Ā Ā Ā June 11, 2019- As Iām sure youāre already aware, today Nintendo presented their exciting array of upcoming games at the 2019 Electronic Entertainment Expo. Among the games announced at E3 was Animal Crossing: New Horizons, coming to Nintendo Switch in March 2020. Now, thereās already been a lot of talk about some of the features shown to be added to New Horizons that were absent from previous Animal Crossing games; Such as customizable skin colours, flower harvesting, and in-game permanent death of the player-character.
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Ā Ā Ā However, surprisingly few have talked about the feature we at The Dissonance are most excited about: The mini-game that allows you to hunt the animal-like villagers who live on your island for sport. This is shown to have permanent effects on the villagers, and seems like an exciting and innovative way to allow players to get rid of annoying villagers who put their houses in even more annoying locations. We really appreciate the boldness of Nintendoās choice to include this in New Horizons, and cannot wait to see how this changes the tone of the new addition to the Animal Crossing series.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Los Angeles, CA - We first broke the news about Nintendoās newest game series last year, but in true Nintendo form, we received little information beyond a name and basic premise. This year, no game play was shown, but we were shown a first look at the art style.
Ā Ā Ā Ā The game appears to be a more introspective sort of dating game, with Waluigi being forced to confront his self. After the show, we were able to confirm that the music track playing over the image is titledĀ āNarcissus,ā which hints at a grand, mythological scale.
Ā Ā Ā Ā The rumors that Toad and Bowser are potential love interests were confirmed as a large silhouette of Wario loomed in the background. My bets are on Wario being the true ending.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Weāll be sure to keep you updated as more info is revealed.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Los Angeles, CAĀ - In a stunning twist of events, Todd Howard is now actively engaging in a real sword fight live onstage at the Bethesda E3 conference.
Ā Ā Ā Ā The confrontation began after Todd asked for a volunteer for Bethesdaās new subscription service āTodd Howard Kills You with a Real Sword.ā One of our own journalists answered the call, but just before Todd struck the killing blow, our writer pulled out their own sword and began fighting back.
Ā Ā Ā Ā We will continue to bring you updates on the situation as it develops.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Los Angeles, CA - Surprising fans everywhere, Bethesda announced a new subscription program at the start of their press conference. In a world filled with loot crates, Todd Howard promises fans that he has a much more personal experience planned - and itāll definitely be worth the money.
Ā Ā Ā Ā āWeāve been listening to the fans, and we think weāre going to give everyone exactly what theyāve been asking forā, Todd says as he walks to centerstage. The crowd goes wild as he pulls a giant sword from the scabbard on his back.
Ā Ā Ā Ā This coverage is coming to you live from the Bethesda floor, and one of our writers has just volunteered to be the first subscriber! Theyāre walking onto the stage now, the crowd is going wild, Todd is raising his giant sword and oh man oh god oh man oh god oh m
Ā Ā Ā Ā Los Angeles, CAĀ -Ā There have been rumours of a āsecret projectā in the works at Microsoft Game Studios for quite a while now, and with the arrival of this yearās Electronic Entertainment Expo many fans hoped the anticipation and years of speculation would finally pay off.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Needless to say, supporters of Microsoft were not disappointed with the big reveal at this afternoon's press conference: Seinfeld for Xbox is set to be released on July 5, 2019, on the thirtieth anniversary of the original American Sitcom.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā The game has been in the works for quite awhile, as it will be a console-exclusive RPG with many possible endings. It will also be released in stunning 4k resolution.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Although it perplexed some at first, this reveal has delighted video game enthusiasts and Seinfeld buffs all around the world.
Ā Ā Ā Ā ā[Seinfeld for Xbox] will also have a bit of a genre-bending twist to it!ā, an official Ā spokesperson from Microsoft stated in an interview, āBut youāre going to have to wait until the game comes out to find out more about that!ā. The spokesperson then mimed zipping their lips and winked.
Ā Ā Ā Ā āTaking care of the environment is of the greatest importance to this institution,ā Declared a representative of the universityās environmental protection committee, who was placing a coroplast sign in the ground.
Ā Ā Ā Ā The sign propagated the success of the universityās program to maintain a sustainable, eco-friendly status. āItās Your Duty to Keep Our Campus Green!ā, was printed on the sign in bold green letters, as well as a proud statement about the university's current status as a āGreen Campusā.
Ā Ā Ā Ā He pulled a wagon behind him full of similar signs, and was distributing them across the campus.
Ā Ā Ā Ā āIt really is a huge success, but honestly, the students deserve most of the credit. Without them this wouldnāt be possible,ā He said proudly, as we passed multiple ponds containing electrically powered waterfalls.
Ā Ā Ā Ā He was about to continue this thought when the interview was cut short; A nearby student, who was not using a wheelchair or any other type of mobile aid, pressed a button to open a door, and he ran off to reprimand them for wasting electricity.
Today we saw sunlight for the first time in months, but it wasnāt without a fight. We canāt linger for long or else theyāll catch us again.
After revealing certain top secret details, Interpol came after us for violating our contract. We may have signed it, but we were crossing our fingers behind our backs, so it totally did not count. But tell them that. They held us in isolation and took away our wifi, but with some wooden spoons and a little ingenuity, we may have finally broken free.
