It's not food anymore, Dean, it's Darwinism! @whenshiphitsthefan - Tumblr Blog

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I know it's been like over a year since I posted on my blog but I'm in the "dive bar" of supernatural fanfiction and this is the only place I can post this and know people will understand

Like there are hunters in some corner, someone is probably hustling pool ten feet away from me, and I could hook up with my husband in the bathroom if I wanted to.

#spn fic #wincest

this may be my final tumblr post.

it's been over 11 years since I joined and I cannot fucking believe

I can barely accept as reality

I can barely say out loud but I force myself to

on 12/02/2021 I married a man who exceeded my wildest dreams.

he has flaws. he has problems. I always knew I'd end up with someone fucked up like me. but god, I ended up with someone who is everything I could have dreamed for or asked for.

I'm so happy that I can't believe we aren't about to experience a disaster or major hardship that separates us. but for real he has the potential to develop substance issues that I would leave him over. we both know it. I see the writing on the wall, the warning. but we will deal with it. I see my future, where we both want kids but if he does not resolve his drinking non-issue-but-sort-of-an-issue I will refuse to carry a child. that's still better than I could have asked for.

that part isn't important. that's just to prove to anyone who's read this far that this is real.

but oh my god, I have everything I ever wanted. I actually have everything I could have asked for. I have someone who loves me and gets me (and needs me). I have financial security. I have a flexible part-time job where I actually fucking help people. I have my chickens.

I have everything I ever wanted and it doesn't make any sense but I tell myself that with so much utter injustice in the world surely it is possible for me to have gotten more than justice? Surely after all my struggles I might have found peace?

I can't believe how lucky I am to have gone from the miserable depressed teen I was to an adult who semi-functions in today's world with the help of the most perfect match anyone could have come up with. this can't be real. I married not the man of my dreams but the man of unattainable fantasy. yes he has problems but god I couldn't have asked for a person with his problems that still fit me this well. who loves me so completely.

it's too good to be true but right now it is true and yes there are still many struggles and difficulties but me 11 years ago, as weirdly optimistic as she was, never would have imagined I'd be married to a person like him. I was weirdly optimistic even in my darkest hours but he is better than any vague hope.

I am married to the most perfect person for me that anyone could have IMAGINED and I am trying to figure out how to tell my therapist in two weeks that I have everything I wanted in life. I have seriously everything I dared hope for. We don't have kids but we both want them and we know where we want to be before we start that journey. I don't even know how to process that I have everything I wanted. This doesn't happen to people. People don't get to experience this. But I have it and even with all the qualifiers and concerns I have EVERYTHING I wanted.

How do you tell a therapist that I don't need therapy for stress, I need therapy for accepting I somehow got everything I dreamed of having? I only need therapy for accepting if my husband doesn't fix his drinking issues we can't have children? I only need therapy for my niche obsessional thoughts that I can avoid 99.999% of the time?

I'm crying because this is unrealistic but right now it's true. I have. Everything. I Ever Wanted.

#personal

This is Winchester Lake in Winchester, CT. My boyfriend and I are about to make an offer on a house just down the road from this spot.

*basks in everyone's envy*

#my beloved Galliwasp #personal

#heh my blog is a chronicle of me meeting and falling in love with my bf #we (mostly me) made chicken parm last weekend and for context I fucking love chicken parm but never had the spoons to make it #but we have a vague thing now of making either a meal or a dessert each weekend #and I actually managed to do the breading and fry the chicken in oil on the stove and he thought it was AMAZING #side note my family who has met him likes him and he likes them (but also saw the neuroses lol)#everything is great and my anxiety about some things is SO much better and now I pretty much only worry something bad will happen to him #because I somehow feel so secure about his feelings that only an external force could take him away #personal #my beloved Galliwasp

I made a meal by myself for me and my boyfriend and had it ready just around the time he got home and 1. he really liked it and 2. he was amazed that I timed it so perfectly that the pasta was just about done cooking when he got home. This is significant because I'm incredibly uncomfortable cooking and have never cooked for another human being of my own volition in my life.

