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'Sup, Coach.

Just wanted to tell you about my summer.

When I left I was benching an empty bar.

When I came back I was benching an empty car.

When I left I was curling my brother's dumbbells.

When I came back I was curling by brother.

When I left your quarterback was taking my money and beating me up.

When I came back he paid me money to flex while he beat off.

When I left I was fucking the mattress.

When I came back I was fucking your wife.

ANY FUCKING QUESTIONS?

When I said, "put me in coach" it wasn't a request. Guess you need to be taught what the right play is around these guns.

Let's get one thing straight, coach.

*FLEX*

You're not.

#takingoncoach