#super serious

[thepehbat]

She🔪

[headless-b00gie]

scream and fnaf movies crossover where willam afton is the same person as stu macher and henry emily is billy loomis and movie michael afton is a fucked up mpreg baby gone wrong british

[fullest-circlest]

To the very super legitimate professional beta readers of Tumblr,

please reblog this post from me if you would like a copy of my manuscript!

The copy will be sent via youtube link for reasons that will become clear upon viewing.

[gilgamish]

WIP Wednesday - Tides

tagged by @kookaburra1701 and @saltymaplesyrup thank you pals <3

tagging @dirty-bosmer and anyone else who would like to hop in

this week: a comically evil Dark Brotherhood assassin and the dry precursor to the Corporate™️email (because such evil could only come from an organization of murder death cult assassins </3)

word count: 796

Dranmar Uvalen wove between the drying and reedy sprigs of pale yellow grasses. Occasionally, he stopped and consulted with a tiny scrap of paper before moving on. His gait was purposeful. His sunset red eyes scanned his surroundings constantly. He did not want to be caught unawares out here, either by the supposed Chaurus that called these marshes home or by the locals, to whose presence he would prefer said Chaurus. Mostly because he hated Nords. A lot. Astrid, knowing this, gave him more contracts to kill even more Nords. Delightful.  Among these many contracts, there were also a few Khajiit, other elves, some Bretons, a handful of Argonians, three Orcs, one Redguard, but he had never killed an Imperial. He was rather ambivalent towards them, as they didn’t really get on over to Windhelm. It would be a rather anticlimactic way of ‘marking down the ten’ as they put it in the Sanctuary. You weren’t really one of them until you had killed one of each race in Tamriel, which Dranmar hadn’t cared too much about. Fine. That left him with more Nords to decimate from the population, so really who was losing out here?

Except he did care. While he didn’t care for his ‘new Family’ that much— Sanctuary was run by a Nord, after all, he did want to at least fit in, and if perchance, Gabriela, a beautiful Dunmer nightblade, noticed him for this feat, all the better. But did it have to be such a dull way of marking down the ten? An Imperial, really? If the pleasure of such a kill could be described, it would have all the zest, tang, and flavor as a drop of water.   As much as he quietly bemoaned this fact, he marched on anyway. If Astrid had asked him in his previous dead drop to go out here, to dismal, dingy Morthal, then surely she meant him to kill another Nord. Which meant his day was about to get a lot better. Dranmar knelt by the old stump as described in the letter and reached down, into the hollow chasm beneath. He groped around in the darkness, half convinced there’d be a small Frostbite spider waiting to pounce on his questing hand, but no, his fingers closed around cloth. From the moldering black dirt, he dragged out a rucksack and spilled its content onto the ground. First, a scroll smacked down into the dirt. Following this, its teeth catching on the inside of the sack, a rusty hacksaw tumbled down into the dirt next to the scroll. Likely stolen from one of the nearby lumber mills, he assumed and unsealed the scroll: By the time you find this letter, you will have approximately one week to kill the target, but I assure you, as portended by Gabriela, he should be alone, unguarded. Because of this brief window of time offered to you, I ask that you read this letter closely and follow my orders to the letter:  In the mountains south of Morthal, you will find a small cottage, and there within, resides an alchemist by the name of Felix Allectus. Our sources tell us that he is rather tender-hearted, and will render aid to anyone who asks for it. He has no combative abilities and has a tendency to frighten at a drawn blade. This lamb will be rather trivial, if not pleasurable to murder.  This comes with a large caveat. Felix does not live alone. His live-in partner so happens to be a rather skilled bounty-hunter, one that has plagued our operation in the past. The red-eyed swordsman is dangerous and has killed a number of our more careless agents. He rarely leaves Felix’s side for extended periods of time, but this is one of those times. This is for your discretion and ease.     We introduce incredible risk to the Family by accepting this contract, so I ask that you avoid engaging him, or raising any suspicion that the hand of Sithis would be behind this act.  Should you manage to kill Felix within this timeframe, our benefactor has asked that you deliver his head to the abandoned cabin deep within the marsh— a location I’m sure you know well. Do this, and I can award you a hefty bonus.  I look forward to hearing of your success in person.  Saw attached,  A.  Dranmar read the dead drop once, twice, three times. Satisfied that he had gleaned all that he could from the contents of the letter, he looked down at the saw and smiled down at it. The name ‘Felix’ sounded about as Imperial as Imperial got, and it was high time Dranmar marked down the ten.

and if you've read this far, i'd like to know who you think did the black sacrament for felix :3c

[starry-night-rose]

Hey guys

I don’t want to make this message but it’s come to my attention

I don’t like Malleus anymore. It’s taken me a while to realize this but I just don’t like him anymore. No more Mallellis or any malleus

in fact, I hate him! DOWN WITH MALLEUS

[saltysideblog]

How do you pronounce AU?

New Yorker getting someone’s attention: Ay, you!

Stubbed my toe: Ow!

Furry: awoo :3

Tim Allen Noise™ : aaauuUUGH??

Voting ended onOct 8, 2023

[chick-fill-er]

English majors and etymology experts, chime in: would I be best described as a lard-o-holic, or a lard-o-maniac? Please cite your sources

[ihaveacatnow]

i love it when she makes serious face because she is the most unserious cat ever. except for gato maybe.