Tangmere steams in por Dave Green
Por Flickr:
Battle of Britain Class steam locomotive No34067 'Tangmere' at Kirkby Stephen on the Settle/Carlisle Railway with this afternoon's Winter Cumbrian Mountain Express.
Today (April 5th 2025) was supposed to be an exciting day along the Cumbrian Coastline as not one but two steam tours were set to cruise down the line, marking the first tours to do so this year. Originally 60532 Blue Peter was to have the honor of the first tour, but 34067 Tangmere was diverted along the coast two hours prior to Blue Peter.
During Tangmere's travels, spotters noted that the loco was running at a slower pace. The weather here this past week has been very hot, dry and windy, increasing the risk of potential line side fires.
At around 3:30pm Tangmere was held at the next station and reports came in that the loco had accidentally set fire to the landscape along the line.
Blue Peter at this time had just departed, following the same route as Tangmere. Around half an hour later Blue Peter was held at the fourth station along its route. It was unsure at the time what was going to happen to the tour as it was no longer deemed safe for trains to pass (even local passenger trains were being either held or cancelled).
Finally almost 70 minutes after originally being stopped, Tangmere set off again to continue its tour. Shortly after, Blue Peter appeared to have also began moving but the excitement was short-lived as it very quickly came to a stop again.
Instead of continuing down the coast 37409, sitting at the rear, was used to haul the train back up to its starting destination.
Sooooo... @mean-scarlet-deceiver and I were discussing West Coast Railways, which led to discussion of Tangmere, and then... this happened.
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The Intelligence
[Intro - Carnforth MPD. 45699 'Galatea', 35018 'British India Line', 44767 'George Stephenson', and 62005 are gathered around the coaling stage.]
British India Line (India): So, I've been thinking about something.
Galatea: That must have been so tough for you. Did it hurt?
India: Shut up.
George Stephenson (George): Gala, please. What were you saying, India?
India: Thank you George. Now, as I was saying, I was thinking about something.
Galatea: About what?
India: Tangmere.
Galatea: Why?
India [Looks embarrassed]: Well, do you remember that television show we had to watch last week?
[Galatea and George grunt and roll their eyes]
62005: Oh yeah, I liked it.
George: How could we forget?
[Flashback to The Shed, Last Week. A television is playing quite loudly in a corner of the shed. All the engines look annoyed.]
Galatea: Can nobody turn that off?
46115 'Scots Guardsman': All the workers have gone home. Why didn't you say anything before?
George: I thought they were coming back!
Television: And now, as part of our 'late night laughs' programming block, we will be airing episodes of 'Seinfeld' until 10 AM tomorrow morning.
62005: Capital! I love this programme!
[All Groan. Cut to 'THE NEXT MORNING'. Everyone but 62005 looks exhausted. The TV is still playing.]
West Coast Railways Employee: My God! [Rushes over to TV and turns it off.] Has this been on all night?!
[All Cheer. 62005 looks put out.]
[End Flashback]
India: Well, remember that episode about George and the lettuce?
George: I don't like where you're going with this, but yes.
[Galatea and 62005 Laugh. George Glares at them.]
Galatea: What does that have to do with Tangmere?
India: Well, I was thinking... [Looks around furtively] he's obviously an idiot.
[Murmurs of agreement from the others]
India: But... what if he's the little scrap of lettuce?
Galatea: I don't follow.
India: So, George - not you - uses most of his brain for... that, leaving just a little scrap for the rest. And when he stops, he suddenly becomes wildly intelligent. Yes?
Galatea: Yeeeeessss?
[George and 62005 look confused.]
India: So, look at Tangmere.
[Pan over to Tangmere. The lights appear to be on, but nobody is home. The Mii Channel Theme can be faintly heard.]
India (V.O.): He's obviously using the little piece of lettuce, but in the show, George is still a functioning individual...
Galatea (V.O.) [Beginning to catch on]: And if Tangmere is the scrap of lettuce now, what happens if he becomes the head of lettuce?
[George and 62005 suddenly catch on.]
George(V.O.): Do we want to imagine what he could do with a functioning intellect? I bet he could move things with his mind!
62005(V.O.): Truly, with a fully operational mind, he will either rule us all, or we will perish by his buffers...
[Scare chord from 'Psycho' plays. Zoom in on Tangmere's face, in time with the beat of the chord. A butterfly has landed on his nose. He is trying to make it go away. He is not succeeding.]
[Fade to commercial. End Act 1.]
-----
[Begin Act 2 - Several Days Later. Carnforth Station. British India Line and 57314 'Firefly' are at the platform.]
Firefly: So you're telling me that you don't want to see what Tangmere is like if he uses all of his brainpower? That's kind of low, even for you.
India: No! You just don't understand! Look at him!
