#tails angst

[starrygirlypop]

“Sonic… am I a burden to you?”

[ribbon-heartwise]

Sonic doesn't ever get REALLY mad. He can be annoyed, frustrated, peeved, and irritated, but he's never mad. When he IS mad, he breathes hard. Almost like he's trying to calm himself and failing. He's never mad.

Not until Metal Sonic rips Tails's arm off.

Metal Sonic doesn't feel fear. He doesn't feel much at all, really. He's always felt nothing. He always wanted to feel. It's unfortunate that the first time he feels something is pure terror, when Sonic stares at him and breathes heavily for a full minute and a half before lunging at him and shredding him.

Metal Sonic wasn't able to be rebuilt. His wiring was ripped to thousands of little pieces, his memory card was shattered, and his casing was irreparable.

Tails was okay. He built a prosthetic arm and was fine.

[sunnynari]

[fishbag]

someday..somewhere..somehow...

one with the purple filter and the second one without any filter

[erinau]

“Why do you put up with me?”

Sonic and Tails angst/comfort (I don’t know the common term) fanfic, sorry if this bad, I haven’t written a fic in a long time, and I might represent the characters poorly.

Content warning for feelings of being a burden, past trauma, unresolved/repressed feelings, and purposely hiding mental issues

Sonic smiled as the tv screen flashed from action shot. Movie night was always a fun little thing between him and Tails. Sure, their other friends would sometimes join here and there, but fundamentally, it would always be a thing for Tails. Tails loved movie night, or at least enjoyed having the habit of movie night. Sonic may not have been the most observant hedgehog, but he noticed that about his little brother. Tails liked patterns and habits, and the little rules the fox made for himself. In a life as chaotic and fast paced as theirs, one movie night every two weeks was the least Sonic could do for his little brother.

Yet, Tails was acting… off. He wasn’t really watching the movie. Sure, the movie wasn’t exactly Oscar level entertaining -it really was just some basic feel good action movie- but Tails usually at least made comments about how inaccurate something was, or about how it would make no sense for this plane to be there because xyz.

That movie night, the kit was silent. And it weirded out Sonic. The hedgehog was never one to get all touchy feely, or to deal with emotions well, as he himself typically would just bottle them up until he could out run them, but when it came to his baby brother, he was almost Amy levels of emotional. Almost.

“Hey bud, you’re acting… quieter, than usual. A-And there’s nothing wrong with that, if you wanna be quiet, you can, I just- I just want to make sure that you’re… doing good in that busy brain of yours!” Sonic awkwardly smiled, ignoring the fact that he definitely stumbled over his words in a way more embarrassing than he expected.

The fox just stayed quiet for a bit, seeming spending time crafting his idea of a perfect response. But then, he just… sighed. No defensiveness, so dodging the question, just his pure exhaustion.

“I feel… like a burden, sometimes. And I know what you’re going to say, ‘Oh Tails, you’re never a burden, you’re my best bud,’ and I get that, but… it doesn’t change how I feel,” Tails finally admitted. His usually determined blue eyes never once drifted Sonic’s way, not wanting to see the pain or concern on his older brother’s face. He couldn’t bear to see Sonic’s usual smirk slowly fade into an uncomfortably unusual frown.

Tails continued before Sonic could stop him, “Your reassuring words don’t change the way I feel like I’m holding you back from something. I remember when we first met, you would look into the distance and sigh, like there was something better out there… I saw how you looked so irritated some days, how you would have to stop so many times to wait for me, how would refuse to go quicker routes because they were ‘too difficult for a kid so young’… I was holding you back…” Tails’s ears flattened, and years of guilt bubbled in the form of tears in the corners of his eyes.

“Why do you put up with me?”

The sentence was quiet, quick, and on some days, could have simply been passed around as a joke, laughed off by the both of them. But in that moment, the simple sentence held years of pain and unspoken words that should have been given life, and it struck Sonic right in his usually guarded hearted.

Sonic was silent for a moment. How could he possibly have explained what Tails had seen, what the young fox had misinterpreted and blamed himself for, without opening old wounds? Suddenly, the usually casual hedgehog pulled his little brother into an unexpected and uncharacteristically emotional hug, arms fully wrapped around the kit. “Oh Tails, oh no, no no no, none of that was about you,” Sonic desperately reassured, “I promise you, with every part of me, that I am never just ‘putting up’ with you. You are everything to me. You’re my baby brother, and you have never held me back. You have done nothing but help and support me.”

