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Selling my town and country
Hey there, it is a lovely morning. Pupper Tanner Unit Theo the master of snuggles is outside. His friends, the squirrels and birds are keeping him busy and entertained. He dances with them, and the smile on his furry face is so sweet. On Monday, a new to me vehicle will be here. It’s green, one of the one true colors, and also a TnC. I like this style of vehicle, as it has a sliding rear…
2020.
78 days.
I can’t decide whats worse at this point. I can’t tell anymore who I am. I remember in the beginning knowing if it was really Sarah showing or this new fake Sarah. I can’t tell the difference anymore. I have concluded that this means i’m either healing truly or I've lied to myself too long now that i can’t be just ‘me’ anymore.
I want to blame him so much for doing this to me. I’ve never hated so much in my life. I don’t know if I hate him more for the act or myself for letting it change me this way so much. I’m ready to do what i need to though. In exactly 3 months today i will start my job at my new store. Its not far enough. I won’t look over my shoulder now looking to see if hes here. I need to be gone yesterday. Maybe that could be what i need. My move to help bring out old Sarah.
I still can’t look at my instruments. All I can think is my Violin final the next day. Messing up all those sour notes, trying not to cry. I wish i would’ve told my teacher when he asked what was wrong. I wish i would’ve told my mentor as we walked to it. I wish i would’ve explained why i jumped when my someone touched my shoulder. I wish i would’ve done so many different things. I need to look to the future. 78 days.
Activism requires actions, not words
For the record, when I talk about my experiences as a survivor, I'm not looking for sympathy. When I explain why something affects me negatively, the response is often the same: "I'm sorry. No one should have to experience that." I know. But it happened. No amount of people apologizing for it is going to change that. If I'm going to pull out some of the most demeaning experiences I've gone through as part of a larger subject, I do not want your apologies. I want you to take the experiences I'm sharing with you, and I want you to wrap your brain around the fact that what I went through is just one person's wounds. There are thousands of boys, girls, men and women who are walking around with scars similar to or worse than mine. I want you to take what I'm saying as a mission statement: let's change things so this either happens with far less frequency, or stops happening all together. I want you to get angry about what happened, not sorry about it. I want you to realize that you too may be in this situation some day when you least expect it. I want you to start asking questions about pop culture and social interactions and how they help encourage these situations. And most of all, I want you to start asking how you-- yes YOU-- can help change things. Movements for the betterment of humankind may start with one person (or a handful), but they only succeed because people decide to get together and change things. So the next time someone tells you about how they've been demeaned, used, ignored, hurt or punished for something they couldn't help, don't apologize to them for what they experienced. Ask, "how can I help?"
