t/w trauma about corporal punishment - vent post
I've been looking at some of my childhood pictures recently and it's been kinda eye opening that even in the 1st grade I was getting slapped by teachers who were in their 50s. It's kinda nauseating to look at pics of me younger, maybe because in my brain I imagine getting hit and holding back tears, being brave, and acting "grown" - but really I was just a kid. I was 5 years old when I had to kneel on the floor every class cause I didn't write fast enough.
Seems silly to ponder over it, after such a long time. Now, I can carry 5 year olds. I can give them piggy back rides and have them sit on my shoulders. Do they feel just as worthless as I did? How does their little bodies have the ability to carry so much pain, have it grow with them and fester within?
Do their teachers still shame them for not differenting b and d? Do they still get their hair grabbed by manicured, strict, hands? Or is that "a thing of the past" now - something that only happened to your parents or back of the water countries. All my friends look appalled when I jokingly bring it up, having your knuckles bloodied in the 3rd grade - I still shiver at the sight of a metal ruler. They all mention how their teachers would never! How their parents would never let such a thing happen. So, why did mine? Why did my parents let me come home and cry into the bed everyday. Why did my teachers think it's was appropriate to do it? Cause I was stupid and my friends weren't? Cause I didn't have a father, and they did? Cause I went to a "poor people" school and they went to international ones? Why ?
