#supersonal

[whenshiphitsthefan]

The fact that Dean comes out and says "I love you so much" is perfect and speaks to me on a deep level because that's what drew me to Wincest in the first place. The simplest way I can explain why they make me cry is "they love each other so much!" That's what's been tugging at my heartstrings for seven and a half years.

[whenshiphitsthefan]

Jared Padalecki almost gave me a heart attack.

while I cannot say what Jared actually said in the meet and greet I have to share that, for about one second of my existence yesterday, I thought I had Jared himself looking me in the eye and telling me canon Wincest was completely real

that second ended and I cannot say what the words were or what he ACTUALLY meant but man that was a fucking trip. it was a physical experience believing for just a moment that he was telling me it was canon.

EDIT NOT THAT ANYONE WILL SEE IT:

This post is NOT hinting at any direction the show may go, expressing what he did or didn't say, etc.

I am expressing ONLY that I interpreted/misinterpreted something he said. I'm an unreliable narrator; my perception of the world for 0.5 seconds does NOT mean anything.

[whenshiphitsthefan]

I think it's fucking me up that for the first time in almost 7 years I do not know when the next episode of SPN will be, but I also know there are only 7 episodes left.

It's kinda like... when my dad was dying of pancreatic cancer and I really just wished it would be over so I could finish up my grieving process for a man I didn't actually care very much for.

I wish my beloved tv show would have an end date so I could get on with my grieving process for a show that's made me so happy and brought me so much peace over the years.

[whenshiphitsthefan]

just noticed that in the promo for 15x09, the watch says April 17th, 2020

April 17th technically isn’t a significant date for me (it became one because I picked it randomly for something in a story a long time ago) but April 21st is my birthday so I’m just throwing it out here now that if Sam and Dean’s story somehow ends on my birthday in-universe (I know it’ll be May 18th irl) my joking about the writers channeling my life will end and I’m gonna have to start questioning things.

just warning y'all now, that will be the last straw.

oh, alternatively, if Chuck says he just picked the date April 17th randomly, THAT’S gonna be fucking weird.

[whenshiphitsthefan]

My Jared photo op

So, I went to my very first SPN convention on Sunday and I had a meet and greet with Jared and also a photo op with him.

Part of the reason I decided to go to a convention in the first place was seeing @squirrel-face‘s wonderful photo op back in April that made me want to cry because it’s just so sweet and I realized I also wanted a picture with Sam.

As anyone familiar with my mental health cocktail of autism and anxiety might have predicted, I was very overwhelmed by there being tons of noise, tons of people, and tons of New Things at the convention. I’m honestly a little surprised I did not at any point start hand-flapping or otherwise stimming (I’ve only hand-flapped twice in my entire life but that’s enough to worry) which is good because I was not in a mental place to be proudly autistic. I was in a mental place of “I hope I actually fucking remember my interaction[s] with him” because I like blacked out the memory last time I met anyone cool.

Now, I’d been agonizing over what to wear to the convention because choice 1. a nice top because I want to look good in my photo but there was also choice 2. my Crazy Chicken Lady shirt because I wanted the most “me” photo possible. I ended up wearing my chicken lady t-shirt to the convention and also the meet and greet where I did in fact interact with him, and bringing a nice purple top in case I wanted to change for the photo op but later on when I was having a drink I spilled a drop on my shirt so I was like “welp, definitely wearing the nice top for the photo op now.”

So I get in line for my photo op and I have my arms crossed while I’m in line and I did not even try to look directly at his beautiful face because I can barely make eye contact with my own family lol so I’m sure he could gauge my shyness levels. He asked how I was and I did not give an answer because ahhhhh and then he said he liked my top

which is literally the best thing he could have possibly said because

1. I had been agonizing over that

2. he probably recognized me from the meet and greet and noticed I’d changed

3. maybe he accidentally looked down my shirt and he said the first thing heterosexual men say when they can see your bra which would honestly just be really flattering if that was the case lmao

I was too anxious to say anything but “can I have a picture with Sam?” and I was also too anxious to get into any position that made sense other than smiling at the camera and later on when I found my photo op I’m like “...what?”

because my first thought was an imaginary meme of

expectations: [squirrel-face’s photo op]

reality: [my photo op]

but then I decided although it wasn’t what I expected I liked it, also I didn’t care because his decision to say he liked my top was like the fucking highlight of my month.

I showed it to my sister the next day and before I did I’m like “it requires an explanation” but when she saw it she’s like “HE’S PROTECTING YOU!!!”

and wow, autism moment, because I just could not read his face without someone else telling me that, but she was absolutely right.

So now I like my photo op where Sam Winchester is protecting me from the world even though I am doing the photo equivalent of Sam’s awkward arm swinging in The French Mistake.

(P.S. Totally fine to reblog, only did a read more because this is long and rambling.)

[whenshiphitsthefan]

Guys guys guys my dream of Sam/Jared in the same picture as a chicken is coming closer to fruition

It's only a matter of time.

[whenshiphitsthefan]

Chuck (or whoever) give me strength NOT to ask Jared about the two pillows if I win the meet and greet.

[whenshiphitsthefan]

I DID IT I TOOK A PICTURE OF JARED PADALECKI WITH MY OWN PERSONAL PHONE I SAW HIM