Summer’s here! You know what that means? Having fun, going out with friends, and enjoying time away from the daily grind of work or school. But everyone always visits the same places. Beach? Boring. Family bar-b-q? More like bar-b-you gotta be kidding me. Community pool? What are you, twelve?
We here at The Dissonance wanted to take away some of the stress and provide you with some of the trendiest vacation spots in town.
7. Home Depot Lighting Department
With hours of endless entertainment, who wouldn’t want to hang out in the local Home Depot’s Lighting Department? Spend your time testing out the different light switches or learning about the differences between white-light and sun-light bulbs. The area is air conditioned, well-lit (depending on which light switches you’re currently into) and relatively low traffic, save for some disgruntled senior citizens.
Rank
Fun: 7/10
Food: 1/10
Friends: 5/10
Comfort: 3/10
Cost: 10/10 (Free)
Total Ranking: 25/50 (2.5 stars)
6. Burger King Bathroom Stall
While The King doesn’t offer as many fun options, the privacy of their bathroom stalls provides for a more solitary and inward-looking experience. Sit down, relax, and enjoy hours of peaceful meditation as the soft sounds of water sooth your soul. And don’t worry about food, because BK’s got you covered - just walk a few steps away from your perch to chow down on some fine dining. The only drawback is that you have to pay for the food, but that’s the cost of convenience.
Rank
Fun: 5/10
Food: 10/10
Friends: 1/10
Comfort: 9/10
Cost: 1/10 (Free if you don’t buy any food)
Total Ranking: 26/50 (2.6 stars)
5. (75.75885, -99.145608)
Sick of the summer heat? We have an easy solution! Take a relaxing break from the heat and the chaos of densely populated cities and just enjoy nature for a while. I’ve never actually been to this place but I bet there’s no people here at all, just some bears. If you’re feeling lonely you can always try to befriend them, I think there was a guy who befriended a bunch of bears I read about one time. You could probably do it. I believe in you.
Rank
Fun: 10/10
Food: 5/10 (Varies depending on your hunting and scavenging skills.)
Friends: 3/10
Comfort: 6.5/10
Cost: 10/10 (Free if you walk and swim to get there)
Total Ranking: 34.5/50 (3.45 stars)
4. Abandoned Shopping Centre Parking Lot
Just because this mall’s parking lot has had its heyday doesn’t mean you have. Make some new memories in an old hangout! Bring your friends, chill by the suspicious puddle, and enjoy being a Neo Mall Rat (the only difference is that you now get to experience the great outdoors!). And sun tanning? What a great place to get that sick tan you’ve been waiting for. No shade means all sun and all tan. While a little lacking in stores, your local abandoned shopping centre is not lacking in good times. Watch out for the litter, though.
Rank
Fun: 10/10
Food: 2/10 (The only drink available is the puddle)
Friends: 10/10
Comfort: 3/10
Cost: 10/10 (Free unless you’re fined for loitering)
Total Ranking: 35/50 (3.5 stars)
3. Public Fountain
Don’t have enough cash to go to the pool? Sick of sharing your swimming space with people who could be peeing in the water without you even knowing about it? No problem! Most towns and cities have a water fountain somewhere. It’s free and no one else will bother you for at least half an hour. If you find a big enough fountain you could even have a pool party!
Rank
Fun: 10/10
Food: 2/10 (Water only)
Friends: 9/10
Comfort: 8/10
Cost: 10/10
Total Ranking: 39/50 (3.9 stars)
2. Chuck E Cheese Ball Pit
Bathe in a sense of aching nostalgia as you (and maybe your friends, if you feel like sharing) romp around Chuck E Cheese’s Ball Pit. Though it might be suspiciously empty, we assure you that the smell is perfectly normal. While the employees strongly suggest you don’t bring food into the play area, nobody can really stop you, so enjoy your pizza in what USA Today considers “America’s finest dining experience since McDonald’s sold spoiled hamburger meat”*
*author’s interpretation
Rank
Fun: 10/10 (8/10 if the animatronics are on)
Food: 9/10
Friends: 9/10
Comfort: 10/10
Cost: 6/10
Total Ranking 42/50 to 44/50 (4.2 to 4.4 stars)
1. Seven Inches Left of the Center in a Fairy Circle
Tired of visiting friends and family during the summer months? Want to get away from everyone you know but don’t have enough funds to leave the country and disappear? The fairy circle in your backyard could hold an easy solution, all you have to do is plop yourself down in there, just off-center, and wait! Eventually the fae will arrive and take you away from this plane of existence for either seven years or the rest of eternity. Either way, it’s an awesome getaway. The food is definitely worth staying for.
Rank
Fun: 10/10
Food: 10/10 (Remember you have to stay forever for it)
