Omg wait, Swiss who can't tell anyone he loves them?? Swiss who gets real confused cause he knows he loves his pack but he just can't say those three little words :(
CW - mentions of sex, fear of love, fear of rejection
It's Rain that says it first, though that part's not much of a surprise. They'd always been more in touch with their emotions than the rest of the pack - Swiss and Dew theorise that's why they're allowed into ghoulette night when they're not. No, what surprised Swiss was how hearing them say it made his ears ring and brain feel like TV static. It was said so casually, as if it was the easiest sentence in the world. He didn't even know what response he gave - years later, Rain would gently tell him that he'd just let out a pathetic little whimpered squeak - but he hated the frown it brought to Rain's face. He'd fled, then, dashing into shadows while his heart raced so hard and fast he worried it'd explode.
Cumulus had been next, curled up on the sofa with the multi ghoul, idly chatting about everything and nothing. Anything that piqued their interests, really, until the topic of what Rain had said just so happened to come up. Of course Rain had told her, they were a pack, they didn't keep secrets! But the change in conversation had Swiss shifting, a movement so subtle it went unnoticed by his favourite little ghoulette until she'd uttered the same words Rain had. His throat felt tight the second they started their sentence, his breathing a choked gasp as soon as she'd finished. He'd been long gone before she even realised he'd moved, his habit of keeping eyes on every exit finally coming in handy.
He really hadn't ever expected Dewdrop of all ghouls to be the next in line to confess. They'd been going at it all night, brutal at first to get rid of all the energy they'd had building up all week, but then things took a softer turn. Dew had wormed his hands up to Swiss' cheeks, pulling him down to rest their foreheads together as he whimpered so softly. Poor guy could barely form words, let alone string a whole sentence together - but he managed it, gasped out an "I love you", and Swiss bit his lip so hard it bled, sinking his fangs in deep. That was the first time he'd ever left without aftercare, and fuck did it make him drop hard.
Mountain had been more pissed off than Swiss had ever seen when he'd said it, fangs bared and scent filled with such an intense anger that just a whiff of it made Swiss' head spin. He'd yelled at him for a while; cursing him for leaving Dewdrop, lecturing him for fleeing from Cumulus, snapping at him for making tears well in Rain's eyes. And Swiss just took it, listened to each bitter, biting word as if he, too, felt like he deserved it.
Cirrus didn't even say it. She traced the words into his skin with her pretty, clawed fingertips during one of their pack movie nights. It'd made Swiss tense immediately, sweat beading at his brow with each letter pressed into the flesh of his arm. But he couldn't move. Aether was laying against him, running his own fingers up and down Swiss' arm as they kept him in place on the sofa. Like he knew Cirrus' plan. If he had it in his panicked mind to focus, he'd've noticed that Aether had been tracing the exact same words in the language of the Pit. He ended up disassociating the rest of the movie, going on autopilot and returning to his room alone after it'd finished.
After she'd been summoned, Aurora latched onto him like a moth to a flame, always seeking him out and trying to get close to him. She'd babbled to Sunny one night about her love and admiration for her fellow multi, trying to find a way to tell him that was unique to the way she felt for him. When Sunny told her, with watery eyes, that the confession she'd given had been met with a stuttered apology and the turn of a body so fast that it'd left her hair a windblown mess, she refused to believe it. And when she did the same, she watched hopelessly as Swiss stumbled in his haste to get up, claws still wet with the fresh coat of paint and multicoloured hearts smearing against everything he touched.
Phantom hadn't lasted long, either. He said it repeatedly, sprinkled into every conversation while trying not to take it personally as Swiss dissolved into shadow each and every time he heard the beginnings of the confession. In all honesty, they'd've continued to say it even if they had taken it to heart - that's just the kind of ghoul he was. He loved and loved and loved, needing to share it with the ghoul he looked up to most, even if the multi could never believe them.
Hells, he couldn't even believe Solaris nor Umbra as they whispered those taunting words to him in the tourbus. It'd spoken so softly, their voice carried along a light breeze as they watched Swiss playing a game on his phone. He'd tried not to let it show that he'd heard it, hoping and praying to his beloved Sathanas that they hadn't noticed the way his shoulders tensed or the way his tail went so completely still, but she did. She did, she noticed, and it used their twin tails to form a heart every time Swiss walked past.
to me, Swiss and Rain are two sides of the exact same coin
Swiss is easy to bed because he wants to make everyone happy - hes the ministrys only true multi, he HAS to make sure everyones okay because if hes not making sure everyones okay then what is he even good for?
whereas Rain - sweet, darling Rain - is easy to bed because they want everyones attention on them, they know that if everyones attention is on them, then nobodys thinking about the horrors theyve faced
blah blah blah Swiss who literally cannot speak about his problems
every time he tries, the words get caught in his throat like something physically stops him from saying them, a hand clawing into his mouth to steal the words right off his tongue so he can never say them
he knows he should, he knows he needs to, but he just can't and suddenly now Sunny's staring at him like he's grown another head cause he choked and spluttered when she asked if he was alright because he'd zoned out completely when pouring his coffee, spilling the boiling hot liquid all over his hand with no reaction whatsoever
part of him could never forget the look on Omega's face when he asked Swiss about the burns on his hand later - so much later it was a wonder he hadn't been lectured by every ghoul he passed throughout the day - only to be met with a generic answer as if it was either the most obvious thing in the world or the most normal thing in his day to day life; no discussion about why he'd zoned out, no questioning why he tensed up and clenched his jaw when Omega asked if anything else was bothering him, and certainly no mentioning the way he tried to speak but only forced out a whimper the second Omega's back was turned
or when he sought out the comfort of Lake and River's nest at the bottom of the lake, needing to escape down into the murky abyss for a while only to find no solace in that, either, anymore - and, to their credits, both River and Lake tried to coax the words out of Swiss, thinking the water surrounding his everything would stop that terrible hand forcing it's way down his throat to steal his words
by no means is this a commission or even a request but more like a cookie i think you’d like to snack on but you know those like. posts abt swiss leaving the band to protect phant bc the ministry needed another quint ghoul to help out and phant didnt wanna leave so swiss volunteered instead and mount having to force phant to stop clinging to him and when they all wake up the next day swiss is already gone. i feel like since you like to microwave all of these guys youd enjoy having this stir around your brain
again, not like. you basically sort of wrote this already so again it’s not. i’m not asking you to write this i just thought of this and thought you’d like to suffer with it idk
YO??? THIS IS GORGEOUS THANK YOU, BEST COOKIE I EVER ATE OMG
i think Swiss absolutely would volunteer himself in Phantoms place, no hesitation, no questions asked, BUT! BUT BUT BUT! i aint think hed tell ANYONE
he goes on the tour for a lil while, for as long as the Ministry can cope without him, cause you know DAMN WELL Aeth an Delta puttin it off as long as they can since they know how much Swiss absolutely ADORES bein on tour
but then Swiss gets that message, that dreaded call from Aether one night when he an Delta're swamped in the infirmary, an he's on the next flight back
okay but like what about Swiss going though an identity crisis thinking his pack dont actually like him unless hes putting up the facade and fake personality he creates specifically for each ghoul
Lol imagine Swiss taking the blame for every little prank or accident even when it's nothing to do with him because, in his eyes, the ministry and his pack would be fine if Seestor got fed up and sent him back to the Pit, but he knows bonds would be irreparably broken should anyone else get sent back
