercial break ever to end. After washing a couple of things up and putting away tools I don't need to use anymore that familiar song starts playing again.
My throat closes, as if I'm having an allergic reaction to the damn air and I feel the blood rush from my head down to the floor.
“This is probably the juiciest thing I've heard in days and there's even pictures to prove it!”
I stretch the fabric of my apron between my fingers, nervously. There are pictures. This is not some made up rumor. Great.
The host directs his obviously staged question at nasal voice lady. “So which member are we talking about here?”
“Oh!! You'll never believe this. None other than the Park Jimin has been CAUGHT red-handed with a woman.”
No.
No no no no.
Breathe Anna, breathe.
There has to be an explanation. One that can somehow eradicate this dark feeling seeping into my bones. It doesn't make sense.
As much as I hate this girl's voice, I wish she'd quit beating around the bush and explain more already. The two hosts banter back and forth about how shocked they are that it's Jimin.
I don't think there's anyone more in shock than me right now. A bus could crash into the building and I'd still stay glued to this spot, standing in front of the speaker.
“The pictures are already flooding Twitter. Get this, Park Jimin shirtless with what appears to be a very underdressed woman.”
What in the literal fuck…
How.
“Wait, so you're telling me that both of them were practically naked?”
“Yes!! I mean the woman is wrapped in a towel and they are walking down a hotel hallway. We all know what probably went down in that hotel room.” She laughs loudly into the mic and I fight the urge to puke.
“Apparently these pictures were taken by a security camera at the hotel the band stayed at after their most recent fan meet.”
No.
That hotel….. that's-
“There's no official info on the woman, but many are speculating that she's a fan of the group. Most likely an international one.”
Oh my God.
Is this really happening?
“Most of ARMY are livid right now but, I don't know. If he's happy, why be hateful? Also, I think she's pretty cute, unlike what everyone else is saying. From what I can tell that is. Everyone's just jealous they aren't her.”
'Unlike what everyone else is saying.’ I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the gut.
“You can't even see her face, how would you know?”
“I don't know, they just look cute together. Who would've known that Park Jimin likes foreign girls.”
They are talking about me.
Everyone always thinks I'm foreign.
I try and slow my fast breathing and rush to the lunch room for my phone. Just like they said, the pictures are everywhere. The black and white photos of me, in a towel, and Jimin walking towards the elevator fill my feed. Multiple shots of us, all incredibly scandalous looking to probably everyone. Even more so to me, knowing exactly what happened after those elevator doors closed. Thankfully you can't make out my face in any of the pictures, my hair covers it in every shot. But there's almost no denying that the man beside me is Park Jimin.
Oddly, the dread in the pit of my stomach noticeably lessens. Why do I feel relief in the fact that he wasn't with someone else? I mean, he has every right to be, with what he believes. Am I wrong for feeling just the least bit happy that I am the girl he was caught with and not some other girl?
“Hey.” Rachel's squeaky voice sounds from the door behind me. I spin quickly, slipping my phone into my back pocket, as if it weren't blatantly obvious what I was doing when she walked in.
“I'm, hey. Sorry I decided to take that break-”
“Are they talking about you on the radio?” Her words are quiet, as if she's somewhat nervous to ask them.
Shit.
Of course she's figured it out. She saw me weeping on the floor in front of Jimin and my mental breakdown after seeing him crying all over the internet. The only other explanation would be me being a crazy fan. A sasaeng. Which is far from the truth.
I just stare at her quietly. Even though she's realized, it still feels like something I should try and keep secret from her. I don't know if I should trust her or not.
She holds up her phone, that I didn't notice she had in her hand, and walks closer to show me the screen. My eyes widen when I see the leaked photo on her screen.
“That's definitely you, Anna.” Her finger swipes against the glass, making sure I see every picture.
“Umm-”
“I won't tell anyone. I promise.” She assures. Her face is one of pure sweetness, and she's never been anything but. I see no way of hiding it from her at this point, especially since I haven't even tried to deny it yet.
“Okay, fine.” I breathe outwards, my shoulders slumping as the air leaves my lungs.
Her bright eyes grow bigger and glisten more than they usually do. “I knew it!” She claps her hands together excitedly and pulls out the chair nearest to her at the lunch table. She plops down and rests her head in her hands, staring expectantly up at me. “Come on, tell me everything quickly. We only have five minutes!”
My eyebrow raises before I can stop it. I don't know if I want to laugh at her eagerness or be mad at her bossiness.