With luck, we have at least a three hour head start, giving us time to assume new identities and take new lives as humble apricot farmers in a place far away, and to post some articles. Weāll keep you updated on our lives on the run, but for now, weāll keep delivering the realest news out there.
Itās been nearly two months since I last heard from you. What happened? Iām starting to get worried. I know your phone doesnāt get good reception out there, but letters donāt need cell towers, so thereās really no excuse.
Unless youāre ignoring me on purpose... Look, okay, maybe I was wrong to befriend that camera crew, but I swear I didnāt even mention you or the exact coordinates of your secret cave hideout. Them finding it was a coincidence and had nothing to do with me!
And okay, maybe giving you those over-sized clown shoes as a birthday gift was a little rude, but it was also a little funny. Besides, I gave you the receipt in case you wanted to return them.
But really, weāre best friends. We can make it through this, I swear. Just...please, Bigfoot.
Megamind is one of Dreamworksā most beloved protagonists, but lately heās been the subject of numerous late-night discussions here at The Dissonanceās offices. Weāre hoping to settle the debate here and now.
Is Megamind punk? Or is he goth?
CASE 1: FASHION SENSE
Megamindās outfit focuses on black and blue and features many leather accessories, combat boots, and a cape. While at first glance, the outfit screams goth in a Hot Topic Mall Rat voice, but upon closer inspection, goth just doesnāt fit the description. Sure, the black boots and gloves look pretty goth, but the overwhelming blues negate the gothness. If anything, we might say Megamind is closer to scene, but the shoulder pads scream punk, and heavy studded leather belts are a staple of punk fashion.
Another big part of punk culture is refusing to conform to the gender roles that society forces us into, Megamind is one of the few men in cinema who is shown to wear makeup, we even see him apply it (via robots, but still), and the black eyeliner is pretty punk. Megamindās small robot helpers that he created even have little mohawks, which is punk and adorable. To top it all off the costume he wears near the end of the film, the āBlack Mambaā, has even more studs on the cape/jacket, boots and gloves,the outfit even features studded metal cuffs on the wrists. Conclusion: Megamindās fashion sense is definitely more punk than it is goth.
CASE 2: POLITICAL IDEOLOGY
Okay, so we all understand why Megamind has punk fashion, but do his political beliefs support his clothing choices? Is he one with punk, or is he just a fake goth whoās just in it for the sweet outfits? Iād like to argue that hell yeah, Megamind is full punk. The plot of movie centers on Megamind fulfilling his wish of getting rid of the superhero Metro Man (capitalism) once and for all. Wikipedia states that one of punkās āmain tenets was a rejection of mainstream, corporate mass culture and its values,ā something Megamind does to the letter. Of course, he spends the rest of the movie trying to find happiness once his lifetime goal was achieved and ultimately finds himself lost. Some might argue that Megamind canāt possibly be punk if heās unhappy with overthrowing the system, but in truth, that makes him truly punk. Megamind is so punk that he wants to overthrow every system in society, even ones that he himself has created. If thatās not punk, then nothing is.
Recently, while I was enjoying a ten hour marathon of the new Pokemon Sun and Moon anime, I sensed that something was wrong. The more episodes I watched, and the more hours ticked by, that feeling grew and grew until I was thoroughly unsettled. A shiver ran up my spine and I began to sweat profusely, but I couldnāt turn away from the TV, and my eyes were all but literally glued to the screen while the opening and endings played.Ā
At least, I couldnāt turn away until I blacked out.
When I finally awoke again, there it was. The Pokemon Sumo English OpeningĀ āUnder the Alolan Sun.ā That was it. I sat up with a start as my mind raced to understand what it was hearing. No, what is was actually hearing.
And then it dawned on me.
What I was really hearing was the Americaās Funniest Home Video theme.
It all makes so much sense now. Too much sense. But writing this is dangerous. Nobody was meant to know, but now that I do, the government is after me. Iām posting this as a warning, so you donāt delve any deeper. Because if you do, youāll
Ā Ā Ā Ā In a shocking turn of events, the fandom for New Hit Childrenās Show has taken a sudden nosedive into embarrassing fan communities and needless arguments over headcanons.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Rather than rightfully calling out the issues within the show itself, the fandom is currently engaging in inter-community fighting about trivial details that have no impact on the lives of real people. Those who are properly criticizing the show are currently having a difficult time being heard above the rest of the fandom.
BREAKING: Nintendo Announces Waluigi Solo Game Called "Waluigi: The Wahs We Shared"
Earlier this morning, Nintendo announced in their E3 livestream that Waluigi would be getting his first solo game this holiday season. In the announcement, Reggie Fils-Aime stated that this would be the first game in the Mario extended universe, and that it would feature āoptional romance subplots.ā Bowser and Toad were present in the video clip, so it can be pretty safe to assume that they might be the romance options in question.
There have been some reports of Nintendo also copyrighting the name āSuper Waluigi in Love,ā so the āoptional romance subplotsā may play a bigger role than weāre initially led to believe. There currently arenāt any plot details out yet, but we do know that the style will be a spiritual successor to that of the Paper Mario series.
Weāll be sure to keep you updated as we receive more details.
Los Angeles, California - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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