eternal
Summary: Tanjirou helps nurse! reader with survivors guilt
reader has no name/gender and is referred to with (__)
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word count: 1.1k
Whenever happiness is destroyed, there’s always the scent of blood.
It stuck to your hands like lead, clinging onto your uniform like a plague. The liquid on your hands began to harden, solidifying beneath your nails.
Your mind grew hazy as you sat on the engawa, both numb and uncaring about the chilly night air penetrating your thin nurse’s uniform.
It all happened so fast.
You knew the life of both a demon slayer and a kakushi was similar to that of a vampire. They were mostly active at night, risking their life and integrity to go on missions, and shunned the light of day.
You were ripped from the quiet slumber of sleep when a Kakushi barged in, banging onto your bedroom wall with his fist.
It was an emergency, he said. A rescued slayer on the very brink of death.
You saw it. The pure panic swirling in the kakushi’s eyes, further amplified by their disguise that hid everything but that. Your body moved before your mind could catch up, instantly slipping into your nurse’s uniform with terrifying speed.
The next thing you knew was red.
The operating table. The gloves on your hands. The scalpels and tools.
The slayer laid there, uniform ripped open, skin torn to shreds. Three gigantic horizontal slashes adorned his stomach, resembling the nails of a demon.
You knew it was futile.
Your hands trembled as they clutched the scalpels, watching the person whose hopes and dreams silently ebbed away.
They had sobbed without a sound. Their eyes were wide opened, their mind far too conscious of the gore that had spread. Disgustingly aware of the fact that this was the end.
Slowly, their struggles faded.
Their cries of pain came to a halt. The swirling, throbbing panic in their eyes subsided. Their trembling hands ceased to move, fingers now laced in an eternal curl.
With that came peace.
Dull, lifeless eyes stared at the ceiling, now finally freed of a life filled with terror and despair. They no longer felt pain or misery, nor the dread that came with hurt.
Another life had slipped through your fingers.
Your breathing hitched as you sat onto the engawa, your jaw beginning to tremble due to the cold.
You hadn’t cried. You hadn’t screamed. You stood there in silence as the slayer’s soul left its vessel, as if your brain had yet to comprehend his fate.
Maybe if you’d been better. Maybe if you were more skilled. Maybe if Aoi was here instead of you, the slayer could have been saved.
The rational part of you knew this was useless. That these nagging thoughts sought a way towards redemption when you knew very well this was the end.
His bleeding had been too severe. His internal organs were damaged beyond repair.
You couldn’t save him.
You flinched at the sound of impending footsteps. A soft, gentle rhythm approached your form.
They didn’t say anything. Instead, they sat beside you.
For a while, you didn’t look up. Your dull, wide-opened eyes stared at the moonlit field ahead of you, seemingly fixated upon the swaying plants.
“It isn’t your fault.”
You bit the inside of your cheek. Although his words were filled with comfort, they still felt like a slap in the face, forcefully bringing you back to reality.
Perhaps the scent of blood guided him here.
He looked at you. Stared at the side of your face with eyes that knew nothing but compassion.
“You did everything you could.”
As if frozen solid, your body felt stiff as you forced to turn your head around. Tanjirou was dressed in his loose pajamas, hair still slightly unkempt from his slumber.
A silence settled. A few cicada chirped in the distance.
-“He died.”
Your voice was raspy, cracking a little when you spoke.
“He died, Tanjirou. He died right before me.” You stared at the grass. “I saw it. The moment his heart stopped beating. The moment he-“
You dug your nails into your palms. You couldn’t finish your sentence.
Tanjirou didn’t reply.
Slowly, emerging from the darkness, his warm hand nestled itself onto your arm. You felt the warmth of his body seep into your muscles, giving your mind another thing to focus on instead of the impending cycle of doom.
“We can’t save everyone.”
Tanjirou confessed, lifting his gaze to stare at the moon. “No matter how hard we work, how much blood, sweat and tears we pour into our efforts, there will always be goals that can’t be reached.”
His earrings made a sound when he moved.
“It’s cruel.” He said. “It’s devastating. It’s unfair. But that is the life we’re living.”
Each word was tactically chosen, weaving itself beneath your skin.
“But no matter how crushed or devastated we feel, we have no choice but to stand up again.”
His stare at the moon intensified. “That person’s hopes and dreams will never be forgotten. We keep them in our hearts as we fight. As long as we remember them, the lost slayers will never disappear.”
“Tanjirou.” You finally spoke up, voice quivering. The dried-up blood on your hands began tugging at your skin. “If something were to happen to you, or Zenitsu or Inosuke or Kanao, I wouldn’t be able to take it. I can’t live on without any of you. I need you.”
His hand retreated. His brows furrowed, eyes swirling with a bitter despair.
“You know I can’t make any promises.”
He shook his head. His earrings danced again.
“I can never guarantee that any of us will see the next sunrise.”
A smile appeared on his face as his kind, warm hand returned to your back.
“Whether alive or in memories, as long as you’ll remember us, we’ll never be apart.”
Tanjirou watched as your broke.
The moment a symphony of sobs emerged from your windpipe, his arms wrapped itself around your body, shielding you from despair. He felt the heat of your face on his chest as you cried, using his left hand to gently pet the top of your head.
The life of a demon slayer was so unfair.
Before these kind, peaceful days would get ripped away from you, you soaked up his warmth, drowning in his solace now that you still had time.
You prayed for something, someone, to watch and guard the lives of your beloved friends, bestowing each of their missions with prosperity and fortune.
Kind, hard-working Tanjirou who lit up every room he entered. Gentle, tender Tanjirou who touched the hearts of many.
He stayed quiet, shouldering the anguish you’ve grown tired of carrying. He cradled you softly, immersing you in a warmth only Tanjirou could radiate.
He’d be there, always by your side.
Unwavering and eternal.