"LOST AND FOUND"
The BAD BATCH x READER (NO gender) Fan Fic
(Put YOURSELF into this story!)
The Batch are lost and land on EARTH!
NO WARNING: ALL AGES, some mild flirting with Hunter.
Word count: 3K
“Place is all clear.” Echo reported as Hunter approached the large old farmhouse. “Wrecker and Tech swept the residence.”
“About time we found a shelter with food.” Hunter nodded to his brother quietly following behind. “Crosshair’s gonna disappear soon.”
“I HEARD that.” Cross snarked as he led Omega along by the hand.
Hunter chuckled under his breath.
The Batch had parked the Marauder in a densely forested greenspace under the cover of darkness as the sun rose in the east. So far, the inhabitants of the unknown planet hadn’t noticed a strange ship descend into the atmosphere and land.
They had embarked on a mission outside their known galaxy, and the rarely used hyperspace lane spit them out somewhere Tech hadn’t expected. After some backtracking, his calculations were off by one decimal point.
And one decimal point got them completely LOST.
The oddly random interstellar electrical anomaly might have contributed as well...
There was PLENTY of whining and complaining aboard the Marauder...except for Omega.
She was hoping for an ADVENTURE!
Omega squeezed Crosshair’s hand as she smiled up at him. He squeezed back and she caught the tiniest upturn of his lips at her reassuring gesture. Cross continued to chew aggressively at the toothpick in his mouth, SO HUNGRY he considered eating it at one point.
Hunter, Crosshair, and Omega followed Echo across the backyard, onto the back patio, and through the sliding glass door of the house. They entered a large open concept kitchen and dining room. The place was clean and inviting...
Like coming HOME.
“WE LUCKED OUT!” Wrecker excitedly greeted them. “ENOUGH ROOM FOR ALL OF US!!!”
“Attempting to unearth the name of this planet and it’s system...” Tech’s fingers danced over his datapad with no success. “At least we’ll have refreshment and accommodations for the night.”
Wrecker IMMEDIATELY made a beeline for the fridge. Omega let go of Crosshair and wandered over to kitchen’s pantry.
Echo perused the kitchen counters and found EXACTLY what he was looking for. He whipped the home-made quilted cozy off a coffee maker.
“Ahhh!” smiling and catching the scent of fresh beans already loaded into the top. “Haven’t met who owns this house, but I like them already!!!”
Omega grabbed a HUGE box of crackers and immediately brought them back to Crosshair. He sat down at the kitchen table, slightly weak from hunger. She pulled out a handful and they both snacked voraciously.
Hunter chose to stand and take in EVERYTHING.
Something seemed off.
NOBODY was paying attention...they were FAMISHED and TIRED of course. He couldn’t fault them for that...
Single-mindedly Echo hit the START button on the coffeemaker. It came to life LOUDLY grinding the beans for a FULL 5 minutes...an ETERNITY to Hunter.
Tech tap-tapping away...trying to correct his decimal error and find intel.
Wrecker loudly naming EVERYTHING he saw in the fridge, then tucking it under his strong arms to bring to the table...
“You swept the WHOLE house?” Hunter inquired.
“That’s what Tech reported.” Echo quirking an eye at Tech while watching the fresh caf descend into the glass carafe.
Tech glanced up from his datapad and deadpan stared back at Echo. Then his eyes ROLLED as Tech slowly turned toward Wrecker sassing “You DID sweep THE WHOLE HOUSE as directed, did you not?”
Wrecker pivoted to fully face Tech, both arms comically CRAMMED with food and sassed back. “YEAH. What of it???”
Hunter slowly and quietly took Omega’s hand leading her behind him. She tucked the full cracker box under her arm to keep. “Did you check the BASEMENT???” He rumbled quietly.
Wrecker’s eyes went wide realizing his mistake “Oops...”
“Someone’s coming up the stairs.” Hunter warned.
Tech’s eyes bugged out.
Echo spun around and waited on Hunter’s order.
Wrecker froze in place, holding onto the food like a lifeline.
Crosshair crammed the handful of crackers he had left into his mouth, rose from the table and went for his rifle.
Hunter put his hand on Cross’s arm “Let’s SEE how we’re received.” He advised “We’re in THIER home without permission.”
The Batchers quieted and listened to the slow ascending steps of WHOMEVER was coming up from the basement...
A door opened.
Then closed.
Someone shuffled down the hall towards the kitchen.
They heard a loud yawn.
Hunter heard the person scratch their bum.
A very disheveled human rounded the corner rubbing their eyes. Hair extremely messy dressed in sweats and fuzzy animal slippers.
“Oh man...thought y’all were gonna come back next week...” They yawned loudly again, stretching with eyes closed.
The front of their sweatshirt rose up with the stretch. A skull tattoo peeked out from their hip to disappear again as both arms dropped...