#personal #progress in being an adult!#the ground beef was probably a little overdone but nothing gravy couldn't hide lol #my beloved galliwasp #who is too much of an ally to even suggest I procure food for him when he gets home #but nevertheless inspires me to be a little more proactive

I've been pretty absent from the fandom lately mostly because I spend a lot more time at my bf's place but just now I read a few Wincest fics and I'd forgotten how much I loved the epic love story of Sam and Dean, but it also hit different since I found the person I found who's so sweet and right for me. If and when I get back to writing fics I will probably write a lot more fluff (maybe hurt/comfort) because I'm no longer processing angst from my childhood or struggling to feel seen or heard by the right people. The feelings I have to process are peace and joy and the idea that some of the biggest anxieties in my life are going to be gone. We're trying to get a house this summer (or build one) and he very specifically wants to get something cheaper than he can afford, he is super into living below his means so he can have money for what he wants when he wants it (and retire at like 55) which I love but I was trying to explain that some short-term (6 months, even 2 years) financial stress can be an acceptable part of the cost of a home or any valuable thing but then it hit me I've been stressing out about money my whole life and for the first time I'm going to have an option to *not* be stressed out about it. Most people don't have that option so I should be taking that chance I have no matter how weird it's going to be.

#get a weighted blanket #Still not over him being cool with dropping $200+ on a weighted blanket. Like I knew it was worth the investment of course #but I said and we did some googling and got one and he didn't like check any balances or anything he just bought it #I can't even make like a $50 investment like that without checking that my budget can handle it this month.#as long as I'm working in *some* capacity and we're contributing equal percentages to our joint account I will be able to handle it #but I'm like scared of the concept of me living with him and not working but taking up space/water/food/etc.#personal #too many tags lol #my beloved galliwasp

peach-coke

“And I don’t know what I would’ve done… if I didn’t have you.” ➤ J2 Virtual StageIt Panel

#okay but the way they both got really serious and the character meta was fantastic #i would watch an hour of them discussing Sam and Dean like that #j2 #the epic love story of sam and dean

hippychick006

Waking up to my Captain (Shatner) calling out Destiel fans again:

samfcknwin

Shatner is a fucking KING I love that man

#to be clear Shatner is a dick in general BUT #this is epic coming from a guy whose most famous character is notoriously paired with his First Officer #destihellers #william shatner

spnwhenever

#Lots to unpack but also remember 10 seconds earlier he did the same thing to something with Sam's face.#slash fiction #dean winchester

nothingidputbeforeyou

Jensen talking about the finale

nothingidputbeforeyou

Jared elaborated and said: Sam tried to find a life without his brother FOR his brother because he knew that was what Dean wanted.

#spn meta #j2

positivexcellence

Genpadalecki: Hi 👋🏻 from the supermarket parking lot - the only place I’ve been able to get cell service since the storm hit. Thank you all for your sweet notes of concern. Things here are a mess but we are ok. ♥️ A water pipe burst, part of our ceiling caved in and we have no power, but we have heat, food and good company so I’d say we’re doing pretty well. I know many others who are not so lucky here and would love your help supporting them. Please check out my Texas Support highlight for resources if you need help or are able to assist those in need.

#very important that I reblog jared holding a chicken #my fandom dream come true #minus the part where they lost power and a pipe broke #padalecki family

whenshiphitsthefan

Happy Valentine's to me from my bf <3

whenshiphitsthefan

Entire haul from my beloved Galliwasp

Happy Valentine's to me from my bf <3

#me #personal #my beloved Galliwasp

babyfoxcollectionthings

pandariousgooch

i never realized cuneiform was made with the corner of a cuboid tool, i thought the wedge shapes were carved such that you would press straight down with the tool at a 90° angle to the clay

kitchenwitchupinthisbitch

Wow! My mind is super into this new information

ferret-on-pancakes

#lmao #history

I don't know what normal people have in their autocorrect but uh

hoo boy

#autocomplete

autisticexpression

deputy-ajay-ghale

sugarcoatednightshade

Holy fucking shit i have finally laid eyes on this legendary post

#religion #catholicism is wild

johnlockiseverywhere

Cocklock AU

(If my Poultry Science teachers somehow see this, what I have to say is: I’m sorry) As the popular saying goes, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. I don’t have much to say in my defense, just that this AU is a product of a bored veterinarian.

John - Sebright

Sherlock - Silkie

Mycroft - New Hampshire

Lestrade - Plymouth Rock

Irene - Sumatra

Molly - Pekin Chicken

Mary - Brahma

Anderson - Naked Neck Polish

johnlockiseverywhere

MY GOD, I FORGOT MORIARTY

Moriarty - Ayam Cemani

lavenderandvanilla

Oh Lordy! Look at Moriarty!

@conduitstreetcat @ineffabledearcrowley @vulpesmellifera @redgreyandpurple @chinike @cumberbatchedandgatissmitten

cumberbatchedandgatissmitten

Ok. So I was going to say that I was wrong before and NOW it’s absolutely perfect, but where’s Hudders?! So not quite absolutely perfect yet. And yes, Moriarty is beautiful.

johnlockiseverywhere

@cumberbatchedandgatissmitten Did you call?