I sit down across from her and give into her preppy personality, as usual, and fill her in with vague details. I decide not to mention any of the dirty things...she doesn't have to know any of that.
•|•
At home, I flop down onto my messy bed, pushing the comforter with my feet until it falls onto the floor. I sigh into my pillow, and rest my eyes for a bit.
I whine, thinking about all of the things I've avoided doing over the past week, mostly because I have no willpower to even start. The minute I consider cleaning, my brain tells me body NOPE and shuts it down. So instead of folding clothes, I end up pushing them to the end of my bed and taking a nap. If I didn't have such an understanding sister, I'm sure we would be eating dinner out of pans and baking dishes by now. I'm in such a deep funk and I feel so ready to get out of it, but that sounds so tiring. What has my life come to?
Moping around and whining over a boy I can never have, that's what it's come to. And I'm not even ashamed to admit it.
I've waited...and waited the last few hours on a text, a call, anything from him. After something as big as the pictures being leaked, I thought for sure he'd reach out to me. But he hasn't. Even Taehyung hasn't contacted me yet.
I roll over and stare at my messages for a bit, re-reading every text Jimin has sent me, but stopping before I reach the last few heartbreaking ones. I could probably recite our whole text conversation if anyone asked. Ironically, it's something that keeps me from giving up completely.
To think that I almost told him the extent of my feelings, before I even knew my true feelings. Now I wish I had. Maybe he would be more open to listening to me if he had heard me tell him that I loved him.
That I love him.
Even now I love him, I know. It seems like such a silly thing to think. I can't comprehend it at all. How do I love him? I don't even fully know him. But I just do. I used to think people were crazy for jumping into relationships and claiming unbidden love for someone so fast. I was sure that it wasn't real….but here I am, feeling like a fool. A broken-hearted idiot who could've prevented her own heart break.
I scroll past the last few texts sent between the two of us and start typing into the little box.
Me: What do I do?
I take a deep breath and press send. I stare at the message, hoping to see a familiar check mark pop up, that lets me know he's received it. But after a few minutes of staring at the word 'sent’ the little hope I had that he might have unblocked me, due to the current situation, flutters away. I can't stop my fingers from moving against the screen next.
Me: I miss you.
Me: I'm sorry I didn't go to you instead.
I almost press the little heart button but something tells me that it's out of line.
I put my phone to charge and sit in the middle of my bed surrounded by pillows and piles of clean clothes. For the first time in a week I force myself to be an adult and start folding and organizing the annoying mess.
•|•
It was a mistake.
Everything.
Waking up and seeing the top news article online was the first one. Clicking the comments section was the second and biggest mistake of all. I'd like to think that I'm a strong woman, who can't be hurt and torn down by the words of others. But right now I feel absolutely worthless while reading the comment section. And the endless tweets filling my feed make me feel like even more shit.
'He could've at least chosen someone as good looking as him’
'She should go back to where she came from’
‘No one is worthy of my chimchim. Especially not that ugly bitch’
‘Jimin must be blind if he's attracted to that’
‘Who walks through a hotel in just a towel? Disgusting.’
There are even people openly investigating, trying to figure out who the girl in the picture is. My blood turns to ice just imagining what these people would do if they found out who I am.
I've only run across a handful of nice and encouraging words so far.
'idk why everyone is making such a big deal. If Jimin is happy, we should be happy for him. Not threatening this poor girl’
'i can't believe most of this fandom right now. We are supposed to support the boys, and this is far from it’
'Im genuinely happy for the two of them and I really hope that she's not reading some of these negative opinions. If you're reading this mystery girl, I'm on your side’
I pray that the rest of ARMY, that don't use social media much, are more like the nicer ones.
Unnerved by the negative tweets and the few death threats I begrudgingly read, I tuck my hair into a hat whenever I go out in public the whole day. Not many women have very curly hair like mine. I feel like I would stand out like a sore thumb, especially for people who may actually be keeping an eye out for someone that looks like me.
•|•
On Wednesday morning, I wake up two hours early to straighten my hair. I hardly ever straighten it since it's such a hassle, but my nerves are through the roof. I'm probably crazy but I feel like people looked at me differently when they noticed a few of my curls poking out of my hat yesterday. If it's straight, no one will even give me a second glance. I'm not taking any chances.
When I'm close to being done with my hair, my phone vibrates on the bathroom countertop. I finish the piece I'm straightening and grab my phone, thinking it's an app notification. But instead I see:
New message from V
V?
V!! Tae put his number under V!