Eyes opening...”OH!”
EVERYONE in the room stared at the homeowner.
The homeowner scanned the room, taking in each person standing IN THEIR KITCHEN!
“Uh...hello?” The person seemed really unimpressed. “Thought you were my roommates.”
“We meant no harm. Thought the place was empty.” Hunter put both hands palm up to placate. “We’ll just be going.”
The homeowner noticed Omega hugging the box of crackers while hiding behind Hunter, Crosshair’s skinny frame, Wrecker’s arms FULL of food. Echo next to the coffee machine he had turned on to brew...
And Tech just standing there staring.
They clearly carried guns and knives. But NOBODY was reaching for their weapons...well, almost nobody. The long-haired guy seemed to speak for everyone else while holding the HANGRY skinny guy at bay.
Had they meant to steal valuables, they would have left as there were none. Had they meant to kill anyone, they would have done so already.
Plus, they had a CHILD with them.
This group of people were literally starving. How could the homeowner turn them away?
A packaged ham dropped out of Wreckers arms and clattered loudly onto the floor.
Everyone stood still, the tension in the room palpable.
The homeowner shrugged and smoothed their messy hair down. “Eh, y’all can stay. Was gettin’ lonely without the roomies here anyway.”
The Batch glanced at each other in dismay.
The homeowner picked up the ham, set it the counter, and motioned to Echo. “Since you started ‘er up, the mugs are in the cupboard above the coffeemaker. I’ll take some coffee in the purple moon mug. Half coffee, half creamer, LOTS of sugar.”
Echo chuckled as he opened the cupboard “Thought I’d like you.”
The homeowner grinned and turned to Wrecker “Go have a seat and eat hon, your arms are gonna fall asleep.”
Wrecker nodded and shambled over to the dining table.
They nodded to Tech “You too and everyone else. Get comfy.”
“Much thanks for your hospitality.” he nodded.
“Ooh...MR FANCYPANTS. I could get used to that!”
Crosshair spoke before Hunter could “You’re...LETTING US STAY?”
“Lookie there...it speaks.” The homeowner chuckled as they walked over to the large table. “Hey, BIG GUY give SKINNYBONES a sandwich.”
Wrecker obediently handed one over to Crosshair who snatched it out of his hand. Cross greedily unwrapped the sandwich and bit into it suspiciously.
Echo brought heaping mugs of caf to the table, handing them out.
“Thanks, COFFEEDUDE” The homeowner gulped from the heaping cup. “Perfect. You’re hired.” and giggled.
“You and I take our cafe the EXACT same way.” He winked.
Hunter pulled out a chair for the homeowner.
They stopped, stared at Hunter “Y’all are TOO GOOD to have just broken into my house on a whim. Did the roommates put you up to this?”
Hunter sensed an infodump incoming...and was unable to stop it.
“We embarked on a mission to an off-galaxy planet, entered hyperspace and found ourselves with no option but to land upon your planet. Our rations being low...
“TECH...” Hunter growled.
“Well...the cat is out of the bag currently...” Tech trailed off.
Wrecker and Omega watched the interaction while eating. Crosshair yoinked another sandwich out from the food pile on the table.
“Let’s be honest, Hunter” Echo swallowed the warm brew “We’re out of options.”
The homeowner laughed out loud “You can drop the act. Who put y’all up to this?”
Hunter gently led the homeowner to the back sliding glass door, pulled out the scope from his pack and held it up to see through.
The homeowner eyed Hunter skeptically, then glanced into them.
“If you look past your property...under those trees...” He adjusted the scope “Can partially see our ship.”
The sunrise provided enough light for the scope to enhance the homeowner's vision. Whatever was under that thick canopy of trees was VERY REAL.
The coffee mug slipped from their hand. Hunter caught it before it broke on the tiled floor.
“OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD...” Shock, dismay...” You’re...ALIENS???”
“Well...technically...” Tech chimed in, index finger up “we are interstellar humans who have become lost in a...” he squinted at his datapad “possible time-space continuum from another galaxy long ago far, far away.”
“Wut...?” More shock.
“I... struggle to explain it ANY CLEARER.” Tech added.
“Have a seat, this is A LOT.” Hunter steered the homeowner to a chair, where they plopped down heavily. He went to refill their cup of caf.
“WE’RE LOST, HUNGRY, AND HOMELESS.” Wrecker blurted out, then pulled the cling wrap off a bowl of salad, reached in, and stuffed the contents of his fist into his mouth.
“Straight to the point, Wrecker.” Crosshair shoved his arm into the cracker box Omega had in her hand.
Echo got up and rifled through the pantry, came back, and set down a bottle of rum on the table in front of the homeowner. “This might help.”
Hunter returned, sighed as his efforts were thwarted and set the caf mug down next to the bottle, then returned to his seat.
Omega uncapped the bottle of rum and poured a shot into the caf cup.
