One week post op! Ignore my hair i havent been able to style it or take care of it very well cuz youknow chest hurt. Feels crazy to me honestly. I'll be honest. I don't feel like a huge rush of relief from the surgery yet, not sure I'll get crying from joy moment, but i had worked really hard to love parts of my body and i think, although i didnt like my chest, i was still on friendly terms with it. Like, I'm in no way sad, scared, regretful of my surgery but for me this wasnt just a disphoric thing it was also a practicality thing. Binding sucks, and although i didnt look in the mirror with my shirt off and hate it, i did feel disphoric seeing my chest under clothing so i did bind. And exercise, working, enjoying hot weather, swimming, those were all things i just couldnt comfortably do without health complications that made doing those things feel like chores.
I dunno, i just wanted a place to put this cuz like, i always see videos of trans mascs getting top surgery and being so happy they cry and thats awesome but thats not where im at? I feel happy, but ive worked hard to just try and be happy normally i guess? So i honestly just feel normal i guess and thats okay. Still cranky about politics and economics, but overall happy about who i am in this moment.
Thanks for letting me rant, i havent gotten out much. I love yall, especially those that interact with me. Ive been on here a long time, glad i have this space as a time capsule of parts of my life.
😘😘😘