Feb 22, 2020
[Taylor and Leah have been messaging back and forth. Taylor has finally, finally, managed to make their way back to Earth.]
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[Taylor and Leah have been messaging back and forth. Taylor has finally, finally, managed to make their way back to Earth.]
Uh. Taylor, are you ok?
[No. No, they are not.]
[Fully anonymized search history of Arden Taylor.]
odd feeling of impending dread
anxiety symptoms
how to potato proof your home
why is there a cult for everything
impending doom
impending doom -zim
feeling of impending doom causes
how to cultist proof your home
open hardware stores near me
how much is a crowbar supposed to cost
how to fix localized temporal intransigence
best songs to play to repel potatoes
songs potatoes hate
possible time warp on street in front of workplace
legal ramifications of discriminating against demographics that don't officially exist according to the government when you are unsure that you weren't being mind controlled into doing it
does mind control count as coercion
how to punch a god and get away with it
interstellar soundtrack
[Taylor doesn't know how close they just came to death. All they know is that some cultists and gremlins have shown up and one of them is on fire.]
[Luckily, Coffee and co. cleared out of the building before things started burning.]
[Taylor flips the sign on the door to "Closed". Then they consider a moment, and scribble some words on a piece of paper to tape beneath it.]
OUT OF BUSINESS
interlude
There's an anonymous ask.
can you give a message to leah, please? its important. please send her "leah, i think you might have become the same sort of creature that smiley is :(" im worried for her a whole lot :(
What.
Obviously Taylor isn't going to just send the ask along verbatim. That would just confuse Leah, possibly make her think they or their Tumblr account have been possessed by some entity that eschews apostrophes.
But they can ask her to look at it.
In fact...
Message with integral-around-point
Posts about #aesthetic and #leah ⨕
Leah, could you come over here for a moment? In-person, please. There is something I need to show you.
A moment.
Are you sure it needs to be in person?
( . _ .`)
Well, drat.
Taylor begins to rethink passing the message along, given its contents.
But... no. If it's true, it needs to be discussed sooner rather than later.
Please, Leah.
This cannot be healthy. For either of us.
A moment. Again.
Coming.
There's a distinct series of knocks: the stranger Leah's way of entering without startling anyone. Taylor mentally steels themself as she opens the door. Success! They manage to avoid a flinch.
"What is it you wanted to show me?"
"An anomymous ask," Taylor replies. "Worry not, it is mercifully free of insults."
Leah frowns. "You couldn't've just sent me a screenshot?"
"Leah, you need to get out more."
A sigh. "Fine. Lemme see."
Taylor slides their phone over to Leah, who reads for a few seconds in silence.
"Well," she says finally. "That's... disturbing. To say the very fucking least."
Neither of them say anything further for a full minute. They don't want to acknowledge the elephant in the room: that Taylor had initially mistaken Leah for an 'anonymous' after she had remanifested for the first time.
"I have never seen you melt," Taylor replies finally. "Whereas you have yourself seen 'Smiley' melt. So it is likely not completely true...?"
"Still close enough, though," Leah says through clenched teeth. She lets her head fall into her hands. "The one with the flamethrower didn't melt - that I could see, anyway. Fuck. We don't need this. We still have to figure out how to get you all the way to Wisconsin by the first of March, there's no time to have an existential crisis!"
The two of them sit like that, for a few moments more.
In light of certain recent events - namely, the apparent theft of the iced tea dispenser - I am updating the ban list to include all ❝anonymouses❞.
It can't be healthy or safe for them to be here, either, given their tendency to melt while on the premises. I assumed that this would stop them, but apparently I underestimated their disregard for their own well-being.
Anonymous asks to the blog will still be allowed, but hear this: you are on thin ice.
why is ur ice tea machine gone
[Taylor glances at their phone again. Yup, another anon.]
It's - erm - renovations.
[They didn't actually know it was missing.]
yeah can i get a motherfuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh burger?
...
[Taylor obviously hasn't slept at all last night. They're not even wearing the employee uniform. They're in jeans and a hoodie. They stare at the anon's dark glasses in consternation, then glance at their phone to check the blog's inbox. Yup.]
...You want to go to the ❝Starbucks❞ for burgers.
[If the anon wants to reenact memes, then by god they can do it at the correct location. Somewhere they won't melt.]