Sonic was quiet once more, burying his face into the soft yellow fur of his then sobbing companion, murmuring reassurance and comfort.

The blue speedster then pulled away slightly, his eyes darting to the side with regrets never shown before. ”There were… things… going on before I met you… bad things. A lot of them too. Things I never told you about since you were, and still are, so young… and some things that happened, I still… can’t really talk about… for both my sake and yours… I was really struggling, and it left me constantly stuck in my mind, slowing down and feeling lost. And I’ll admit that I used your age as an excuse to avoid places that… held certain negative memories. None of those sighs or negative emotions were towards or about you. They never were, and never will be,” Sonic sighed, his shoulders slumped as he explained everything. He then looked Tails directly in the eyes, and continued speaking with the most honesty the yellow kit had seen in ages.

“Tails, you have no idea how much you mean to me, how much you helped me. You… you simply being there, giving me something to do, distracting me from my worst times, giving me something to care about when I had nothing… gave me a reason to keep going, to keep running no matter what. You… you saved my life; you saved me from… myself. And I wouldn’t trade a single second of the time you’ve been in my life for anything in the world. You’re my best friend, ny brother, my light at the end of the darkest tunnels, and I have never ‘put up’ with you. I have been blessed to have you in my life. You are never a burden.” The two brothers hugged. It had hurt, this conversation. They both opened up some wounds and shed a few tears that would have normally been hidden away, but now, at least they know:

They will always have each other.

[ineedanappp]

miles… what’s wrong?

happy halloween

[heckinconfusedparade]

ok wachowski family angst idea

so we know sonic has been with tom and maddie the longest and has spent more time with Tom especially, so he seems like toms favourite

and at the end of the second film maddie says something like “I like sonics new friends, especially the red one” so it seems like knuckles is her favourite

what about tails feeling a bit left out because he thinks his parents like knuckles and sonic better? Sorry if this is worded weirdly I’ve had the idea for a while 😭

Absolutely heartbreaking idea. Let’s do it.

After writing: I got sidetracked. This has become Tails’ origin story. Ended up back on track tho!

(CW: Tails is depressed, mentions of Child Abandonment, mentions of verbal Child abuse, abusive dad mention, mention of parental death.)

How Tails Came To Be

Tails grew up unloved. Everything was a reminder that nobody would ever love someone like him. He's different, and different is bad. His parents threw him away and his caretakers only ever gave him bare minimum, making sure he was fed, clothed, and bathed. He never knew a happy healthy home.

Tails proved them wrong. He found people who loved him for who he is. But sometimes.. those demons come back swinging. He's never felt peace on the inside. There's always been a dark raincloud filling his mind. He always feels a sense of doubt about himself and others.

So whenever he sees Sonic or Knuckles getting more attention than usual, he feels left out. He knows they love him, but his stupid head keeps telling him otherwise. He's never been "good" at communication anyways. He was never taught.

He knows in his heart there's no favourites, but sometimes it feels that way. Tom and Sonic are always hanging out together, and Maddie is always doing yoga with Knuckles. He doesn't have a thing with his parents. The things he enjoys are things that only he can do.

One night he becomes overwhelmed. He sees everyone doing something. Everyone is having fun. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to join. All he has to do is ask, but why won't he? Tails finds himself unable to speak up. He retreats to his room and crawls into bed despite it being in the middle of the day. He grabs a notebook from under his mattress. It's both his diary and planning journal. He begins to write about how he feels:

"I hate my head sometimes. I'm always told that I'm super smart, but then why does my head say such dumb things? I feel left behind sometimes. I don't know if it's actually something I deserve. I don't think they're doing it on purpose. 3 kids is a lot. They love me, but I sometimes feel smaller, more than just literally. I feel like it's selfish of me to want more when I already have so much. Love is a privilege. Attention is a privilege. That is what I was taught growing up. I had to earn it, but what more can I do? I want to spend more time with Mom and Dad but I don't know how to ask. Not only alone time because I want Sonic and Knuckles there too. Loneliness doesn't feel nice."

