💀 How to Become a Vampire (And Not Die Screaming in the Halls of the Scholomance) 🚨
(This is not a guide for gothic romantics. This is survival advice. If you’re looking for a way to “live forever” while sipping wine on a castle balcony, fck off to a YA novel. If you want to not die in a place that actively devours its own students, keep reading.)*
📜 Welcome to the Scholomance: Where the Tuition Is Your Flesh
The Scholomance is not a school. Schools have teachers. Schools have cafeterias. Schools have a vague interest in their students’ survival.
This place?
It does not give a sh*t if you live.
There are no "lunch breaks." If you don’t eat, you starve. If you eat too slow, someone eats you first.
There are no "dorms." If you want to sleep, you better find a place that doesn’t already have teeth waiting for you in the dark.
There are no "grades." Only the bodies of those who failed.
You don’t graduate. You survive long enough to leave.
Orlock understood this faster than most.
🩸 Step One: Accept That Your Old Life Is Over
Orlock was just a student, like you. Wide-eyed, confused, naïve enough to think this place had rules.
But rules are for humans.
And this place? It does not teach humans.
It takes them. It boils them down into something useful.
The walls of the school? Made from those who failed.
The black sludge in the pipes? That’s not water.
The faculty? They don’t “teach” in the way you think. They oversee. They observe. They approve.
And they reward ambition.
You want to leave? You evolve.
Orlock realized it before the rest of his class. He stopped trying to “survive” as a human. Because humans?
They were the weakest thing in this school.
🦇 Step Two: The Most Abundant Food Source Is Your Peers
No food? No problem.
Look around.
The human body has 6 liters of blood.
The human body has enough protein to keep you alive for weeks.
The human body, when you strip away all the moral nonsense, is just walking meat.
Orlock knew this. And he knew he was just as edible as everyone else.
So he did something brilliant.
He stopped thinking like a meal. And he became something that could eat without being eaten.
📜 Step Three: Forfeit Your Life Before It’s Taken From You
The ritual is not complex. That’s the part they don’t tell you.
It’s not some grand ceremony. It doesn’t require a dark prince or a cursed artifact.
It only requires acceptance.
Orlock looked at the world around him—the blood-soaked halls, the gnashing shadows, the ceiling that occasionally birthed extra limbs—and he let go.
He carved his own name into his flesh. (You have to make the school remember you. If it remembers you, it gives you options.)
He drank what he could from the first body he found. (Doesn’t matter if it was fresh. Doesn’t matter if it screamed. It only matters that he consumed.)
He stopped seeing humans as "friends" and started seeing them as "rations."
The change happened quickly.
His body died before his classmates even noticed.
His eyes no longer needed light.
His stomach stopped rejecting the things humans refuse to eat.
His hunger sharpened into something manageable, something purposeful.
The faculty took notice. And they approved.
🦠 Step Four: Consume Without Hesitation
There are two types of students at the Scholomance:
1️⃣ The ones who pretend they’re still human. (They last two semesters, max.) 2️⃣ The ones who understand the truth. (They last as long as they are willing to eat.)
Orlock was the second.
He watched his classmates waste time forming "alliances." He watched them try to ration food like it wouldn’t run out. He watched them sleep in shifts, thinking teamwork would save them.
And then he watched them die.
Because only the ambitious are allowed to leave.
And the ambitious? They do not hesitate.
👁 Step Five: The Faculty Encourages Your Progress
There is no “honor” in the Scholomance. There are no “awards.”
The only thing that matters is how much of yourself you are willing to lose.
The faculty does not teach. They watch. They take notes. They measure.
And when you prove yourself? When you show them you understand the real curriculum?
They smile.
Not in a human way. Not with mouths.
But they smile.
And they let you live.
For now.
🚨 Final Verdict: You Want to Leave? Then Stop Clinging to Your Humanity.
This is not a school. This is not a lesson. This is a machine that grinds the weak into mortar for the next generation.
Orlock understood that. He understood that the only way out was to stop being something that could be consumed.
And so he became something that could consume instead.
You want to survive? Then start eating.
Because the only other option? Is to be eaten.
There is No Joy in Graduation. Only Damnation.
🩸 REBLOG if you understand the curriculum.
💀 COMMENT if you’d rather be predator than prey. 🚀 FOLLOW for more unsettling truths the faculty won’t tell you.