My heart pounds as I swipe at the screen.
V: Have you seen?
Me: If you're talking about the pictures…..yes.
V: Yeah…
V: Has anyone approached you?
Me: Approached me…...nooooo. I'm terrified of that. I don't know what to do…
V: I know, I'm sorry. Can you meet me today?
Me: I have to go to work right now but I'll be off at 4
V: Ok good, we need to talk in person. I'll send you an address later.
Me: Ok thank you!
V: Try not to bring any attention to yourself.
Me: I won't. I'm actually straightening my hair because I'm so nervous of being seen. :(
V: That's a good idea. Sorry you have to go through all of this. We'll talk more later.
Me: Okay
Gulping, I place the phone back down and resume my last minute beauty routine. I go about my day with a little more pep in my step than usual, anxiously awaiting four 'o'clock. When it's finally four and I still haven't received a text from Tae, I stay behind at work to finish up a few things thinking he'll text soon.
As if on cue, he messages me at five thirty with an address. It turns out to be a sleek coffee shop a few minutes north and I make it there just before five. The place has a completely different, almost cold, vibe than the coffee shop I always go to. It seems to manufactured to be homely.
Brand new looking wooden tables fill the front area, light reflecting off of their waxed surfaces from the huge windows lining the front and side walls. Almost all of them are empty except for a couple chatting quietly at one, a guy on his laptop at another and a man who appears to be homeless sitting at the table farthest away from me and everyone else.
I look out of the windows nervously, hoping to see Taehyung's familiar face somewhere, anywhere. But all I see are busy business men and women walking by the huge glass windows briskly, not even glancing inside. I feel someone grab my arm and I jump when I see the homeless man from before beside me.
I stare at him quizzically as he lowers his paper face mask and smiles at me. My muscles relax at the familiar smiling face in front of me. He really came dressed in disguise. I want to laugh, but the other three seated people watch us cautiously. They must be thinking he's bothering me, with the way I jumped in surprise and all.
I blush and follow Tae back to the table he was at before. He sports a long dark blonde wig with a hat on top. His long trench coat is filthy, but now with a closer look, I can tell that it was dirtied intentionally. Lastly, his long, slim fingers poke out through fingerless gloves to wrap around a coffee mug sitting on the table. It's much too hot for his outfit, but he seems to be comfortable.
I look at his amused face, contrasting immensely with his current get up.
“This is...um, unexpected.” I laugh softly, nodding at his outfit.
He tucks the face mask under his chin and smiles again. “I'm not going to lie. I had too much fun getting dressed. I feel like I'm in a movie.”
My brows raise. “Yeah, me too.” I can't keep my face from going sour when I remember why we are meeting. If only it were a movie, because reality sucks right now.
“Do you want anything to drink? Eat?” He watches me, concern covering his handsome features.
I shake my head gently. “I'm good, but thank you.”
“Okay.” He takes a slow sip of his black coffee and swallows audibly, obviously enjoying the beverage. “So things are weird.” He states as he places the ceramic mug back down.
“You're telling me.”
He watches me intently for a moment and I start to wonder if something's wrong with my face. Shaking his head and looking down at his hands he huffs.
“We think that it was the hotel receptionist who posted those photos online.” He sighs.
“Why though?” I ask frowning down at my hands.
“Probably for something not even important like, likes or something. A few minutes of fame maybe.”
“If only he knew the trouble he's causing.” I say.
“Yeah, Jimin is in a lot of trouble with the company right now…” My heart drops.
“How is he?” I ask before Tae can even finish speaking. He pauses with his mouth ajar. “Sorry…”
“No, it's okay.” He waves his hand in front of me, as if dismissing my rude interruption. “He's…..alive.”
My blood goes cold. He's got to be suffering. First me then this whole scandal, which technically is still because of me. I place my face into my hands.
“Shit, sorry.” Tae reaches forward and grabs my arm gently. “He's okay, Anna. He's just going through a lot.”
I groan. “I wish he would just talk to me. I could at least take away half of his pain!”
“He's not listening to anyone lately, Anna. It's not just you. Usually he's more open than the rest of us with his feelings. But these are knew emotions he's dealing with right now.”
I rub my hands together in my lap. “What do I do though, Tae? He's hurting for no reason.”
“I've been trying to get him to talk to me the past few days and I think he's close. I'm almost there, don't worry.” He assures, but it flies right past me.
“I can't not worry. He's all I think about now. I can't even function like a normal human being because of him!” I realize my voice is louder than normal and glance around to make sure no one is listening. Thankfully, the only other person is the guy on his computer, and he has earphones in.