He wipes his tears from his eyes. Tails then hears the click clacks of Ozzy bounding up the stairs. The golden retriever jumps up onto Tails' bed and knocks his notebook from his hands to get closer. Tails giggles tearfully as he gets those slobbery puppy kisses. He puts no real effort into pushing the pup away, "Ozzyyy gross, stop with the kisses!-" he giggles.

Tails hears Sonic coming up. He trained himself to recognize peoples footsteps since the orphanage didn't appreciate his hobby of inventing. Tails quickly hides his book, blows his nose and wipes away his tears. Sonic smiles seeing his little brother "oh there you are! Dad wanted to know if you wanted to play Mario Kart."

"In a bit. I'm in the middle of something." Tails feels his eyes failing him. He wants to cry, and forcing himself not to isn't helping. Sonic knows. He's done it too. He immediately goes to his brother "hey, hey what's wrong? What happened, Tails?" Sonic sits with Tails. Ozzy ceases his kisses and instead lays his head on Tails' lap. Tails doesn't respond to Sonic, but he pets Ozzy. That helps him calm down a bit. Sonic leans slightly on Tails "Just havin' a bad day?" Tails nods. Sonic feels like he's being partially lied to, but if Tails doesn't want to talk about it, he won't push him. Tails leans back on Sonic. The two sit in silence for a little, Sonic passing Tails tissues to clean himself up.

Then Tom appears. "Hey, what happened to asking Ta-" Tom notices the scene in front of him. Tom goes right to his boys, "Hey, buddy, what's wrong?"

"Bad...bad day.." Tails sniffles. Tom looks at Sonic, then back at Tails "Tails, I feel like you're not telling me the complete truth. If you don't want to talk about it right now, that's fine, but I'd like to know what's making you upset."

"I'm tellin the truth.."

"Ok, I'll believe you." Tom is a sheriff. He has studied extensively on how to detect lies. Tails is having tells.

Tails feels guilty. He hates lying. He wants to rip off the bandage, but he doesn't want to hurt anybody...but he knows Sonic will understand loneliness.

Tails takes a breath "I feel... lonely."

Tom looks a little confused "Why? You have us."

"Not that kind of loneliness," Tails continues "I'm surrounded by people all the time, but still... I-I feel like I'm alone."

Sonic's heart breaks. That feeling was crushing for him, and he hates to imagine what it's doing to Tails. "I get it." Sonic says, "It's not fun, is it?"

Tails shakes his head no.

Knuckles and Maddie come up. They had a gut feeling. They see Tails is sad and they go right to him and ask what's wrong. Tails feels himself getting overwhelmed again. His ears pin back. Sonic motions for Knuckles and Maddie to give Tails a little bit of space.

Tails feels he can no longer speak for himself, so he's going to finally let his notebook do the speaking. He takes it out and opens it to what he wrote only minutes before. His tears haven't even dried on the page yet.

Maddie is the first to read. She passes the notebook to Tom then sweeps her son up into a tight hug. Tails clings to her.

"Tails, honey... I'm so sorry. I didn't know you felt that way." Maddie begins to tear up herself. She feels horrible. Tom soon joins the hug feeling the same way. They feel absolutely awful.

Knuckles and Sonic read together. They have a sinking feeling. They had their suspicions for a while that Tails was not telling them the complete story about his past. The way he jumped at loud sounds, or shielded himself if someone came at him a little too quickly was something they all had noticed, but never knew how to address.

Knuckles gulps and clears his throat “Tails.. who told you that love and attention was a privilege?”

Tails sniffles “…. My old teacher, my caretakers, and my.. biological dad. My dad was the only one to say it outright, though..”

“What?” Maddie says softly in disbelief. Tails has never mentioned his biological parents, so everyone just assumed he never really met them.

Tails gets this thousand yard stare, recalling memories that have been buried in time. Tails says “I can’t remember his face.. but I remember his voice. He repeated a lot of things. I remember how he yelled in my face whenever I made a mistake, or when I dared to exist in his presence on a bad day. I remember one time I asked him if he loved me, and he said that he would never love a brat like me. He said that any love and attention is a privilege I had to earn. Mom.. didn’t do anything. She let it happen. I can’t remember her face either, but I remember feeling angry whenever she gave me a pitiful look.”

