#talberts

[biblethumpersims]

HeIsTheLight: a flower for you :) now stop crying yourself to sleep, it’s keeping me up at night

Westley: idk this feels a little gay

HITL: no it’s a friendship social this is a friendship flower. no homo bro this flower is Jesus Approved™

Westley: it won’t be for long

HITL: what

Westley: what

[biblethumpersims]

And then there were three.

(Westley dropped out of the competition suddenly because I’m out of ideas so I’m speedrunning my own blog so I can finally start gen 3 uhhhh he had a personal emergency (sexual style). He is no longer in the running, but he often drops by for good wholesome Christian Bible study with his good buddy friend pal HeIsTheLight.)

At this point, I’ve removed everyone I wanted to remove and I no longer know who’s next to go. Good luck, and may the best collection of pixels win.

[biblethumpersims]

“Hellooo, brothers and sisters in Christ! Candace Nixon here with your weekly updates on the latest news from Light of God church! Recently, I’ve had some viewers accuse me of slander and gossip. That’s just sooo not true! I’m here to share good news and encourage my fellow church goers to be the most Watcherly versions of yourself you can be! With that out of the way, onto the news!”

“For those curious, it’s true! My spirited little sister, Charlotte, is still suuuuper ill and completely housebound! We appreciate all the prayers for her these past two weeks - love you all! We are mega hoping that she’ll make a Godly recovery and be allowed outside again soon!”

“In other news, a PSA for the young women at church! You might think nothing of being alone with a man, but he’ll think everything of it! So if you're going to have a conversation with a man, make sure you bring a chaperone with you! Newsflash: God abhors sluts, so don’t talk to him alone and, duh, don’t be the one to start talking! Boys don’t like it when girls start the conversation - men are the leaders, and women are the followers. If your intention is to court, then headstrong behavior will get you dumped before you even start!”

“And speaking of sluts, remember that having 7 boyfriends at once is super slutty! I don’t care that it’s ‘not real real’, you’re stealing pieces of boy’s hearts and crushing them! Tramp behavior.”

“You know what isn’t trampy? Getting married! Pip Talbert and Diana Weinstein have been engaged and wedding planning for a while now, and the two officially entering holy matrimony this Thursday! His younger siblings, Westley and Dorothy, should be next, and a little bird told me both are looking! We all know Westley’s competing for God’s... God Is... whichever Paradise Smith, but it sounds like Dorothy’s trying to catch her own ‘Paradise’! Just remember what I said about slutty behavior, Dorothy - if you chase a man, he’ll lead you to Hell!”

[biblethumpersims]

“Praises be! Jasper Flanagan, notable for your role in Sue’s Godly Bachelorette Show? Here, occupying the meal vessel the Lord bestowed upon you?”

“Just say ‘in the flesh’.”

“Ah, but it would counter my family’s carefully accumulated aesthetic.”

“That’s not what accumulated means. I would know; I am very intelligent.”

“Undoubtedly. I was most impressed with the intellect you displayed when attempting to exorcise that house. Dare I ask that you share your knowledge with me? And my younger sister - I’m forbidden from unsupervised conversation with men outside the family.”

“Aren’t we having a conversation right now?”

“Yes, but if I had waited for a chaperone I would most certainly have missed my chance to speak with you! Once contact has been established proper, I will do well to ensure that our interactions are monitored.”

“Ok, sounds great. I’d love to teach you.” He’ll actually love having a pretty girl fawn over how big brained he is, but he's big brained enough to leave that part out.

“Most wonderful! I’ll call her now.”

[biblethumpersims]

“What is it you’re viewing now, daughter?”

“Naught but the Bachelorette show again, mother. Although my brother hasn’t an appearance on this day, I find myself obliged to keep up with the lore.”

“Is it so, or is it you’re falling prey to lusts of the flesh? I cannot imagine a lone reason why a young woman like yourself would also peruse their Simstagrams. Has the devil sparked a desire in your heart for one of them?”

“With all due respect, your accusation is disrespectful. Am I not a daughter of the Lord? Have you no faith that you have taught me well to guard my heart? It beats only for Jesus, and to all other men it is locked in the depths of my spirit. Without God on Earth, my heart is fractured enough without young fellows swiping pieces of it! My motives are pure, mother. I merely view the boy’s social medias to ensure that Westley is not violating his integrity when the video’s done. A candid snapshot could reveal all, if one thinks to study the background.”

“Integrity? Ha! He was born without, and his pitiful nature is only amplified by this Internet broadcast. Forget not that vile ‘This SECULAR KARAOKE VENUE was SO UNGODLY, it made him CRY?!?!?!??!?!!!’ Internet video. It made him the village fool! I’ve quite the punishment lying in wait for his inevitable return.”

“You think it inevitable that he shall return?”

“Undoubtedly. What fool of a man would choose him over the others? How can a father gaze upon that miserable child, who has no means of supporting a family and no charm to supplement, and pick him as son-in-law? I sent the boy off to the show so we could know peace for just one week, no more.”

“I understand now, mother.”

“You understand nothing. Don’t delude yourself.”

“Apologies, mother.”

[txxtie]

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sometimes katie and i just talk about ways in which we can make kit cry.