stef, you're the sweetest, but you look like the average female
The girl I like had a birthday last night and at some point I ended up in her flat on a couch with my best friend (who has a crush on) her best friend + a bunch of other people. Just like, waiting for people to gather so I can spend some time with her.
And our best friends were talking about IDs while im watching Planet Earth and hers turns to me and says "Hey, can I see yours?" and I just like hand him an ID because why not. 'My ex said I looked like a sad Morticia' I joke. (very lovingly. My ex is one of the most precious people in my life) And this guy turns to me and says "Stef you're like the sweetest person ever, but you look like the average female"
Liking myself has been something very difficult. Subconsciously I always knew that I'm worth of my own love but it was so damn hard. But eventually I got there. I like how often I change my hair, my clothes, my jewels, how I make them work together. And eventually I started loving my flaws, at least a bit. But that one hit me. Hard. And I can't tell you why. I knew he was buzzed. I knew he probably "didn't mean to offend me" (to be fair it doesnt matter how he meant it if it made me feel like shit anyways). And I turned to him and just said "Well good thing I count on my personality and kindness to get me through, not on my looks".
But I sat there THINKING ABOUT IT and wondering "ohmygod he is her best friend, if he thinks that she probably thinks the same". And it wasnt until one of my friends asked me to tell him why I was zoning out for the 103th time. And I told him. And he responded with:
"To be average is different for everyone, beauty being in the eye of the beholder and all that. And because of that, there is no distinct low, average or high. One person will see u as a straight 10, but another may say your like a 4. It is impossible to say if either of these are right, though the second is defiantly wrong."
Don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're average. Because the truth is you're not and all the efforts you've put into loving yourself shouldn't be ruined by someone who's just passing by. To be fair I should have walked up to my crush, hugged her and shouted "well she doesn't think so". Because I know for a fact that she doesnt think so.
Pride yourself on the way you look. Maybe it's not the main thing but if you like it, if you're contented with it, wear it proudly. Fuck all. You do you.
Live your life. Tell the people you like that you like them. Have fun. Don't drink if you don't want to. Get off the couch when someone is being shitty. Or make them get off, whatever works for you. DON'T OVERTHINK IT, THEY'RE WRONG. We're not perfect, we're probably far from it but we're all riddles and puzzles and unique ones at that.
