> ella went back to new york during her favorite time of the year. she loves the holidays, and after missing thanksgiving, she wouldn’t miss this one for anything.
> she was too happy that @gregcollins asked to come along. she couldn’t wait to do nothing with him, which turned out in several self care sessions, lots of hanging by the fire and just a lot of doing nothing, although she did drag him to see the lights and shopping for christmas eve dinner.
> she did not expect him to give her anything, and then he took her to a pet shop. at first she thought he was kidding, but when she saw the fluffiest bunny there, it was clear the joke was over. she cried a lot as grey paid for it, and named him gnocchi, in honor of their favorite food: pasta. but also, look at him! it does look like a fluffy gnocchi. they bought a lot of stuff for the bunny and went back to do nothing.
> she gave him a scottish version of harry potter and several festive boxers in return. no way the same as a fucking bunny, but she had already bought those, so why not.
> as grey spent some time with landon, ella spent some time with family and calypso, and everyone who decided to spend some time in new york.
> she wasn’t planning to go back to campus until bootcamp, but she found the perfect dress, so gdi, now she had to go.
tl;dr: in which Jai goes to New Orleans for the holidays and gives Cyrus his final goodbyes.
Jai sat next to an empty seat on the flight to New Orleans, looking out the small window as the staff slowly loaded the suitcases and a slick casket into the plane. the casket of the one who was supposed to be occupying said empty seat. He couldn’t handle it, placed his hand on the window, as if trying to reach for him, tell him it would all be okay, unlike the flight back from Berlin, where it was Cyrus soothing him at the slightest turbulence. Jai exhaled and looked down, shed a few tears until the person on the seat by the aisle, so he forced himself to control it. Put his earphones in and shut the world down for the couple hours he was up in the air.
The Diaz’ mothers were there to receive him and his son. Jai imagined this moment so differently. He imagined hugs full of joy and that motherly energy he had missed for too long, but instead they were heavy with grief and defeat, even more so as the casket was loaded into a car to take their boy to be processed into what would be his final form. A tree. Cyrus wanted to be a tree, and Jai was not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry when he heard, because of course it was the most Cyrus thing he had heard and he would be there forever, but he wouldn’t be there next to him, where he wanted him to be.
They drove home mostly in silence, the Christmas music radio station playing in the background, filling in for the words and lack of actual joy characteristic of the season. Once home, they took him to what would be his room, which used to be Cyrus. Jai closed the door, saying he would change clothes for dinner, and let out a silent cry as he, one by one, turned every single photograph down. He didn’t want to see him. He couldn’t do it just yet, not without seeing the panic in his boyfriend’s eyes as he said he had messed up. “You really messed up, Cycy,” he said as he turned the last photograph away from him, and finally did what he said he was doing.
There was a call on Christmas Eve’s morning. Cyrus was ready. From the kitchen, Jai could hear them giving an address of a field, a time, and Jai knew today would be the day. He smiled, putting his plates inside the dishwasher and going up to change, taking one of Cyrus’ shirts and putting it on, because he wanted to feel closer to him one last time. It was then when the doorbell rang, Isabel walking through the doors as Jai walked down the stairs.
“Hi.” He whispered shyly, but immediately went in for a hug. Perhaps they hadn’t been the bestest friends, not even close, but she felt familiar to him, and they both pretty much needed the closeness, the support and the company on such a tough time.
The drive was long. Less quiet than the first time, but Jai did not dare to speak still. He couldn’t shake the feeling away, wanting it to be him, but of course he would not mention that to his family, because surely, it would be better if it was not Cyrus. Despite the season, the field Cyrus had chosen was evergreen, as if it was waiting for his arrival as the van with Cyrus’ remains was parked by the corner they had already chosen for him to rest for eternity.
“It was his favorite place,” one the Diaz’ mothers said. “We would come here to pick up flowers. He was obsessed,” the other woman complemented, tugging at Jai’s heartstrings as he imagined a baby Cyrus running around, choosing the prettiest flowers and giving them away. For some reason, this entire place had his essence, and Jai knew this would be it.
“I’ll be there in a second.” He assured as everybody got out of the car, pulled his legs to his chest and sobbed a couple more times, because this was even more real than it had been the days before. This was it, the actual goodbye and Jai was not ready as he kept fiddling with the ring he had gifted him. But he managed to pull himself up and out of the car, slowly walking to where everything was happening, his arms tightly wrapped around his body until the speeches came. He hadn’t prepared anything, he didn’t have a mind for it. It was his mothers first, then came Isabel, and then they looked at him, expecting for him to say something. Jai’s mouth went dry as his eyes filled up with tears.