Hunter almost missed this until he sat down “WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOUNG LADY???”
Omega shrugged “I see Crosshair and Echo do it ALL THE TIME.” She sassed. “They call it their medicine.”
“Gimme that!” He leaned over the table and yanked it out of her hand. Then took a swig and capped it.
The homeowner knocked back the coffee-rum in several swigs, slammed the mug down, and slid it over to Hunter. “Hit me again. Gonna need more to fully process this...”
Omega harrumphed, got up and stalked over to the pantry. She came back with several juice drink boxes, dropped them onto the table announcing with angst “I’m drinking early too!”
“So...do you abduct people and...anal probe them?” The homeowner addressed Tech.
“I BEG YOUR PARDON???” Tech seemed VERY offended.
Wrecker stopped chewing and the rest of the Batch stared in horror.
“You know. Like those long tall aliens with big eyes?” The homeowner inquired.
“The...Kaminoans?” Echo blurted out.
“Uh, sure...we call them Alien Greys here on Earth.”
Crosshair snickered “Eh...wouldn’t be surprised if they buggered people for...science...total freaks.”
“You mean instead of for FUN.” Echo joked.
“Well, at least THAT’s consensual.” Cross shot back with a slight grin.
“Your planet is named Earth?” Tech rolled his eyes. “That’s NOT very imaginative.”
“Well...MR FANCYPANTS you’ll love we named our moon The Moon and our sun The Sun. All the other heavenly bodies have much more interesting names.”
“My name is NOT MR FANCYPANTS. It is Tech.” He sniffed.
“Ok...Tech...”
“I’m Omega!” Omega took over the conversation while sipping the drink box. “This is Echo, Wrecker, Hunter, and Crosshair.”
“Helloo everyone...you’re a little firecracker, aren’t ya, kiddo?” The homeowner grinned.
Omega grinned back. “What’s your name?”
“Y/N”
“HELLO!” Wrecker thundered, then went back to stuffing his face.
“Omega’s been quite sassy since...” Hunter leaned back in his chair, crossing arms over his chest while staring a hole through Crosshair “SOMEONE’s been back with our family.”
“You’re ALL related???”
“We are all clones of a Mandalorian bounty hunter who sold his DNA to The Kaminoans to produce millions of clone troopers for The Grand Army of The Republic.” Tech spouted while tapping away at his datapad. “Since the fall of The Republic and rise of The Empire, we defected and are on our own, losing contact with most of our brethren...”
“Oh...ok.” Y/N grabbed the bottle of rum, uncorked, drinking it straight without coffee.
“Might want to pace yourself...” Hunter warned.
“Let them be, Hunter.” Cross poked his brother.
“Yeah...” Y/N swigged again. “All this was a bit more than I was expecting today...”
There was a loud scratching at the sliding glass door...
A large blue animal pressed it’s face against the sliding door, teeth bared in a silly grin, tongue out, leaving a large streak of saliva upon the glass.
“Uh...we have a dog too...” Hunter mumbled.
“Of course you do...” Y/N stared at the strange looking thing.
Crosshair leaned back in his chair, opening the sliding glass door. The blue “dog” bounded into the kitchen, booping Y/N with her nose as she ran by. Then made a beeline for Wrecker where she begged for food.
“That’s Batcher.” Omega added while chewing. Her little legs swinging back and forth while she sat.
Y/N CHUGGED several large mouthfuls of rum, then set the bottle down on the table. The alcohol gave them a rosy glow.
Crosshair grabbed the bottle, uncorked it, sniffed, shrugged, then drained the remaining couple of sips.
“Well...I’mma gonna need a bit more time to process this...” Y/N’s hand swept around the room to indicate EVERYTHING. “Gonna go lay down now...”
They got up from the table, swooned, nearly falling over.
Echo quickly grabbed Y/N “Woah there...” and steadied them. “Where do you need to rest?”
“Basement...Can’t believe Imma cook dinner for SPACE ALIENS...” Y/N wondered fantastically out loud.
“We are human clones NOT space aliens...” Tech corrected.
“Just...” Echo putting a hand on Tech’s shoulder, advising him “Ignore that. They’ll come around...eventually.”
Hunter got up, make his way around the table and took Y/N from Echo.
“Don’t eat THAT HAM!” Y/N pointed to the thawing package...still sitting on the counter as Hunter led them down the hallway. “THAT’S DINNER!!!”
“OK!” Wrecker answered. “Batcher, NO!” The rest of The Batch’s voices could be heard as Y/N and Hunter reached the basement door.
Echo intervened. Thud of the refrigerator door closing as he placed the ham in it for safe keeping. Tech discussing side dishes with Crosshair. Wrecker and Omega requesting dessert...
Hunter’s silly grin as he clearly listened to all this while assisting Y/N...
