@steddieangstyaugust Day 5: Please Please Please, Let Me Get What I Want – The Smiths
Steve feels like he's begging at this point, for things, just once, to not go to shit this time. For him to be able to care about someone fully and truly. For once be able to hold out his heart and not have it let down gently or crushed underfoot. For his love to not be bullshit or platonic or too much.
He can't bring himself to expose himself like that again. No matter how much his object of affection fills his heart with light he can't risk losing it all again. He can't lose Eddie, not over something Steve promises to himself that he can keep in check this time. That he can just love the person from afar, he doesn't need dates or kisses or touch. He can survive on bright eyes and smiles alone.
He should take the hint by now, he's not meant for love like everyone else is. Maybe this is his punishment for all the dumb shit he pulled in high school. It doesn't matter if everyone says he's changed, the stars and fates know his heart is rotten at its core. He should be grateful he gets the love he does at all and not ask for more.
Eddie doesn't care about any of that though. He cradles Steve's tear stained cheeks with warm hands, eyes imploring him to trust him.
"Steve," and the tone sounds like he's spent the last few months begging the same stars for this chance. "You are a good man, you deserve care from our little ragtag family, ok?" Steve can feel his eyes prickling with tears again.
"You deserve this, you have this, it's yours, sweetheart," Eddie wraps his fingers around Steve's hand, pressing it into his chest, Eddie's heartbeat beneath his fingertips. "It's yours whether you want it or not, forever, you don't need to earn it, Stevie."
Maybe, just one more time, he could let himself get what he wants.