“I don’t know what to say.” He whispered, looking at Isabel for a moment.
“Say something that comes from the heart.” His mother, with her face full of tears, encouraged him with a hand on his shoulder blades.
“You did it, Cy,” Jai started as he took a small step forward. “You changed people’s lives. You changed my life. You saved my life. I wouldn’t be here standing if it wasn’t for you, for your words, your arms, your support, the faith you had in me. Thank you. That’s all I can say. Thank you, and I love you. I love you, my Cycy. I love you, and I will always love you, until the very last day of my life, when I’ll come to lie next to you in this field, so we can spend our eternity together. Or until our next life, when we find each other in a different place, a different planet, and way different circumstances and we get to start all over again. And again. And again.” Jai kneeled down, his hands on the fresh soil above where Cyrus now lied in a new life form. “Keep shining on, my sun.”
Jai stood up, wiped his tears, dusted off his pants and they were on their way back home for Christmas Eve dinner. The air was lighter, now that everyone had said their goodbyes, but they had also left a bit of their hearts back in the field. They would never be complete again, and it was something they all had to live with from now on.
Jai spent the rest of the holidays with the Diaz’, spending time with them, learning everything he could, filling his mind with memories of the best days of the love of his life, images of him as a young kid, the mischief of his teens and the dreams he always had for the future. He didn’t want to bother too much, so he went back to Gallagher right before New Year’s. His outfit was ready, but he couldn’t do it without him, so he simply decided not to join the big party this year. Instead, he spent it in his room, sorting through things the Diaz’ family had allowed him to keep, small memorabilia he could have in his power to remember Cyrus, as if he needed any sort of object to do that, but it had meant a lot to him.
Avoiders usually come from performance-based homes that value mastery, encourage independence and self-reliance and discourage the expression of feelings or needs. These homes lack affection, tenderness or personal discussions. The focus is responsibility. Avoiders respond to the anxiety of not having comfort and nurturing by learning to take care of themselves. They restrict their feelings and needs and become independent. So, as adults they avoid emotions and neediness because that’s what they learned to do as kids. The spouses of avoiders have similar complaints. I don’t get any affection and my spouse doesn’t seem to really need much. I can’t get close.
Family Motto: “From the stars we came, to the stars we rise.”
Existing Sibling(s): Wendy Warwick + Freya Mavor
Desired Sibling(s): (Crown) Prince // (Younger) Princess
Desired FCs: Crown Prince - Will Tudor, Luke Mitchell, UTP // (Younger) Princess - Haley Lu Richardson, Josefine Frieda Petterson,UTP
Family Info: The Warwick siblings are extremely close, just like with the rest of their family. The expectations set on them were all equal, and they were all raised to be prepared to take the throne despite the eldest brother being expected to become king. Both the grandparents and their parents were around to help raise them into fine, young princes and princesses, with both generations teaching them of the generations of Warwicks that came before them. They were taught to be kind, to care about their people before themselves, and to work to better their country as well as the world.
Pleasers usually grow up in a home with an fearful, overly protective parent or an angry critical parent. Pleaser children do everything they can to “be good” and avoid troubling a reactive or stressed parent(s). These kids don’t get comfort: rather, they spend their energy comforting or appeasing their troublesome parent. As adults, Pleasers tend to continually monitor the moods of others around them to keep everyone happy. They value harmony and avoid conflict. Eventually, giving so much causes resentment and they can break down or leave the relationship. The common complaints about Pleasers are they are overcommited because they cannot say, “No,” and they ignore problems that involve conflict.
Avoiders usually come from performance-based homes that value mastery, encourage independence and self-reliance and discourage the expression of feelings or needs. These homes lack affection, tenderness or personal discussions. The focus is responsibility. Avoiders respond to the anxiety of not having comfort and nurturing by learning to take care of themselves. They restrict their feelings and needs and become independent. So, as adults they avoid emotions and neediness because that’s what they learned to do as kids. The spouses of avoiders have similar complaints. I don’t get any affection and my spouse doesn’t seem to really need much. I can’t get close.
Controllers need control to keep vulnerable, negative feelings that they experienced in childhood from surfacing in their adult lives. Having control means having protection from the feelings of fear, humiliation and helplessness. Anger is the one emotion that is not vulnerable, so intimidation and anger are often used to keep control. Control may be highly rigid or more sporadic and unpredictable, but Controllers rarely realize the real reason they need to be in charge is to never feel as powerless as they did when they were little kids.
The biggest complaints about Controllers: They can be scary and intimidating. It’s their way or the highway. Their reactions seem out of proportion to the event.