“You’re the eldest, huh? The responsible one???”
“Oh...” Hunter chuckled. “Maybe. Well...mostly.”
“Me too.” Y/N sighed. “Hard job. Not been very rewarding...hell, mostly heartbreak in my family...”
“Sorry to hear that. But I understand. Not all sunshine and rainbows for me, either.”
“They have those on your planet?”
“Yep. My home planet looked a lot like the ocean off the coast of your continent. Very stormy. The sunshine and rainbows were VERY rare for us.” Hunter carefully helped Y/N down the stairs. “Few times they appeared I treasured their beauty in the moment...never knowing if or when I’d see them again.”
Y/N and Hunter shared a bittersweet moment as their feet took the last step onto a plush rug covering a concrete floor. The basement an unfinished cinderblock construction, however, Y/N had hung tapestries and patterned curtains over the cold white painted concrete. Warm wooden furnishings with plump comfy pillows formed a sitting room. Bookcases containing books mixed w/whimsical keepsakes cordoned off the sitting room, containing a work desk, computer, artist’s easel with paints, and small dry kitchen with mini fridge. Cordoned off again with fancy paneled screens sat a queen-sized bed.
“What made you decide to reside down here?” Hunter queried
“It’s quiet, cool, dark...private.” Y/N went to sit and bounced onto the bed, falling back onto it. “Not so overwhelming.”
“Smart. Nice place you’ve put together.”
“You...” Y/N teased “Get overwhelmed a lot too, huh?”
“Perceptive”
“You’re welcomed to crash down here on the couch. Your brothers and sister can take the roommates beds on the first and second floors. Also have the couch upstairs...and possibly an air mattress...” Y/N motioned with their hand. “Someplace...”
“We don’t want to impose...”
“Oh no...y’all are QUITE welcome to stay here. Honestly...” The homeowner trailed off. “The roomies will be back next week for their stuff. Relocating to another state for work.” Y/N sighed heavily.
“That’s VERY kind of you.” Hunter replied appreciatively. “To open up your home to us...and notice my...sensitivity.”
Y/N blushed and grinned.
“’Mi casa es su casa’ My home is your home. But if you all stay over a week, your names go on the lease. There will be...responsibilities. Everyone pulls their weight...you get me?”
“Loud and clear.” Hunter smiled broadly, winking.
“Are you...no...” Y/N shook their head, then stared back at Hunter “...flirting with me??? Or is it the rum?”
“Well...” Hunter chuckled. “Who has the better chance? Me or the rum?”
“OOOOhhhh, a friendly AND handsome space alien.” Y/N snorted
“So... I MIGHT still have a chance.” Hunter joked.
“Take me for a spin in that spaceship, show me how beautiful my planet is at night with all the cities lit up...and what stars look like from space...might just marry you...”
Hunter giggled and blushed. “Let’s not get too carried away."
“Too late...I’m tipsy...” Y/N getting sleepy.
Hunter covered them up. “Relax and sleep it off.”
“I’m gonna wake up and this will all be a dream...or you guys will just make off with all my furniture...”
“We’re real” Hunter chuckled “You can trust us...promise.”
Y/N sighed and dropped off to sleep.
Hunter squeezed Y/N’s shoulder, ascended the stairs, making his way back to the kitchen.
Tech had a cookbook in his hands. Wrecker stood behind him discussing the recipe.
Echo busied himself by cleaning out the coffee maker and dutifully setting it up for the next morning.
Crosshair and Omega pulled ingredients out from the pantry, setting them on the kitchen island.
Batcher curled up and snoring under the dining table.
“Looks like they approved our stay, lads and young lady.” Hunter announced. “At least for a week. Past that...well, we may have to sign the lease and earn our keep.”
“OH YEAH!” Wrecker pumped the air with his fists while Omega jumped up and down with glee, ran to Hunter and hugged his leg. He tousled her hair.
“That is fortuitous” Tech quipped “and will give me the opportunity to plot the correct coordinates for our galaxy.”
“Going to need more alcohol.” Crosshair dryly added.
“YOU need to eat more, not drink...” Hunter ordered.
“NOT for me, Hunter” Cross shot back “Our host. We all tend to be rather...EXTRA in a group setting. Possibly some for YOU too...due to that fact.”
Hunter smiled at his brother. Cross inserted a fresh toothpick into his mouth and slyly smiled back.
“We’ll work it out.” Echo reassured them. “Be nice to stay here where it’s quiet and we have enough space for all of us.”
“Gonna cook that ham and surprise Y/N as a thank you!” Wrecker beamed.
“Just...” Hunter joked “Don’t set fire to the kitchen...ok?”
Beneath their feet Y/N slept soundly...never suspecting the shenanigans they would all get up to in the future...
To read Chapter 2:
https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/789376908999737344/lost-found-in-amish-paradise-chapter-2?source=share
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