His family feel their hearts shatter for him.

“Weren’t you in an orphanage?” Tom asks, hoping that’s not the wrong thing to say.

Tails doesn’t move. He doesn’t blink. His blue eyes continue to stare off into space, and his facial expression is plain. No emotion anywhere on him. He says “I was. Not because I was an orphan, but because they threw me away. I remember.. when I was almost 4..mom woke me up and told me that I was going somewhere. She said I was going to daycare, and that they’d take care of me there. I remember not knowing what it was, but she made it sound fun. Mom and Dad didn’t say anything when they left me. I waited for them. It took one of my caretakers yelling that nobody is coming back for me to realize the reality of the situation… one day they just walked up to me in the middle of eating cold oatmeal that mom died. I didn’t feel anything. I don’t remember how I reacted, but the caretaker got mad at me and told me I was a heartless freak. How was I supposed to react? I don’t know if she loved me. She never tucked me in at night, never defended me, never hugged me, never ever, did she even not once told me that love me. All she did.. was look at me with pity. She never looked at me like I was her son, she looked at me like a helpless creature that would soon waste away.”

Tails’ words linger in the air and repeat like a broken record on everyone’s minds.

“Tails-“ Sonic starts,

Tails snaps out of his trance and takes a deep breath, “I’m ok. I’m fine. Things got better. Thank you. Im sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry?” Tom asks, “there’s nothing to be sorry about… and thank you for telling us this. Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

Tails thinks for a moment, then sighs and hangs his head “I dunno.. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. We’re off topic.” Tails says sternly.

Maddie presses her cheek against the side of his head as she holds him close, “we can talk about it later, and maybe find someone who can help you.”

A smile finally returns to Tails’ face.

“Now…” Maddie starts “..Tails. Have you ever felt like Dad and I play favourites?”

Tails doesn’t respond. His lack of response destroys his parents.

Sonic and Knuckles feel like they took their parents away from Tails.

“We’re so sorry, Tails.. neither of us meant to do that. There’s no excuse for it, and you don’t deserve to be left out in any way.” Tom embraces his son and his wife, “There’s no such thing as favourites in this family. We love you boys equally.”

Tails stays silent. He nods to show he was listening.

“Let’s fix it together,” Maddie suggests, “as a family, ok?”

“Ok..” Tails mutters. “I’m sorry, I believe you, I’m just really.. like, part of me is still in disbelief that I actually managed to find someone who loved me, and that I got adopted into a real family who loves me. And.. I’m really thankful.”

Sonic goes in front of Tails and crouches down in front of him “we’re happy you’re here.”

Knuckles joins Sonic’s side and says “we are deeply sorry for allowing you to feel left out.” Knuckles places a hand over his heart “I swear on my honour to never let it happen again.”

Tails snickers. He finds it a little goofy. His parents let him go so the brothers can have a turn hugging the life out of that little fox.

“Thank you.. really.” Tails says to his brothers. “…and yes, I would like to play Mario Kart.”

Sonic laughs a little “cool, but let’s stay like this for a little longer, ok, baby bro?”

Tails has no complaints.

Tom wraps his arm around Maddie. They do love their boys, and it’s moments like these that remind them they’re doing a good job. However, they still feel like they failed Tails, and wish to make it up to him one day.

Soon, everyone stands up.

Sonic and Tails race down the stairs.

Tails yells “I call dibs on Luigi!!”

Sonic responds “you always pick Luigi!”

“He speaks to me!”

Knuckles let’s out an amused “hm.” Before turning to face his parents, “Mother, we must find a yoga mat for the fox.”

Maddie smiles “let’s make sure he actually wants to do yoga, then we’ll look for one, ok?”

“Alright. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am about to beat my brothers in a game of Karting.”

“Good luck.” Tom says “we’ll be down soon.”

Knuckles nods and goes to join his brothers.

Tom and Maddie had a long talk. Things must change. They’re going to work on including all 3 of the boys in everything.

They also discuss getting Tails a therapist, and maybe the other two boys one too.

Cause they need it.

[kiynania]

In the mood for some lost world angst rn