#tali rambles

[truthlesssagefan]

CALLING ALL SAGE OF TRUTH FANS, I HAVE SOME VERY GOOD NEWS FOR Y'ALL, HE'S FINALLY GETTING CONTENT ONCE AGAIN HOLY SHIT

Here is proof if someone thinks I'm lying:

ANOTHER GREAT NEWS, SAGERECLUSE MIGHT BE REAL, BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHEN

DEVSIS BETTER NOT FUCK UP SAGE OF TRUTH'S CHARACTER, BECAUSE IF THEY DID I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY FUCKING LUNGS IN DISBELIEF, DEVSIS BETTER NOT FUCK UP SAGERECLUSE ALSO.

Sorry, I was just so excited to see content of sage.

[one-equaltemper]

a note on be my baby (a good one, i promise)

let me assuage your fears right off the bat:

it's not abandoned.

i'm not planning to abandon it.

i haven't fallen out of love with it.

now that's settled, please follow me under the cut for some more details beyond I SWEAR IT'S NOT ABANDONED I PROMISE

It's really not abandoned. I promise. I swear!

But, Tali, you say, you haven't updated since January!

I know. My bad.

But, Tali, you also say, you've written other things!

Yes. Not my bad, but just a reflection of where my brain has been.

I have shied away from writing a post like this because it feels unnecessarily dramatic, but then I think about how, sometimes, when I read a fic that hasn't been updated in quite a while, I go searching through the author's socials for any kind of note on whether or not they'll continue with the story.

So, to put it plainly, I will continue!

More importantly, I want to continue!

I then decided that there's absolutely no reason to keep any of you wonderful people in the dark about my plans and my thought process and where my brain is at the moment.

(If you don't care about my mental state, which is fair, then skip down to the section titled I WILL WRITE (TRUST ME))

Depression

Well, that's kind of where I've been. I think I've been hiding it super well (maybe) but I also don't think I really realized that I was super fucking depressed. I tend to only understand that I was depressed, once I start to feel better.

I have been very open about the fact that losing Skully has been extremely hard on me and also very difficult to deal with. How do you properly mourn someone who was your closest internet friend for three years? The person you spoke to almost every day?

You can't. It's an impossible situation. Coupled with the fact that society would probably say that I have no right to be as smothered in grief as I am. It's really hard to mourn someone who no one else in your life has met or even knew of, until she was gone.

Which leads me to the main issue--- everything in fandom, everything, reminds me of Skully. It makes it hard to write, it makes it hard to interact, it makes it hard to have fun or enjoy myself and it makes it super hard to make new friends.

I find it difficult enough to make new friends in real life. I'm shy and standoffish and have been told enough times that I can come across as rude or uninterested. I'm not, I'm usually just uncomfortable and don't know what to do with myself.

The fact that anyone even continues to speak to me after how many times I have just not answered messages or left someone on read is incredible to me and I'm extremely grateful.

I saw a tarot reader back in May when I was in Halifax with a friend, just for fun. I spent the entirety of my friend's reading worrying that I would have nothing in mine. Not even bad things, just nothing.

I ended up bawling my eyes out within a second of her pulling the first card. The Star card! Of all the cards!

The tarot reader looked me dead in the eyes and smiled, saying, Wow, someone is rooting for you up there.

And that was it. I lost it! I cried through the rest of my reading. Through the coming love interest (pleasepleaseplease) and the problems at work and everything else she said. All I could think about was that someone was rooting for me up there, giving me signs and courage. I know that someone is Skully.

It's so important that everyone finds their own way to deal with grief based on their own beliefs, but this reading helped me more than I thought it ever could. It made me come to terms with how much I was actually struggling and opened my eyes to the signs that I had been ignoring.

I recently saw My Chemical Romance on my own (who I had no plans to see) because there were so many signs that I needed to be there. The band held special meaning to Skully and I found it to be very emotional and cathartic. I felt closer to her.

I've been doing things that make me happy, ignoring any of my usual self-consciousness or worry, and filled my summer with friends and trips and lots and lots of reading. But not a lot of writing.

Writing has been a struggle for me this entire year. I sit down and feel like I have nothing to say, but I daydream like crazy. I close my eyes and can picture a scene as clear as day. I have dozens of random plot points and conversations in my notes app.

It's there. I have been able to feel it this whole time, I just haven't been able to get it out.

Which brings me to...

