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What I’m talking about it is a piece of lacquer that chipped off of a cross-shaped nightlight that got caught in a spiderweb as it fell. What I’m talking about is the creatine you drink every morning that you shoot out of a little shot glass from a university your sister went to that shares the same name as your high school so that you can feel a little stronger and get a little bigger because your soul no longer does that for you. What I’m talking about is an animal who learned how to be a human who learned how to be an animal and not knowing which stage of that cycle your in and beginning to question the cycle itself. What I mean is your lungs that learn to melt into sand and your breath that turns into sweat and your life that you’ve always almost figured out and that’s the beauty and the pain of it. What I’m talking about is how to prepare for the darkness when you feel it. How to prepare for the darkness you might not feel. What to call the demons or the darkness or the shadows or the monsters or the pirouettes of flailing, flaming arms that spin in the distance and in front of your face that you can both grab and never will because what are your goals anyway?
What I know is nothing but what I’ll say is this: I’ve heard it said that man’s natural state can and should be happiness. That his function is rationality. That his labour is his purpose and the quality of his labour is his yardstick. That the classical and the romantic can be reconciled but I add that the wolf that is our passion must not be tamed and must not be fed but must be loved. For a tame wolf is a dog and a wild animal fed is betrayed.
I have lied to you, my friends. I have betrayed you with my happiness. Now I feel the darkness returning but I do not fear it - I welcome it and the calm and serenity it once brought me. Darkness is what gives you dimension. It is our advantage and in this way it is light.