i miss awex :( i wants them!!! want hold them waist like big teddy bear!! am so tired, miss them so much. want love from them, want know is all okay, want fwiend,,, want be able to cry without being judged, just loved,,, i'm tired of being the grown up!!! ive had to be big grown up and mask a lots. masking not fun. masking hurts. want to not mask, but hav already gotten weird looks from people who are close to me.
jokes went over head earlier, and people got mad at me for not understanding. is not my fault i no get it!!! you sound seriousness!!! :( i just want alone,, be me,,, not masked,,,
i forgot how bad masking is because i havent had to do it consistently for a couple of years now. it takes up so much energy, and then i get told off when im a little too different than what they want. my parents are fine with me, my siblings are, but my grandparents and our family friends are having to relearn how to interact with me.
i'm learning i'm a lot more neurodivergent than i had thought bc it felt a lot more normal in my household.
i'm having to be the "big sister" a lot while here and it really sucks. im not a sister, and i shouldnt have to parent my siblings while we are here just for myself to survive.
im so tired