I WILL WRITE (TRUST ME)

That was a terrible play on an MCR song and I'm a little ashamed of myself.

But, I'm writing again! I try to sit down every day and write at least a small something. It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be for one particular story, it just has to be something.

It's like flexing my writing muscles again. You know how they say you never forget how to ride a bike? While I'm not totally sure about that...I haven't forgotten how to write. It's still there.

Which leads us all the way back to Be My Baby. This story really is my baby. It's so personal and means so much to me, and everyone who reads it means something to me.

I have gotten some of the nicest comments and messages on this fic, over the last few years. People who have realized things about themselves, about what they're looking for, about what they want in a relationship, about learning something new.

And since it means so much to me, it would be such a disservice to just rush it and finish it. There is an outline that is a mixture of written scenes and ideas. I know how it's going to end. I know what I want to happen. So why can't I just do it?

I think I need to sink inside of it for a while. I need to familiarize myself with what I've already written. This is one of the bigger problems: I can't remember every little detail because it's taken me so long.

So, to start that process, I have started building a timeline. Should I have done this from the beginning? Probably, yeah, but I never anticipated it being as big as it is-- I mean this in terms of length and plot detail.

It was really just supposed to be some gentle kinky fun.

During this time, I may make some additional edits or changes to the chapters that I have already published. I'm rationalizing this, to myself, by saying that it's technically still a WIP. Once I have made any changes that I deem necessary (I'm honestly a little scared to go back and read some of my writing), then I will let everyone know and it would probably be a good time for a big reread.

After that, I will write the rest. I will get it out and get it to all of you and I will probably cry a lot because of how much this fic means to me, but I will get it done.

And finally...

Courage

Things that Skully has given me the courage to do:

Go to a concert by myself

Tell others what I actually want to do instead of just going along with what they want to do to keep the peace

Dip my toes back into fandom

Do things I once found scary (driving on the highway a lot!)

Things I'm still working on gaining the courage to do:

Writing an original book

So...yeah. That's me in a nutshell at the moment.

I miss you all.

love, tali

[smells-like-mettaton]

havent seen anyone mention this one yet - i didn't get pictures but in the Flowery fight I accidentally hit attack with Susie and Ralsei (i was clicking too fast because it was like my 7th attempt and i was mad lol)

If you do this Flowery will comment on it to guilt trip you all. And then Susie and Ralsei both use healing spells on him, and the attack buttons for them are locked for the rest of the fight

[rysnscommand]

Some notes and memories from the "In Defense of Moash: He's a Real One, Though" panel <3

-They had to tell everyone this is a family-friendly event and you could not say a certain popular phrase "F Moash" (meanwhile someone behind me said so somewhat loudly)

-"In a world of people who keep flaking on him, specifically, Moash is a real one"

-"A real one" being defined as (paraphrasing here since I did not write this part down) 1. someone who does what they say they are going to do and 2. someone who will tell it to you like it is. Moash fulfills both of these points

-"Moash and Kaladin are the toxic couple" -may not have this EXACTLY word for word but the panelists did in fact call them a toxic couple. love wins

-They mentioned that Book 4 Kaladin could have been a better friend to Moash (due to his character growth since book 2) but Book 2 Kaladin was absolutely not a good friend or "real one" to Moash at the time. Which I agree with sadly like yeah Kaladin flaked on him last minute and did not explain much of why!

-"Maybe the F in F Moash means... Forgive Moash?" -quote of the decade

-Panelists in agreement that Leshwi and Moash bond over fighting Kaladin and also staring at his muscles.

[taliaxlatia]

I need to get rid of some old cosplays for when I move because they dont fit me anymore ughhhhhh

Is anyone 2 toothpicks wide and wants a kind of crappy aqua costume lol

[taliax-second-dumpster]

Most interesting stormlight character? (Not necessarily your favorite, just who you find most interesting to read.)

Kaladin

Shallan

Dalinar

Adolin

Szeth

Venli

Moash

Navani

Jasnah

Renarin

Rlain

Lift

Voting ended onOct 1, 2024

I wish I could add more options (I would add my girl Rysn at the very least) but yeah I'm just curious. Like Kaladin is my favorite but Shallan is the most interesting to me

[dannyphandump]

i forget people follow this blog. im so used to reblogging to an audience of 0 followers on every other sideblog and then i get jumpscared by random reply emails

[demonio-fleurs]

wearing one of my rvb shirts today so that i can figure out whether the people im interviewing are Cool or not