I let out a slow breath to calm myself before speaking again. “I just….miss him.”
“I know. He misses you too.”
I lean into the table, eyes wide. “He misses me?!”
The corner of his mouth lifts up in a half smirk. “I caught him on your Instagram earlier today during practice. He doesn't hate you, I don't think he knows what to do with it all.”
I rest my head in the table and groan again. “This is all so fucked.” I mumble into the wood.
“It is. But you'll be back together in no time! Just give me some more time!” he chips in proudly.
“Tae!” I whine while sitting back up. I cover my mouth quickly, realizing I just said his name super loud. I lower my voice considerably. “Don't get my hopes up.” I frown.
He chuckles at me. “No one's listening.”
“Sorry…” I blush.
“And I'm telling you to stay hopeful.” He blinks. “So about the pictures. They've already been taken down from big websites and most other places so far, but the company can only do so much.”
I nod, feeling some comfort in knowing that most of them have been taken down already.
“But, Jin has been trying to use his connections to get them fully removed from online. Of course nothing can be done if anyone has them saved offline.”
“Jin!?” I ask.
“Jin.” He says nodding.
“Why does he care? Maybe instead of doing all of that he can tell Jimin the truth.” I say angrily.
Tae laughs and the pureness of it calms my building anger.
“He should. Who knows, maybe he would if Jimin would give him a chance.”
“Has he been trying to talk to him?” I hope he's at least trying. I don't know if I can forgive him easily if things work out, but hearing that he's trying would be a big help in that direction.
“A lot actually. But I think he could be trying harder, honestly.” He takes another swig of his coffee and checks his phone that's ringing softly. He turns the screen to me, showing me that Jimin is calling.
My heart drops into my stomach and I swallow instinctively trying to lubricate my suddenly dry throat. Tae looks around quickly and slides the green button over to answer the call. He places the phone in the middle of the small table and presses speaker phone. With his finger over his lips, telling me to be quiet, he speaks.
“Hello?”
“Where are you? We have a meeting in an hour.”
Jimin's voice makes my heart pound in my chest. I frown at the monotone sound of it. I wish I could touch his face and kiss him until he realizes how I feel for him. I bite my lip, to hold back from speaking out and hearing him respond to me for the first time in days. Even if it's a negative response, I just need him to acknowledge me.
Tae shakes his head at me, as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking.
“I'm just visiting a friend, I'll be back soon.” Tae responds.
“Okay, hurry back. I don't want there to be anymore trouble or than there already is.”
“Don't stress. Hey Jimin…”
“What?”
“Have you thought about what I said?” Tae looks directly into my eyes and I stop breathing at his next words. “Just talk to her Jimin, give her a chance. I know you want to.”
The line goes quiet for a second before we hear an exasperated groan.
“I want to, Tae. I just…...I just…….fuck. I don't know. It's hard.” He practically whines into the phone and I can't hold back the hot tears running down my cheeks. I wipe them away quickly as silence takes over again for a moment.
Tae sighs loudly. “Okay. I understand. Don't give up though.” He reaches over and rubs my arm reassuringly. “I'll be home soon.” He ends the call and I feel sad that I didn't get to hear Jimin say goodbye.
I cover my red eyes and take a few slow breaths.
“We'll figure this all out. I won't let him give up. You don't have to worry. I'm your fairy godmother.”
I snort into my hands, the image of him dressed as a fairy, waving his magic wand in my face making me crack up.
“What's so funny? It's the truth.” He looks confused.
I smile at him and pat his hand that's still covering mine. He pulls it back into his lap slowly.
“Oh you know, just picturing you dressed as a fairy. It's enough to keep me laughing for a bit.” I shrug, still smiling gently.
He rolls his eyes. “Hey, I've dressed up as a lady bug before, I'm not afraid to dress as a fairy.” He says with a completely serious look on his face, which makes me laugh even harder.
“I know, I've seen that video at least a hundred times.” I admit eager to see his response.
He relaxes back into his chair grinning widely. “So you know then.”
I shrug and watch him glance at his phone again.
“Well I have to go now.” He stands up, pulling the face mask back in place and takes the cup to the barista behind the counter.
When he returns I ask him a question that's been bugging me.
“Why did you want to meet up? We could've messaged, or called.”
“Yeah, but I thought it'd be good to see you in person, to see if you're okay.” He smiles warmly and walks me out of the cold coffee shop.