[Whip pan to Tangmere, then quick zoom on his face. A different scare chord plays during the zoom.]
[Cut back to Firefly]
Firefly: And?
India: If he's like that, then there must be something occupying the rest of his brain! Do you want to find out what it is?
[Whip pan to Tangmere. Slow zoom on his face. He is trying to lick his own nose, with little success. The scare chord plays louder.]
Firefly: I... I suddenly feel very frightened.
[Next Scene: The engines are by the coal bunker again.]
George: You know what I'm curious about?
Galatea: What?
George: What exactly could be in there - in Tang's smokebox. Is it just one thing, or is it many smaller things?
62005: Why are you wondering that?
George: Well, I'm just thinking about how this works, you know? Look at everything Tangmere can't do - whatever is there left? He can't pull trains without blindly allowing his crew to send him through a red signal, he's scarcely aware that BR existed or dissolved, and I'm not certain that he doesn't think that diesels are just steam engines without con-rods.
India: What is your point here - if you have one?
George: My point is that I don't know what kind of information could be stuck in his mind! It's not like he went to Oxford when nobody was looking - he's had the same learning experiences as all of us, and, forgive me for saying this, but none of us have had any formal education.
[India Scoffs]
62005: I'm telling you, he'll end up lifting things with his mind and then we'll be in trouble!
Galatea: No no, I see where he's coming from. What has he learned - and apparently forgotten - that we haven't?
India: Hmph. Maybe he's like a spy, and you need to say some kind of code phrase to unlock the Secret Knowledge.
[All laugh. Cut to next scene: The Sheds, just before a long weekend. The engines are discussing things amongst themselves.]
India: Will you shut up? He's coming!
[Tangmere enters, pushed by Firefly. Workers begin uncoupling the two.]
Tangmere: Hi guys! What are you talking about?
George [thinking fast]: Stamps.
Tangmere: Stamps? Really?
Galatea [slowly]: Yes! Yes. Yes. We're talking about... stamps. Just perfectly boring and not-at-all-interesting... stamps.
Tangmere [Seriously]: There's nothing boring about Philately.
[All conversation stops. The workers and Firefly begin inching towards the exit.]
George: Philately?
Tangmere: Yes! It's the study of stamps! I love stamps... They're one of my favorite topics.
[Crash zoom on India's face. A third scare chord plays.]
India: Oh no. We've unlocked the Secret Knowledge.
[Cut to Black - end Act 2]
-----
[Begin act three - outside The Shed. Workmen are gathered around the door.]
Worker 2: Just go in there, get in, get out. That's it.
Worker 3: You've got this.
Worker 1: Thanks. On three.
All: One, Two, Three!
[Door to the shed is wrenched open by Worker 2 and 3. Worker 1 sprints inside. Tangmere is audible, as are other engines who are talking over him.]
Tangmere: -and then over in America they had a version where they printed the aeroplane on upside down, but that's not even close to being the rarest stamp ever - Oh I should've mentioned the odontometer before now! - anyways...
India: Oh thank god! Wait, where are you going?!
George: Forget your things! Help us!
Galatea: No! Don't go!
All engines, overlapping: Don't leave us in here!
[Worker 1 runs out and the door is slammed behind him.]
Worker 1: Whew! [Wipes brow] That was intense!
[Cut to: 6 Hours Later]
Tangmere: -and then there's obviously the Penny Red, which replaced the Penny Black-
India: I want to die
Galatea: He knows so much
62005: I'd rather him have the mind powers...
[Cut to: 10 Hours Later]
Tangmere: I've been trying to get into the Royal Philatelic Society, but they won't admit an engine yet... But I'm holding out hope!
India: How is he still talking?
[Cut to: 19 Hours Later]
Tangmere: and then I actually have a sheet of stamps signed by all of the Space Shuttles, which is probably my most prized piece, other than the Fedex envelope that flew on the first Fedex Concorde flight in 2005, but that's on the bleeding edge of what could be considered Aerophilately...
India: [Hysterical laughter]
Galatea: I'm going to lose my mind in here...
Tangmere: and then... oh, the sun's come up! Well I suppose we can talk about this some other time then.
[The doors are thrown open and the Workers re-enter. The engines are almost in tears with joy.]
[Fade to Black - End Act 3]
---
[Epilogue - Fade in on the coaling stage. The engines are around it. A worker comes up to them.]
Worker: Hey, we've got to do a demonstration run with the Travelling Post Office carriages - any volunteers?
[Galatea and India scream. George and 62005 look haunted. The three scare chords play again, all at once.]
Liverpool Express por Andrew
Por Flickr:
34067 Tangmere was up front from Carnforth to Carlisle for the Liverpool and Newton-le-Willows Northern Belle patrons. Taken from just below the previous photo where the footpath does a left along the line for the footbridge.
